This got huge, I'm sorry and thanks in advance if you take your time to read it ??
I read a lot of redpill content after breaking up with my first girlfriend shortly after turning 20yo. Before that, I was extremely blue pill. We broke up because she cheated on me (for a second time) and a week later I was already trying to message her back like an idiot. Thankfully she didn't take me back that time, which fucked me up but it was needed for me to move on and learn.
From there, I started getting better in every way: went from skinny 121 lbs to ripped 160 lbs at 5’7’’, got a job and moved out from parents house to my own place at 21yo, got a high paying job (80k/year) at 23 and a even better paying job (115k/year) at 26 where I still work at. I'm gonna be 28 in a month.
As TRP stated it was going to happen, I became better with chicks by just focusing on myself and progressing in life. I was able to have two girls always ready for sex with me with no strings attached. Got to a bodycount of 20 at 24yo.
Was happy with that life but always missed the "connection" that I had with my first gf. At 24yo, I got to know a woman that was very different compared to the average in her traits, we had a 3 years LTR, the last 6 months I made the huge mistake of letting her come to live with me (failed the iron rule). It went downhill from there and eventually I broke up with her.
Was kinda sad for 2 months but it was easy to "let go". The truth: I never "falled in love" with that girl like I did with my first one. She was not unicorn and I always knew. I just enjoyed our relationship.
When I got better emotionally, I started spinning plates and had 2 girls that were ready for sex anytime I wanted by month 4 post-breakup.
And then, I got to know personally a woman that was a crush of mine since I was a kid. She is 30yo and I'm 27yo. That was a "bad thing" but I didn't care at all because she is the most beautiful woman I ever met. By a large margin. I'm talking about a 10/10 woman, the only 10/10 woman I know IRL: the most beautiful face, with huge natural tits, with good ass, with good body, blue eyes, fuck she's perfect.
On third date I had sex with her and the red pill mindset went to shit. I immediately cut contact with all my plates because this girl gave me hints that she wanted something serious. She had her "party phase" but cut the bs at least 2 years ago and she no longer goes to nightclubs, bars, anything, and she works from home, so she had everything I look for in a LTR candidate.
We started seeing each other A LOT, having a lot of sex that felt magical, I was fucking the woman that I always said was the most beautiful woman I know when asked since I was 17 (never told her that ofc). And we had incredibly chemistry from the start. It washed my mind bad.
3 weeks after first date she's already my girlfriend. (I know, I know...)
She slowly but surely started being more and more controlling with the time, at first I didn't care because everything she asked for I was also getting it in return: by month 2 we had "open phones" policy where I can take her phone and look whatever I want and she can do the same too with mine. (I KNOW!)
To that point, I was real happy still, I presented her to my family, to friends, and even to my work group. I felt my status going higher just by having her at my side honestly. And I was certain about her being loyal, super loyal.
She kept getting controlling to the point where if I didn't answer my phone for 3 hours it was a problem. I had a talk to her about all of that and she understood that it cannot be like that. Or thats what she said. Because she was still making problems for everything. One occasion, I went to the gym and saw an old high school woman friend in there, she went from fat to super fit and looked really attractive, I didn't say anything sensual or anything weird other than (wow you look like another person congrats!), but that was a problem already, not to even mention that girl following me in social media two hours post gym and giving me a like and me following her back with no likes. Made my gf go nuts as if I have done something wrong.
I was starting to feel locked up, overwhelmed. But I was in love with this woman. Being with her was the most awesome thing to do in the world. Even just watching a movie, I was in love, and we always had incredible sex, and her body and prettiness makes it unreal.
Back to the phone thing: I had access to her phone, so, like a retard, I went and checked her conversation with her best friend. From there I confirmed that she was super loyal to me, which was awesome, but also discovered that:
- she has a bodycount of 30 (higher than mine).
- she left the "party phase" as she mentioned to me a long ago, but she was still fucking dudes up to two weeks before knowing me, never at the same time, but she was going from one to another with basically no time in-between.
- I know 7 of the dudes that she has been with.
- The common factor between all the dudes she has been with: They all have a lot of money. I consider myself high money but I'm broke compared to most of those dudes.
That fucked me up in the head. But I wasn't able to say something about it because I didn't have to look at that, and also there's nothing she did wrong being with me (other than telling me she has been alone for previous 6 months before knowing me which was a lie as she was fucking a dude two weeks before me... which is to expect...)
One day I'm working a lot, doing lot of important stuff, forgot to turn off the "don't disturb" mode so I didn't see her messages. Didn't answer for 4 hours. She calls me and starts making a scene.
