Recent Post: https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/325619/unsure_where_i_went_wrong
Hello all, just had an update and some questions. I want to thank everyone that posted on my last post and gave me advice on previous posts when I was feeling lost. I read it all and it helped. Now I’m 31, but no longer a virgin.
I read what everyone posted, and next time I saw her at work, I flirted with her pretty hard and didn’t bring up any of the texting. Kissed her in the breakroom, and she loved it. After that I used MusicGoons line, asking when she’s free so I can “check her house for spiders for her” and she just laughed and loved it. A couple days later she said she had a spider and was freaking out. We got off work at the same time that day, so I said I’d come over as soon as we were done, and then I showed up. I started off strong, immediately started making out with her and then fucked her. She didn’t cum, so I did oral on her and made her cum (in hindsight, stupid as fuck). And well… let’s just say there were a lot of red flags I ignored. A lot.
After we fucked, I spent the night there, and not going to lie, I acted pretty beta during this, wanting to cuddle and shit. She even said I was clingy. (Which confused me at first, but now makes sense if she hooks up with dudes every night). As we were chilling there, I noticed she had a lot of condoms on her bedside table. Like a good amount. She mentioned she was only looking for casual stuff. Joked about “having a roster”. She joked about sex stuff a lot, which I thought was her way of being sexual, but in hindsight she was telling me she sleeps around. When I still thought she was joking, I told her to cut that shit out. I asked if I could grab a powerade, and she said no, but when I asked why, she said I probably didn’t want to know.( I think this in reference to asking her to cut shit out, and basically said with that it’s some other dude’s powerades for after they fuck her). Don’t think she was joking now. I remember somone here saying to listen to what a girl jokes about, and they’re telling you shit indirectly. Wish I internalized that better. Anyway, basically found out she’s pretty slutty.
Still happy about losing my V card, but now I feel kind of disgusted and am super worried about STDs. I wrapped my dick up(thank god) but feel gross having eaten her out. I got an STD panel done today and will do another one in a month or so. Terrified I caught something on my first time. Also texted her the next day some beta shit about how I had a good time. Since that I went to the gym and cleared my head up and realized what I pussy I’ve been. Now I’m trying to get in a good headspace again, but struggling. Planning to never text her again, hit the gym hard as fuck, and when I get my panels back, try to put myself out there again. Going to go back and read the literature again because I instantly became blue pilled right after we fucked, so obviously I have a lot of work to do.
My questions are: 1) What to do about STD anxiety? I feel so fucked for ignoring so many signals and eating her out. 2) Should I practice game and try to find other chicks while waiting for the panels? 3) All I feel right now is disgust at the fact she obviously fucks so many guys and anger at myself for not seeing it, so what were some ways y’all got your mental state right when you were spiraling early on in your journey? 4) If I do have STDs, how do I deal with it? But honestly, it feels fucking amazing to not worry about being a virgin anymore.
Answering my own questions: 1) Keep myself constantly busy until I get the panel back, then don’t worry about it until I take the second test in a month. 2)No? Feels irresponsible and obviously I have lots of internal work to do. 3) Gym. Lots of working out, and meditation. 4) I have no fucking clue, kinda panicking. Therapy maybe.
Thanks for all the advice from everyone so far, would probably have been an eternal virgin if it wasn’t for y’all.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3h ago
First of all, she sounds like a nightmare, stop seeing her
Secondly, an STD panel under 7-14 days of exposure is absolutely worthless, as it takes time for communicable pathogens to incubate and even show up on a test
Thirdly, most easily communicable STDs are bacterial (at least anything common except for HPV) and easily treatable. Also hpv isn't permanent, it clears out of your body eventually but there's no guarantee she had it or you got it. There is no way to test for that in men unless you get symptoms, try not to freak out
Fourthly, a lot of viral STDs have a low per act incidence compared to people's fears, so even with no condom or precautions range between 1/30-1/100 chance per act but that can vary. And you don't know if she has anything anyway. You'd have to be rather unlucky to get an untreatable viral STD from a single short-lived act on a genital region of an infected person, which is less likely if you don't see anything
5th, you have no business trying to LARP as a Chad with a woman with substantially more experience than you. This is where fake it till you make it doesn't work at all. When you have almost no experience at all and you're with a complete whore, she has no investment and you have all the investment.
Trying to feel good about seeing a massive whore when she's you're only source of sex you've ever had really sucks. I've been there when I was really new at it. They're really easy for getting over that hump but they're a nightmare to see for much longer.
Now that you have exp stop seeing her and stick to girls with higher standards for themselves but lower difficulty level of whoredom
Side note. I'm not an expert. But you shouldn't freak out over one sexual act. It's irrational. Try not to fuck complete whores in the future and only go down on women you trust and have been with for a while. I personally don't even like it. It's just not enjoyable
First-light 2 3h ago
First off. Very well done! Honestly, who cares that she was a terrible slut when you are no longer saddled with the self imposed stigma of being a late virgin. The mental block is gone.
Be kind to yourself. Its the trashy ones who find it easier to get through the barrier of your virgin uncertainty and inexperience. Funny that I was just writing in my last reply to you how it was only the trashy ones who had come to me when I was too awkward to actually go make a move. Trashy girls have sex with far more guys, so odds on for anything but a top 20% guy, 90+% of easy sex is with trashy girls.
Its actually very hard to get an STD. I am a raw dog only guy but I never got one. Were you ever vaccinated against HPV virus? This is the big slow burn risk with oral sex on women. HPV virus can lead to cancer later. Gives women cervical cancer, so younger ones tend to vaccinated but if neither of you were, its a risk with a slut.
Headspace wise, just chill. There is nothing you need to do now. Its a huge step and also nothing has really happened. You broke through an invisible mental barrier but because it was an invisible mental barrier it was only significant to you. So just relax a bit. It was all in your head. There is nothing you have to do. Now life goes on. If you don't catch oneitis, life probably gets better too. If you get all excited and catch onitis, I promise you it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. Better to catch a STD than oneitis!
You have a perfect opportunity now to walk away without having to try to have a relationship with her. Many guys get saddled with trying to have a relationship with a low value girl (either low value from looks, personality, sanity or trashiness) that they lose their virginity to, when really all they needed to do was lose their virginity and then upgrade but they get trapped by oneitis. You can just say you don't feel comfortable with someone seeing other guys so no thanks, bye. Sorted.
Yeah when they are not invested, the emotional leakage of truth in "jokes" is phenomenal. Later on when they become invested the stream of joked truth gets a lot dryer. Just don't get oneitis and you won't need to find this out.