This essay tells the life story of Carol - the woman who asks "Where have all the Good Men gone?", along with how the "Good Men" she's searching for are affected by her behavior. We conclude with lessons these men have learned after taking the Red Pill. It is one of my longer essays, however at certain sections I digress using quote boxes rather than using footnotes to add some depth to the points being made. You can skip the quote boxes but I recommend reading it all to get the full picture.
There is a particular group of Good Men in society to whom many women refer when they're seeking commitment. They're often called the Nice Guys; the squares who work the 9-to-5; who don't have a criminal record; the ones who support feminism; who compliment a woman's appearance, intelligence and accomplishments, and gives her a shoulder to cry on when she's down; the ones who make good providers and father-figures; and the ones who do their best to win women's affections through the respect and courtesy that women demand, with most men being taught such values from childhood.
So it would seem a no-brainer that women would readily date men who possess these qualities. However, what women say and what women do are often two different things.
A Double Life
Women in their 20s have numerous opportunities to date the decent men they claim to want, but they consistently reject or friendzone these men for jerks and promiscuity until they're past their prime.
Many men are drawn to Carol because she projects certain "Good Girl" qualities worthy of a long-term relationship. She doesn't dress slutty or behave like she's from Girls Gone Wild. On the surface she dresses and behaves like a civilized lady.
But Carol actually lives a double life: the respectable "good girl" in public, and the "bad girl" (NSFW) in private. And whether she's one or the other depends on the behavior of the man who approaches her. If he presents himself as a Nice Guy, then she's a prude who's "not that kind of girl", and "I don't kiss on the first date", and "I respect myself". But if he presents himself as the handsome Bad Boy, then she's "adventurous", "open to new experiences", and "down to fuck".
Good Men are frustrated because Carol misrepresents the kind of man she wants, claiming she wants "a decent guy who treats me with respect".^ Then when these men present themselves, she rejects or friendzones them and dates jerks and bad boys instead, which suggests that women are more attracted to a man's looks and "bad boy" behavior rather than how nice he treats her. She says one thing and does another (NSFW), all with her hamster's full support.
In the midst of their frustration is the type of man that Good Men are often rejected for. Carol didn't reject him for men with STEM expertise, or rational intelligence, or great chivalry, or level-headed men who are advancing society in socially respectable ways. She rejected him for what is often considered the "lowest" men of society:^ thugs, jocks, high-school dropouts, street-hustlers, criminals, dead-beats; men who are often rowdy, impulsive, and prone to violence, all of which suggests that for all the advancements men have made in science, technology, philosophy and civility throughout human history, women haven't evolved beyond wanting to mate with the most primitive of men since we were hunter-gatherers.
But rather than give Good Men the courtesy of not wasting their time with a woman who has no romantic interest in them, Carol instead says "Let's just be friends". She intuitively knows he wants to date her - and at times he's made it clear - but she offers him "friendship" instead for no other purpose than to string him along for attention and favors: "Can you hold my purse?", "Can you fix my computer?", "Can you move my furniture?", "Can you listen to me complain for hours about the jerks who are fucking me?". She takes advantage of his kindness under the premise that it's easier to manipulate someone when they care about you or want you.
To keep him wrapped around her finger - and the reason so many men stay in the friendzone - is she dangles the carrot of potential romance, but keeps it just out of his reach. She seduces him with compliments like "I love the way you treat me", "You're such a good man", "Why can't I find a nice guy like you?", "You're better than all the jerks I've dated", "You'd make a great boyfriend", "Maybe someday but not right now", "I value our friendship and don't want to rush into anything". All of which shows that it's not that the Nice Guys are doing nice things in uncertainty. They're told by women that their good behavior makes them ideal for a relationship.^
She will also make physical connections to suggest that they're a couple, such as holding his arm as they walk down the sidewalk, or spoon-feeding him from her dinner plate; things that women normally do with men they're dating.
And as he waits patiently and attentively for her to come around to wanting to date him, Carol is going to the club and right-swiping on Tinder to ride the cock Carousel, for no other purpose than to indulge in the kind of hedonism that feminists have pushed for. She strings him along for attention and favors for months to years without a single date, while getting banged by complete strangers within hours of meeting.
