This situation reminds me of a friend here. Essentially, when he was married, he wanted to start his own Private Detective (PI) business. At the time, he was a cop, so this makes sense. But the wife was against it. In the end they divorced.

Let’s say you want to start a business, doesn’t matter what kind. The business will take a lot of your savings to get going, and something like 80% of businesses fail within 5 years. But it could be a huge payoff, making more money, focusing on your mission, and being your own boss. High risk, high reward. Fair enough.

The issue here is that from your GFs POV, she sees that 80% risk as a threat to her provision. She eventually wants to get married with kids, and your current job and savings are going to be part of that. So starting this business is a threat to her married life future. When she keeps you on the “conventional path”, she is keeping her own security and dream in tact, at the cost of your own desires and dreams.

The sad irony of this is that if your business really does succeed, you will be much more attractive, both to her and other women. But again, you being more attractive to other women is a threat to her married life dream.

What’s the takeaway? That you can’t really trust women to be supportive of your dreams. Note that this is because your desires and hers are in conflict, not because of ideology. That’s why it’s usually easier to build your own life and empire first, and then introduce a woman to it.

OP, you may want to consider separating from her. It’s not personal, as you haven’t written about any red flags or other problems. It’s just that she won’t be supportive of your goals unless they clearly help her goals. She is already sabotaging you a little by discouraging you, and it could get worse if you really pursue your own desires. It’s also a frame loss if you give up your goals for her.

The life you want, and the life she wants. Do they align? This is really important if you want the relationship to thrive long term. Not clarifying this risks you losing more frame to her, which will end the relationship AND your personal goals both.

Hi Jadon, I think you have correctly outlined the problem and its not easy to resolve.

Women support men because men get women where they want to go in life. Their idea of submissive or supportive is "I am a happy passenger because you take me where I want to go. If it looks like you are taking wrong turns, then supporting you will be to advise you to a better course (backseat drive your life)."

Its hard to get around because you don't want a yes woman who is either too dumb or too weak to tell you if she thinks you are wrong (that is a sub standard mate, recreational only sort of thing) but you also need to take the lead in your own life and your eventual family's future. Some women get it, others just won't. It can't be plain sailing unless your aims align very well and that is highly unlikely over the course of a life together.

If she can't come to see that you are in charge of your life now, she almost certainly won't when she has a baby on her hip and a toddler pulling her skirts and you are her main source of agency in the world. Its a lot worse now feminism leads women to expect to have more agency than they realistically can in most cases if they fulfil their role as mothers but it has always been a problem to some extent. A woman does not naturally have as much agency in life as you, so to an extent you are her agency.

You do have at some point to set out where you are going and claim your right to go there. You are the captain and she is the passenger. As a minimum you need to give her security and some comfort -because that is what passengers expect of captains but in the end you point your ship where you are going and she takes a passage with you or not.

I do not recommend spelling it out like that! But you do have to say "this is where I am going if I am true to myself and I will go in that direction". You will compromise a bit on the way but not past being true to yourself. She needs to grasp that and you would do well to try to sell the vision of your leadership not just sell your leadership.

Talk frequently and positively about your vision when you are not being pushed by her, when you are talking about life in general. Then its no surprise and trying to steer you from it is not kind or fair. This is not fool proof. Sometimes women just don't align with men and there is either a break up or constant disharmony but it gives a better chance.

I am going to disagree with GeorgeIII here. Based solely on the information you have provided in this one post, DO NOT default to breaking up with this woman. Relationships tend to work best when the man is the captain and the woman acts as first officer. She is your most trusted advisor and her word has heavy weight and is heavily considered, but ultimately, you have veto power and final say. It's hard to give more prescriptive advice without more information than what is in your post, so I will recommend you read this article by MRP poster jacktenofhearts:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2yrxtp/the_three_dysfunctional_captains_and_first/

Any of these sound familiar? It's hard to tell which one you lean toward based on the information provided in your post. You guys haven't been together that long and these are referring to more end game levels of damaged relationships, but they started somewhere.

But I miss feeling like my life is actually mine.

One thing to keep in mind is that women are more risk averse than men inherently, and she individually may be a very risk averse person, but the end of the day, the person that has to live with your career choices is you. What are the chances of you guys being together in another year? Five years? Ten years? You have to live with your career choices your whole life. That is why these choices MUST be ultimately up to you. Letting her make these decisions is a decision in itself. You are operating in her frame and the statement I highlighted shows that clear as day. If you are attempting to make stupid career decisions and you are not self aware of that, then she is a godsend for correcting course and is doing you a favor. Men tend to be bad about coming up with hair brained business ideas and betting it all on those ideas.

However, if she is wrong and she is hampering your long term success, then it will be your fault ultimately because you let her do it. You need to be assertive with your woman. I would recommend you read When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith, a long time red pill sidebar staple. Deep down, every single woman I have talked to about this in my life, even the fem boss The Captain and Her Husband types want to be able to totally relax and trust that their man has it under control and that they don't have to worry about anything. Women want to be able to relax in the car while the man drives, have the man plan the every part of a trip so they can relax, trust that their man will defend them and take care of things if something goes down and every woman I have talked to about this has echoed this sentiment passionately. But DO NOT read what I am typing and go on autistic diatribes to your woman or anything overt and uncalibrated like that. Simply tell her "you have very valid and logical points, but I am doing what I feel is the best for us for our future", or alternatively, if you guys aren't like that, tell her "you have very valid and logical points, but I am doing what I feel is best for my future", in addition to fogging, negative inquiry, negative assertion, broken record.

As long as you are making logical intelligent decisions, you will most likely prove to her that you are competent when your decisions work out well, and she will grow to trust your decision making. I know the prospect of having these conversations with the big bad woman is scary but you need to grow a ballsack between your legs and get used to talking about the important shit with her to the extent of their logical utility and make a decision using your judgement with her perspective accounted for.