It's already been six months since I am single after a 4.5 years LTR. I don't miss her or think about her anymore.
I'm having more or less regular sex once per week with a plate, some hookups from tinder and cold approach. Had another plate for 3 months I got from cold approach right after the breakup. Lots of makeouts in clubs/dates (that actually seems to cockblock me. Just one quick makeout = sex) and good interactions. I do night game and I go to the gym.
But.. I feel empty and not very satisfied of the sex with those girls. It feels emotionsless. They all want to be called sluts and get spanked. I used to love rough kinky sex (I also have been in the BDSM scene for some years), but now I'm not sure anymore. All I am left is their mascara tears on my pillow to clean.
I remember 5 years ago, before my LTR, I was gaming like crazy and any new girl was a rollercoaster of fun. Now I just feel that people use each other for instant gratification.
Even the plate, it's just silence the whole week, then I text her "lets meet X day to watch a movie", I go there, maybe make dinner, or straight jump in the bed, watch the movie, fuck her, sleep, kiss goodbye see ya next week.
Or the last recent tinder hookup of last night: meet for drinks at 6, 1 hour talking, make out, I say "I'm hungry lets cook dinner", she pays for drinks, we buy food at the supermarket, go to my place, 2 minutes later she is on her knees. Sex. Dinner, goodbye. Had sex with her in about 2 hours since I met her.. rip Mystery rule of 7 hours lol.
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It's just me or the dating scene is changed? I feel like no girl is into anything with some affection (like FWB) until they are 27+. I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but this all feel kinda superficial. I even feel like if you make out it's too "emotional", they just want sex.
CoByRK 5y ago
I believe Problem is, once us guys are done licking our wounds and mentally revisiting the pain of our past relationship, a feeling of loneliness will set in and hook-ups will seem empty and hollow.
WarViper1337 5y ago
It seems like you are actually after an LTR where deeper feelings actually mean something. Simple hook ups and plates aren't going to give you those feelings because its all about some quick no strings attached sex. Perhaps it is time for you to vet a new woman to be in an LTR with.
LeonardoDiDraperBond 5y ago
Just dont forget that those should start out as plates to.
looseonthemoose1321 5y ago
The dating scene hasn't changed that much in the past 5 years.
Your mindset is what's holding you back, I feel.
You suggest that the women you meet are more or less vapid and "just want sex", but usually the things we experience in life are reflections of ourselves.
It sounds like you desire a woman with substance who displays qualities worth making her a LTR sometime down the road, which is fine if that's what you want, but your mindset of that not being a possibility is going to keep holding you back from achieving that.
You make it quite obvious in your post that you're lonely when it comes down to it, but I would challenge you to switch your mindset and shake off the pessimistic attitude you have on dating.
You won't be able to find a woman worth an LTR until you're worth an LTR yourself, so re-align yourself with your purpose, become okay with being alone, and change your mindset to become more positive. Then the women worth a LTR will come.
SpiderMonkeyCheetah 5y ago
This is a well thought out articulate response I hope someone listens to it
Quaternionz 5y ago
I was exactly where you were just a few months ago. I’m a year out of a 4.5 year relationship. We were engaged and planning on having kids. Everything with new girls for the first 8 months after the break up felt hollow and empty in comparison.
You’re still not over her, not really. You might not be thinking about her proactively, but your brain is still in a mode where it expects and wants that deeper connection that you had grown so accustomed to.
The trick to find that deeper connection with yourself instead. Focus on lifting. Find a new hobby like photography, or computer programming, or fixing cars. Let your hobbies and your career fill that void in your soul.
Once your brain ceases expecting that romantic bond to be present in your life you’ll find casual sex more satisfying. You’ll be at a point where you’d rather just focus on you instead of seeing girls at all, but you’ll still see one once in a while because you have to get your dick wet occasionally, and it’s better than jerking off for months on end.
In the long term it’s healthier for men to always keep their primary “romantic” energy focused on themselves. Even in an LTR you should consider your girlfriend or wife a secondary priority in your life. Do that, and you’ll never have to go through this again.
shuritsen 5y ago
I'm fresh out of a 1.5 year relationship, the hollowness is real. There was always a void, even when i was with her. It was my first Real LTR, and knowing I had to leave is kind of crushing. Now, filling the void with other things is slowly becoming easier, but I can't find the reason to focus my energy on myself unless it's a spur of the moment "Hey, i'm gonna do this today!" type vibe. I don't think i love myself enough, and that's probably the main issue, and it's a pretty hard leap to overcome.
