Recent Post: https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/325619/unsure_where_i_went_wrong

Hello all, just had an update and some questions. I want to thank everyone that posted on my last post and gave me advice on previous posts when I was feeling lost. I read it all and it helped. Now I’m 31, but no longer a virgin.

I read what everyone posted, and next time I saw her at work, I flirted with her pretty hard and didn’t bring up any of the texting. Kissed her in the breakroom, and she loved it. After that I used MusicGoons line, asking when she’s free so I can “check her house for spiders for her” and she just laughed and loved it. A couple days later she said she had a spider and was freaking out. We got off work at the same time that day, so I said I’d come over as soon as we were done, and then I showed up. I started off strong, immediately started making out with her and then fucked her. She didn’t cum, so I did oral on her and made her cum (in hindsight, stupid as fuck). And well… let’s just say there were a lot of red flags I ignored. A lot.

After we fucked, I spent the night there, and not going to lie, I acted pretty beta during this, wanting to cuddle and shit. She even said I was clingy. (Which confused me at first, but now makes sense if she hooks up with dudes every night). As we were chilling there, I noticed she had a lot of condoms on her bedside table. Like a good amount. She mentioned she was only looking for casual stuff. Joked about “having a roster”. She joked about sex stuff a lot, which I thought was her way of being sexual, but in hindsight she was telling me she sleeps around. When I still thought she was joking, I told her to cut that shit out. I asked if I could grab a powerade, and she said no, but when I asked why, she said I probably didn’t want to know.( I think this in reference to asking her to cut shit out, and basically said with that it’s some other dude’s powerades for after they fuck her). Don’t think she was joking now. I remember somone here saying to listen to what a girl jokes about, and they’re telling you shit indirectly. Wish I internalized that better. Anyway, basically found out she’s pretty slutty.

Still happy about losing my V card, but now I feel kind of disgusted and am super worried about STDs. I wrapped my dick up(thank god) but feel gross having eaten her out. I got an STD panel done today and will do another one in a month or so. Terrified I caught something on my first time. Also texted her the next day some beta shit about how I had a good time. Since that I went to the gym and cleared my head up and realized what I pussy I’ve been. Now I’m trying to get in a good headspace again, but struggling. Planning to never text her again, hit the gym hard as fuck, and when I get my panels back, try to put myself out there again. Going to go back and read the literature again because I instantly became blue pilled right after we fucked, so obviously I have a lot of work to do.

My questions are: 1) What to do about STD anxiety? I feel so fucked for ignoring so many signals and eating her out. 2) Should I practice game and try to find other chicks while waiting for the panels? 3) All I feel right now is disgust at the fact she obviously fucks so many guys and anger at myself for not seeing it, so what were some ways y’all got your mental state right when you were spiraling early on in your journey? 4) If I do have STDs, how do I deal with it? But honestly, it feels fucking amazing to not worry about being a virgin anymore.

Answering my own questions: 1) Keep myself constantly busy until I get the panel back, then don’t worry about it until I take the second test in a month. 2)No? Feels irresponsible and obviously I have lots of internal work to do. 3) Gym. Lots of working out, and meditation. 4) I have no fucking clue, kinda panicking. Therapy maybe.

Thanks for all the advice from everyone so far, would probably have been an eternal virgin if it wasn’t for y’all.