Hey guys. I fumbled a woman so hard and this has kept me wondering how to win her back. I don't need to do this, of course, but I want to try to do it to see what happens.
She is the kind of woman that is independent, has lots of friends and constantly hangs out with them, gives the impression that she doesn't chase, and defintely likes men who are secure about themselves, not clingy or insecure men. I have noticed she also does a ton of shit tests, questioning things I say, for example, to see if I own up to my ideas or if I try to justify them with desperation, if I go into discussions I didnt even wanna go into in the first place.
I started our interactions with a great frame, being secure, independent, not giving too much information, not being needy in any way. We went out on some dates, she slept at my place 3 or 4 times, but I began to like her too much and began to act desperately. As she was NOT head over heels for me after maybe 4 weeks going out, I started to become fearful I would lose her. I stopped being that guy that is self confident, doesn't fear rejection, does not chase, has other choices, exactly the thing that this woman seem to like. I started to act needy, she noticed it, i folded when she questioned me with shit tests. I made the mistake of trying to have a conversation with her on where we were standing, and then her interest started to fade - I felt I sounded insecure when asking about her intentions, and mentioned I was more interested in her than in any other girls. Big mistake. Last time she slept at my place 2 weeks ago was terrible, she just went to sleep after some 2 hours together and she left first thing in the morning. Now shes been ghosting me since then.
I want to fix all of this, but i dont know how. if she already has this vision that I am weak and insecure, don't have other choices (I actually do, but made the mistake of telling her she was the only girl I was really interested in) it should be very hard to change it. But i want to give it a shot. I am thinking of letting 1 or 2 weeks go by and then just send her a text saying something like "Hey, i know i was off last time we met, had my mind elsewhere. lets fix that? X place, 8pm, this Saturday, you in?" Honestly I cant think of anything else that would sound better. What do you guys think? If this doesnt work then its obviously over and Im just going to move on.
edit: added some more detail
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3d ago Stickied
Did you even fuck her? Nowhere in your post do you even mention that
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 2d ago
My guess is no, and that she's his oneitis CRUSH
Edit - apparently he actually did. His OP was unclear, but his reply to himself talked about great sex.
Musicgoon78 3 3d ago
I was going to ask this. You beat me to it.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3d ago
I'm surprised no one did
I'm surprised guys even leave out this most important detail
I always assume they either didn't fuck or OP is too sexually insecure to say it which also explains why the girl fell through
Lone_Ranger 3 2d ago
The answer is always this: outcome independence.
You need to care less. Focus on finding a way to not give a fuck.
There are countless millions of chicks in this world, and they are interchangable. The great thing about being a man is that about 50% of women are fuckable. The thing that sucks about being a woman is that only about 5% of men are fuckable.
Just count your blessing every day that you were born a man.
gargantuanchallenger 3d ago
I think the best answer I can give to my own post is that message I want to send, and honestly I have no way of knowing exactly the way she views me right now, so maybe im overthinking a little. The only info I have is that she was interested when I actually respected myself, and lost that interest when I started acting like a total pussy and gave in to all her shit tests. Hopefully she is confused (prone to change/accept my invitation) because we had great chemistry in the start, great sex, and I am generally attractive.
superhitops 3d ago
There is no "red pill approach" to a man's behavior. Redpill is taken by man, but it is not about man.
The redpill is a realistic, pragmatic, logical, objective evaluation of woman, that also ends in acceptance of what they are.
The irony is that while the redpill itself is centered around woman, the whole idea is to free you from centering around woman. The idea is you come here, learn and find a good way to live your life.
That all said, AWALT but NAWALT. Woman share traits, but even with herd mentality they are not copy of each other. What works with one may not work on others, so there is no universal approach.
Bozza 2 3d ago
This is the great part: you don't. You go and find other women to fuck instead.
This post REEKS of scarcity mentality and neediness, no wonder you broke frame.
Kloi 3d ago
And the wild part is, this and only this has the ever so slightest chance of repeeking her interest in you. More so than any romantic gesture or pursuit would ever do.
Jocbro 3d ago
Move on - dont text her unless she texts you, which she probably wont. if youre lucky she will reach back out but once you act needy once it is generally over
MrSupreme 3d ago
Just let it go if you messed up and she lost all that interest after only a few weeks. Since I'm used to not giving a fuck after they lose interest, not caring helps throw some different kind of game which may or may not work. Probably won't work but it can be a good excecise in IDGAF attitude. Instead of ghosting just leave some atomic line, it is fun and helps you remain warm for the next girl, if you're having struggles there-
Musicgoon78 3 3d ago
Look bro, you're so busy trying to be perfect that you completely fucked up.
When I read stuff like this there are some obvious tells, you are so busy using red pill terms and trying to be perfect that you are guaranteed to completely blow it.
If you're afraid to lose her, you've lost. It sounds counter intuitive, but the less you give a shit about losing her, the more she will worry about losing you.
Simping hard and letting her know that you have no options will dry her up.
You have to move on from this oneitis. You aren't going to save it. You simply look needy and weak.
No-Stress-Cat 3d ago
A man's frame is like a glass vase. A woman looks at it and says, "Hey, that's a nice vase." Once that vase hits the floor and shatters, all that's left is a bunch of shards. Sure, you could glue it all back together to make the vase whole again, but the woman will never look at it the same. "It still looks like a vase, but it's really just a bunch of pieces all glued together."
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 3d ago
Your investment in her got way out of proportion to hers in you. This is the young man's dilemma. Due to supermarket cheap eggs expensive dynamic, dating gets experienced by young women as a seller's market. You being in the buying side of the equation, the winning strategy is to move on to another prospect when one fails to pan out. Classic RP shorthand for thi: GFTOW, for Go Fuck Ten Other Women. ????
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 3d ago
She doesn't want you. Move on.