I was involved in a conversation the other day with a woman in her 40s (I think - just not sure where in her 40s which will link to a point I want to make).

She is either divorced or going through a divorce and was complaining about men on dating apps (she’d only used one - Facebook. She said because it was free but also from my perspective it’s the lowest effort of all of them if you already have a Facebook profile)

I’ve forgotten why this was even the discussion but she was talking about how she needed to get out and do more because spending and evening “looking at pictures of ugly men” was apparently not a good hobby

If we lived in a world where we could really be honest with women the way we are with men then someone would have told her she is a divorced woman in her 40s with a saggy body (and so I assume kids) - ugly men are your options. That’s who you have to pick from. And so maybe you should have considered that before divorcing your husband.

Caveat is I have no idea why she is getting divorced - might be down to him. But women need to really understand what dating over 40 when your body isn’t on point would be like. If they knew perhaps these marriages would work out more. (And even if their body is on point they are still going to struggle to get someone they think is on their level if they look for similar ages)

She wasn’t helped by the fact that her friends were trying to sabotage her by bad mouthing some of her matches (“he’s too short” etc). Too her credit she is apparently not filtering on height because she is too old for children. Another case of saying the quiet part out loud of course

She "doesn't understand" but boy oh boy, everyone any man with an IQ above room temperature will understand. Every man that she ever met "understood".

I don't have any major red flags that I could see

Of course not, grandma. Now put your teeth back in, you're drooling all over your cream of wheat.

Her anger at her white neighbour being with a Filipina and NOT HER is delicious. Ozempic (if she has the money), vodka, social isolation and cats beckon.

That was good for a laugh. She clearly doesn't understand that she is the problem - and reveals her racism along the way. Another bitter Karen in training.

I have a female friend with silly high standards. She doesn't see why she should settle.

I explained that there are very, very, very few tall, successful, well hung, charming, good looking single men out there and a lot of women in her position (over 30, fairly attractive).

She agreed.

She agrees there aren't enough men to go around.

She agrees that a man like that has a lot of options, and that most women in her position won't get to lock one down.

........... and at the end of the conversation she said "but I just don't see why I should settle".

Even when it comes to friendship with other women it's hard.

What a tell. Sure, I wouldn't think she would manage to make and keep good friends, but to have no friends at all? How insufferable must one be to - oh, she declares herself as more attractive than any other woman who has a boyfriend/husband. Never mind.

I don't have THAT bad of a personality

Your results say otherwise.

yet whenever I like someone, they turn out to not like me as much as I like them

And there’s the answer to everything. Just another woman who thinks that the kind of man that she can keep is equal to the kind of men that she can get sex from.

I can find many men who will gladly sleep with a 40 year old woman. Everything from senior citizens to college dudes, and of course, other 40 year old men. But most of those men aren’t going to stick around for her.

Sucks to suck I guess.

I have as much empathy for post wall women as they had for average men during their sexual prime.

Apart from anything else, you can often tell its a woman writing just down to the indiscipline of the writing style. The giveaways are everywhere;

• The way she flits in-between tenses. It's horrible. For example "I don't have any red flags that I could see" (mixing present plus past tense).

• She does this stream of consciousness syntax where she just abandons an argument midway and interrupts it with some other nonsense.

• Her convoluted phrasing and double negatives, for example: "I don't fall for anyone that easily I think...I used to not be like that..." What did you not used to be like?

Clarity and meaning are male interests. Women are very unclear when they speak or write, because they are not interested in clarity. They are interested in feelings and making lots of mouth noises.

I love the shaming language "they aren't ready to fight for our union!" Translated that means he wasn't willing to compromise on his own needs / priorities / values in order to accommodate hers.

Good on those guys. Why should a guy "fight" for anything with her in the beginning parts of the dating phase? He's not "unable" to fight for a union, he simply sees no value in this union that's worth fighting for. Either because it's too early, or because he already sees you as a pump-n-dump. Either way, it has nothing to do with readiness or ability.