Quaternionz 5y ago
Yeah, I know what you mean. A lot of it for me also is random spikes of motivation where I go “Hey! I’m gonna do this today.” But then the rest of the days I sink back into a less productive attitude. Lifting helps a lot. If I lift my mood and motivations are a lot better overall.
econdweeb 5y ago
Going through this myself currently. Was with my ex for 4.5 years like yourself. Only been 3 months. Have had sex with 2 girls a couple times each and got the same emotionless feeling afterwards you talk about. Same thing as you , before I met my ex I was meeting girls all the time , having sex with different types , races , etc it was great. But I think after I had sex with my ex and realized not only was I super attracted to her physically , we also had an emotional bond that really took sex to another world for me. Where as now, as soon as I cum I just start looking at the door.
BusterVadge 5y ago
Holy shit... I could have written this myself. 3.5 year LTR, broke up 6 months ago as of today. I've been playing with plates and having a ton of fun but the emptiness is REAL.
I think it takes more time to return to normal the longer the relationship was.
CalvinRichland 5y ago
Feminism worked
markinsinz7 5y ago
Here we go again another guy crying about getting laid with new hotties. This world drives me nuts sometimes.
E: u did bounce back fast good for you. I find u must be good lookin or quite high SMV in ur area considering your bounce back
KinkysMT 5y ago
There are different phases in each of our life's.
I'm a big fan of Rsd, I think their programs are top noch for learning game. So right after the breakup I started rewatching them (my game went shit during the LTR) and took massive action in the weekends. So about two weeks after the breakup I was lucky to have found what would become a 3 months plate. I was so mad after I met my ex 2 months later and she told me about all the dicks she was taking on tinder, and that I had "to put so much effort" to get laid by cold approach. But that's another story.
My SMV is not high, my face is average, I'm 6ft (average in this country) but I'm skinny af, 65kg I believe that's about 140lb. I guess game helps a lot.. Also thanks to TRP guides for tinder now I get matches on a regular basis. Photofeeler is gold to test your pictures. Before I was getting like 1 match per week.
allcryptal 5y ago
Do you have a go to instructor you watch or pick and choose among the rsd guys?
KinkysMT 5y ago
My favourite is Julien, I also saw him live at two Free Tours.
The programs that helped me the most are: Pimp by Julien and The Natural by Max.
I also watch videos of Jeffy and Todd Valentine.
In the end you gotta find what works for you and make your own style, with your inner jokes.
GorillaFingerprint 5y ago
Like others said, it sounds like you want an LTR but are acting otherwise. Even the wrong LTR may leave you wanting more. Find someone solid.
My LTR loves being called a slut and loves getting spanked, You got a problem bro?
KinkysMT 5y ago
Not at all. It's just now that feels strange, but it's probably just because how I feel in general. Nothing against dirty talk, I actually used to love it.
GorillaFingerprint 5y ago
I hear you... As we all know women don't provide fulfillment, so be sure to find that in other ways. Try a new sport/hobby, etc.
Slayerzyzz 5y ago
You don't find LTR cold approaching sluts in a club. If a girl fucks that easy is she really LTR material anyway?
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LTRs are easier if you have some female friends , easier said that done if you have anxiety.
Ricklogical 5y ago
Lots of women dont want to kiss. Yah plates are hollow because you are supposed to find fulfillment in yourself and finding your life goal
Cmdrj-nice 5y ago
After a while everything becomes mediocre
CainPrice 5y ago
Plates, FWBs, hookups, and booty calls are great when you actually have shit going on in your life. If you're super-busy, have a demanding job, hobbies you enjoy, and shit to do, then it is super-convenient for a girl to show up at 9:15 and leave by 10:00 so you can shower and get some sleep before work tomorrow.
You need a real purpose in life beyond finding a relationship. Stop thinking of casual sex as some kind of relationship simulator and recognize it for what it is: a need. When you're hungry, you stop for dinner on the way home from work. When you're horny, you arrange a hookup after work.
Sure, intense, connected, passionate sex with a lover is "better", but sometimes you don't have a 200$ ribeye in front of you, so you have a hamburger instead, which can still be very tasty. Casual sex is the fast food of sex. It fills the need, then you can get home and get your shit done.
markinsinz7 5y ago
What hobbies do you have Cain.
E: genuinely curious. You seem so full of life and I'm glad you're helping so many peeps around here with valuable insights
CainPrice 5y ago
I'm not that impressive. Gym, jiu-jitsu, running, cooking (I make everything from scratch - even my own stock from bones/carcasses - and save the drippings from everything I roast to cook other things. Okay, so that's maybe my one "impressive" hobby), I read constantly (mostly what I'd call interesting fiction - author's takes on genres and topics I wouldn't normally think about if I didn't find the book), I've tried to get into gardening or at least growing some of my own herbs but I kill everything. I'm slowly teaching myself basic bartending recipes. Something about the way different liquors go together and change the taste of each other is kind of fascinating to me.
