I've never shared my misery with anyone. I don't wanna look like a cry baby but I'm just so sad about me I need help.

Make an appointment with a professional counselor. Talk about your issues. Stop making excuses.

I just wished someone to say "I love you" to me.

Iron Rule of Thomassi #6:

Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects or wishes to be loved.

Why aren't you loving yourself? It's Not women's job to make you feel adored and nurtured, even if they had that inclination. Your mother figure is gone and you're an adult now. You don't need mothering. .

Some days ago a female friend of mine told me I should concentrate on making money that no girl in her right mind would breed with a guy like me. That hit me really hard.

Oooops. You paid massive amounts of attention to something some woman said. Your bad.

but I never told anyone how much it hurts inside. It feels like I'm outcasted alien among humans.

Imposter Syndrome.

Once I read a book about plastic surgeon. He says how you feel about yourself really matters on how you look to others. "

Plastic surgery has zero effect on imposter Syndrome, which is why people usually end up getting several more surgeries until they get sick of paying tens of thousands of dollars.

I just want to know how to get through this shitty existence.

Cultivate an Abundance Mentality.

Your life feels shitty because you have created habits and beliefs that sabotage your ability to get your long term emotional needs met.

Needs such as social interaction, interaction with the opposite sex, letting your guard down around people, having something productive to do with your time and efforts, and having a positive direction in your life (self-actualization.)

This may not have been deliberate, but over time those habits have began to add up to a lifestyle of frustration, withdrawal, and avoidance.

Currently I'm on monk mode. I live alone far away from people I know.

Stop being antisocial and make some friends. Choose to let your guard down and be seen.

Why am I trying everyday to get better

Not trying to get better in ways that get your needs for social interaction met.

when humanity has denied me love and beauty ?

Entitlement is another beta trait. Nobody is owed a single thing by the universe or society. You're not denied anything. Either take steps to get what you want and keep trying new methods to get those things. Or else don't.

Nobody is refusing to dole the things you want by the kilo and deliver them on your doorstep automatically. You are not owed your body to look a certain way. You are not owed friendships or attention from women. You are not owed a satisfying job. In fact I would go so far as to say that you are cultivating habits that avoid the latter three.

What is the purpose of my existence ?

You should know already that the outside world can never, ever answer questions like that.

Your mental space is an "I-tocracy." That means "I set my own dogma. I set my policies. If my mental state is chaos, I am self-governing poorly." If you want questions decided, you need to ask the one person who is in charge.

I constantly dream of running away and erase people's memory about me.

Hah! You're not nearly as memorable as you believe you are.

Most people don't care that much and have forgotten about you 98% already. Nobody cares about mildly embarrassing shit that happened to you in the past.

Lose the weird look. If you lack hair on the front part of your head, get used to wearing a fig or go bald and grow a beard.

Don't panic, get a plan on fixing your life. It is doable.

Fix up your diet. (Very Important to your body and mental health. Trust me.)

Go to a therapist/psychologist

Lift weights(lost fat and gain muscle)

Just focus on yourself bro. Sorry to hear about your issues but stay strong and just improve yourself on step and day at a time.

PM me if you wanna talk man. I suffer from depression and anxiety and cleaning up my diet and lifting weights is really helping me.

Did you just call yourself really cute?

I suffered from premature receding in my early 20's and just do a buzz (no guard).

If improving your looks is out of the question, do what you can to improve your socio-economic status. The latter is probably more important, my uncle is short and goofy looking but he makes seven figures, drives a Bentley and slays p****.