Bare with me, I'm tired as I crank out these overdue posts. She witnessed me talking to the women from this field report: https://www.forums.red/p/theredpill/320291/fr_1_did_my_best_cold_approach_to_date_3_girls_and_i_fwb_s
My FWB (rape victim) is a 3.5, the girls were a hb7.5-8 and two hb6's. You guys may know the backstory, my FWB and I are NOT a relationship and she knows I DON'T like her. To TLDR my FWB's place in the FR, she recognized one girl that she used to work with. She left, but stopped and sent her autistic, feminist "friend" to pull be away mid comvo. I wasn't done, so I held frame and stayed to close on the women.
I get back to the pub where we're at and her energy's off. She's cold, distant and not saying any words to me. I know it's because of the interaction. I talk to the guy there, he said it had something to do with the women I was gaming being "pick me" girls. They also said they'd leave if I brought the new ladies to the pub. I know it's actually jealousy, hurt and possibly other things. What else could it be?
Night goes on, it gets worse. FWB doesn't sit next to me anymore (fine), we go to Mexican restaurant. She's still distant and ignoring me. More frequent trips to the women's restroom with the autistic feminist. We go to the park where the music event was held and sit on a bench. She and the autistic corn stalk are in the car visibly singing to the radio song to finish while we wait outside. Now she's really got the bitch vibes going. She's still ignoring me. I choose not to tolerate the bullshit anymore and dip to take a guy home. Other dude bounces as well. I wave goodnight and she ignores me, call a 2nd time, ignore, call her name and she just gives a small wave without looking up from her book.
This is inexcusable behavior for a FWB or a friend, and I won't tolerate it. I was thinking about telling her to meet me in person to lay out everything in front of her. The great moments we had during the semester, the laughs at the hangouts, the moments we connected. I'll say that if she wants to keep acting this way because I spoke with a few girls, then I’ll walk. If her actions indicate she doesn’t want me in her life, then I won’t be there. It’s her doing, not mine.
I absolutely mean it, I'm not going to be friends with a bitch under any circumstances. I'll also add that if she's taking people advice from the autistic feminist who's the 2nd percentile in relationships, that she should reconsider. She's becoming the sum of those who she spends time with (a bitch). I'll walk away because I will get pussy from elsewhere, nor will I endure this as a friend. Time to set up some boundaries, she stops this behavior, or I exit her life. It may be a one time thing, so I'll calibrate the discussion based on how she interacts with me before we start talking.
Is this a good idea (at least under circumstances where she isn't a rape victim)? I wonder if the answer's found in HumanSockPuppet's guide to training bitches.
financehardo420 10mo ago
did you finally lose your v card you lil shit nugget?? so proud :’)
FWB = you’re friends that fuck and also chill. even if just a fwb, I’d feel pretty annoyed if me and a fwb made plans and she’s all over some other dude in front of my face.
rinse repeat
dongking 11mo ago
Ignore your 3.5 FWB for a while and game other bitches. You don't tell or explain her shit.
If she comes back to apologize and suck your dick, fine. If not, even better. You now have a great opportunity to drop that fatty once and for all and actually get with some hotties.
imtranscending 11mo ago
Why? I seriously want to know what she's thinking or feeling and if it's the autistic bitch friend who's pushing this mood change from her.
I'm realizing I can do that through cold approach. I wanna keep her as a friend though. Is this realistic?
whytehorse2021 11mo ago
What she's thinking is she can back-door her way into a relationship with you by getting you hooked on her pussy.
Durek_The_Bald 11mo ago
I've read your two latest, and here are my take-aways:
On being congruent:
You keep telling yourself, us, and her that you want to be a good friend with this girl. You've defined your relationship as friends with benefits. But you're not acting very "friendly" here.
It's like: "Hey, I'm going to demonstrate right in front of you how utterly unattractive you are, and I expect you to be totally ok with it, and give me lots of respect."
Of course she was hurt and pissed. And probably turned off as well, but I'll get back to that under "flirting with the waitress". What did you expect her reaction to be like here? You're dealing with people, not robots.
Respect is earned, not demanded. And this right here:
...is already a loss of frame. You simply thinking that, getting all emotional over "muh respect", is indicative of not having frame in the first place.
