Dear Older Women of the World,

We get it. It is tough out there in the dating world. It seems that you were misled by the people in your life, so I am here to offer some unsolicited advice. Do with it as you see fit, but you can never say "no one ever told me". I am here to tell you now.

First, if you spent your younger years chasing top tier men (either via a "slutty phase" or rampant "serial monogamy"), then I applaud and respect your choices. There is nothing wrong with aiming high, or having fun.

But you should know that this strategy has consequences. Just like men who do stupid things repeatedly. The saying "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" comes to mind. You know what this means. And you already know what the consequences are for you, hence your frustration with not being able to "Find a good man". That sort of past does not earn you a good man.

Second, many would say that there are good men all around you. They will tell you that "you are just not looking hard enough". That is a lie. You see the good men, and they see you too. Good men are married, happy, hard working, and family oriented, so there are simply not that many on the dating scene. THAT is why it is so hard to find a good man. Or a good woman for that matter.

You have also been told that, in order to find a good man, you must lower your standards. Don't do this, because this too is a lie. The lower your standards go, the lower quality man you are going to allow into your life. Have you not had enough of this already? Besides, good men are high quality and you know this, which is why you are looking for one.

The truth is this: you should have had high standards to begin with. But you decided that in lieu of high standards, you would chase looks, fun, and sexual excitement. Those are perhaps the lowest standards possible.

When you were younger, all sorts of men were chasing after you. If you were not obese, seriously unattractive, or really messed up in some way, you had all the attention you could ever want or need. Life gives this to you as a sort of freebie starter set of traits to help you land a good mate.

The question is, what did you do with that power?

If you have read this far, I suspect that you wasted that power and you no longer have it. This leads to my next point:

If you spent your time, energy, and youthful beauty on sexual escapades, then that is on YOU. Not good men - or any men at all. Read this very carefully: You will never ever find what you are looking for until you come to terms with the simple fact that your life choices are YOUR responsibility and yours alone. Own it. There is simply no way around this. It is a harsh reality that most humans have to come to terms with sooner or later. It seems that some of you did not get that memo.

This is that memo.

Next, when you were enjoying your time dating, meeting, hooking up with, and otherwise enjoying good looking guys, or bad boys in your youth, the best men were working, building families, improving, and creating wealth among other things. All to differing degrees, and in different ways of course, but good men DO things. That is how we roll. And because of this, many of us simply cannot reward the sort of behavior that led you down the path you are currently on. No matter how good looking you are, no matter how many promises or sob stories, or tales of the "abusive ex" - we have heard this all before and we are simply immune to it.

But not all men are immune to it. Sadly, many men fall for your approach all the time.

How has that been working out for you? Do you want to keep running into THOSE men?

Your choices at this point are limited to the bottom of the pyramid of men. And let me be clear, some of those men are good men. They just may be overweight, shy, nerdy, or not as handsome as you wish they were. Why are you limited to these sorts of good men you ask? Because you are not a top tier woman - if you ever were to begin with. Let's face it, when you had sex with those hot guys back in the day, they were just having fun. Just like you. Chad's will bang just about any woman in a pinch.

Here's how it works:

  • Top tier men can pull women who are way younger and more beautiful than you. If you shoot for those men, you will get shot down or get used. If that is your thing then go for it. You have experienced this before, so this is about the time when you started saying "I am done playing games". But that is not quite accurate, it is more like the games are done playing YOU. Let that sink in.

  • Most good men know better to invest in women who do not know how to invest. You THINK you invested in relationships before because YOU had strong feelings. Feelings are a small part of a healthy relationship. You may have heard all sorts of stories about how men bail out, and leave, and are deadbeats, etc. That's true - for women like you. Good men tend to seek out good women, and they keep each other.

  • "But DD1, I AM a good woman" you may say. Are you really? By whose standards? If you ask your friends, OF COURSE they are going to say you are a prize and a catch and beautiful. That's what friends do. They are supportive. And it would be rare for just about any man to tell you that you are nasty to your face. Most men do not say such things unless provoked. You have been lied to, and the lies are working. Let that sink in too.

  • You are now in the relationship (and/or sexual) market place. Look into this. But the rules are fairly simple - you can only attract a partner of whom you are worthy. If you keep finding "man child" sorts and losers, and players, and fakers (or men that you are not attracted to), that is because that is what you are worthy of. This is an ugly harsh truth, but it is true. In other words, you are very unlikely to attract a young, or rich, or handsome man for anything more than a short term fling - unless YOU are rich. And if he is with you for the money, I would lawyer up if I were you.

  • Good men who may be available vary in all shapes and sizes, but they tend to have a few things in common. Perhaps the most notable trait is they all live by deeply held values. And one of the values that many, not all, good men hold is this: Avoid at all costs, single mothers, divorced women, older women who have never been married, or women with a robust sexual history. This is just how we are. If you read their stories, you will understand why they have learned this harsh life lesson. The lies they were told growing up have consequences too.

If you are hoping for some redemption here, you will not find a cloud with a silver lining. The only thing you can do at this point is come to terms with your life choices. You will have to settle for a lower tier man and hope that he is one of the good ones. These may not be that good looking, or have a humble job, or have little money, or have other issues that will make your relationship difficult to sustain. But in the long run they are the best sorts of men there are. So if you are being sincere about finding a "good man" you need to wrap your head around what a good man actually is.

Making the choice to pursue temporary, part-time, open, or purely sexual relationships can be a life sentences. Just like when a man cheats on his wife - it may never EVER go away. One way or the other it will stick with you for life. Your only choice to evade the consequences of those choices is to lie. Lie about where you have been and what you have done.

But we are evolving too. We know how to spot and decode lies like this.

Your best bet is to stay on your temporary relationship track. Being sexual is a good thing. It keeps a lot of men temporarily sexually satisfied. That is your best use to society at this point. We do not really need you for anything else to be honest. And if you are being honest, it is not like the attention, even if it is waning and lessens each year, it at least a little fun.

Enjoy it. Take care of the needs of all those horny single men. You know how to do this. This is what you have invested your youth in, so this is your lot in life. If you knew who I was, you would know that I almost revere promiscuous women and prostitutes. They do a very important job in the world and do not deserve the scorn they get. But they do NOT rate a good man. Good men do not want or need them.

Besides, the good women of the world have just about everything else under control. They run the community, they do fundraisers, they watch out for the neighborhood, and they support families. So just sit back, enjoy your flings, and let the good men and women of the world enjoy their lives together. And you enjoy yours.

After all, they know their worth and what they deserve - just like you did.

Edit: For brevity and a few formatting issues.