Recent Post: https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/325619/unsure_where_i_went_wrong
Hello all, just had an update and some questions. I want to thank everyone that posted on my last post and gave me advice on previous posts when I was feeling lost. I read it all and it helped. Now I’m 31, but no longer a virgin.
I read what everyone posted, and next time I saw her at work, I flirted with her pretty hard and didn’t bring up any of the texting. Kissed her in the breakroom, and she loved it. After that I used MusicGoons line, asking when she’s free so I can “check her house for spiders for her” and she just laughed and loved it. A couple days later she said she had a spider and was freaking out. We got off work at the same time that day, so I said I’d come over as soon as we were done, and then I showed up. I started off strong, immediately started making out with her and then fucked her. She didn’t cum, so I did oral on her and made her cum (in hindsight, stupid as fuck). And well… let’s just say there were a lot of red flags I ignored. A lot.
After we fucked, I spent the night there, and not going to lie, I acted pretty beta during this, wanting to cuddle and shit. She even said I was clingy. (Which confused me at first, but now makes sense if she hooks up with dudes every night). As we were chilling there, I noticed she had a lot of condoms on her bedside table. Like a good amount. She mentioned she was only looking for casual stuff. Joked about “having a roster”. She joked about sex stuff a lot, which I thought was her way of being sexual, but in hindsight she was telling me she sleeps around. When I still thought she was joking, I told her to cut that shit out. I asked if I could grab a powerade, and she said no, but when I asked why, she said I probably didn’t want to know.( I think this in reference to asking her to cut shit out, and basically said with that it’s some other dude’s powerades for after they fuck her). Don’t think she was joking now. I remember somone here saying to listen to what a girl jokes about, and they’re telling you shit indirectly. Wish I internalized that better. Anyway, basically found out she’s pretty slutty.
Still happy about losing my V card, but now I feel kind of disgusted and am super worried about STDs. I wrapped my dick up(thank god) but feel gross having eaten her out. I got an STD panel done today and will do another one in a month or so. Terrified I caught something on my first time. Also texted her the next day some beta shit about how I had a good time. Since that I went to the gym and cleared my head up and realized what I pussy I’ve been. Now I’m trying to get in a good headspace again, but struggling. Planning to never text her again, hit the gym hard as fuck, and when I get my panels back, try to put myself out there again. Going to go back and read the literature again because I instantly became blue pilled right after we fucked, so obviously I have a lot of work to do.
My questions are: 1) What to do about STD anxiety? I feel so fucked for ignoring so many signals and eating her out. 2) Should I practice game and try to find other chicks while waiting for the panels? 3) All I feel right now is disgust at the fact she obviously fucks so many guys and anger at myself for not seeing it, so what were some ways y’all got your mental state right when you were spiraling early on in your journey? 4) If I do have STDs, how do I deal with it? But honestly, it feels fucking amazing to not worry about being a virgin anymore.
Answering my own questions: 1) Keep myself constantly busy until I get the panel back, then don’t worry about it until I take the second test in a month. 2)No? Feels irresponsible and obviously I have lots of internal work to do. 3) Gym. Lots of working out, and meditation. 4) I have no fucking clue, kinda panicking. Therapy maybe.
Thanks for all the advice from everyone so far, would probably have been an eternal virgin if it wasn’t for y’all.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
First of all, she sounds like a nightmare, stop seeing her
Secondly, an STD panel under 7-14 days of exposure is absolutely worthless, as it takes time for communicable pathogens to incubate and even show up on a test
Thirdly, most easily communicable STDs are bacterial (at least anything common except for HPV) and easily treatable. Also hpv isn't permanent, it clears out of your body eventually but there's no guarantee she had it or you got it. There is no way to test for that in men unless you get symptoms, try not to freak out
Fourthly, a lot of viral STDs have a low per act incidence compared to people's fears, so even with no condom or precautions range between 1/30-1/100 chance per act but that can vary. And you don't know if she has anything anyway. You'd have to be rather unlucky to get an untreatable viral STD from a single short-lived act on a genital region of an infected person, which is less likely if you don't see anything
5th, you have no business trying to LARP as a Chad with a woman with substantially more experience than you. This is where fake it till you make it doesn't work at all. When you have almost no experience at all and you're with a complete whore, she has no investment and you have all the investment.
