being kinda quiet/shy here, so she carried the convo for the most part.

You've kind of stumbled ass-backwards into something that's been talked about in TRP and MRP for over a decade, but a lot of men miss: never underestimate the power of shutting the fuck up! Let her build up the mystery in her head. As long as you appear comfortable and/or confident in silence, you're golden.

she accused me of being a player multiple times, which I went along with

Agree & Amplify is easily the best go-to response to shit tests from women (and ball-busting from men).

I thought I might go for a kiss here, so I handed her a mint and had one myself—but it didn't happen.

Because you didn't make it happen.

It's rarely going to be as smooth as in the movies; you're usually better off just trying it.

There was an awkward pause, and then she just came really close to me and looked into my eyes, so I just went for the kiss.

Fuck yeah!

When you feel the impulse, it's best to go for it, even if it leads to rejection (less wasted time, next!).

We started making out (keep in mind, I haven't so much as held hands with a girl prior to this), so I didn't really know what to do. I was just feeling her up and down, grabbing her ass, etc.

Big step forward for you. Great. Keep it going!

this is a huge milestone for me

I'll say. In another year or two, you'll be surprised how easy it really is, look back at your previous frustrations and struggles, and laugh at your younger self. I know I did, and still do.

But my question is: was I not "vulnerable" enough to make her feel safe enough to be intimate?

Being vulnerable to a woman is guaranteed to kill attraction. I'll come back to this later if time allows. I want to finish this reply for now and get back to RL stuff. Just, at this stage of your development, don't ever do that (show vulnerability). I don't care what she says.

I didn't want to trauma dump obviously

Certainly not. Ever. To anyone except maybe a preacher or a shrink or one of your parents.

cause I feel like that's the quickest way to kill the vibe

It'll kill any chance of anything sexual, that's for sure.

Or was it purely cause of the logistics and not having a comfy place to go back to? I also got the feeling she wanted me to be completely in charge and lead the entire thing from start to finish in a smooth manner

You'll likely never know with 100% certainty why any one particular woman didn't fuck you at any one particular moment. She may have been on her period (which has never stopped me, but some women feel gross when on the rag and so abstain). She might want to get to know you a bit more. She might not have been quite attracted to you enough for a first night lay, but attracted enough to see you again. Don't overthink it or dwell on it too much. Just try again if you see her again, as well as with other women.

She did double text me this morning so i think there's still some level of interest

Good! Beware of becoming her pen-pal; stick primarily to logistics, and try to stick somewhat close to the Golden Ratio (roughly 2 from you for every 3 from her (don't get spergy about it though)).

Good shit, and congrats on the breakthrough.

Well done. This is like a shot that landed in the black. It might be an 8 ring not the ten ring but that isn't really all that important when it comes to getting you sighted in on women. Once you are hitting the paper, you can calibrate yourself. In the past we were worried about getting you to hit the paper -i.e. getting a positive interaction with a woman who was clearly into you, from which you could work out what did well and what you could do better next time. Before we were getting a lot of refusal from women to have a positive interaction and that is a lot harder to learn from. Once you are hitting the paper you can adjust your sights quite easily. She was into you but you didn't hit the bullseye this time, well Ok try again, maybe do something different and observe what she does but well done. If you can repat this sort of shot, even with no improvement you will at some point hit the bull by sheer good luck. It will happen now.

My biggest tip echoes Typo's "never underestimate the power of shutting up". She was DTF, so whatever you did "wrong" was not a failure to add something, it was the presence of something that made her not quite at ease enough, not quite confident enough she knew you well enough -when she had earlier tidied her pussy up for you. You probably did too much of something, maybe even just hesitate and look like its a big deal kissing her. Now that is not your fault. If you have not done this much before, well it is a big deal for you. It was for us all. You have to try to hide that but it may still bleed through a bit until you get the practise in.

Watch any skilled man at work with his tools and you see that experts always make fewer moves than amateurs. Its a scientific fact. It looks like they have a very light touch but experts are not finessing and make lots of fine tuning, they just make the right moves at the right time and don't need to repeat them. So if you want to look like an expert, don't dither too much even if you are quaking in your boots. Just do it. I am not saying dive in too fast to try to avoid making fuck up moves -going too fast (too fast for her that night) is a no no but when you make a move, just make it for better or worse and see what you get.

You don't have to make a big move, make a small one and see her reaction. Its like kiss her lightly on closed lips and if you feel her hands pulling you close, then smile to show you liked it and go straight back and do it firmer and longer, while holding her back or her bottom and so on. But if you grab her and stick your tongue down her throat before ramming her up against the car and grinding on her, well there is something a bit off there for her. She needs to invite you to do that by heating up till she is wanting you to get on with it. You can actually escalate very fast in small moves -as fast as she is keen for but don't try to go any faster than her or try to stimulate her into it. Women warm up by enjoying something and then want more stimulation. Stimulation does not lead straight to desire or pleasure. Desire and small pleasure leads to wanting stimulation, leads to more desire and pleasure, leads of wanting more stimulation and so on. They are put off by too much too soon. If she is DTF, you don't need a massive make out session to prove it before taking her to bang. Simply establish her enthusiasm and smoothly whisk her off somewhere, being prepared to back pout any time she looks off.

Also from things you have written earlier, it sounds like you may come over a bit like "I am only here to fuck a bitch" of course you are only there to fuck but don't make it look that way. They like to know they can pull out at any point. They like plausible deniability right till they are on your dick. You are into her, that is why you are there -because she is lovely. That's all she needs to know. She is into you. Fucking will always result if boy and girl who are into each other are left alone as long as girl needs and boy does not scare girl off. You don't have to make it all sexualised when you are with her and she is DTF. Just let her see you are enjoying her and steer her like a man leading a dance partner. Make her feel beautiful on your arm and make everything simple for her and she will be only too happy to be steered to bed with no need to spell it out even once what you are actually going to do with her.

See it from her point of view. Even tinder sluts are still going to let an unknown but much more powerful individual stick a dick inside their guts and pound on them. He may then unload in her whether or not she likes it. He will only stop if he wants. He might try to fuck her up the arse or strangle her too. In the end he will have total power over her once she gives in. She needs to feel you like her, that you get her, that you are gentle. This does not mean you are vulnerable, but that you do need to be strong, kind and gentle. I think that probably she wasn't quite sure about that and that is what she mean by "walls up". She can't feel you are kind, fun loving, and will be gentle. She may not even want you to be kind gentle with her in bed (though most actually do most of the time) but she needs to feel you will be if she wants you to be. Its not a case of her "seeing this". through explanation, its a case of her needing to feel it.

So if you are going to add anything add kindness and gentleness. Sure she wants a tough guy but that is a guy tough to the world on whose arm she is safe and beautiful, not a man hard or insensitive to her. Many guys starting out fail to see that when they see nice guys lose and deice not to be nice any more. She still has to feel safe that you will be kind to her. Make her feel that by not being pushy, by holding doors, handing her over obstacles or out of vehicles (without using it as an excuse to cop a feel), giving compliments and so on. Not simping, being a strong kind gent.