Been seeing a girl for a few months. In the beginning she always asked me to hangout and asked me what I was looking for. I said open to dating when it works out and she said perfect. I did like her a lot but I was toxic. Fast forward a few weeks later got caught with other girls so we stopped talking. She reaches back out a few weeks later after I apologized, and have been showing her I changed recently which she likes. To the point where I am not talking to any other girls and show her my phone to build trust as she said she couldn’t trust me before and I never communicated anything to her. Even removed old girls for her that I don’t care about. I am interested in a potential LTR but she does not trust me. And I don’t want to talk to anyone else at the moment and just stick to my word to her. However I saw on her phone a few weeks ago when she opened in front of me she was snap chatting other people. I didn’t say anything at the time because we aren’t dating and just started talking, and we were hooking up that night anyways, but now its bothering me as its a double standard and i feel like im being played or window shopped. However we hang out like 3 times a week, and act like a couple (her saying stay with me, saying dont get with others, ill ruin you if you do *as a joke, baby talk) and we bond super well.
Its about 50/50 between us now for initiating plans, and a few times she delayed our plans which made me tell her its not okay once we set a time. Ex, she was getting dinner with her girl friends one night and said she’d be 2 hours late. I eventually let it go and said my bad for overreacting and getting you worried, she was worried that I was mad at her. She calls and texts all the time and wants to see me and gets upset if I can’t see her that day due to work or something etc. Her recently saying she has issues of commitment that she is trying to work on has got me confused, because she reached back out to me when we stopped talking (just a 2 week period). Maybe its because she saw me with other girls and wants to trust me first? If i ask her to commit, im probably getting shut down due to pushing it too soon. And I feel like she has all the perks of dating me without a label? But she’s planning events for our future long term and wants me to meet her family so im confused and its bothering me. Bringing up the snapchat thing will make me insecure and im thinking to just play it cool and have a good time until if she brings up the talk but does she even have a reason to as i said because she has all the dating perks. Im on vacation now with opportunities for girls, which i dont want now unless im truly single, but if i wait this out only to get played it will be a waste of both our times. Also she has no sexual experience in the past, so we’re waiting , but she gets upset thinking about the all the people ive been with before.
Should I play it cool and have fun, or send a message “ We’re gonna go out tn with some friends so i wont be able to call. but I know that before we stopped talking when you saw I was with the other girls in that photo that really hurt you, and so I feel really awful about that and don’t want you to be worrying when im out and I don't want you to feel hurt. I want us to be on the same page about where we are, and what kind of behavior we expect of each other”
Testme 4w ago
Don't "hang out" with girls. That is not dominant behavior.
Do not show your phone to a girl. That whole interaction was really beta.
When it comes to other girls, never be apologetic. In fact, never be apologetic for any reason, it's weak and puts you in a subordinate position.
Your policy should be to NEVER talk about ex's or other girls that you might have contact with. You have obviously broken that cardinal rule. Just invite her to your events and she can decide whether to come or not, up to her.
It sounds like you are having "meta" conversations with her. Do not talk in an analytical way about your "relationship" or offer opinions about things that have happened--it's anti-seductive.
Overall, you are kind of in the beta bitch role here and obviously that needs to be changing long before "meeting her family". You should be reading more RP so you understand the difference between the dominant and subordinate role in a relationship and how to do things so that you are the leader, not her.
whytehorse2021 1mo ago
Just put her into the friend-zone until you're ready to settle down with one woman for the rest of your life. If she truly is a virgin that's a green flag. If she can control her sexuality/hypergamy that's another green flag. If she's smart enough to not get played that's another green flag. However, it's unreasonable of her to expect you two to be exclusive when she isn't taking care of your sexual needs.
So just tell her something like this: "I respect that you are saving yourself for marriage and I would like for us to move in that direction but it takes about 2 years for me to really get to know a woman well enough to make that decision. That being said, I have needs that can be satisfied in the meantime by other women casually. I know you wish for me to be exclusive sexually but we're not having sex so there's no point. We should just continue to date and get to know each other until such a time as we both decide to get married. " Then just see her a couple hours a week and fuck other women.