I saw myself and I noticed: I stopped progressing in life, stopped doing lot of activities I did to spend more time with her, I stopped interacting with other woman basically 100%. And I was in a blue pill relationship again, with a woman that had lots of sex with bunch of rich dudes that never got to be their boyfriend and which some of them are guys I know and have to see from time to time. And I'm paying for 100% of whatever we do together (she makes little money), I also took her to an all-inclusive in Bahamas for a week. I was feeling like the "secure option" for her "settling down".
I said to myself that I was going to start changing to redpill again while in the relationship. At first it seemed to work. I talked her out of the open phones rules, she didn't like it at all but eventually accepted. I started spacing a little bit more our meetings because it was like 5 times per week (she basically slept more in my house than in hers), etc.
But it was still a load. She was my biggest source of happiness, but also she was my only source of unhappiness.
One day she told me that I changed, that she doesn't like it now, that she feels insecure about me because she doesn't think that I wanna have a "100% serious relationship, family oriented relationship like I wanted in the beginning" Up to that part, I was understanding her, because it was kinda true, but then she said "so I think its going to be better to break it off, unless you are willing to commit"
So I told her "you're right... we should break up", she said "so you are not willing to commit?" and I said "If I have to choose right now between commit into a family relationship or breaking up, I choose breaking up. We went too fast and we didn't let it flow enough. I love you and love our relationship but its too soon to commit fully, there are lot of things that we should fix before making a decision like that"
She said then "ok, thank you for everything, I hope you have a good life", kissed me in the cheek and got out of the car into her house. And I left. She immediately removed me from her socials.
That was 4 days ago. We didn't contact each other again. Don't think any of us will.
SO,
What I already know:
- I fucked up because of deciding with my feelings. I had oneitis with this woman and let that oneitis make me go bluepill.
- I should have added her to my plates rotation and make her win her place slowly, instead of going straight to LTR from the beginning, by doing that it would create a LTR in my frame with the time, or, if that doesn't happen, we would have sex for a good time until she or I decide that we don't want anything else with the other and just left it there. (If that happens I would still be elegible for sex in the future, now in my current situation I'm not anymore)
What I don't know:
- How to get over oneitis when the woman its EXTREMELY SUPERIOR to every other woman you have access to?
I can get HB8s as a maximum, I don't have much success with HB9s, and I don't know any HB10 other than this woman (I thought this even before being with her!)
I understand that if I keep improving and move out from my small city to another place, I should be able to pull HB9s and HB10s, but I'm far from that.
- How to stop feeling depressed?
I need to move on and I have no idea on where to start. The only time in my life I felt like this, was when I broke up with my first gf, but she cheated on me so it was easy to always remember myself that at least.
Now I can't stop thinking that this woman was a really good candidate to start a family with, she has the best genetic ever, she was really loyal, she is fun to have around, etc. and that I fucked it up. Everything that was wrong got to that point because of things I did or didn't do when I should.
I can't stop thinking that if I didn't fucked up, at least I would be eligible for fucking her in the future, and now I'm not.
Answer to myself: I literally don't know.
I never stopped going to the gym and I look great, so "go to the gym" its not a valid tip anymore. I never stopped working and pursuing more money so "start focusing in improving yourself" its not a valid tip anymore. I had abundance mentality before but now it's extremely difficult as no other woman compares to this one, both in physical and psychological ways. I know that I can pull some bitches and start fucking them if I want but I don't even want for now.
I have a good life, and time will make it better, I know that. But I feel so down, this crushed me. I didn't even let family and friends know about me breaking up with her yet. It's gonna hurt.
Only answer I can give myself is: "don't let something like this happen again to you, do not forget that redpill concepts apply even if you are in love, don't be stupid"
First-light 2 6d ago
You got played by a woman with game. That's the way to look at it. Maybe she can't quite close a rich guy out because she is too far too fast, not quite mentally stable enough (like many good male players for that matter) but she has female game. You just got Alpha widowed.
Start to look at what she was really offering? Was she really deserving of your being her Beta? She was well used and not tolerant even though you were keeping your end of the bargain and being a good Beta.
Any man that wants a family and wants to stay with the woman and build a life will need to be some woman's Beta but it needs to be a fair trade. If she wants good, she needs to give good back. What you got is what a lot of women get from a lot of red pill men that think they can vet, test and train women, get a weak enough, needy enough one who isn't a total mental mess and keep her in a box for life. It never works well long term. You got released early.
You didn't do anything really wrong. Love is not formulaic like add to plates and see if she is good enough. Falling in love is natural. Its easy to say you should have avoided her. But you liked her and didn't see there was not enough under the surface to build on because you didn't know her enough and jumped in with both feet.
