Hey people, so I quickly took down my old post and made it shorter for you guys.
I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin, never even kissed a girl. It's not like there haven't been girls interested in me; in fact, I've had multiple girls try to get with me since first grade, and even recently. I think what attracts most girls to me is my reputation, but I somehow rejected them all.
Right now, I'm in another country, and I’m trying to improve myself. There are a few women I know from high school (my classmates), whom my friend and I used to jokingly refer to as the 'trash group.' Three of them seem genuinely happy when I engage with them, yet most of the time, I treat them like literal 'trash' (lol). Despite this, they always seek my approval. For instance, sometimes when we meet, I'll hug one of them, but when the second one approaches with open arms, I'll ignore her or tell he to put her arms away. She still tries to gain my approval, remaining silent and submissive, almost as if she fears me. She’s also cute.
I find myself wanting to fuck two of them to gain experience but I'm hesitant, perhaps due to concerns about my reputation? (as i used to make fun of them), Or is it because I don’t have experience? or maybe it's something else entirely?… I don’t know… What should i do? How should I gain experience? Also everyone thinks I’m a player. But i’m just faking it.
I've recently started hitting the gym, and I’m respected. Still, when I run into old schoolmates who try to reconnect or people i know, I feel like my social skills aren't up to par, I don’t know how to keep the convo flowing. This is likely due to my overprotective upbringing and lack of freedom to explore. Most of the times when i meet new people (mostly people I respect) in my head imagine my self as a little kid (but in reality I’m 6’0) talking with a giant (literally) so I’m afraid to ask them questions about themselves? I’m taking some steps to improve this and I’m experimenting, but now the way I talk feels like I’m dismissing their idea and being arrogant. It’s hard to explain but i hope you got my point. So what should i do?
My new apartment mates are quite beta as fuck in comparison to my old friends. One of them, who is supposedly in a long-distance relationship, spends hours on the phone with his chick fantasizing about their future wedding and children. When I suggest going out, his response is always a flat refusal like 'kill me, I won't’. He’s socially awkward and he rarely leaves the house, spending his days on bed scrolling through social media for hours on end. My other apartment mate is similarly the fat beta guy you could ever find, perhaps even more so. He's a nice guy, though he has a habit of lying and insists that playing video games attracts women.
I feel like the drama and their passive attitudes are dragging me down, and I'm unsure of how to address this situation. Right now, I'm planning to gtfo. I'm making an effort and actively seeking to make new friends. How do you make new friends? What steps should I take, considering the language barrier?
I'm hoping for insightful responses rather than just one-line answers. I'm open to constructive criticism and detailed advice from the community. I genuinely want to grow and develop.
To the person who complained about my lengthy previous post, this is also for you.