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whytehorse2021 1mo ago
Well then she's forcing you to either break up or be in a sexless relationship. Your choice.
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MrSupreme 1mo ago
I've found that getting caught cheating hurts them so deep,they may never forget it. I think she's kinda toying you around with the trust thing. It works out for you if you didn't establish cheating as a boundary before you cheated. If that's the case it was fair play to cheat (both ways). Should you want a LTR with her then make sure to establish boundaries, verbally
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Hondurak 1mo ago
This is so fucking true. As a young redpiller I thought girls always went back to Toxic Chad who cheated on them. While true in some cases, its absolutely not true in the majority. Ive been on both ends (retained and lost girls) who found out there were other girls. I learned that basically, girls can get sex and tingles semi-easily in this modern dating world. Its much more valuable to have high value commitment. The moment you lose "boyfriend material" you just become another dick to them. You become replaceable.
At that point youre good for sex only. With no commitment upside. Theyll rather gamble on a new cock who MAY or MAY NOT give them commitment, but its worth the ride for them. With you, you have proven youre not boyfriend material so they may not go back.
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Hondurak 1mo ago
Yeah same thing happened to me... its why i know what im talking about haha. It also doesnt matter if youre not exclusive, you didnt do anything wrong - but it gives her enough information to assess you as not boyfriend material. Did you cheat? No. But would you make her feel secure in a LTR? Not likely.
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Hondurak 1mo ago
How did you guys stop talking? Was there a fall out or she just started ghosting you and fading away? Going through something similar. Fwb seemingly wanted a LTR with me and vice versa but shit went left when she found out there was another girl. We werent even exclusive. But she got mad and basically were not on talking terms. As far as I know we "broke up" even though it was a situationship type thing. I have a feeling she'll reach back out in the future because I didnt do anything wrong and there were feelings involved.
Anyways in your case it sounds like you have already given her exclusivity without the label. ITs a low-value move and she has more leverage and power. Unless you have her exclusivity too youre in a really bad position for attraction and respect. Sounds like shes keeping you as a back up or shes plating you.
One last thing, she's a virgin? So im assuming you have not fucked her? AND you gave her unspoken unlabeled exclusivity? You are fucking up my friend. I wouldnt even hang out with a girl more than 2-3 times if we havent fucked. Yet alone consider her for LTR and be exclusive and respond to her jealousy. I would literally be so confused and repulsed by her incongruency that I would literally drop her in the garbage bin on Tuesday mornign when the trash man comes around. Shes using you for validation and attention nothing else. Youre an orbiter, man.
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Okay i made up my mind about 5 sentences into the post and the rest of the post failed to change my opinion
You're completely in her frame. You're calling regular non-exclusive dating "toxic" and saying you got "caught" dating other girls. You didn't get "caught" you two weren't an item. She has no claim over you and was probably seeing other men too.
Don't bother getting I to a relationship with her. You already fucked up and also instead of earning your commitment she is shaming you, controlling you, and watering you down into a bf. She's not earning your commitment, she's just shaming you into compliance and you're an idiot but also desperate if you take that up.
This is a shit deal. She's not even hanging out with you as much, mostly because you're going from that tiger women love into a domesticated house cat with its tail between its legs.
This is a stupid fucking idea and you're doing this all wrong. Stop being ashamed of being a man and read No More Mister Nice Guy and also read HumanSockPuppet’s Guide to Managing Your Bitches
For the love of God don't commit to the wench
Reymond1020 1mo ago
Just keep having a good time with her and not say anything?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Yes. Recreational use only. Otherwise this will end up being a shit relationship.
And read my post on this too:
Green-Tinted Glasses™
Reymond1020 1mo ago
Thing is she is expecting comfort and trust before having sex. Cause she’s never done it and no one gave her that and she’s been waiting for the “right person”. Is there anything I can say/do to releverage the dynamic?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
It's been a few months and you haven't had sex yet?