Look she has fucked a large portion of your phone book and it didn't work out. What made you so special it could work out with you? It was not going to work out with her, she is not the type it will work out well with for a man who actually wants a fair deal with a woman.
Game will get you into someone's pants but it can't make you or them a good spouse. To do that you have to stop playing and cut a fair deal with a fair dealer who will sink their trust, effort and patience into you in return for yours. She wasn't like that, she was all about her landing a man and starting a family and she had no patience for you when you wanted to step back and review. It wasn't you she wanted, just a successful man. She would never have had any patience for you, just as she had no patience for the rest of your phone book which is only the tip of the iceberg that has frozen the softness out of her heart.
n0thing 6d ago
Awesome eyes opener reply. Thank you man!
The only thing:
I think I did, if I didn't make her my girlfriend so quick maybe I would discover incompatibility before doing so, and in that case if she decided to left me, at least I would have open doors for sex in the future with her as I would have been just a fuckboy she had. No? I just wanted her to be exclusive to me because of love because I got hooked bad, I let feelings dictate my decisions
ExConvictNowMillionaire 1d ago
"at least I would have open doors for sex in the future with her as I would have been just a fuckboy she had. No? "
I disagree. It doesn't seem you broke frame while ending it. You've been respectful & there has been no argument - meaning she will not have hard feelings.
Ending plates & relationships respectfully without drama is great because it kind off leaves the door open for casual contact in the future. However you should only attempt that if you're 100% over the oneitis. And in my experience when that is - you've probably lost all interest in her due to aging and/or better options
First-light 2 5d ago
You didn't really do anything wrong. Sometimes there are clear rights and wrongs but sometimes there is just "It just wasn't right" If there is one criticism it is that maybe you just didn't look at her track record. You knew she was a bit well travelled and hoped it would be different this time. In a better world where hot women are not almost always well used and spoiled by 30 this criticism might have more weight. But in the west today where one has to hope a woman is not entirely ruined and is ready to be grown up, its hard to be too critical of a man who gives it a go when a very hot girl comes along and wants to get serious with him.
When a race is over all the pundits sit there and say why the athletes that lost lost and why the winner won. Occasionally it is because an athlete blew it with bad tactics or used perfect tactics that outsmarted very slightly better rivals. But most of the time the pundits in the commentary booth and in the stands are all just taking crap. The winner won because they were better. The losers lost because they weren't good enough. If the losers had gone out slower or faster, tried to surge the pace unexpectedly, gone hard at the bell, kicked later after the bend or whatever it would have made no difference because they didn't bring enough to the race. The winner would just have adapted and won another way. The same is true for a lot of relationships. If they fail its because they weren't good enough to defeat the problems of normal life. They might have failed on money issues or trust issues not enough effort or unreasonable demands but in the end the actual way they failed was incidental. The fact was that they failed because they were not a strong enough team and would have failed one way or another eventually.
In this case SHE, not you, didn't bring enough to the race and she failed your team. It could have failed in much messier ways later but your instinct to just pull back and rebalance was good and she couldn't cope with it. The shallowness of her commitment and her inability to pair bond showed through and she fell short, while you did not.
You say you could have gone slowly and just been a fuck boy she had. Maybe but she has had a lot of fuck boys and moved on. You were not playing for fuckboy status. Nature has set you as a man up to have dual mating strategy -bang as many lower value females as you can to spread your genes widely but don't invest yourself much in these women. However also pair bond with the best quality female you can, build a life with her and raise your best children with her. That is not fuck boy time, that is serious man time. She was smoking hot, a grade higher genetically than you usually can pull. What were you supposed to do? Pass her up? Act nonchalant and hope your extreme high value would keep you out of the friendzone? You were supposed to fall for her. Being a fuck boy would just have totally messed with your head as she ran about with other guys she wanted to lock down and amused herself with you in her spare time.
If she had been your regular plate material, you could probably have held her exclusively and gone slower but the idea that you can treat women with a higher SMV than you the same as women with a slightly lower SMV is usually a bit optimistic. She will have known your true SMV if she has fucked a lot of your friends, she has been in your circles and you could not pretend to be higher value. Hot women know their value. She might have taken being vetted and plated and tried out by a guy who was way out of her league (but she could never have landed that guy as a spouse). This was not a lower value woman who should be trying hard to get and keep you and you probably knew that instinctively, that is why you fell for her. (A healthy man is supposed to fall for and pair bond with a woman who is the highest value he can get, its part of healthy dual strategy mating) Most likely you were right to take a shot. She wanted you to and you really wanted her. When we really want a thing we sometimes have to give it all we have.
