How do you calibrate how much guidance you give an LTR when it comes to boundaries?
Answer: I'm torn between saying as the man it is your responsibility if/when she is about to cross a line by reminding her of said boundaries while simultaneously holding head space for the idea you should let her act out her wishes and react accordingly.
I can go further on the second line of thinking by saying eventually her true nature will win out when one of these times, you aren't there to give her a gentle reminder.
mattyanon Admin 12h ago
You're dating a whore.
Just admit it.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 11h ago
If she's not respecting simple and reasonable instruction and acting like a free woman despite being in a relationship then you already know why she's doing it
She doesn't need to be reminded of your boundaries she just doesn't care about them
If she seriously cared about making you happy she would be bending over backwards to honor your boundaries and wouldn't think of they are much of a sacrifice to have and keep you
@Mattyanon is more than likely correct
Kloi 9h ago
They're all whores.
Think more along the lines of she's been told repeatedly not to toss my dailies in the pantry while tidying up my kitchen.
On the one hand, she's cleaning the house. On the other hand, quit putting my fucking creatine in the cupboard.
Your points sill stands, it's my house, it's a simple request she constantly opts to ignore.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 9h ago
Then why commit to them? Do you hear yourself?
I find if your requests go against their hard ingrained habits it is not unreasonable or unusual for them to take some reminders.
I have had girls ignore stuff especially contamination OCD stuff and although they didn't care it took a while for them to catch on cause my requests were not unreasonable (don't touch dirty things then touch me) but it took time for them to adapt
However, I find the ones that are super slow to adapt genuinely don't care. And when it comes to something bigger they will cross you with the same lack of concern as small matters they don't listen to
brazilianxof 9h ago
Wait what? Those are your "crossed boundaries"?
My god...You belong to Fresh and Fit
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 8h ago
I agree. This is nothing.
This isn't girls' night out. This isn't staying in touch with exes.
FFS, @Kloi, get some perspective.
brazilianxof 10h ago
I think you let your dislikes clear. If she do again, you say overtly, and watch for her reaction, so you'll know if it'll stop or if she don't care. Then you make your decision (stay or leave).
I don't think you should try to convince/guide. Mostly she'll end up pissed and pointing fingers.
Also, once i heard, "let her be as free and loose as she want, so you'll see who she is"
First-light 2 3h ago
If the boundaries in question are the ones you are saying -where she puts stuff when tidying your house- then beware of micro management.
Who do you want to be -the guy who is nit picky and anal about stuff, who is never grateful for a clean and tidy house but critical?
Women always manage the domestic space. They like nesting. If you are difficult about this then you are at risk of being a difficult guy and that spoils her fun. If her fun is something useful to you, then its best not to spoil it.
I do appreciate that there have to be limits. They can't just re-paint rooms, throw out things they don't like or remove trophies and pictures you like and put them in a closet without your say so but it comes down to delegation versus micro management. If she has taken on the management of the domestic environment, I would let her do it her way, otherwise she does not have a stake in things. That makes her just an unpaid servant and that may make the role a lot less attractive. Its the difference between "I am making our space pretty" and "I am tidying the boss' house and he is never satisfied"
But you can take the creatine back out of the cupboard and say "Thanks for tidying it but actually I put it here because its part of my morning routine and I can just reach and grab a spoon in passing"
Now of course, if you find you have a slightly OCD woman who really has a need to see everything put away to feel relaxed, she still may have a problem with things being "out" on surfaces. My lady is such. We have eventually settled on my having a pair of work boots and a pair of running shoes by the back door for convenience and putting all other footwear away. My creatine is out but its in the office, which is my space.
You have to try to talk this sort of thing through gently and be prepared to make some compromise because women tidy because they like it and it satisfies them not because its their duty (they really are not very good at duty or doing their bit as a concept in any area). In fact there is a parallel with sex here. If she likes it it happens a lot more often and a lot better than if its a duty.