Then whenever he complains about getting rejected or friendzoned for being the "decent guy" she claims to want, Carol's go-to response is "You are not owed sex for anything" and "Being nice doesn't entitle you to my body", which not only shames men for only wanting sex when they were really demonstrating good relationship material, but shows woman's utter disregard and lack of appreciation for men who were playing by her rules. Then to add insult to injury, she gives herself eagerly to men who are breaking those rules. He is then labeled the real jerk for calling out her hypocrisy, and further condemned for not really being a "Good Man" at all.
This is because attractive women in western society lack any appreciative faculty for Good Men. They've been given constant attention and favors without merit or compensation since childhood that they think it is something due to them as a matter of course. So when Carol says "You are not owed sex for anything", she's effectively saying "You are obligated to give me copious amounts of attention and favors as the basic form of respect to which I'm entitled. But it doesn't make you worthy of sex, or even a date. I'm also shaming you for using our 'friendship' to get sex, to hide the fact that I'm using the same 'friendship' to get attention and favors from you."
Because of her attention-whore nature, she thinks that guy friends should find equal fulfillment in emotional intimacy without sex the way she does with her girlfriends, not knowing or caring that man's high libido dictates the greater need for physical intimacy with women. And that she demands and receives most of the attention and favors in these "friendships" suggests that she sees Nice Guys more as servants than friends.
It is also worth noting that statements like "You are not owed sex for anything" and "Being nice doesn't entitle you to my body" are used to suppress male sexuality by making Nice Guys feel guilty for even wanting sex. Women who say these lines enjoy LOTS of sex through the carousel, but then turn around and shame men for wanting the same thing. So it's not that he wasn't doing enough to be worthy of sex. It's that his role as "servant" in her eyes meant he shouldn't be enjoying any kind of physical intimacy at all.
While I agree that people should have the willpower to walk away from situations they're not benefiting from, Nice Guys wouldn't feel like they were "owed" anything if women weren't stringing them along in ways to suggest that sex might happen.
Chasing Chad's Commitment
So Carol lives this double-life (NSFW) of being chaste by day and slut by night for many years. But contrary to popular belief, she doesn't immediately go looking for a beta provider once she approaches the Wall.
Just prior to her decline in the Sexual Marketplace due to her less attractive looks, Carol goes through a period of "Chasing Chad's commitment". She doesn't really want a Good Man just yet, but she now wants more than sex from men on the carousel. She realizes she's getting older and competing with younger women for the same men, so she attempts to land the most attractive man for a long-term relationship. But instead of dating the men who offer her the attention, respect and stability she claim she wants, Carol still chases the jerks and bad boys for commitment.^ Her logic is "If I'm good enough for him to fuck, maybe I'm good enough for him to want something more. Plus he gives me feels."
Initially dating Chad because he "looked hot", Carol overlooked the red flags that he wouldn't make a good long-term partner and family man, such as being in and out of work, no dependable income, selling drugs or hustling in the streets, more interested in partying or admiring his body in the gym mirror, and frequently neglecting or abusing her. But now that she's approaching the Wall and wants to settle down, she wants him to "better himself".^ So instead of dating a genuinely Good Man, Carol seeks "Good Man" qualities from the bad boys, and pushes them for commitment. It is also at this point that "strong independent women" who have college degrees and careers tend to chase high-SMV men such as handsome doctors, attorneys and business owners.
But when the jerks pump and dump her in response, and the high-SMV men reject her wish for commitment, Carol whines about how much she "always wanted" a serious relationship and a family, and how "good" and "deserving" she is. After freely giving away her most "precious asset" to men who represent the opposite of what she intuitively knows is a "Good Man", she's still left wondering "Why won't Chad commit to me?"
The Karma of rejecting the Nice Guys
And herein lies the karma of rejecting the Nice Guys: Just as she used the Nice Guy for attention and favors while dangling the possibility of sex to keep him invested, Chad uses her for sex while dangling the possibility of commitment to keep her invested. If she friendzoned the Nice Guy with no intentions of dating him, then Chad fuckzones her with no intentions of saying "I do". And just as she shamed the Nice Guy for thinking he was "owed sex" just for being nice, she finds herself thinking she should be "owed commitment" just for being a slut.
"Where have all the Good Men gone?"
But when she's in her 30s with depreciating looks, jerks who won't commit, the likelihood of being a single mom, and the social pressure from her married peers, Carol finally asks "Where have all the Good Men gone?", which translates to "Where are all the nice, respectful men I constantly rejected to rescue me from loneliness, financial insecurity, my fatherless child, and social criticism, and provide me with the comfortable lifestyle to which I'm owed?"