Trying to feel good about seeing a massive whore when she's you're only source of sex you've ever had really sucks. I've been there when I was really new at it. They're really easy for getting over that hump but they're a nightmare to see for much longer.
Now that you have exp stop seeing her and stick to girls with higher standards for themselves but lower difficulty level of whoredom
Side note. I'm not an expert. But you shouldn't freak out over one sexual act. It's irrational. Try not to fuck complete whores in the future and only go down on women you trust and have been with for a while. I personally don't even like it. It's just not enjoyable
GetMoreBooks 17h ago
First of all, I want to say thank you for the escalation guide you wrote a couple of years ago. That really helped me be more confident in what to do in the moment. I'm not planning on seeing her again. Thanks for all the STD info, definitely helped me chill out a bit on it.
Faking it till I made it honestly seemed to work for some reason, she kept asking me about other girls I was seeing and past experiences at least 5 or 6 times. I just completely ignored her so I didn't have to lie about it. Definitely ruined some of that illusion later on in the night but it worked for a while even after I fucked her.
When you say "higher standards but lower difficulty level of whoredom", do you mean girls that are less slutty in general? Where's a good place to draw that line, because I know all girls sleep around/ have a past, but I also don't want to go with a girl on the same level as this one. Or is that something I try to determine for myself?
Thanks again, I'll keep in mind waiting to go down on girls. I actually loved doing it but it ain't worth my peace of mind for a ONS.
First-light 2 1d ago
First off. Very well done! Honestly, who cares that she was a terrible slut when you are no longer saddled with the self imposed stigma of being a late virgin. The mental block is gone.
Be kind to yourself. Its the trashy ones who find it easier to get through the barrier of your virgin uncertainty and inexperience. Funny that I was just writing in my last reply to you how it was only the trashy ones who had come to me when I was too awkward to actually go make a move. Trashy girls have sex with far more guys, so odds on for anything but a top 20% guy, 90+% of easy sex is with trashy girls.
Its actually very hard to get an STD. I am a raw dog only guy but I never got one. Were you ever vaccinated against HPV virus? This is the big slow burn risk with oral sex on women. HPV virus can lead to cancer later. Gives women cervical cancer, so younger ones tend to vaccinated but if neither of you were, its a risk with a slut.
Headspace wise, just chill. There is nothing you need to do now. Its a huge step and also nothing has really happened. You broke through an invisible mental barrier but because it was an invisible mental barrier it was only significant to you. So just relax a bit. It was all in your head. There is nothing you have to do. Now life goes on. If you don't catch oneitis, life probably gets better too. If you get all excited and catch onitis, I promise you it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. Better to catch a STD than oneitis!
You have a perfect opportunity now to walk away without having to try to have a relationship with her. Many guys get saddled with trying to have a relationship with a low value girl (either low value from looks, personality, sanity or trashiness) that they lose their virginity to, when really all they needed to do was lose their virginity and then upgrade but they get trapped by oneitis. You can just say you don't feel comfortable with someone seeing other guys so no thanks, bye. Sorted.
Yeah when they are not invested, the emotional leakage of truth in "jokes" is phenomenal. Later on when they become invested the stream of joked truth gets a lot dryer. Just don't get oneitis and you won't need to find this out.
GetMoreBooks 16h ago
Thanks! Yeah the mental block was huge, it felt like a chain I had around my neck is finally gone. Unfortunately I was never vaccinated, hopefully I get lucky and will go get the vaccine soon after talking with my doc.
Yeah I keep thinking I should text her/ meet up with her despite zero communication from her, so if I wasn't aware I could have seen myself going down the oneitis rabbit hole easily lol. Perfect response if she ever does reach out, thank you.
Yeah, I think I'll just keep working on myself and get back into approaching. Time to have fun with all this now that I'm no longer a virgin lol.
