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polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 1y ago Stickied
This is a Part 1 of 3. This is a main post by a Carol with two commenter responses.
Response 1 here:
https://www.forums.red/p/whereareallthegoodmen/322348/this_literally_made_me_cry
Response 2 here: https://www.forums.red/p/whereareallthegoodmen/322349/i_can_t_find_many_men_that_are_looking_for_more_than_just_se
Lone_Ranger Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword 1y ago
"I write romantic comodies...I just didn't think I'd end up stuck in one"
I think she has this all wrong. Her future will not be funny, and it will not be romantic.
Cats and wine.
throwawaycactus6012 1y ago
I see a lot of the same complaints from women about men, that they're "just looking for sex," which only feeds into monolithic, one-dimensional stereotypes about men, who have "just one thing on their minds." They seemingly project this view on to the men they date, but I honestly wonder just how true it actually is. It would appear to be more of a self-fulfilling prophecy than any kind of objective view of the topic.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 1y ago
The irony is that I dated bourgeoise corporate nuns with the open intent of a serious relationship back in the 1990's and failed miserably. They wanted the PUA experience in "fun" dates, physical escalation, and some bad boy excitement. Talk of traditional values and marriage dried them up like a California raison.
Lone_Ranger Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword 1y ago
I've seen dozens of these kinds of posts. The women are all the same. They have kids, they are smart, funny, beautiful, great career, great body (really take care of themselves), very social, outgoing, highly paid, educated etc etc etc. There is always a question that they never address:
Why on earth do you want a man? Your life is perfect already (kids, money, house etc etc etc). So why would you want a man to ruin it? Men are useless terrible creatures, we're total slobs, racist, sexist, smelly, useless, broke, dead beat, zero "emotional intelligence" etc, so why do you want a man in your life? What exactly for? Women are so modern and strong and independent, so why are you looking for a man? Honest question.
When I hear post wall single women complaining that they can't find a man, I always ask them; Why do you want one? Your life sounds complete already, why would you want a man spoiling everything?
NotaBene Sr. Hamster Analyst 1y ago
Easy answer: Status among other women
Lone_Ranger Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword 1y ago
But as far as I can see, most modern women in aged 35-55 are ashamed to be married. There is quite a lot of stigma attached to being a married woman. It means that you are not liberated, not a SIW. You are an oppressed little pick me. You can't do what you want. Nowadays, its much higher status to be a single woman doing it for yourself than some little housewife.
My ex-wife used to hang out with a gang of SIW who were all fairly high up the career thing, in their 40s, and every single one was divorced. They used to look down on my wife (when we married) because she was married, and therefore weak.
NotaBene Sr. Hamster Analyst 1y ago
You can't be divorced without marrying first though :) They didn't look down on her because she married, but because she hadn't divorced yet. Both marriage and divorce were therefore (in that group at least) marks of "what a successful woman must do" on the level of which shoes to buy and what makeup to wear.
Married women can easily play the "marital victim" card and achieve perpetual victimhood status due to an "abusive" husband (and they can all be classified this way if she doesn't get what she wants). This means more sympathy/status/attention and bragging rights - not to mention the privilege of talking about yourself endlessly in groups of women.
They garner even more sympathy for a messy divorce and can subsequently get even more victim points for doing "all the single mom things" and "Oh I'm so busy all the time poor me".
Finally, women are absolutely petrified of "being alone". Men take for granted that you can sort of survive (and even get to prefer) living alone. It's not the ideal, but it's possible. But women go crazy, that's why they get cats or little dogs, to make up for the husband and children they are missing. They cry all the time wishing for what they can never have, then become bitter at men for not giving it to them.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 1y ago
Back in the 1980's, a woman in our college age friend group told us it was fashionable for women to say "I don't want to be married" and that a man was supposed to sell not only himself to her, but also marriage and that she was doing a man a favor by being married to him. That men are icky creatures that women should only climb into bed with if he compensates her for the displeasure of doing so.
This wasn't just modern feminism but even my 1950's era mother often said: "I don't congratulate a woman who announced her engagement but the man because he's the lucky one".
So why do such women gripe at times about not having a man? Because they want "the stuff"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE03PtIKI-I
Years ago, a friend said it was "love the grape, curse the vine". These women are taught to dislike men, but they want stuff from men even companionship as they dislike the masculinity that provides it (if that makes any sense.)