She realizes her Sexual Market Value has tanked and that she failed in landing the man she really wants for a long-term relationship. So after a decade or more of steamy, passionate sex with dozens of bad boys she eagerly allowed to fill her holes, Carol is finally ready to date the Good Men.
To secure this Good Man for herself, Carol attempts to emulate Good Girl qualities, which includes projecting a virtuous persona, and renouncing jerks in favor of Good Men, often portraying herself as a damsel in distress to bait unsuspecting White Knights into rescuing her. Funny how back when she was chasing the bad boys for a good time he was a "pathetic Nice Guy" who wasn't worth dating, but now that she's past her prime and needs a bailout he's a "Real Man" who treats her with respect.
Some think the Good Men will be there waiting for Carol with open arms at the end of the carousel ride, but that's not true, at least not as convenient as she would like. Due mostly to her now less attractive looks - and to my bias, because she constantly pushed Good Men away to ride the carousel - she's going to go through a commitment "dry spell" where no man wants her except for sex, and she's going to experience what life is like through the eyes of the men she rejected. The few Good Men willing to give her any attention now are long-distance White Knights.
The point being that right around the time Carol is "ready" for a Good Man, is the time those Good Men have become aware of their increased value in the Sexual Marketplace, and many aren't ready to settle down just yet.^ And the ones who are ready are simply not enthusiastic about sharing their time and hard-earned resources with an older woman they suspect had a promiscuous past.^ First off, she's no longer as youthful and attractive as she used to be. But that she was a "bad boy" chaser who would have likely rejected them in her prime - and now wants to carry her self-serving, unstable behavior into the current relationship - only reinforces their disinterest.
Women think their sexual history should have no consequences on their future behavior or relationships.^ They think they can ride the carousel for a decade, then somehow easily play the role of faithful, loving wife, and shouldn't be judged for her slutty behavior because "The past is the past, plus we weren't together at the time I enjoyed getting gangbanged by the college frat."
The truth is once a woman has been fucked by enough cocks, especially big ones wielded by strong, dominant men who know how to use them, her ability to pair-bond long term is diminished because of her emotional attachments to her carousel years. If her current partner is too focused on "making love" and doesn't fuck her with the same measure of dominance that Chad did,^ then she will cheat or leave. Good cock is an addictive drug (NSFW) to women, and is the root cause of Alpha-widowhood.
Fortunately, Good Men are waking up to the truth about how women operate, and with the help of an abundance of information in the Manosphere - combined with life experience - he learned a few lessons about women along the way:
He learned that women aren't really attracted to men who are attentive and respectful, because such behavior only builds comfort and isn't sexually arousing. Too much comfort results in being "too nice", and "boring", which are prerequisites for the friendzone. Conversely, women are turned on by good looks and Alpha behavior. So while it's not essential for him to be a thug covered in tattoos to attract women, he needs to at least balance being "nice" (attentive, compliments, flowers), and being a "jerk" (withdraw attention, calling her on her bullshit, not letting her have her way), all of which gives her a variety of emotions and keeps her committed. If he's "too nice", she'll get bored and go back to the bad boys. At the extreme end is women's attraction to handsome alphas who disrespect, domineer, and abuse them.
He learned that women in their 20s are generally more interested in casual sex and serial monogamy rather than committed relationships until they approach the Wall,^ with some Good Men having witnessed this behavior first hand, the exception to promiscuity being of course woman's desire for commitment from handsome jerks. She knows the genuine Good Men are the ones she rejects or friendzones, but she takes their qualities and projects them onto the jerks who are more handsome and exciting. And this is because at its core, the term "jerk" and "bad boy" represents the man who has sex with women while giving her minimal commitment and affection she wants in return. He withholds affection such as complimenting her looks, listening to her problems, buying her gifts, and saying "I love you", and only giving her those things in small doses to keep her hooked in wanting more. Then when she gives him an ultimatum to fully commit and to be more affectionate, he dumps her. That's why he's called a "jerk": He never gives his all to her the way Good Men do. So in the prime of her youth, any desire for a "Real Man" is really a desire for the jerks she dates to be more affectionate, faithful and hard-working.
