Sounds like my ex. I jumped many hoops like you to "try to make it work". There is no clean way to end this. The cleanest way is the path of least resistance. Which is packing your bags and leaving. Don't even announce it. You're not obligated to & she will only make your life harder with guilt tripping or love bombing.

Situations like this are where we as men unfortunately have to be harsh & demonstrate leadership, which means walk away & don't look back. It might be painful for both, but staying together is more painful for both in the longterm.

Good luck

She is extermely emotionally unstable. Everytime we have a fight she goes into a psychotic episode, ive never seen a person like this.

Good chance BPD yes

Its a vey delicate situation because these people are dangerous,

yes

to themselves first but also they are prone to doing crazy shit

yes

and i dont want this thing from my past haunting me for the rest of my life. I've postponed the breakup for so long because i wanted to somehow make it right and have a amicable closure, unfortunately it seems that is not happening.

correct

Lately the relationship has turned abusive and im taking it like a chump, just being nice to her while trying to find a strategic way out, but i havent been able to.

right

She lives with me so that makes things harder,

fuck

i genuinely feel like the only way out is moving out and somehow creating a situation where she cant live with me anymore, then slowly let this all fade away.

no. disagree.

I repeat, sitting her down and beaking up is not an option, ive already tried this several times before and the aneurysm she gets into makes me take a step back, i genuinely am scared for her mental health but also for my security. I need a strategic way out and im asking for your help here

Ok. You only have one option. You need to leave. Physically leave, and make sure she never sees you again. Find some way / any way to leave. Move out, stay with a friend, stay in a hotel, stay with parents, anything.

Tell her nothing.

Leave. This is your only play here. Leave, when she's not there. If you can't do it without her there, make sure a friend is there.

These girls will physically and mentally attack you, then tell the police that you attacked them. And the police will side with her. You will always be blamed. She'll sit their crying saying you tried to rape her, and you as the big strong man will get the blame.

Leave.

This is your only option. Some way, some how, leave. And then never, ever see her again, don't engage with her. One text, after you've left: "It's over". Then ignore, because she can and will stalk you.

Been there, done that.

Leave. Good luck bro.

I assume you'll win in a physical fight with her. So set up a camera, either a hidden one on your person, or set one up in the room. Then sit her down, and bluntly brake up with her. If she gets physical, you have what you need for a restraining order, which gets her out of your home. Restrain her, call the police, and show them the footage. If she threatens suicide, you can probably use that as well.

Obviously research whether you're in a two-party or one-party consent state/country. Even if it's a two-party consent state/country, check with a lawyer or the police if you can utilise a camera for self defence reasons. In fact, double-check every advice you get here with local law enforcement and/or a lawyer. Start creating a paper trail now.

The second best option is sound recording. Laws are usually a bit more lax on that. Bottom line is, it's false accusations you should worry about the most. So document everything.

Also, depending on where you live, it may be beneficial for you to call the police non-emergency line beforehand, and explain the situation, that you're about to break up with your girlfriend, that she has a habit of being violent with you, and that you may need assistance. Although it's true that the police tends to side with women, part of that is because women usually contact the police first. At least where I live, whoever calls the police first matters a great deal for how they initially deal with it. If you can initially get her out of your home, that should offer you some breathing space for what comes after.

Her safety should be way down on your priority list. It's you you need to worry about first and foremost. It's not your job to protect your abuser from herself. Let professionals, or her family deal with that sort of thing. You let them know, and that's the extent of your responsibility, if you have any responsibility at all.

Also, realize that people with cluster B personality disorders (like BPD) are fully aware of what they're doing, and 100% responsible for their own actions. They are not insane, like for instance someone with schizophrenia. They are calculated and, dare I say, evil. If the word "evil" has any tangible meaning at all, then cluster B personality disorders are it. So do not excuse her behaviour, or feel guilty for whatever outcome of her actions. Whatever empathy you have for her is greatly misplaced.

Good luck. Also, I'm sorry you've had to experience this, and second @MentORPHEUS 's sentiment that this isn't a "just man up" situation. This is a proper mind fuck, and it's expected to be emotionally affected by it, and to experience all sorts of misplaced guilt. Once this is over (and it will be), you'll probably experience some form of PTSD reaction as well. So don't be afraid to ask for help.

My first wife was BPD. Give her the ick. She'll go away on her own. Every time she gets violent, just leave. You don't have to stay there and take that shit.

As you say, there's no easy way to do this. No 100% safe way either.

You have to prepare mentally for at least a couple of years of turmoil. If she hurts herself, it's on her, and there is nothing you can do. BPDs use their mates to act out harrowing infantile fears, so it's not about you per se.

If she's of the "Discouraged BPD" subtype, you might be able to keep a minimum of a "presence" in her life, by, say, one text message per week, for a few months. This might help as a pressure valve. More malignant types might require law enforcement, see what MentORPHEUS writes.

With luck, she'll be able to keep distance a couple of years from the breakup, and might practically disappear out of your life in five or ten, may e sooner. It is what it is.

I was in this situation almost 20 years ago. In my case, she broke into my house repeatedly as i slept, including AFTER i screwed all the doors and windows shut from the inside. Cops got called out multiple times but the wheels of justice grind slowly particularly for men. When the court date for restraining and move out order finally came 45 days later, she shows up to contest it despite having active arrest warrants! The judge heard my testimony, then hers. He then granted me the maximum 3 years order, then 2 bailiffs materialized at her sides and led her off to the jail. Myself, and the previously busy and chaotic courtroom, were left in stunned silence.

I never heard from her again, but the whole experience took a lot out of me. It affected my reputation with neighbors, even though it was obvious that she was the psycho.

Now, practical what to do plans for you. As one cop told me bluntly, if her toothbrush is on the sink, they can't remove her, you must go through the formal eviction process in court. Procedures and requirements vary widely by jurisdiction so you have to look that up, follow requirements to the letter, and possibly engage an attorney or landlord's rights workshop.

If you can induce her to move out voluntarily, so much the better. You might find it strategic to offer some money toward a new place as a last resort, if so don't give her cash but pay it directly to new landlord and get receipts on paper.

She'll use every technique in the book to resist. You must find and hold on to your will and resolve throughout, and not cave an inch, because this will work against you in many ways including your self image.

Harden your heart against tears and other emotional manipulation. Expect that she will recruit others to take her side against you.

Hard lesson in never letting a woman move in with you before wedding day. It makes you feel like a baller at first, but can go wrong and become a trap in so many ways.

Time to take on steel resolve and act with cold decisiveness. The men here will help you work through this tough process, but we're generally not keen on helping maintain defense mechanisms and betaish indecision.