I initially posted the beginning of this here. This is the Update on how things have gone.
BACKGROUND - (for new readers) Decided to hit things with a colleague. Before I approached her properly, she had already shown what I interpreted as signs of interest. She would sometimes initiate conversations with me, ask random questions that didn't seem necessary, act somewhat shy or nervous around me, and one of our colleagues later told me she had asked about me before. She once asked me directly if I was a particular Ambrose she had been hearing about.
One day, I saw her in the staff room preparing her lesson notes. After she greeted me, I asked what week she was on. She said Week 2. The school was already in Week 4, so I jokingly called her "Lazy Teacher." She laughed and seemed amused by it.
Later that day after school, while she was heading home, I stopped her and told her I wanted us to talk. I asked for her number. She asked if I was the Ambrose she had heard about and asked what name she should save me as. I told her she would find out when I texted her. She gave me her number.
Later at night, I teased her with "Lazy Teacher" on Whatsapp as opening msg.
The next morning around 9 AM, she replied:
Her: "Hiiii"
We chatted a bit (few teases from me) and At some point, I asked about her schedule after school the following Monday.
After that, she disappeared for several days. During that period I assumed she might not be interested anymore.
A few days later she replied and apologized for the delay. She explained that she had low blood pressure and had not been feeling well.
I told her: "Sorry about that, don't get lazy with your medications "
She laughed and said:
"No medications for low bp"
Me: ohh...
Her: "Ehh, but I'll be fine"
I reacted with a heart reaction.
A few days later I messaged:
"So u survived ????"
She replied:
"Hii"
"Yes ????"
"Sorry I didn't stay long enough to say hi when I came to school"
I replied:
"It's fine"
Then I asked:
"Are u free Saturday or Sunday evening?"
She replied:
"To come to school"
I replied:
"Noo :) Let's go somewhere Saturday or Sunday evening. Which one works for u"
She replied:
"Somewhere in town?"
I replied:
"Yh"
She then said:
"Where's that then?"
"I don't really go out here."
"Mostly go out alone."
I replied:
"Then, I'll hv to shw u arnd. Is swimming fine with u? Hope u aren't scared of water"
She replied:
"I don't swim."
"I love water but I don't swim"
We continued joking. I suggested we could simply get something to eat and take a walk instead.
She said:
"That doesn't sound bad."
Then she asked:
"Are you coming to the town (The area we were to meet - it's far from school) for something else too?"
I replied:
"No."
After that the conversation paused.
Two days later I messaged:
"Hey, so which day works for you"
She didn't reply immediately.
Later she replied:
"Have you guys arrived at the camp? I'll talk to you there" (We had a camping function that day) .
We met physically at camp and spoke in person. During that conversation, she herself brought up the topic of us going out. I suggested Saturday around 5 PM. Initially she seemed reluctant and mentioned work obligations, but after discussing it, we tentatively agreed on Saturday.
The next morning she sent me this message:
"There's something else I wanted to say, I don't know why you'd want us to hang out tho but I'm in a relationship and I'm conflicted about you taking me out and spending your money"
I replied:
"I understand okay. No pressure. Since u aren't comfortable wit de idea for obvious reasons, we can call it Off. No problem at all"
She replied:
"Thank you for understanding"
I reacted with a thumbs-up reaction and that is where things currently stand.
My questions are:
Were her earlier behaviors genuine signs of attraction or just friendliness?
Why do you think she agreed to the outing discussions if she already had a boyfriend?
Does her "I'm conflicted" message suggest attraction plus guilt, or was she simply trying to let me down gently?
What would you do going forward, considering we still see each other at work/school?
@Mrsupreme @Typo-MAGAshiv @GeorgeIII @Vermillion-Rx
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Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
I'm going to give you the answers you need rather than the answers you asked for.
1) you are way too hung up on this one particular woman. Oneitis is bad, even if it's for your wife of several years. Oneitis is even worse when it's for a woman you haven't even fucked.
2) you'll almost never know why any one particular woman won't fuck you. They rarely know themselves, and they're rarely honest about it even when they do know.
3) it doesn't matter why any one particular woman won't fuck you. Escalate towards sex. If she rejects you, next.
4) you can be Chad and still experience a 70%+ rejection rate. Getting mostly rejections is just the male experience.
none of this stuff is about how to get any one particular woman. It's about becoming a more fuckable man to increase your odds with all women.
And more, but that's the gist at the start.
kawzero Should i (x1) 1d ago
Thanks for the advice bro. You're right. A part of me gets attached easily, to girls I'm trying to Hook with. I haven't totally killed that "Oneitis" spirit.
