My good buddy recently told me about how he started going out with this awesome girl. He told me she has BPD but it's very minor. He also mentioned that she has 2 ex boyfriends in prison who have stabbed her (she has scars from it). He says that she is almost over her BPD but in my opinion that is a major fucking red flag and he should run for the hills. I've told him to read up on BPD relationships on r/bpdlovedones and not to be captain saveahoe.
What more can I do? I know it's not really my business but I really care about him. Also do you think I am overreacting? Maybe this girl won't be a horrible gf but judging by her history of boyfriends and mental illness I beg to differ.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
If this is his first BPD he has probably already been love-bombed.
Mild my ass. I knew my (former) BPD plate for a year and a half before we ever fucked. I genuinely never noticed the signs, but she had a bunch of standard red flags. I let it slide cause it was a 7 year dry spell and I wanted the lay. When she gd me she had BPD I genuinely never noticed and STILL can't see the signs of it before I fucked her.
She hid it extremely well before fucking. After fucking she was Jekyll and Hyde and treated me like absolute shit before she finally discarded me.
Chances are your buddy doesn't see the signs. Once she starts having PTSD flashbacks and fear of abandonment she'll show her cards, but she's probably already been one of the most loving girls your boy has ever been with and so that alone gonna make.it hard as fuck for you to get through to him.
She's probably great in bed too, that's two strikes on being unable to convince him.
You can try to let him know this phase of love is temporary. But I doubt it will work.
If you can convince him great, if not, have patience. My BPD plate fucked me up and I need crisis counseling over it. I lost my friends cause they got sick of me talking about her. Have patience if he gets fucked over and comes to yiu a lot for advice.
My friends didn't understand why I needed them so much and I felt stabbed in the back when they all turned on me. Have patience for your buddy if it goes south
ThrowawayAccount_2k 2y ago
I've saved one friend from a BPD girl already. Is there any chance a BPD girl turns out to be normal? Because he told me she hasn't really lovebombed him that much. I wouldn't touch a BPD girl with a 10 foot pole but I guess I still hope deep down that some of them might be good LTR's. We definitely need more BPD awareness on here though.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
I have met one BPD chick that for what it was worth was "normal". But I wasn't fucking her, so ... Maybe she was normal or maybe she wasn't. If she was she was the most normal BPD girl alive. I couldn't tell at all.
The primary reason my friends could not convince me to drop her is that they could not convince me that other chicks would still want my dick. I had mad scarcity, I knew she was cancer for me and I still couldn't let go. My friends had to kick her out of the group and when she got kicked out she burned her bridges with me
Your friend is either going to listen or he won't. I wouldn't listen to my friends even though I was very TRP aware and everything. Maybe it's scarcity, maybe it's inexperience, but if he's not gonna listen you can't try too hard or he'll break as a friend or won't listen to much at all if you push too hard
Have compassion for his inability to let go of this women, they are addictive. But at the same time, yeah, I'd have to agree that he's making a mistake
Hanscheezburger 2y ago
good call. I might add that If you push too much for him to drop the girl, you might lose a friend and when all's done, you'd be helping this guy clean up his mess. Showing him BPD is also a good idea. Focus on the patterns of behavior and tell him to notice how he can almost predict what she'd do.
Talk to him but don't tell him to drop her. There are some things you can say: a) there are so many options and a young man should not settle for one option when they're just starting out. b) help him set up some boundaries. The love bombing is real and it's effective. But boundaries set up some clear lines that one should not cross. If she disrespects him, she should be out, simple as that. c) introduce him to some new girls. go gaming together and be each other's wingman
In all likelihood, dude's gonna stay with the BPD girl. Best you can do in this case is to minimize the damage and convince him to keep her as a plate
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Yup. In my case my friends just got sick of me talking about her so they forced her out of the group. The whole ordeal drastically ruined my friendships. Even months later of me not coming to them for my problems they never really moved on from it.
I had to stop being friends with them because my friends were shit for other reasons but, yeah, BPD girls really fuck guys up. Good to have patience with BPD victims.
Best thing OP @ThrowawayAccount_2k could do is help wingman for new girls and get OPs friend on to some new, better, and less damaged pussy.
But OPs friend sadly is probably a gonner already. BPD girls work their magic in one to two times meeting. It's insane. OP, I wish your friend the best but in all likelihood you're gonna be doing damage control, not saving this man beforehand
I'm sorry to tell you that but that's how it's looking unless you got a better update since posting
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Problem is guys who have never experienced a BPD before only see the warm feelings and good sex they bombard them with. Guys who have never had a cluster B girl cannot and furthermore will refuse to see the toxic signs brewing because these girls hide them before turning on the dude.
They build up their victim and dig their claws in before tearing them to shreds.
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Vermillion-Rx Admin 2y ago
Exactly this
No one can handle a BPD, they fundamentally need to heal their own shit. I don't care what anyone says, guys can't red pill your way through a BPD girl. Frame etc goes out the window when you're dealing with a suicidal, chaotic cluster B girl
Eventually they'll turn on Chad Thundercock as well
MrSupreme 2y ago
All I can say is to learn Stab Game from those dudes
Overkill_Engine 2 2y ago
He can't save her from herself and you can't save him from himself.
You know the saying: "A stiff dick has no conscience?" Yeah well, it's more like it has no sense of self preservation. Jimmy is too busy thinking with his dick to listen to you and that's just how it is.
unplugged69 2y ago
You don't do shit, she might be the one that pulls him out of the matrix, a lot of guys were redpilled by BPD bitches, unfortunately they're very dangerous but just because a lion is safer in a cage doesn't mean he should stay there. Men handle all dangers of life and if they survive they become stronger, just be there for him when he needs you but don't try to tell him what to do because he won't listen, not yet.