It could have worked very well if she had accepted that she needed to actually say "This is the man I choose and I am with him for better or worse, so I will work to reassure him if he is uncertain. Its not like I am 24 any more, my value is falling, this is a good guy. He is my choice for starting a family and I am going to prove it to him". Instead she said what she has been saying to other men since you were jerking off to her at 17 "Beta can stay if acts keen enough and does what I want" This is not a realistic strategy for someone whose SMV has peaked and is considering "settling" with a younger man who had already put away all others for her. She treated you with the same sort of attitude that a man might treat a low value plate -she can stay if she behaves how I want. She learned that attitude from plating dozens of men in her past but she was not looking for a plate this time but a mate. She doesn't understand the difference. You did. You backed out even thought it hurt you. Good job and better luck next time.
Women only get alpha widowed because they fail to see that it was never going to work, the SMV values didn't match. It was impossible optimism to be more than a plate for that guy. In your case it was not impossible optimism just improbable optimism that she was "ready to settle" after peaking and was still capable of pair bonding after trying out so many guys. If you can see it that way -you took a slim chance, gave it 100% because she was genetic quality you couldn't pass up on but it didn't come out, you won't get alpha widowed. You will see it in perspective, see you actually did well and will feel better sooner.
Whether you ever enjoy her again or not is not important. You can't have her how you wanted her whatever happens. The sex was great because you wanted her so much. Now you know that you don't actually want to be her beta at the price she would exact. This will make her appeal fade. If you put her out of you mind and don't chase her like a lost puppy, you may enjoy her again one day but it will then be in perspective. Then she will only be a plate -probably a cheating wife who despises the simp she settled for and is looking for someone to make her feel desired. You won't value her that much. The sex will be good because of her hotness and enthusiasm but not what it was when she was your hopes and dreams coming true.
Now you have seen through her. It was a good ride and you are better for having taken it even if it didn't go where you wanted.
n0thing 5d ago
Holy shit, this is gold for me, it honestly helps a lot. Thank you so much my man
adam-l Moderator 6d ago
First-light gave you the full answer, so not much else to add.
You didn't really do anything wrong. You rode the feelings, and exited impeccably at the right time. I'd say, well played.
You couldn't have turned her into a plate, forget these thoughts. And if you had moved on an married that controlling bitch, you'd be miserable in no time. You probably already know that the woman's body count is the number 1 predictor of divorce. What makes you so special to beat the chances?
As a parting thought: you might get her as a plate a few years down the road, when she wants to cheat on her husband. But you have to completely put her out of your mind for now.
n0thing 5d ago
Thank you so much man
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 6d ago
Tl;Dr of all time, damn dude!
GFTOW, this stands for Go Fuck Ten Other Women. This solves a great many of the relationship problems men find themselves with.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 6d ago
I see not many people answered. Give me some time
You got good answers though
Kloi 6d ago
Can I just link old reddit posts or is that too lazy?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 6d ago
You can link posts
SpiritualEnema 6d ago
The only way that this game with her could ever play out in your favor is if she returns to you of her own volition, with no prompts from you. I’m sure you know this already. Any pleading from you will give her all the leverage and result in a deep blue pill relationship with minimal respect from her.
At 30 years old this is prime epiphany phase behavior from her. She might get desperate enough to reach back out to you, but as said above, you can’t initiate it. This would be a chance for you to set new rules while giving the potential possibility of commitment later, if you so choose.
n0thing 6d ago
Yes, I do know and won't contact her at all, I don't think she'll ever contact me tho.
She removed me from social media but made her private account go public, so now I can see her profile if I wanted, thought about blocking her as blocking can be better for mental health but it can make it look like I care or like I'm hurt, so I guess I'll just never check it. What do you think?
And also I removed every picture with her except for one that we did as models, it seems like a random model if somebody looks at my ig, she cant see that tho as I do have private account, but eventually will make it public in a couple months. Should I delete that? I think it can farm some preselection points having that there, lol
mattyanon Admin 5d ago
What really changed: she lost attraction because you were too beta.
Fuck 12 hot women and then tell us how you feel.
You're not going to replace her quickly. but you CAN have a full and happy life, and you'll meet other women. Focus on what you have and what you can get, and look back at this relationship as one where you made a lot of mistakes, and it just diidn't work out. That's how you move on.
Loyal? Dude, she was controlling as fuck and it was getting worse every week.
That's controlling, not loyalty.
She wasn't loyal to you. She pretended to be long out of her hoe phase, even though it ended a week or two before you started seeing each other. That's dishonest, not loyal.
Listen to yourself. Quit idolising her. She's a woman, she's controlling, and she's not 100% honest with you.
Kloi 5d ago
No she wasn't. The phone thing is enough of a red flag with out adding in the being passed around by a bunch of rich dudes. Ontop of that, 30yo is past her prime years for pregnancy.