The Machiavellian strategy will likely not work on a 40 year old woman. I believe there’s zero chance she’ll abort since as everyone has mentioned, it’s her last chance. That’s why I’d spare myself the words and the effort since you’ll only introduce problems without a serious possibility that you’ll convince her. I guess she’ll either have the baby or her body will decide for her that she’s too old. Really unlucky circumstances, but could be worse.

This woman makes bank and wont be after me for money

Dear sweet lord what did I just read.

The post was going well until I read that bit. Holee-fuk. Dude, this is her golden ticket. Right about now (40) is when women realise that they actually hate the high-level job that they spent their entire lives fighting for. This is the way out.

You need to decide right now whether you want a marriage with her and the baby or not. From what you have written, it sounds like you do not (correct me if I am wrong).

If this is the case, and you don't want to marry her and raise the kid together, then for the love of god do the right thing and tell her that you and her will never be a couple, no marriage, no co-habitation, etc etc. You need to tell her that right now. Because at the moment, she will be harbouring the dream of happy ever after with you and the kid (regardless of whether she says that or not).

You also write

I’d want to partake in any kid of mines life as well.

It always starts that way, and then the woman sees that is what you want, so she will move heaven and earth to prevent you from getting it .

The more successful she was at her work, the more you are going to pay. Because the moment that kid comes out she will lose all interest in career etc. nature will take its course, the love that a woman feels is intense for a kid. NOTHING matters any more.

I'm actually SMDH that you think that there is 'nothing worry about money wise' because she is (was) a high earner. It's actually worse that she is (was) a high level job woman, because now she is going to make you replace her $25k a month salary with similar payments from you - women can never go backwards lifestyle wise. It would be much cheaper to have gotten a 21 year woman who works check out pregnant.

Can I ask you how old you are and how much you make per year?

Sorry to be hard on you man, but time is short and you need to work this out asap.

I would be of the opinion that there are no "machiavellian strategies ". You have very very few cards to play. The only one I can think of is brutal honesty.

You should let her know that you will NOT be forming a relationship and that you will NOT be playing any part in the kids life (even if you would). Tell her that you are in any case, leaving the country to do a round the world trip, write a book and become a hippie. Tell her your life goal was always to go and live in Tibet and sit on a rock meditating.

This is the kindest thing to do...because right now the hormones are driving her brain (even more than usual). I hate to say this, but here is how it most likely plays out from here;

Phase 1 she uses the power of hope & cope to convince herself that the 2 of you can be a good parenting duo and look after the kid. So... that's enough good reason to have the kid, right??? Anyway, she earns loads, so she can look after it. Right? SIW, right?

Phase 2 - she has the kid. No interest in work. Where it the father at? Why won't he do more? why is he interfereing in how I want to run my life? What does he know? He's not a mother!!! Kicks you out of the house. Why is he not paying 'the full amount'? She used to earn $25k a month, but now her expenses have gone up.... he is such a deadbeat!!!!

Phase 3 - the anger phase - he says he wants to see the kid...but he's not paying ...so no contact. Lets go to court.

This is how it rolls my friend. I am being harsh and blunt, but better you see this now, than the long slow torture that lies in store.

Better think about it now. And then think..what could I do NOW to stop her fantasy of an LTR / or happy co-parenting situation?

Pls get back to me about this.

The best decision I've ever made in my life was having kids. The worst was aborting them. Maybe the stars aligned in a good way. Children are little miracles when you think about it. I really regret not having more kids and starting earlier. I'll be 59 when my youngest becomes an adult.

That being said, it's not fair to a child to be born into resentment. I was a resented child(THANKS BOOMERS!). I would have rather been put up for adoption with a loving family that wanted me. Instead I got an absentee boss babe mother that got tired of playing house and yeeted her family to go "find herself". I was raised by babysitters and public school teachers.

So I guess my recommendation, for the sake of the child, is to either go the adoption route or live as husband and wife. The upshot of her age is that women live longer than men so you can die around the same time. The downshot is her SMV is going to tank hard and fast to the point she can't have any more kids in about 5-10 years. Maybe medicine will change that, maybe it won't.

Either way you two need to sit down and hash all this out, have some long, deep conversations. Think 20 years down the road. Maybe you can have a relationship like mine: monogamy for her and polygamy for me :).

Don't sweat it too much. Having kids is part of a normal life. Think carefully and only say things you are certain of and you are certain you can live with the consequences of. You could be dealing with her for the next 20 years.

A lot can happen in a few months and the hamster wheel can reverse several times. She might indeed miscarry or decide to abort.

Start thinking even now about how to protect yourself financially. She is rich now but 20 years is a long time.

Once you commit to something you are pretty much stuck with it or you are a dead beat dad. So, especially if you are uncertain if you want a child, I would be slow to commit but always friendly and supportive of her in conversation.

From the start lay out you are expecting the paternity test. If you get into "having a kid together" it may appear to a hormonal woman like a huge betrayal, especially if she has not messed about. Never trust women (they are better liars than you think), always get the test but just set it out kindly and simply from the start "I will find this a whole lot easier with a paternity test, then I can be 100% behind you".

Its easier to move closer than to move further away. Do not even think of shacking up with her. She will impact hard with the wall in motherhood even if she has not already. You will want to fuck other women.

How old are you?

