She came over to watch some movies and spent the night. This was some of the most intense shes moaned during sex with me. Weve been together for about 8 months. I found it a bit odd that she told me not to pull her hair, but everything else was on the table and she was genuinely into it more than normal.
The night ends good. We wake up earling around 6am, shes in a good mood she offers her ass to me first thing in the morning while we wake up. Then we are watching Youtube on TV, and we play music. She played a song about cheating, that was... lyrically kind of odd to me.
I drop her off, everything normal. We hang out with her dog for a bit, and she cooks me breakfast. Everything ended well. I told her that im going to buy a raw steak for her dog as a treat, hes been behaving well with her, to which she enthusiastically is happy about.
I texted her a few days later Friday evening, I was at the store just bought the steak etc. She was super happy then when we were setting up logistics for the next day Saturday morning, she tells me she is not sure if he should eat the steak. "I dont know haha" "Hes young im just not sure"... I say "OK no problem, ill eat it myself. But you couldve told me that earlier."
Then she had the audacity to say "Why?" to which I didnt respond at all because i saw this as a beginning of a fight and anyone with half a brain would understand the common sense. Also she wasted my money and thoughtfulness that i spent trying to treat her dog.
I leave her on read for the night, with the intention of not seeing her on Saturday because of the weird argument that was forming and also we didnt confirm plans because i left her on read mid-convo. So I wake up Saturday morning and the time we were meeting up was approaching, i felt a bit bad for coming up on me potentially flaking on my gf, im going to give her the common courtesy and respect. Also she is probably waiting for me, we just agreed to not give a steak to her dog, but maybe we are still on even though we didnt confirm nor break plans.
So I text her at 9am that im going to be 30min late but on the way. To which she says "Im not home" and i found that weird. So I told her "I was going to take you with me to X"... and she says "Forgive me. I thought because I told you not to bring a steak for X, that you were not going to come :/"
And I thought that answer was creepy. It made me think she said that not because she was scared of feeding her dog the steak, but because she wanted an excuse to not meet up with me...? And then it was Sat morning and that made me think that maybe she was out last night and spending the night somewhere or had someone at her house, and maybe didnt expect me to show up unexpectedly or whatever.
It seems very innocent and miscommunication but let me explain the red flags here.
- According to TRP sidebar, Signs of pre-branch swinging: "I dont know" in arguments, girl tries to increase confusion in simple matters to frustrate the guy, lack of availability
- She doesnt work Saturday morning, and unless she was at the store or something early in the morning, im not sure where she would be.
- Lack of availability on Friday/Saturday (weekends) is huge to women, because these are for their main ones, im the LTR here, but if she was in the process of branch swinging LTR falls to #2.
- It was very weird to ask for forgiveness for her "flaking" or being unavailable. On the surface it shows that she is sorry and knows she messed up, but it made me think that it was a freudian slip...? Asking forgiveness for something else and she projected it onto this?
- She didnt let me spank her that night, we still had rough sex in many shades but i found that weird and from the norm.
- She didnt offer a reschedule, technically. But maybe its because she was asking for my forgiveness first..? And i didnt reply back, maybe she wouldve followed up with one. But still, she didnt offer one immediately.
- She played that weird song about cheating at my house. It was on my youtube history when i got back and was being recommended to me. The lyrics were....very eerie, talking about how she has another man lined up because im not doing a good job "loving" her... just the typical bluepill fodder in mainstream music. But with the other signs its a bit creepy and something a girl would do to get under your skin, potentially.
Reasons why i might be overthinking:
- This is only her second time flaking out of dozens. She technically asked for forgiveness and admitted wrong.
- I didnt technically solidify the plans. I was part to blame here, but it was partly because she was steering the conversation into an argument so i withdrew attention immediately instead of DEERing and feeding her more attention.
- Her grandmother died this week, she said they were really close and shes heartbroken. Part of me coming over on Saturday was to spend time with her
- We have our relationship flaws, we talk about them but its always on text. She has not ONCE shown masculine or nasty attitude to me yet, no signs of "lost spark", we very much have that strong sexual connection still, we are not a dead bedroom at all or unhappy relationship. Unless she has been hiding the unhappiness from me.
- This was basically one of our first petty fights, ever. We have been dating for 8 months. Our serious talks before was her complaining i didnt give her much attention and very minor relationship convos like that, but ive worked on that and she hasnt complained about that for months now.
- She literally has googly eyes with me everytime we kiss or stare at eachother, eyes dont lie. Its kind of rare to see a girl do that to a man in public, so i find that to be a good sign my attractiveness in her eyes is top tier and not "average attraction" for beta boyfriends.
redpillschool Admin 1y ago Stickied
First of all, the song lyrics, ignore that. She wouldn't tip you off via lyrics. I advise if you ever find yourself picking up on "clues" similar to this, that you take a big step backwards and take a breath. Nobody is operating on this level outside an escape room.