On "flirting with the waitress":
I say "flirting with the waitress", because that's the example most MRP guys use when trying to establish a bit of dread in their relationships.
Now, flirting with other girls in front of your girl only works for building attraction if they're the ones initiating with you, and you're just playing along. If you're the one initiating, and actively keeping the interaction going, it has the opposite effect; It makes you come off as thirsty, which is unattractive behaviour. Nevermind it being disrespectful as well (remember how respect is earned?).
So your FWB in this case was probably hurt and jealous, like you say. But she may also have been majorly turned-off and disappointed after witnessing your thirstyness first hand. It's like: "God damn, he fooled me. I thought he was alpha, but he's just a thirsty beta, totally losing his mind at the slightest whiff of pussy".
Conclusion:
Lose the Andrew Tate-esque parody-alpha attitude. Unless you're famous, and a world champion athlete or something, it's not going to work. It's only going to come off as being undeservedly high on yourself. For us regular dudes, "alpha" is a fairly quiet, understated thing. It's not about telling people shit, or going about demonstrating shit, and proving points.
Also, expect human beings to have human emotions and reactions. You cannot demand otherwise of them, you can simply take it or leave it. Your autistic friend-by-proxy saw something here which you didn't.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 4mo ago
+1
You're being Point Flaired by two ECs @adam-l and @JamesSkepp for this post and this one and your advice and contributions in general
imtranscending 11mo ago
I can't flirt with other women because she's a FWB?
She's already asked me my body count in the past. We've also had a few conversations which concluded with the understanding that this is NOT an LTR and she said "I know, you're not looking for a relationship." She did also say she'd wanna know when I am fucking other women. Bottom line this is a FWB dynamic. I think not flirting with other women is pedestalling the FWB and living in her frame.
She says okay with the FWB and "going with the flow." Yet again, she sort of treats this like a relationship. It's evident she's not okay with this despite saying she was. I still need to look at her actions to see how she's doing instead of her words. I had no idea this was going to happen.
how did I lose frame? I'm harping on the respect because boundaries do need to be set. Misbehavior should not continue, right?
Not pedestalling women, putting myself first, increasing my SMV and list of accomplishments. Basically having a track record of value.
Yeah, but we gotta set boundaries with people, right?
I don't know why you guys are hung up on me wanting to just say "that was disrespectful behavior, I don't appreciate that."
dongking 11mo ago
OP was at an event and his FWB showed up randomly when he was already talking with girls. What should he have done differently then?
If OP invited/went with his FWB there and then decided to flirt with random chicks, I'd understand your response. But not now.
In this exact situation I don't think he could've done much differently.
imtranscending 11mo ago
To Durek's point I fucked up by sending a text to one of the guys letting him know I was at the live music. It was basically an invitation for the group to join me while I was quickly running some game. That was the manufactured problem. I still dealt with it.
Isn't a FWB walking the line of getting the healthy male needs met while staying as just friends. She's overcome some trauma in the process, so what? I got more experience. What is this male shame anti-male religion stuff though? @Durek_The_Bald
I see your point about congruence. I agree those were small fuck ups that made it more relationship feely to her. I tried to stop that and just keep her as a friend who happens to suck my dick. My errors are the result from no experience with women. I was trying to walk that fine line man.
Maybe it doesn't help this whole thing I invited her out to go swimming with me at a swim hole earlier that afternoon just before we scheduled to hangout later. We went to the swim spot and swam around before we agreed to meet up later. I just wanted to hangout with her, and we did.
Is the problem I'm not treating her like a FWB, or she's treating this like a relationship? I've stopped all that family stuff, yet something's incongruent. I told her it's not a damn relationship.
Durek_The_Bald 11mo ago
The idea that men are supposed to sacrifice for women, and that your god-given, male, hedonistic inclinations to treat women like sluts are somehow shameful or sinful.
...which leads to this sort of mental masturbation, where you feel like you have to create an alibi for yourself:
and:
...
It's not so much about what you say as about what you do. And through your actions, you've created a lot of relationship vibes. Now you're having a hard time reeling it back in - which obviously is way harder than to establish something from the beginning.
My suggestion is the same as it's been from the start: Dump her. She's a liability.
