My friend wants me to ask this for him. I already have advice for him but want him to see the general red pill feedback on this first. I also want him to see that my take on his situation isn't just some shit I made up.
I have a friend who is 26 and has been in a LTR with a girl who is 27 for 1 year and 6 months. They don't live together. Over the last 3 months his LTR has been increasingly distant and recently messaged him saying that she wants to know where the relationship is going and that if he has interest in living together, and she also mentioned that she does eventually want a baby.
My friend does not want to move in together and does not want children and has told her this prior.
He said to her "I view a healthy relationship as two individuals with their own lives who come together and spend quality time together and help each other out without living together.. that's my take on it. I also do not want children as you know. If you truly want a child and to live with someone I have to be honest I don't know if we should continue what we have. I care about you a lot but this seems to be a turning point for us".
She said in reply "I don't know what to say" and has since been offline as she is at work.
I told my friend directly that if he wants to move in together and have a child go ahead. BUT if he does NOT want those things he is to respectfully and calmly tell her it is over and move on with his life.
He is getting very emotional about it and even said to me he will visit her on the weekend to see how she feels but didn't want to see the situation for what it is.
I've been in a similar position to him before and it hurts man. But he needs some truth.
tenfour 18 hours ago
Married for years and always said I don't really want kids. Background: I had rather fair frame but girl was not as spoiled I guess as today gurls. Moved abroad where I failed to develop my SMV and she POSSIBLY cheated around year 15 [most of the LTR abroad] [considering plenty of cheating marks, in retrospect]. When she supposedly cheated she was around 38 so skipped her bio clock. Although there was some fun along that time.
Anecdotal but true.
I did always say it is not good to bring a kid to life if there is no support for it. Although to be fair it has changed around y15...
Vermillion-Rx 2 days ago
This is the fundamental risk of entering an LTR and making it work long enough.
At some point, the girl WILL want to see where your commitment is going. If as a dude, a guy doesn't know what he wants in a serious relationship, this is what happens. Surprised Pikachu as you said, when she finally asks shit like this
Unfortunately if your friend has wildly different long term goals than her, he needs to be prepared for her to walk and that she'll find a man who shares what she wants.
She is 27. It would take her several months of sampling other dudes looking for a similar guy she likes, and if she went a comparible 1 year 6 months with another LTR, she'd be 29. That's not even counting how many relationships she might get into that end up being short, that's assuming she gets another LTR like that in that time frame for just long as your friend
She'd be 29 at the best by then, with her biological clock rapidly ticking. She probably knows this. And assuming she has multiple relationships thereafter not work out, she's gonna be like 32 by the time someone settles down, wifes her up, and gives her kids.
She knows this stuff more than likely and so your friend's days are probably numbered. He has to accept that this is the risk he took by staying in an LTR for so long without a solid game plan for long-term commitment. She's gonna branch to someone who has what she wants
Hanscheezburger 4 days ago
He already told her how he feels. Whether she feels bad or not is not his fault. Your friend needs to be able to consider walking away a good thing. He's young, she's about to hit the wall. They are looking for different things.
I suspect that she will return and if he lets her come back the situation will repeat. It's best to break up and let her find someone who wants to get married.
trpuser20221 3 days ago
Yeah that's it. I told him that he's not the bad guy if she is upset cause if you don't want kids then you most definitely should no have kids and he's like yeah nah fuck that and I'm just reminding him of the whole it's your life your choices scenario and that dropping an 18yr raising of a child into the mix isn't exactly ideal lol. Like the guy works hard and saves a decent amount of money and I feel it is my duty to not see him fuck it up cause I know how relationship emotions can pull you around when a bond is created (I recently left my 2yr LTR cause she cheated lmao so yeah).
Intrepid_Place53900 4 days ago
She's in the process of branch swinging. She's distancing herself, may have another guy already in the wings ready to move to, in case your friend doesn't (step up) in girl speak.
She wants a committed LTR, living together and kids. She's communicating that, your friend doesn't want that, and not with her.
Sounds pretty clear. She's 27, Wants commitment and kids
Your friend should expect a major blow up, or her just continuing to distance herself, end it.
He should do what he wants, but need to remind him, why has he been saying he doesn't want kids or to even live with her. He doesn't want that , why would he change his mind? Is she worth it? There's many more girls out there and he's young, take your time dude. Figure out what you want in life and go get it, don't settle for what she wants.
coolsocks00 4 days ago
Red pill advice wont help a bloop.
lmann817 3 days ago
Firstly, I would not be giving advice about this at all. Relationships days are clearly numbered and he’s just gonna drag it out to keep fucking that pussy as long as possible before she ends it. Nothing you say is going to influence that.