You've got yourself a BIG miscommunication going on. You are reading into messages that aren't there ("don't buy the steak I'm worried he'd choke") and she's picking up on the butthurt "Forgive me. I thought because I told you not to bring a steak for X, that you were not going to come :/."
Part of adopting TRP means learning to pick up on some level of covert communication. This might put you in hyperactive mode where you now think all communication is covert. This is not going to do you well.
Take a moment to recognize that she's not cheating on you. She's very into you. You're turning over rocks that don't need to be moved.
If you feel yourself becoming emotionally moved or shaken by something she does or says, this means you need to work on frame.
Chick says "no steak, I worry about my dog" the correct answer was "no worries I'll eat it myself." Don't get into tit for tat and expose hurt feelings.
Even better, turn it into a game. "Oh I just bought the steak! Well, I guess you can cook it for me tomorrow and we'll feed the dog leftovers!"
gr8bollos 1y ago
Agree with everything but the butthurt part, i wasnt butthurt. It was a disciplining statement "You could of told me this before." As we have been half-joking about feeding him the steak for a few weeks now, plenty of time to do her 1 minute google research.
I even told her i was gonna buy a steak an hour before, and she said he would die to have one (encouraged me to buy one). That was a good time to let me know that she had second thoughts. Just some added context for my comment to her, again, not butthurt just letting her know common decency with respects to me, no emotions are involved in that statement.
The butthurt part could of been me leaving her on read, but it was miscommunication. I didnt want to explain why what she did was stupid. That would be engaging in an argument as well as explaining myself and rationalizing why what she did was wrong (DEER).
She knows it was a stupid reply, so i let that soak in and withdrew attention. Could that come across as butt hurt? Most likely, but it wasnt. I thought TRP wasnt about worrying about how our actions are being perceived? So what if she thinks i was butthurt, etc. I just didnt wanna argue over something ridiculous and potentially lose frame.
redpillschool Admin 1y ago
This entire post is an example of your imagination running wild with butthurt. I'm just suggesting that maybe for right now you don't trust your gut reaction and simply remain indifferent when you think something's wrong, and see how the next week plays out.
gr8bollos 1y ago
True, but she hasnt seen this post, only the above, but I can def see why the overall sentiment here is butthurt if the entire post is taken into consideration.
At the moment, I have not spoken to her for 4-5 days. Do i just hit her up and proceed as normal? As if nothing happened. Or do i wait for her to text me first.
I guess the current frame between me and her is that she doesnt believe im butthurt as the post shows, she only knows that i didnt argue with her and that i havent responded to her apology. Those are the facts. At this point i guess the current frame is that im punishing her by not spending time with her because of her wasting my money, trying to start a fight over something petty that we were both on the same page on, and partly for not offering a reschedule. -its the principal here-
Im pretty sure thats the frame between her and me at the moment. Had that not happened last weekend we may have hung out maybe twice in the past few days. Instead Ive been going out and gaming other girls, working on my hobbies and working on other things.
I learned this from another reputable endorsed redpill commenter here, he said never argue or explain yourself to women, if you want to take away bad behavior the absolute best way is to withdraw attention and spend time doing other things. They respond little to everything else but when you pull away and take time away from them is when they actually learn good and bad behaviors. This is exactly what i've done so far.
redpillschool Admin 1y ago
Which would be caring too much about something of little consequence.
gr8bollos 1y ago
Its more of nipping it in the bud, but maybe it will backfire? Im not butthurt, but maybe it is a bit dictatorial to rule with an iron fist. Doesnt this let her know that if she fucks up in a big way, there will be major consequences though? I think it communicates that, and girls respect guys who dont let girls walk all over them. Might be a breath of fresh air tbh, but i could be wrong. I have had a good track record of being respected by women ive dated, havent been outrightly disrespected, I think in part due to holding them accountable for once.
Its our first argument, so im making it clear im not going to give attention or feed the flame, its more of a statement i guess.
For reference, i took matty anon advice from the past, he said to not accept a girls apology so easily. Then they will think you are weak and easily manipulated, all they have to do is apologize and youll gracefully accept it. This is also her second flake, so the first one i was nice about it. Second one is withdrawed attention. Sorry, shouldve added more context.
anonc 1y ago
You are really racking your brain over this, man.
Remember, this bitch is not your wife. She isn't making you sons and probably never will. Quite likely, you don't even like her enough to let her be a mother to your sons.
She is just a toy, and you shouldn't be worrying yourself like this over some fucking toy.