Any tips on how?
Is it just getting more options?
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
Have you read the sidebar? Mainly the first year of the Rational Male?
kawzero Should i (x1) 14h ago
No, Will do that right now.
kawzero Should i (x1) 14h ago
Just checked the Ask TRP side bar, but didn't see any topic named "First year of the Rational male"
Is it a different side bar?
mattyanon Admin 5d ago
Oh god, so much wrong here.
You tried way too hard. You invite, and if she doesn't jump at it, you back off.... maybe try once more...... after that.... NOPE. You come across as way too persistent.
You made it clear you were paying somehow. That's always a bad plan. Providership triggers LMR.
She's a fucking COLLEAGUE.
Not relevant.
Several factors. I'm not sure she agreed to the discussions.... girls are in a tricky position here, because they aren't sure if you're being "just sociable" or asking them out on a date.
Hard to know.
What you hope: she's attracted and considering cheating. Maybe.
What it might be: Conflicted because she's thinking about using you for money and attention and ego. Maybe/
You don't know, and you're chasing the wrong thing here. You are chasing ego defence and clarity. Sorry but the world doesn't work that way. Not for men.
Almost certainly she's somewhat interested/attracted, but she's a colleague with a boyfriend, so IT DOESNT MATTER.
Be friendly. It's fine. Other than that - totally give up and walk away from this one.
Fundamental problem: lack of better options. Fix that.
throwaway49395295 3d ago
Well said. Can you expand on this? What is a simple rule of thumb for dealing with uncertainty or lack of clear interest from a girl? (I think I already vaguely know the answer, but I struggle to verbalize it)
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
Generally, anything other than a "hell yes" is a "no".
Don't verbalize this to them; just act accordingly.
kawzero Should i (x1) 1d ago
Alright bro. Noted
kawzero Should i (x1) 5d ago
Thanks for the advice bro. Always enjoy your takes.
The last line is very true. I need more options.
Thanks for your encouragement.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 6d ago
Next time, in the future, if a girl is taking forever to show interest or meet up then there is a reason
And besides, waiting on a woman like this tells her you don't have anything better to do anyway
kawzero Should i (x1) 6d ago
Vermillion, I always enjoy ur takes. But don't u think she was initially attracted? Cuz she was always shy and curious around me.
Maybe she's lying, but it felt she was being genuine. Maybe her conscience kicked in. Moreover she has heard abt me frm other ladies admiring and saying how much they want to get with me.
I'm sure she enjoyed the validation too, anyway.
Although I'm happy I didn't Simp, I always try to avoid it.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
I never said she wasn't attracted. She wouldn't have had guilt if she wasn't.
Besides the point. If a woman is taking forever to even agree to plans and it's a pain there is a reason why. Even if she's attracted there is reason why.
Secondly, I have been with a cheater or two before (the first one i didnt let fuck me all the way) and I've turned down many more women who tried their luck on me while they had a man and I declined.
It's not worth the hassle, even when they make it easy. I wouldn't wish the drama upon anyone. At least this woman had the dignity to not act on any further although I'm sure she would have if she had been ovulating or more interested/better game.
Still, my points stand. It's just really not worth the hassle.
On a similar note, I used to make out with one chick a lot but she never let me make plans with her so I never banged her and I moved on. She's been trying to ask me on dates but not surprisingly is unavailable and she's not making it easy to make any more moves but keeps flirting with me/getting jealous of women I talk to
We allegedly have plans but I don't give a fuck about them because I don't think they will happen. Last night she tried even harder and I think she was ovulating lmao. I already had plans and went back to some other Chicks' place but it was funny watching her try so hard last night and running shit girl game on me
Why am I not trying harder with a woman so obviously interested in me? Because she's making it too difficult. I don't give a fuck about trying with women making it too hard. The more I've gotten to know her the more I realize she's trying to have me all to herself or some bullshit before she gives me anything and I don't do that
Point is, she's making it too hard, there is a reason for it, and I don't even need to know what the reason is because I know she's interested and yet I don't give a shit because I know it has nothing to do with me. It's just too much hassle
You should think the same way about women
kawzero Should i (x1) 5d ago
Fully understood bro. Thanks for the advice..
Was actually thinking to try and game her, so we can fuck. But like u said it ain't worth the hassle.
I will next her and get better options.
Another thing I want to ask: Do you suggest I always ask their Relationship status b4 proposing dates next time?