I'm not into anything super-cool. My day job takes up most of my time. It's really demanding and the hours are insane, but the pay is good and it has other benefits.
markinsinz7 5y ago
So how do u meet so many girls then, and like what's ur f close rate? Give or take...curious as to how much effort ur putting for whatever return
CainPrice 5y ago
I don't meet many girls any more. When I did, it was mostly online dating sites. I got out of a really bad, really long relationship and jumped into online dating. It turned out that I was really, really good at it. I apparently have really good text/message game. I had more dates than I had time to date, and I ended up with a slutty-as-hell younger girlfriend.
I wasn't going to make a girlfriend out of her at first, but honestly, I'm getting pretty much all the sex I can handle from her, and she's also really, really good to me outside of the bedroom. And the sex is pretty freaking amazing. And getting your girlfriend to fuck you takes a lot less time and energy than meeting a new Tinder girl. As long as she keeps it up, I'll keep her around. She's working hard, and I strongly believe in rewarding good behavior. A lot of guys forget that. They're very into enforcing boundaries and being assholes and putting their foot down over bad behavior, but they forget to reinforce and encourage good behavior.
Besides online, I also had pretty good luck meeting girls at the gym and at wine bars.
markinsinz7 5y ago
Nice response makes sense, I do find trp can be overly strict when advising on treating LTRs ofcourse this is cause the peeps asking questions like ltr treatment are usually weak ass betas so sometimes hardcore advice is needed.
Cool good for u it is like time saving right after all we want the most return for our efforts and ltr any day are 10times easier. Now when time comes to marry n shit it's a different story.
U got a sample text convoy from open to finish that u can PM me ? Texting is actually where I fall off. And I do not believe that it's only for logistics - that's just more safe and based on abundance not efficiency.
CainPrice 5y ago
I can't say that I do - I actually checked for you. I've changed phones recently enough that it's all girlfriend conversations in my text logs. If you're struggling with something specific, feel free to shoot me a copy of a girl's online profile and your own and I'll see if anything comes to me. I don't know if stuff I do for my kind of woman and my age bracket would apply to yours or not.
I'd always open with something about half standard/funny about myself and half tailored to a girl's profile. I'd get a response back maybe a third of the time, which is a pretty good return for online dating. At that point, the goal is to set a date, not to have a conversation - I'd always have a few slots in the coming week I was trying to fill in mind and steer the conversation toward a real world meeting rather than fielding interview questions. I'd make a point of asking fairly early on what part of town she lives in. Any time a girl was iffy about answering that, I'd add that I hate making women drive halfway across town for a first date. Once I knew that, I'd be looking up places to take her that are close to her residence to make going home with her easier. Girls are actually usually more comfortable taking a guy back to their place on a first date versus going to his. And more likely to agree to a low-investment first date if she's not driving half an hour for it.
One time, after a girl's third message asking me an interview question, I told her something like "If I answer all of these questions now, we won't have anything to do next Thursday besides make out." She retorted something like, "Since when are we going out Thursday?" I think I said, "Because it's karaoke night at (place close to her) and I'm busy Wednesday and Friday. Wouldn't want you to go all week without a makeout." She asked what about next Sunday for coffee, and I told her we'll see how Thursday goes first. Thursday went great, and we went out Sunday, too. Not for coffee. Coffee dates are lame.
I agree that texting doesn't have to be only for logistics, but it's best if it is -primarily- for logistics. Texting with a girl should always be goal oriented, never just to have a conversation. Texting should be leading toward a date, putting her in the mood for sex, or getting some important information from her that will help you with either of those. You're never just texting to stay on her radar and asking how she's doing. However, you do need to exchange enough messages that she feels like she knows you okay and is comfortable enough to actually show up for a date. You don't just trade three or four smart-ass banter messages, agree to a date and time to meet, then go radio silent on her for the next three days when she texts because the logistics are done. That's weird.
markinsinz7 5y ago
Yea your last Para is the one that is on point PMin you a sample. Sinar style to urs but low interest from girl I believe
pame12 5y ago
Try searching for a potential LTR; though don't try to find one from cold approaches or clubs.
[deleted] 5y ago
Why not the cold approach?
pame12 5y ago
I meant as in asking her to be your GF from the first day.