Secondly, having an exclusive relationship with no intention to cohabitate or have children is boneheaded in the first place. Why be exclusive if not to raise children? There’s pretty much no other point. Not to mention emotionally healthy women want kids and aren’t going to stick around if they don’t get them. His “view” of a healthy relationship is completely unsustainable, ironically.
Ultimately it’s all your friends business but his big mistake was being unprepared for a relationship to end that was clearly doomed from the start.
trpuser20221 3 days ago
Yeah bro I hear you and agree also. Like I said to him you're not the bad guy and she's not either it's just that her internal clock had hit a time where babies are usually in the picture and you're the guy who is there at the time so naturally she's going to bring it up and yeah if you don't want it then tell her and if it isn't going to work out then move on brother you'll survive like it's not going to be a easy thing but you want B and she wants A so it's not a good scenario.
mattyanon 3 days ago
Does he not have internet?
Ok, this is the standard female playbook.
Decreased attraction, decreased interest, INCREASED DEMANDS, increased expectation of commitment.
Cause: lack of attraction causes desire for increased payment for her (declining) sexual services. He has shown providership potential or has engaged in provisioning, and now she has lost attraction but feels that she can lock him down as a provider.
Obviously this is a shit deal, because the more provisioning and the lack of control (divorce = expensive, child support = expensive), the more she'll go off sex.
Right. And now we find out where logic and the female mind mix like oil and water.
Great.
He is hoping she'll say "oh.... ok...... no kids and no marriage: no problem".
This won't happen. She'll move on to find someone who'll give her what she feels entitled to.
What you said is right, but he needs to learn this the hard way.
Sadly 27 is roughly when they hit the wall and demand marriage and babies. You can't fight biology, but you can find a new girlfriend.
trpuser20221 3 days ago
He does have internet lol but he is paranoid to sign up to anything with his email (tin foil hat sort of guy). I agree with your feedback personally and I see it the same way. He called her last night and spoke for like 30 minutes and she was apparently crying saying she doesn't want it to end and he said he didn't either but feels sort of 'dislodged' now.
She messaged him this morning saying that and I quote "I know we talked about a lot but regardless of everything I said and you said I agree that I do not want this to end because I value what we have too much and would miss you dearly".
My friend is like that pikachu face right now and I'm sort of laughing but not wanting to at the situation lol. I told him that she is likely just mentally postponing that to stay together cause she doesn't want to be alone but ultimately does want kids but knows not happening with you so you will be the fill-in fun guy until Mr. babies comes along etc.
Sucks for him cause I know they do genuinely care for each other but yeah her instincts kicked in and she want the babies and he don't and it's now a bit messy in all areas. Like there's this we don't talk about that element to it now that I imagine will be lurking in their minds if they proceed forwards together.
mattyanon 3 days ago
yeah..... she'll "try to make it work", but really will be fading out and looking to monkey branch to a guy who wants kids.
absolutely
whytehorse2021 3 days ago
Drop a nuclear red pill truth bomb. "I don't want to live together or get married or have kids because a woman's vows are meaningless and she can yeet her family for no reason and walk away with cash and prizes the moment she gets bored. The kids will be used as pawns and raised to be school shooters that pee sitting down all while hating their father. Plus I don't like the taste of other men's cum while I eat my wife out."
trpuser20221 3 days ago
lmao fuck this got worse the more you read. Truth though. 100%
mattyanon 3 days ago
Zero sense in saying that out loud.
The furthest you can go is "marriage is an awful deal for men".
Women will never agree with "woman lie and cash out of marriages".... it's clearly 100% true, but even internally she will never agree to it.
whytehorse2021 2 days ago
Yeah but I'm learning that it hits them eventually. It plants a seed that grows over time. She knows it's over, he knows it's over, might as well get some truth in there. It's basically the male equivalent of "Let's just be friends". Women use direct speech for betas so when a man uses direct speech on a woman it is significant. He is no longer trying to qualify to her. This is basically red pilling women. In the same way that nice guys don't get laid, these women aren't getting commitment from the men they want.
mattyanon 2 days ago
It's still pointless
whytehorse2021 2 days ago
Nah, you're feeding RP truths into the gossip machine.