Another analogy: In the bio-conditioning scene of A Clockwork Orange, Alex is shown imagines of violence while he's given drugs to make himself feel ill at the sight of it. Alex was "cured" of acting violently because he felt ill whenever he went to engage in an act of violence, but the "old" Alex still wanted to do it but couldn't act upon those urges. Modern women have been conditioned to feel ill at the thought of enjoying masculine companionship even if they still have an innate nature to desire it.
Lone_Ranger Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword 1y ago
I remember it well. It's still frowned up on for a woman to say 'I'd like to get married and raise children'. What they are suppose to say is
"Maybe I'd like to get married and have children one day IF i can find the right guy. But for the moment I'm just concentrating on my career and finding myself"
Which translates into
"I don't want to submit to the patriarchy by doing something that might benefit men. So what I am going to do is fuck as many men as possible, basically have sex for drinks and diners (which is the same as being a low paid prostitute) and then when the top tier of men are no longer interested in a post wall 30 year old mid looking woman I will then, and only then, start looking around for a beta bail out."
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 1y ago
If that's an honest question, they usually will say they want someone who will stick by them as they age and provide loyal companionship and that's not necessarily untrue.
The problem is that they don't value intimate relationships from men but rather seek to leverage them to get other things such as financial support, status, and entertainment. There's a fun line in Frasier where Frasier declares in exasperation: "Men can't possibly use sex to get what we want because sex is what we want!" A so-called independent woman is especially trapped in that she's demanding things she no longer even technically needs.
I liken it to this (true story): My sister married a Naval officer and even before meeting her, he was a clean freak. Everything was organized when he lived by himself but after marriage and in the military, he would go around inspecting everyone, including his wife. What he did to the sailors on base was look under bushes for cigarette butts and write them up. A marine told me that wouldn't fly in the marines because he'd meet with an unfortunate accident. When my 7 month pregnant sister was pushing a broom he grabbed it from her, swept half the room, handed it back to her and said "There! That is how you do it right!"
They still want men, or "gentlemen" to provide for "ladies" of course, and "lead" but because he does so for the pleasure of it alone. A REAL man enjoys paying for everything, making the tough decisions and taking responsibility but also, of course, know that he doesn't deserve any thanks since the independent woman CAN do these things, but she "allows" him to enjoy doing them as a man.
And, well, aside from these women's BS the reality is they HATE being the man even as they're proud of it. They HATE having to pay for their own dinners, diamonds, cleaning up after their kids all by themselves, and icky, disgusting leadership and responsibility.
Lone_Ranger Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword 1y ago
Yes, its an honest question.
Whey they say 'companionship' my answer would be 'that is what friends are for. You can have loyal friends for companionship.
Why would a woman want a man?
ogrilla99 Pez "The Pussy Dispenser" Pimp 1y ago
I think your last point is the biggest reason. By the time they've become the man they wanted to marry, they realize it's a hard fucking life not at all the glamorous easy life they expected, and they want someone to take over the reins so they can withdraw and coast the rest of their life.
It's like guys who get on a diet and lose 50 pounds but then realize with a sinking feeling that they need to stay on that diet the rest of their life or the weight will come right back. This is the equivalent of deciding at that point to find the liposuction doctor so you can go back to eating hamburgers and coke.
Unfortunately, the lies they needed to tell themselves during the decades they spent on the feminist track have become internalized and they can't undo it. They're not happy with what feminism gave them: a career, money, "independence", a child to raise by themselves, etc. But neither can they now become what men actually want. They're too steeped in hating men, fighting the patriarchy, and bullshit like equating relationships with "unpaid emotional labor", constantly on the lookout that any sacrifice she might need to make for a healthy relationship is just the patriarchy jumping out from the shadows. The idea that a healthy relationship is built on two people who depend on each other is anathema, especially when the other person is a man. And they just can't let go of that indoctrination.
So they're left knowing that they'd love a man to take over, so they can quit their job that they hate, help raise the kids that are tiring her out, and will do the unpaid emotional labor that her boss (surprise!) doesn't provide. But not quite able to swallow the idea that in exchange for doing all that, a man might have some demands of his own.
Boar_excrement Jr. Hamster Analyst 1y ago
I wonder if she is confusing her works of romantic comedies with her autobiography?
Impressive-Cricket-8 Founding member of FapGPT 1y ago
I wouldn't be surprised. The self-insert genre is strong with female writers.
SwarmShawarma 1y ago
Chad sources have dried up, she tried dating dudes that miss combined characteristics of Chads. Is she on the path to share a bed with German Shepperd?
Problematic_Browser Sr. Hamster Analyst 1y ago
"Pussy's not all I want, unless that's all you've got."
-Saint Patrice
ZZoMBiE13 1y ago
There is nothing, and brother I mean NOTHING, that I hate more than a person calling themself a MILF. UGH!
