This is a phenomenon that irked me ever since my first approach when I was 13. I approached this older girl at school after weeks of her giving IOIs (stares, smiling), I just walked up to her scared as fuck and awkwardly said hi and asked how are you. Got rejected in a harsh and embarrassing way, but just a few weeks later when I saw her again and she was giving me IOIs again, smiling at me.
Same thing happened again several times after that, in fact I struggle to remember a single time where something like this did not happen (I’m talking about girls I would see on a regular basis).
I‘m exceptionally goodlooking so maybe that changes the dynamic.
Why does this happen? What should I do about it?
Obviously if it was an unfriendly rejection I will just ignore, but say she rejected me in a more ambiguous way (has a boyfriend, or I already fucked her friend, or another dumb reason). Is it fair to treat this as an invitation to talk to her again? I am quite inhibited when it comes to approaching women, and my worry here is that it’s nothing more than a good way to try and get rejected a second time, boosting her ego and making me look desperate
Attempt to answer own Question: I would try to have a low stakes conversation first, then gauge interest based on that.
SeasonedRP 2 4h ago
Remember Charlie Brown, Lucy, and the football? Once you are rejected, be polite but otherwise cold and unengaging. Don't attempt to have conversations to gauge interest.
Musicgoon78 3 56m ago
????This is a question use a question mark.
Fix that problem
So here's the problem with IOIs. They are absolute bullshit. Some girls are just friendly. Some may smile and that doesn't mean that they want to sleep with you. It's called being social.
Let me break this down into more simple terms. If a girl says yes to going out with you, that's an indicator of interest. If she initiates a flirty sexual conversation. That's an indicator of interest. If she becomes your girlfriend, that's an indicator of interest. You can sit in imaginary land and and Miss can true vague signals as interest. The truth is you're just wasting your time and your energy on someone that could not give a shit.
First-light 2 27m ago
Girls like attention. Actually guys do too to a lesser extent.
Provided you did not creep her out, get butt hurt or look pained and needy when she rejected you, she has no problem having you as an orbiter. Not an inner orbiter who might get to bang in the absence of Chad or a high value beta but you are welcome to an introductory level membership of her outer orbit where you can bask in her glory and add to it with your devotion.
Spin it round the other way. A nice girl that you don't want to get involved with just made advances to you but you said no -maybe because she is ugly, maybe autistic, maybe too needy. maybe she is dating your friend. Anyway provided it didn't go badly, you will feel a bit sorry for her, you will want her to know you didn't dislike her personally and you won't actually mind the idea that she wants your dick, so long as she isn't getting stalkery why would you not acknowledge her? Why would you not be friendly? If you were a bit selfish you might even just give her the odd breadcrumb of interest, just to keep seeing that look in her eye. Even though you don't want her, it still turns you on to feel wanted right? Now multiply that pleasure in being desired by 10 and you have a woman.