Durek_The_Bald 11mo ago
I suppose that's a fair argument if you look at this FR in isolation. But she didn't just show up randomly though. From his other FR:
This is like textbook drunk captaining: He manufactures a problem for himself through sheer incompetence, and then he doesn't know how to deal with the problem afterwards.
This entire tale, from the very beginning, is rife with erroneous thinking, and incompetent decision making. In short, it all begins with internalised male shame from his anti-male religion, where he's attempting - through mental masturbation - to pull of an impossible balancing act between normal, healthy male needs (wanting your dick sucked), and being altruistic ("I'm a good friend to this girl, I'm healing her trauma"). And then it continues through giving off major relationship vibes, like meeting her family etc, when in reality all he wants is to fuck a face (which btw is totally ok and unshameful).
I'll go into greater detail later, if anyone's interested. But right now I gotta run.
Keyword here though, is "congruency". All the way.
dongking 11mo ago
Agree 100% on the whole situation with this FWB is off. But just this particular night I believe OP couldn't have done much differently on the spot.
Durek_The_Bald 11mo ago
If he wasn't so thirsty, it would've been an easy fix. It's only difficult because he thinks of the situation with these girls as some sort of once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that needs to be sealed right now.
It could've been a simple case of: "Listen, I accidentally invited my friends over there. So I'm gonna go entertain them for a bit. Here's my number, let's meet up later".
In stead, he ended up with a lot of drama on his hands, and not even the backup option of fucking a 3.5 face.
Diabs 11mo ago
Basically what dong king said I'd like to add though in my experience even if a chick knows it's not a relationship she will still get jealous seeing you with other bitches but in my opinion she was a bit over the top and I would probably drop her at this point if it were me. You might be sending her a bad message trying to take her out to dinner and concerts and stuff so don't give her any more hope just kill the puppy.
imtranscending 11mo ago
Jealousy is definitely part of it. However I didn't take her out to a concert. I took her out to a swim hole earlier that afternoon, but the music thing was my fuck up. I texted a guy and he interpreted that as me getting them to meet me first. I'm the leader so they usually follow what I say or do.
Lionsmane8 11mo ago
Dude, she's doing you a favor.
After you bang those cuties send her a thank you note.
mattyanon Admin 11mo ago
Right, so don't tolerate it. Next her.
This shows how much you CARE.
Stop talking and start walking. This sounds like hamstering.
rape victim: makes no different to YOUR boundaries.
Here's the thing though: she's already treated you with the status she perceives you to have. The game is already lost.
What you do:
If you want her back, ignore her for at least 3x longer than your normal response period. No contact, nothing.
After that she should say "what's the matter?". If she does, tell her you're not happy with how she treated you and then IGNORE HER SOME MORE.
If she doesn't ask or doesn't contact it's because she doesn't care, and nothing you say will change that, the game is already lost.
Fucking huge post though dude, sure this isn't oneitis?
imtranscending 11mo ago
I think I know you mean to completely next her. I don't mind taking the sex out of it, but I wanna keep her as a friend. That's the goal here guys.
If a conversation is all it'll take to clear this up and move forward, I'm all for it.
What status is that exactly?
I suspected a complete withdraw of attention is the way forward. I was just entertaining calling her out on her behavior because our conversations have had productive outcomes. Apparently the order goes: ignore--> she comes back for more--> then call her out.
You're joking right? I needed to explain the situation.
mattyanon Admin 11mo ago
If you're happy being friends she will insist that this is what you are.
redhawkes 2 11mo ago
For fucks sake man, I told you this is going happen, 10 posts ago. This is what religious slave morality does to men. IDK why people still respond to your shitposts, while you don't take any advice.
3.5 bridgetroll, do you really hate yourself that much? Now, reap what you sow.
imtranscending 11mo ago
I must be indoctrinated or something because I see my ERRORS but I CAN'T see this religious shit yall are discussing. I appreciate the feedback, and you did advise against this girl. I just wanted a FWB though and have been trying to make this work. I thought she was on board, she knew it wasn't a relationship.
I'm seeing that it's not simple.
redhawkes 2 11mo ago
It's pretty simple actually, but you are a fence sitter. The only thing fence sitters get is picket up in their ass.
You want to use RP tools for achieving bloop goals. It ends up exactly the same, every single time.