Get the paternity test. You don't sound too sure of any options right now, it's ok to be stoic but this is a time to make choices, leave morality aside as this is the red pill. You're already a dad, you know what you're in for. Just maintain a great relationship with the mother to provide a great home for the kid to grow up in a great family. If you ask me,it might be the right time to stop having fun with this gal. Gotta find out what her expectations are for you two.

I'm truly at a loss on this one.

I do hope you'll reconsider killing the unborn child, but I can totally understand why that would seem like the solution.

This woman makes bank and wont be after me for money.

I wouldn't be too sure about that. Brace yourself.

risks of being pregnant at 40 and the consequences for her and the kid. For the kid not to have a father, for her to probably lose the chance to find a solid BB to be with, as her dating options shrivel; just to convince her to take the abortion.

wont that be harder to change her feelings about pregnancy rather her feelings about you and that you are not a Chad, and actually fake you are closer to bottom 20%. That would be not so good if she keeps child and you want to stay as some role model. Either way you trying to convince her to terminate, would have similar effect, making her feel about pregnancy and you being the source. You being connected with her outside of bedroom is getting all more complicated.

I'd say, give good advice about taking care of unborn, such as folic acid, good food, no alcohol etc. If you wish you could spin it though and say, she has to do everything to take care of herself considering high chances of UNKNOWN undetectable foetus defects. UNKNOWN undetectable defects - I estimate - are much more scary than miscarriage that are more predictable.

Another scary thing on the list would be threat to her life during labour.

Anyway if you encourage her to take care of herself, you can hardly loose:

• it will improve your chances of healthy spawn if she will keep
• you will build positive image, even if you scare the shit out of her being concerned with unpredictable defects of new-born [there is more than only down syndrome - this one can be detected]

My brother played his image down hard, when he impregnated some woman, he was in eventually more complicated situation as she was looking for easy life. She believed he is a bum, but he lives a frugal lifestyle.

risks of being pregnant at 40

This is probably her last chance.

might work both ways, reminding her it is last chance to get that done - especially if she was thinking about it already - and the chances are she was. Would that validate her feelings?

this strikes me as a fucking unlucky circumstance.

I think it is about 1% if I remember right. Slip of the condom? Sperm jack? You should be able calculate her ovulation date if you know her periods, just to look for obvious signs of sperm jack. I wouldn't expect this to help more than to let you know what you are dealing with in case if it rises red flag. Ovulation is up to 5 days, apparently sperm lives 3 days.

i can no longer get away with anything i want.

what are your predictions? you might want to verify that with other dudes here, after all you have only 1 child, you couldn't get awful lot of exp in managing mothers

ask lawyer about any risks that are not obvious, just because she is with money now

At the same time, the likelihood of miscarriage climbs with your age. A typical 40-year-old has about a 40% chance of losing the pregnancy

Miscarriage or stillbirth. You’re more likely to have a miscarriage if you’re older. At age 40, 27% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage compared to 16% for those 30 or younger.

There is also higher chance of baby having defect. She might want to keep.

BTW these stats are from the same article.

If you would believe in Jehovah it would not happen.

DNA test. If the kid is yours, roll with it. Kids are great. You have an opportunity to right the ship, to teach your son how to be a man, or your daughter how to be a wife. I'm happy for you, young brother.

Outside of your control 1:

You can forget everything about influencing her not to have the child. 40, pregnant, last chance. That's going to override all other considerations. The desire to enter real womanhood (a.k.a. motherhood) is always strong, despite what the hamster may say, and despite any "strong, independent, child-free" cope they've spent their lives spinning. You dropping facts about risk factors etc. isn't going to change that. So that part is pretty much settled, and you don't have much say in that. Such is biology, such is life.

Outside of your control 2:

You could of course decide not to be an involved father. But from what I know of you, that's not going to be an option either. You know what's up with men, women, and all that jazz. So you know the importance and influence of involved fatherhood as well. I very much doubt you have it within you to just bail on a child (take it as a compliment), so we can probably view this a settled aspect as well.

The only thing within your control...

...is your relationship to the mother. To me, a committed relationship to this woman seems like a dead end. The sun is already setting on her life as a sexual creature. Soon she's just an old thing that nobody (including you) wants to fuck. Obviously, a geriatric pregnancy is going to massively accelerate that process too.

But you can be around, and do your bit as father, as you work towards a 50/50 custody split for when the child is old enough. You're probably going to have to make some logistical adjustments (living close by etc), but you don't need to live with her, or be a boyfriend or whatever. It's probably better to just plan for that from the beginning, rather than "giving it a shot", and then not having it work out (with all the drama often involved with that).

There are tons of divorced couples who do a fantastic job as co-parents, despite the turmoil of getting divorced. No reason you two can't achieve the same thing, especially when not having gone through that turmoil in the first place.

My advice to you is to be very clear with her regarding the two separate issues of parenthood and relationship: Be clear about you aiming to be an involved father (let her be secure in that). But also be clear about you two not going to be a couple (let her forget about that).

As long as you aim right, and stick to that, I don't see it as unlikely you two can have a cordial, well-functioning co-parenting arrangement. If you aim wrong, and then backtrack, you invite drama, resentment, and complication (though people sometimes get over that too).

Anyways, congratulations, man. A kid isn't the worst thing that can happen.

P.S. Knocking my girlfriend up unplanned was how I became a father too. But, you know, fuck it. I don't regret it (most of the time).