Been seeing this girl casually for a while now. Sex is fire, energy is good when we're together, but recently I found her Threads account (she assumed I didn't have one). She's out there posting thirst traps, flirting with bikers, and clearly chasing guys who look richer or more flashy.
I haven't confronted her. She has no idea I saw any of it.
I never planned anything serious with her - no long-term intentions, just casual. But now I'm wondering:
Should I keep her around strictly for sex and detach emotionally, or just cut her off and move on?
Personally, I'm more inclined toward keeping her around for casual sex, as it'd require lots of energy to find someone else, since I'm not interested in building a long lasting relationship anyway, but a part of me feels disrespected.
How would you handle this? Looking for straight takes.
EDIT: Just to clarify to future readers, by casual I meant that from my end I have a life philosophy that every relationship will be not serious and I'll never commit and reach marriage with someone, that's just a personal decision I took. But for her we're in a relationship and we're exclusive to each other, and actually each time we're together she keeps insisting "I'm only yours and you're only mine" etc. So the reason I felt disrespected is because she's lying to me. I don't care much because that's one of the reason I decided I'll never stay a long time with a female because I realize eventually they'll start playing such games, it's their nature and I accept it.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Fuck her causally????
You already answered your own question
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
"Should I".
aym4ne Should i (x1) 1d ago
For that I'll need to keep pretending we're in a relationship and that I'm unaware of her games. I just wanted to know if guys here have some experience with this and if they encourage this take or not.
Maybe someone had a bad experience with this where they catch feelings etc.
wswZtyqNGQ 1d ago
So, the default?
Pick a lane!
Why? You're in a completely equal relationship right now.
It sounds to me like you're stuck in BP mindset and ignoring the sidebar.
[deleted]
aym4ne Should i (x1) 1d ago
Honestly you're right. I think I already made the right decision and kinda came here for some validation. I might have a small part of mz still stuck in BP mindset but it's surely not dominating, because I literally felt bad for about 10min after I discovered then just recalibratef. As you said it's literally the same situation as before I discovered, so nothing should change really. Thank you for your input.
First-light 1 1d ago
The trick is in how well you can emotionally detach and still press her buttons. You will need to be able to both to keep this going successfully for more than a short time. But its worth it if you can.
Time tends to lead to being emotionally invested if she is easy to be with and good at sex. At the least you come to value her for sex. Seeing her as a slut paying the field will make you tend to detach and not be very into her. This will tend to make her drift away and then you are in a tricky position of trying to pull her back but not being invested enough to succeed. Its good to treat her as someone valuable cos good sex on tap is worth something but remind yourself she is only here for the day and there may not be there tomorrow and if so you don't mind.
It all needs constant reality checks and not seeing things the way you hope they are. It can be quite fun to see her as an exercise in pleasing a woman with nothing to lose. That way you don't feel too disrespected -she is just for practise but you also do a good job at retaining her.
Musicgoon78 3 1d ago
Continue to smash until you don't want to anymore.
BeeSerious9 1d ago
meaning she is after other dick not exactly more wealthy
sounds suspect, sounds like you catch feelings. the only woman you fuck?
sounds like it. you are not immune to catchin' feelings.
Try to build fucked up boundaries, get her invested. Play the game on hard level: for her. To some extent it is what has worked for me. I can tell you the only way it will pay back is if you make her emotional slave to you. But to get that done is like decrypting German enigma's code. Probably will not work and will take some time. SO the only value it will have is experience in trying to decrypt it. But knowing when to drop it .
aym4ne Should i (x1) 1d ago
Yes she's probably after other dick and want to experiment, the only thing that I don't like is her pretending the wants to be exclusive.
Yes she's only woman I fuck currently. In my country it's relatively hard to find someone to fuck with, all of them try to drag you to marriage etc.
I would love it if you elaborate a bit on your last paragraph, maybe give me some examples of fucked up boundaries. She seems pretty emotionally invested with me btw, and very very submissive, but idk, I honestly thought that'd mean she wouldn't be looking for something elsewhere that's why I was surprised finding out today.
BeeSerious9 1d ago
hmmm
to you and another dude she wants
Maybe she is having self esteem / anxieties problem in general and she would be those things to everyone. What you can try to do in such a case is raising her value a lot... but only with respect to others. You can mark that she is only a little girl to you that has to work a lot to get your respect, but the way she is everyone should respect her for [input an external reason here]. But for you this is no reason to respect her because you know her silly side.
In general you don't want to put her down just highlight your superiority over her. And her superiority over others for a valid reason. Sometimes if you know her peer you can criticize them - laugh them out - shortly succinctly. If she defends them you just say whatever
You need to find a right moment to say that and then fire away.
You will be faced with shit tests when you do that. Success of this endeavor is based on that you will be congruent. So feel what you say is real and true it will help you. This is what I did. I might have made something more colorful but it had been real - real life examples - behaviours.
Mind that that all this shit is experimental and it was adjusted as I was observing the feedback. And because we are both alive and my frame can shift there is no real anwer does it work in the end or do I lie to myself.