Musicgoon78 3 1d ago
Ok bro, let this old dirty Don Juan jump in and give you some info!
First off congrats for hitting your first home run! Now, let's dish the dirt on doing dirty shit.
First off is you got PEGS (post ejaculatory guilt syndrome). Sex releases a shit ton of endorphins. Your body sometimes can crash from a comedown. Sometimes guys will fall asleep, sometimes you'll feel down, sometimes it's self loathing or disgust. This is all normal. You'll get used to it.
Now here's the thing from a bonafide deviant: Accepting your own sexuality is very very difficult. I worked on it for years because I had a lot of hangups and guilt. I liked group shit so, I felt like I was weird for some time. Most guys aren't comfortable with sexuality. That's why you get worries about sluttiness and conduct. It's all subjective.
Let's talk about real observable truth vs. truth on paper or even red pill forums. People are sexual. You will get told that women aren't into sex like guys are. That's bullshit. Women are sexual horny creatures. Some are completely insatiable.
AWALT I'm afraid my guy. You didn't find an anomaly, you found a girl comfortable enough to be honest with you. I'm not trying to scare you, but prepare you for the true reality if what sex and dating look like.
Now I will warn you that an extreme amount of guys on here have problems with notch count and female sexuality. This is when you get an idealistic and insecure mindset instead of being grounded in reality. You're going to see a lot of hamstering here about sexuality. A woman's past sexuality and fidelity are out of your control. Guys telling you that you can control that are selling you a crock of shit.
I don't want to pathologise you right now, but I do want to speak about how a late bloomer like yourself is likely to move forward. I was a bit of a late bloomer as well. You've missed out on normal teenage sex and experimentation. Your mind and body will try to compress that in to make up for lost opportunities. It highly likely that you will get good at gaming and then go the route of hypersexuality. The other option is that you slow to a crawl, but I don't think that will be the case. The more sex you have, the more your get comfortable and your risk tolerance goes up.
Now your STI fear: Calm the fuck down bro. I would bet my entire life savings that you're perfectly fine. Especially with a condom. You're doing yourself a disservice by spinning yourself out. Without any experience you're going straight to the worst consequences. Learn to take the win and not flip it into something negative.
Don't live by my example even if I'm telling you this. I've been involved with so many women I've lost count. I got a vasectomy and I've raw dogged pretty much every woman I've been with besides maybe one or two. I have a higher risk tolerance. I share test results in a swap with most women. Sometimes the don't have some but that's ok, the only think I ever caught was a kid before my vasectomy.
You're at a crossroads here. Do you want every sexual encounter to be followed up with this type of emotional whiplash and guilt?
You can either accept sex for what is it, get informed and be ok with your own sexuality, or you can flip out until sex becomes a big ordeal. You can become neurotic, this becomes unrewarding, you fight your nature and need therapy. The therapy will teach you how to accept sex for what it is. You'll get informed and learn to be ok with your own sexuality.
It's your choice.
GetMoreBooks 16h ago
Thanks! Honestly, yeah it makes sense that most girls are this way and she was just up front about it. Going to be hard to come to terms with but it is what it is. I definitely have an issue with body count, any ideas on how I can get more comfortable with it? Also, other comments say drop this girl, which makes sense to me, but if AWALT, I'm confused. Do I drop her and find other chicks, or just not give a fuck how slutty girls are?
Between the two options, I'd choose hyper-sexuality for sure lol. My game is still in it's infancy and I still have about 20 lbs to lose, but I'd like to keep my momentum. I appreciate the STI tip, my brain definitely wanted to turn it into a negative, but it's such a huge fucking positive to not be a virgin anymore.
I don't want this emotional whiplash, that's for sure. I'm mostly balanced out now but damn I felt so guilty/disgusted for like two days after the hookup. I'll work on accepting sex for what it is, but do you have any tips on embracing my own sexuality/ what sex is? Or is it just inner work I do while gaming/ fucking girls until I'm at peace with it? Thanks again for all your help.