Not sure if you guys know, but I've been posting here for a while about struggling to get girls. Well, last night I finally managed to make some progress.
I matched with a girl on Tinder and we hit it off. So when it came time to pick her up, I ran into some logistical issues (bike ran out of gas), which ended up with me being like half an hour late. She didn't seem too upset about it. I then tried getting her helmet on, messing awkwardly with the strap to the point where she took it off and did it herself. At this point, I felt like I was fumbling the entire operation due to my unpreparedness, but we went on the ride as planned.
During the ride, she was massaging my back and feeling me up a little bit, so I reciprocated by rubbing her thighs, and then we made short small talk at stoplights. Eventually, we ran into a random pack of bikers, so we just rode with them for a bit. Then I asked her if she was hungry and she said yeah, so I took her to a hot chicken place. I was still a little thrown off my game and being kinda quiet/shy here, so she carried the convo for the most part. We finished our food and then walked around the plaza, at which point I was feeling more confident.
My banter during the walk was good; she was laughing, etc., and we were walking hand in hand. And for whatever reason, she accused me of being a player multiple times, which I went along with. We eventually came to a water fountain and sat down. She was leaning on my shoulder and I thought I might go for a kiss here, so I handed her a mint and had one myself—but it didn't happen.
We headed back to the bikes, and I ended up taking her on a highway run. I ended up taking the wrong exit though, and we were lost in the middle of nowhere for a bit (strike 3). I had to pull out the navigation on my phone and figure out where we were, and then we headed back.
So by the time I pulled back into the parking lot she left her car in, I wasn't expecting anything to happen due to the sheer amount of fuckups I had made up until this point. We kept chatting for a bit, and I didn't really feel a moment, so I just told her I should start heading back. There was an awkward pause, and then she just came really close to me and looked into my eyes, so I just went for the kiss. We started making out (keep in mind, I haven't so much as held hands with a girl prior to this), so I didn't really know what to do. I was just feeling her up and down, grabbing her ass, etc., essentially pinning her up against the car and pressing my body into hers at this point. I asked her if she wanted to hop in her car to "warm up a little more," to which she refused. I tried pushing a little further, kind of making a joke ("do you have cockroaches in there or something?"), and she just said, "something like that."
So at this point, I told her we could get a hotel or Airbnb, which she also shot down. Then it kinda died down from there, and we just kept chatting, holding hands, hugging, cuddling, etc. She then started telling me she knew nothing about me and that I've had walls up the entire time, and that she wants to be FRIENDS with benefits, emphasis on the friends, so she wanted to know what makes me tick and things like that.
This is the part that confuses me the most and leads to my question. I understand logistics-wise I should have been significantly more prepared, but to be honest, I wasn't expecting to get this far, so I didn't even bring condoms, let alone make arrangements for a room. But my question is: was I not "vulnerable" enough to make her feel safe enough to be intimate? I didn't want to trauma dump obviously, cause I feel like that's the quickest way to kill the vibe. Or was it purely cause of the logistics and not having a comfy place to go back to? I also got the feeling she wanted me to be completely in charge and lead the entire thing from start to finish in a smooth manner. She did double text me this morning so i think there's still some level of interest
Once again, thank you guys for your support, and in any case, this is a huge milestone for me. Things are only gonna get better from here.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 13h ago
You've kind of stumbled ass-backwards into something that's been talked about in TRP and MRP for over a decade, but a lot of men miss: never underestimate the power of shutting the fuck up! Let her build up the mystery in her head. As long as you appear comfortable and/or confident in silence, you're golden.
Agree & Amplify is easily the best go-to response to shit tests from women (and ball-busting from men).
Because you didn't make it happen.
It's rarely going to be as smooth as in the movies; you're usually better off just trying it.
Fuck yeah!
When you feel the impulse, it's best to go for it, even if it leads to rejection (less wasted time, next!).
Big step forward for you. Great. Keep it going!
I'll say. In another year or two, you'll be surprised how easy it really is, look back at your previous frustrations and struggles, and laugh at your younger self. I know I did, and still do.
Being vulnerable to a woman is guaranteed to kill attraction. I'll come back to this later if time allows. I want to finish this reply for now and get back to RL stuff. Just, at this stage of your development, don't ever do that (show vulnerability). I don't care what she says.
Certainly not. Ever. To anyone except maybe a preacher or a shrink or one of your parents.
It'll kill any chance of anything sexual, that's for sure.
You'll likely never know with 100% certainty why any one particular woman didn't fuck you at any one particular moment. She may have been on her period (which has never stopped me, but some women feel gross when on the rag and so abstain). She might want to get to know you a bit more. She might not have been quite attracted to you enough for a first night lay, but attracted enough to see you again. Don't overthink it or dwell on it too much. Just try again if you see her again, as well as with other women.
Good! Beware of becoming her pen-pal; stick primarily to logistics, and try to stick somewhat close to the Golden Ratio (roughly 2 from you for every 3 from her (don't get spergy about it though)).
Good shit, and congrats on the breakthrough.
joyboy 13h ago
Thank you for the reply and support my man. I wasn't really thinking consciously about agree/amplify / mystery or any of those techniques at the time so I think I must have internalized it at some point just from reading about it or seeing it repeated over and over.
I should've included this in the original post but from what I can tell she came DTF, she told me she shaved and brought a change of clothes as well. In terms of attraction, we had snapchatted a couple pics back n forth so she had recent pics of my body/face, only thing she couldn't tell was my height which I had omitted from my profile (we were eye level while i was wearing my motorcycle boots so she must've been slightly taller than me barefoot lmao). And from the way she was letting me have my way with touching her and everything i don't think it was an attraction issue, which is what leads me to believe it was between the rapport/logistics, but yea you're right that there could've been any reason
I gave her a tidbit of vulnerability by telling her some random bullshit, I told her that she reminded me of someone I had feelings for which is why i was being more quiet (completely made up by the way) but that's literally it and only because she kept pressing me about it
SeasonedRP 2 13h ago
OP, heed this advice and I'm confident next time will go even better. She sounds quite interested to me.
No-Stress-Cat 2 13h ago
You stumbled but kept going anyway. In the end, you destroyed the villain, saved the world, and got the girl. Well done, Young Jedi.
joyboy 13h ago
This is awesome haha thank you bro I'm in such a good mood right now