Reymond1020 1mo ago
Nah cause she’s been waiting for the right guy she said so Just bjs which she never gave before. But she did say she worries that if we have sex ill treat her like all the other girls i did because ill be her first and its special for her
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Jesus Christ she's full of shit. Stop wasting time on her
READ THE SIDEBAR
Reymond1020 1mo ago
I have read it. Why is it so hard to believe what a girl would say? This was something she told me like second date. Ive had girls before be straight up with their n counts cause it was high
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Because she would fuck Chad if she was turned on enough.
She's watering you down into a beta
Reymond1020 1mo ago
I can say she viewed me like that early on and i tried and she’d say she’s not ready. Some just wait to be sure. I’m sure she’s talked to other chads before
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
She wouldn't wait for someone special if she were turned on enough
Reymond1020 1mo ago
So she wasn’t turned on by any of the guys she talked to before me and all the ones that hit on her? She told me she felt asexual before me but thought she was crazy for saying that.
She knows my exes, knows how hot they are and she likes that, she left the bar early to run back home to call me cause i was out all night
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
It doesn't matter what she said. It only matters what she does but rest assured a woman will fuck if she's horny enough
Reymond1020 1mo ago
She’s been so horny before dripping after blowing me and i ate her out which i love but when i tried to proceed she said not yet. Said she doesn’t want me to toss her like i did the other girls
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Again, you're being too naive.
She's not turned on enough for you then
She's playing games. She wouldn't play games for Chad, hate to break it to you
Reymond1020 1mo ago
Idk, i think some girls just genuinely wait. Like I’ve never waited for longer than 2 dates in my life for any of the +40 girls i been with. And this girl was into me super especially in the beginning, so not sure what i did to not make me a chad in the beginning
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
I don't know what to tell you. You are naive
Reymond1020 1mo ago
I have a buddy that waited 3 months with his virgin girl. Dude is a good guy but one of the biggest simps (insecure, arguing, too many compliments) and she is obsessed with him now and he’s kinda done with her and doesnt even get turned on by her yet she wants to marry him. Thats another example of what i mean
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Look dude. You're going to get surprised and blackpilled over it one day
She would fuck you if she was turned on enough. Your game or SMV is not high enough, hence why you are having to go the commitment and comfort and beta route
Reymond1020 1mo ago
How do i rec use a girl that doesnt put out then lol. I get rp theory and have done it all my life with results, but sometimes its just better to do the right things as a man and keep your word and see if she gets comfortable enough to do it. This girl has talked to multiple dudes but dumped them for not liking them enough. Her friends keep telling her that matter of fact im cheating on her because they dont believe id wait for sex. My smv is already high - the looks physique height money is there. My exes show it
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Dude you are hamstring to unreasonable levels.
You are not going to be able to rationalize the situation into a different reality
You can present yourself as a guy with good rapport who won't pump and dump her and keep your word and balance high sex appeal with comfort but you are not going to be able to say "but my friend xyz" this into another reality short of giving away all of your power just to have beta comfort sex
You can keep ramping up the desire while demonstrating consistency and rapport but she's already chipped away so much of your power which makes you fat less sexually desireable
Reymond1020 1mo ago
Ok, so how can i make sure i get my power back and sex appeal? For example, i made it known i will be too busy tonight to call because im going out and im less available. However at the same time i want to show i care for and comfort her. And i dont think its comforr sex, the chick comes over just to blow and please me
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
First of all stop acting like she's your girlfriend, keep seeing other chicks
Secondly, just keep assuring you won't ditch her
Either way don't commit, if it's not meant to happen it's not meant to happen
Don't be a chump and commit just for some puss
Reymond1020 1mo ago
Its not about the puss lol. I can get it anywhere anytime I have girls asking me to fuck and i turn down. I really like her and vibe well and laugh with her. She cooks cleans and is a feminine girl
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
And she's watering you down into a chump.
She'll never respect you for having given up your freedom
She'll meet a bad boy at some point and get tingles because he was the man you gave up being
Reymond1020 1mo ago
So why do guys in an LTR not get replaced when their girl meets a bad boy? Everyone in an LTR gets watered down
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
This is going so far down the rabbit hole an explanation would require a massive post
Reymond1020 1mo ago
Care to summarize ?