Read book Woujo Senejan 'Transcending the tribe' & Smith 'When I say no I feel guilty', watch https://youtu.be/WcPhg7oauE0 https://youtu.be/tW2x6jf8gZk and sidebaR
be a dick but if she is low self esteem, don't put her down, just up yourself
she is better than others but you are better than her, but you create the narrative and if you are gone she will loose person giving her good vibe, maybe the only one like this
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
1) you said yourself that you aren't taking her seriously.
2) what's stopping you from fucking other women?
aym4ne Should i (x1) 23h ago
nothing is stopping me, even with her I try not to meet her a lot since we're in different cities, I'm trying to focus on my career more. I just wanted to know if my reflex of keeping her is good or I should cut her off. Because even if I don't take her seriously internally, for her we're in a relationship and she keeps saying that she wants us to be exclusive, so I felt disrespected because of the lies.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 22h ago
Please clarify: did you two promise each other exclusivity, or not?
Because if neither of you promised exclusivity, she is well within her rights to keep looking. She's on a biological schedule (whether she consciously realizes this or not), and is going to seek permanence.
The good news is, you are also well within your rights to seek out and fuck other women, and it is in your best interest to do so (nothing cultivates abundance mentality like actual abundance).
The way I'm picturing this so far: she pressed for exclusivity, and you either said "no" or kept it vague. If this is how it went down, then yeah, she owes you nothing. But you owe her nothing as well. Go fuck other women.
aym4ne Should i (x1) 22h ago
"Please clarify: did you two promise each other exclusivity, or not?"
Yes. If we didn't promise that I wouldn't post such post. Maybe my "casual" in the post was misplaced, what I meant is that in my mind I considered it casual because my life philosophy is that I'll never have a long lasting relationship that will go to marriage etc. Just having fun. But in this relationship we explicitly said we're exclusive yes.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 21h ago
Heh. You'd be surprised at the shit we read here. Dudes all hung up on chicks they haven't even fucked, let alone distraught at "cheating" when exclusivity was never even discussed, let alone promised.
And yeah, your continued use of "casual" was misleading.
Well, now you know you can't trust her. Women who want exclusivity don't behave that way.
So it's totally up to you what you do with this information, whether you kick her to the curb or keep fucking her until you don't want to anymore.
Just for the next guy's sake, if you end things, don't tell her why. It'll just teach her to be a better liar for the next guy.
aym4ne Should i (x1) 20h ago
Wow man, now I'm glad I wrote this post because of your last advice, you're absolutely right, letting them know you discovered only strengthen their shitty skills, I'll probably meet her another time or two (she comes to my city we spend a day fucking) then just ghost her. I appreciate you taking the time to answer.
BeeSerious9 20h ago
edit, add details to initial post, under edit line without changing original
aym4ne Should i (x1) 19h ago
Done. Thanks.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 20h ago
Consequences of asking basic should i questions in AskTRP
@Typo-MAGAshiv
aym4ne Should i (x1) 20h ago
Thanks for sharing this, I'm very new to this community and it's my first time posting. I kinda wanted to know if my decision is red pilled or I'm not doing the right thing, it's more of "do you think my approach is correct" than "should I do A or B".
But fair enough, I am a "Should i (x1)" now haha.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 20h ago
I usually take off or downgrade the flairs if someone doesn't ask another one after a few posts
HighBodyCountVirgin 18h ago
1.) Don't explicitly tell her she's done something wrong
2.) you demote her: see her less, no more exclusivity on your end, get other girls
3.) post yourself with other girls on social media that she can see. this will straighten her up and get her to focus more on you.
But if you really dont care about her then you don't have to do any of this
MrSupreme 17h ago
You said it yourself, you've only been seeing each other casually. It is an opportunity to read her intentions, look at what she's doing. You want something exclusive with somebody else, not her,calibrate your game and your emotions, the answer is not always to ghost and cut off the girl.
Yes, keep her around for sex, detach emotionally and have a great time with no hard feelings (be a lover). You'd be reciprocating that way, and that seems like a nice thing, you'd be on the same page and this kind of "contract" is very desirable for many. Don't cuck yourself thinking about the rest of the men in her life, it is kinda gay. But keep on reading since you edited the post with some very vital info.
That is another animal mate. Set the record straight, reframe. If you want to confront about the threads thing, here's an idea.
YOU: Hey babygirl, I saw your account on threads so i'm gonna send you a friend request HER: gets pale and sweaty Suuuure babe, I didn't know you used that app Y:Yeah I just don't use it much, by the way, who are all those money guys you keep chatting up? Don't you think it is kinda inappropiate since we're dating? H: bla bla bla just friends bla bla bla Y: Oh so that means I can have girls that are friends and flirt around as well? There you start making your point.
That way you don't act butthurt, you confront her without calling her a slut and you set boundaries and frame. The conversation's goal should be to do this, not for some catharsis for feeling disrespected. You tell her you think it sucks since SHE SAYS that she is just yours and you are just hers, there's no one else right?
Thirst traps are alright because women love attention and followers,she's probably a beauty and girls will girl, that can be her outlet for slutty behaviour without actually riding a cock carousel. But her actively flirting and hunting down guys is just one step away from getting dicked down, and that is the real issue here.
It seems a bit mixed up because you say it is casual, you expect something more exclusive, and then she gives you that impression, she looks out for other men and I think you're not quite on the same page, even for a casual thing. The key term here is "covert contract", what are you both agreeing on?