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
I think you're overthinking it. If she was cheating on you, she probably wouldn't just say "I'm not home". When people lie, they tend to provide more (made up) info. Sounds more like the kind of response a girl will give you when she wants you to be paranoid, but haven't actually done anything.
"Forgive me. I thought because I told you not to bring a steak for X, that you were not going to come :/"
This is not good. Sounds like she's onto your game, and interpreting it as general butthurtedness / beta punishment schemes. Maybe it's your body language that's giving you away, or something else, but it doesn't sound like you're genuinely coming off as you DGAF, and are happy to have other stuff to do. Soft nexting and withdrawing attention takes a bit of finesse to work the way you want it. If your inner game is not on, it can make you look beta and resentful.
"Saturday morning, she tells me she is not sure if he should eat the steak. "I dont know haha" "Hes young im just not sure"... I say "OK no problem, ill eat it myself. But you couldve told me that earlier."
Then she had the audacity to say "Why?""
She might have changed her mind because she was genuinely concerned, you know, and hadn't researched it properly. I know I don't have clear idea of which types of meat is ok for a dog to eat raw. This whole interaction is so unnecessary from the start. You could've just left it at "ok, I'll eat it myself", and not been passive aggressive about it.
"We have our relationship flaws, we talk about them but its always on text"
Don't do this. Texting is for logistics only. If you have stuff to talk about, then do it face to face. Don't engage in serious relationship talk over text.
To sum up:
You're too autistic about the macro-level RP stuff, and have a tendency to project the negatives onto your girlfriend/relationship, when it isn't necessarily so. This hurts your game.
gr8bollos 1y ago
I can see how it can be misinterpreted, but in no way did i think "you could have told me that earlier" as passive agressive. It was direct and not butthurt at all.
This entire interaction is being misconstrued even from you. I was not butthurt, I was not engaging in a petty fight. I wasnt going to explain why: "Because you told me this after I bought the steak." That puts me in a defensive explanation stance (DEer). Also shows im willing to argue.
I really dont see how anything i did right there was butthurt or passive aggressive beta move. It was textbook, I called her out on her bs and didnt argue, withdrew attention, but i can see how it can be perceived as butthurt over text. Who cares what they think though, right? I wasnt.
But i agree on other things, I may be projecting unnecessary TRP bs onto my relationship.
gr8bollos 1y ago
What is my "Game" she is onto? This was not transactional, I was doing something nice for her because she has been a good LTR to me recently. No games being played here.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
Use > to quote OP at beginning of a quote
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
Thanks!
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
[deleted] 1y ago
[--removed--]
gr8bollos 1y ago
Whats your n-count? When you get it past 60, you start to appreciate the decent girls that stand out amongst the 60. Dating is like digging thru trash nowadays
LudgerKresnik 1y ago
2 things i learned from TRP:
if her behavior change towards you apply #1.
if her behavior doesn't change apply #2.
wolfofallstreetz 1y ago
Dude your ego is a disaster, you need to work on that before all this other mental masturbation.
gr8bollos 1y ago
Can you explain the ego part?
lmann817 1y ago
Doesn’t sound like infidelity, sounds like a fight. Honestly I think you overreacted to “why” and things escalated. It is kind of a weird response, but especially over text I’m not sure if it’s the slap in the face you think it is.
As for Saturday, she correctly understood you were canceling the plans by not replying to her and I’m gonna guess she was available but was paying you back for that. The TRP axioms about availability and rescheduling don’t apply in the context of we were already making plans, got in a fight, and then I ghosted her and texted her morning of.
gr8bollos 1y ago
This is the most level headed answer here, without throwing in "autism" "y are you invested in a ltr" "passive aggressive ego".... I really dont understand where thats coming from.
But as you laid out, is exactly the way i saw it too. I didnt think about the "revenge" aspect, good insight. Although Im sure i couldve rescheduled later that day, based off her response, but that would have made me look desperate, rookie mistake.
Pyth0ns 1y ago
Isn’t it funny when a girl pulls red pill moves on a supposed red pill master alpha guru, like OP, they become deer in headlights…
Aside from the wall of cringe fest, you need to really work on yourself in this situation.
Wahhhhhh, I bought her dog a steak and then Got all butt hurt coz my ‘act of kindness’ wasn’t met with her Bowing down and letting me give her some anal!
Wahhhhh, I am trying to perceive myself as a top dog that doesn’t need his women, yet im blowing up her phone and being a cringe
On and on it can go.
Back to the sidebar/RP working for you.
Read/Study/Internalize it properly!
gr8bollos 1y ago
You arent giving any constructive advice here, and I can tell you dont understand that you can do nice things for your woman when she is behaving well, without being transactional, you are projecting your nice guy attitude onto my actions