He learned that riding a carousel of cocks before settling down with a "Good Man" is not only planned by women,^ but it's even encouraged by feminists. Some women will even run damage control to keep frustrated men patiently waiting while she rides the carousel a little while longer. So for her to ask about the Good Men after she's post-wall suggests they were available in her prime, but she rejected them thinking they'd always be around like a beta orbiter. Some women know they have a good thing early on and still want the carousel in order to "find themselves".
He learned that the real reason women shame Nice Guys who complain about getting rejected for jerks is so those women can feel justified in dating the jerks. She can't come out and say "I don't like men who respect me," because she's socially expected to want that, and it makes her appear low-value if she doesn't. Women are expected to want respect and courtesy from men through a combination of conservative and feminist conditioning. But good looks and jerkish behavior gives her tingles instead, creating an internal conflict. She can't find fault in the Nice Guy's behavior because every Nice Guy she's encountered has indeed treated her with respect by not escalating, by not bringing up sex, and by "friends first". But she will never reveal how turned on she was by the handsome jerk who moved deep into her personal space to feel her up without her consent, who brought up sex within minutes of meeting like it was no big deal, and how he was not the type of guy she wanted her parents to meet because such an admission is "taboo", "slutty", and "unlady-like". So to resolve this conflict, Carol demonizes Nice Guys for pretending to be nice, for only wanting sex, and for self-entitlement to women's bodies.^ Now that the Nice Guys appear worse than what they are in her eyes, Carol feels justified in pursuing the jerks, to include projecting "Good Man" qualities unto them.
He learned that women who rode the carousel generally don't make good long-term partners because they're self-serving, disrespectful, unappreciative, they aren't good homemakers, and they aren't committed. First of all, they seem to think that Good Men are okay being picked last to jerks,^ like they're disposable toys she can take off the shelf and play with like she did on the carousel, which supports the perspective that "women are children."^ And secondly, just like her relationships with friendzoned men, Carol will want the LTR to be all about her like a pampered baby, and that her current partner should have no problem that she indulged in wild abandon with hot strangers, but can't give the man who provides for her an occasional handjob of appreciation without him having to pull teeth (NSFW) to get it. Men in relationships with women they met in her late-20s or older should be aware of the signs that she might be a former carousel rider who is only interested in his resources and servitude, as it would shed some light as to why she's uncooperative in the relationship, and unenthusiastic in the bedroom.
- And perhaps most important, he learned that the term "Good Man" has been hijacked by feminism to label the type of man it wants in service to its agenda of sexual dominance, which includes having subservient men at its disposal.^ In other words, all "Nice Guy" qualities such as "respect", "courtesy" and "provider" are now feminist ideals that helps it divide men into two camps: Alpha Fucks and Beta Bucks; the "bad", "domineering" men who women want fucking them, and the "nice", "respectful" men who women want providing for them. And that no matter what man she secures from the latter category, all she really wants from him is financial stability and pampering, not "love", despite her words.^ And it is for this reason that men in the Friendzone are harshly judged for complaining about their meager rations of "friends without benefits": Because they're questioning the feminine imperative, and resisting the bondage which was conditioned into them since childhood. As a man takes the Red Pill over time, he sees the two camps with greater clarity, and with the right qualifications can choose which camp to participate in, or go his own way (with him likely only participating in an LTR as an Alpha-provider or Wolf Alpha). Ultimately, he will not allow himself to be defined nor controlled by feminism.
In response to women's actual sexual preference and mating behavior, Good Men have started exposing women's hypocrisy,^ sometimes doing so through art, music, and even satire.^ Even the "strong independent woman" is given a blunt response as to why - after acquiring a degree, bigger paycheck, and being "empowered" by feminism - she still can't find a "Good Man".^
So where exactly have all the Good Men gone? Well, some Good Men have become the jerks women apparently love just to get laid, and it worked.^ Others have left Western society to find women who are more appreciative and accommodating to their niceness. And still others have stopped dating altogether because of women's deceptive, manipulative, and relentless shit-testing nature, with these men going their own way to pursue their passions. The rest of the Good Men are checking out of a gynocentric society that dishonors them through false accusations, divorce rape, rampant hypergamy, and discrimination. So any carousellers hoping to cash in after the ride is over are likely to have their pussy pass denied.
tl;dr: Young women consistently reject or friendzone Good Men for jerks and bad boys who just pump and dump them. But when she's post-wall and looking for a provider, she asks "Where have all the Good Men gone?" Through Red Pill awareness, more Good Men are avoiding commitment to such women.