I always enjoy ur takes.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
I don't ask them unless I see them interact with some guy a particular way and then I'll subtly ask "I didn't interrupt anything did I?" Or if I see like a dude on her screensaver etc., I'll ask if that's her guy or whatever.
If I don't see anything that looks like a dude in the picture I just assume every woman is single unless I notice otherwise.
I always assume women are – at the minimum – fucking another dude so I never get disappointed and if they don't eagerly meet up or make it hard to see them I just assume they are taken and don't ask and don't care. I don't have time to give a shit about women are taking their dear sweet time to meet up with me
I thank you
kawzero Should i (x1) 5d ago
Alright man. Appreciate the advice.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 4d ago
No problem
GeorgeIII 1 6d ago
You got baited/rejected. It’s ok man.
Now get ready for a text wall.
What you should do: stick to just being what you 2 were before the flirting started. So just colleagues.
Being warmer than that will make you look desperate and turn you into an orbiter. Being colder will make you look butthurt.
———
As for what happened, we can’t really tell from our screens. A few possibilities, and more than one may apply.
1: She was just having fun with you, getting attention and feeling like she is desired. She wanted validation, and she got it. With no intent of ever getting sexual with you.
2: She was down to cheat, or at least she was attracted to you. But for whatever reason, she changed her mind. Could be she got dry panties from you. Maybe she just changed her mind/feelings. Or maybe her BF gamed her and she fell back in love with him. Maybe her menstrual cycle.
3: She doesn’t have a BF. It was a lie to make you go away and reject you softly.
Whatever it is, what you should do doesn’t really change. That is, go back to being polite colleagues, no flirting, no butthurt.
———
And really, your entire text convo kinda says it all. A long text convo leading to a hard-to-arrange date basically is a RIP for your chances.
It’s really difficult to get girls aroused through text alone. You can’t fuck a girl through text, but you can definitely make her not want to fuck you with text.
Girls who really want to go out with you don’t make it that hard to meet either.
And the fact that you pasted the entire text convo here and are focused on it says that you have no options. A guy who is really busy, whether it’s fucking or something else, doesn’t have time for that, certainly not with a girl he has no investment in. Which she can read too. This is why people play games like not answering for a few hours.
But it’s ok man. Internalize what worked. And remove what didn’t. You’ll get ‘em next time.
kawzero Should i (x1) 6d ago
Thanks for ur Advice bro. It's always hard to accurately decode why these chicks do certain things. But
Overall, I'm happy I didn't simp. Although she really seemed interested, even from our physical encounters, she always felt nervous and curious around me. Moreover she has heard abt me frm other ladies admiring and saying how much they want to get with me.
I'm sure she enjoyed the validation too, anyway.
But, it is what it is. Onto the next.
First-light 2 6d ago
Reading the transcripts, I don't see any reason why she is lying. I think she was probably genuinely conflicted. How much? That I can't say.
Remember she knew she had a boyfriend from the get go. It was only new to you. She was slow to respond but she did respond and she didn't brush you off to start. She agreed to the date quite fast, then had second thoughts. She agreed knowing she had a boyfriend. So I think she probably did feel a degree of attraction.
Beyond that its all conjecture. You can't see her side. Had she quarrelled with him at first, them made up? Did she realise from talking to you that she was not as attracted as she thought? Did she stop and think "This is not the girl I want to be" (women are not often that moral but they can be). Was she just giving you fair warning but still prepared to go ahead if you were keen enough?
We don't know. All in all I think you did OK. I like the way you let it all drop without sounding at all hurt. If there is anything I would change it would be not to be so clearly teasing. When they are well into you, you can tease and they will be submissive and love it but when the magic has yet to start, its like gears that are not quite meshing and looks like clumsy game.
Keep smiling at her, keep friendly and upbeat not go quiet and hide your hurt. Don't remotely chase but be friendly. Perhaps send her a text from time to time and ask after her health. The odds are slight but if he drops her or she gets bored and lonely, you never know... It costs nothing. I once had a very heated love affair with a woman that it started very slowly with, who blew hot and cold to start, who was slow to reply, who then told me she was conflicted and confused. She had a sugar daddy but she came to think that sugar daddies don't hit the boyfriend spot. It took months for the tension to finally snap and we banged liked rabbits (Note: I later came to see that sluts with sugar daddies should never be more than conveniences to relieve yourself in).
kawzero Should i (x1) 5d ago
Thanks for ur Advice bro.
Overall, I'm happy I didn't simp like u said, and handled things very mature.
But, it is what it is. Onto the next.
I'm sure she was also interested like u said.