Lone_Ranger Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword 1y ago
Agreed. It's up other men to decide if she is a woman that they would like to fuck. Not her.
Impressive-Cricket-8 Founding member of FapGPT 1y ago
And yet it's quite telling. Always MILF, never MILM.
Lone_Ranger Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword 1y ago
In most cases, they mean that they are a MILTA
(mother I'd like to avoid)
ZZoMBiE13 1y ago
Ah yes. And of course we can blame it all on the MILTA Industrial Complex.
Impressive-Cricket-8 Founding member of FapGPT 1y ago
Barring abuse and cheating, whatever was wrong in the relationship would probably be easier to fix than getting a new relationship while having four kids.
So, what was it? Did the magic just disappear? Did he not listen to your endless rambling about how that girl at gym was totally making nasty eyes at you? Did he forget to buy milk for the third time this month? Oh, the horror.
nicknack 1y ago
Even abuse and cheating within reason is fine, she chose him to marry til death do them part after all. I’m being 100% serious.
Land_of_the_losers the-niceguy.com 1y ago
She was tired of doing all of the complaining in the relationship. Seriously, couldn't the dude do more for her?
Not complaining, obviously-- never that-- just, like, more in general so that she can feel free to complain about how he's doing it all wrong?
SpiritualEnema Jr. Hamster Analyst 1y ago
If she has 4 kids under 9 years old she is in no position to be dating anybody. She lauds her independence, but we all know that she is silently screaming “HELP!” at the top of her lungs. What are the actual chances she would want to have more kids with the magical man she desires? That a lot of responsibility with zero payoff for anybody that signs up for that.
She shouldn’t have divorced her husband. That guy was far and away the best she was ever going to get.
She fucked around and she is in the process of finding out…. The sooner modern women figure this out, the better.
IceNineWithLime 1y ago
"Is it too much of an ask..."
Yes.
No-Stress-Cat Jr. Hamster Analyst 1y ago
If you want men to see you as a woman, try acting like a woman instead of a man. You have 3 choices: Go back to the children's father, get a girlfriend, or cats & boxed wine. Other than that, you're only worth the cost of a wet hole.
reignoferror00 1y ago
You have a career and 4 kids under 9! If that doesn't keep you busy enough, what will? You think someone is going to want to take on 4 kids of someone else? You SAY you're not looking for a kid's father and provider; that and a few bucks will get you a cup of coffee; you're a package deal for anything serious - in emotional, legal, and other ways.
You want a friend and companion? I'd say get a dog but you likely don't have the time or would make a regular effort to properly take care of one. Talk and socialize with your female friends. For something more intellectual try taking a night course in a subject that interests you, or even self study.
orbilius 1y ago
Ah yes! I remember being 20 and picking up a cougar. I remember thinking "sweet!! Easy sex!!" And I remember being confused that I couldn't feel anything, and in frustration having to pull out and jerk off on her.
You *might* (but probably don't) look "good for you age" but ain't nobody got a good pussy after four kids. That's one of the reasons dudes don't commit to you. Your pussy is wrecked, and you're competing with women that just feel better to fuck.
You should have thanked god every day that you had a man who loved you and had "wife goggles" and got used to loose pussy because you were the mother of his children. You should have clinged to that man he was the last lifeboat on the titanic ...because he kind of was.
polishknight WAATGM Endorsed 1y ago
The 50 year old mother of three I had sex with back 25 years ago was the tightest V I ever had. It felt like a hand job. She told me she had practiced with her muscles down there. On the other hand, a 30 year old corporate nun virgin I deflowered was loose. It's been my experience that, aside from any special medical condition, sexually experienced women are generally better in bed.
Lone_Ranger Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword 1y ago
I agree. The number of kids a woman has had has zero to do with the tightness of the pussy. It's an urban legend.
Overkill_Engine WAATGM Endorsed 1y ago
This was the key. Lot of women coast fucking HARD on their looks (or just being female) and end up dead lays and/or loose lays. And it's not unreasonable to doubt that a woman with 4 kids and a "successful" career (by her words lol) is probably not keeping up on maintenance like she should. Hell it's exceptional already when one of them ends up anything other than a fat nag.
wswZtyqNGQ 1y ago
She may write Romantic Comedies but she chose to live in a Romantic Tragedy.
Impressive-Cricket-8 Founding member of FapGPT 1y ago
Looks like a comedy from where I'm sitting.
Lone_Ranger Live by the pork sword, die by the pork sword 1y ago
Her loss is our gain