Marriage is commitment. Commitment is responsibility. Responsibility is a tool of the patriarchy. Patriarchy is misogyny. Thus, marriage is obsolete.

Okay, let's unpack this shit. Let's talk about marriage and consent and why more and more men won't consent to marriage.

What exactly is consent?

Consent is when an independent person, with absolutely no obligation to do the thing - willingly chooses to do the thing. This is true regardless of what "the thing" is. Whether it's something big, small or trivial.

What exactly is commitment?

Commitment is when you choose to take on responsibility for someone or something.

What exactly is responsibility?

Responsibility is when a person is liable for the outcome of the thing for which they are responsible. They remain responsible for it, regardless of how they're feeling that day.

Example: you're responsible to pay your bills and keep your property tidy, regardless of your emotional or financial situation. If you fail to live up to your responsibilities, there will be consequences that follow. Conversely, when you make good - responsible - decisions, you benefit from the positive consequences.

Consent and responsibility

It therefore stands to reason that consent and responsibility don't go together. The more you have of one, the less you will have of the other.

Once you've committed, you're responsible. Once you're responsible, you must fulfill your responsibility regardless of your emotional or financial situation. If you don't satisfy your responsibilities, you will suffer the consequences. You no longer have the power of consent (as described above).

What is the purpose of marriage?

The purpose of marriage is the long term stability of families.

A family is primarily the unit of husband and wife, but it also includes the children, if there are children.

Therefore, marriage traditionally included that which promoted the long term stability of the family and excluded that which disturbed or harmed the long term stability of the family. Therefore, marriage is a commitment of responsibility.

The details may have differed from time to time and place to place, but the fundamentals remained similar throughout history.

To what are you committing in marriage?

This is why sex and money are the two most important factors in marriage. Because these are the main ingredients necessary for building and maintaining a family.

Therefore, marriage always included a commitment of sex and money.

Money is what the man brings to the marriage. To protect and provide for the wife and children. Whatever it takes, he is responsible for making it happen.

Sex is what the woman brings to the marriage. To not have sex with others and to have sex with her husband. Whatever it takes, she is responsible for making it happen.

(Conversely, there were also financial obligations upon the woman and sexual obligations on the man, as well as other obligations on both. Once again, different details in different cultures and not the point of this post.)

Patriarchal misogyny

In today's society in the entire western world, we have decided that responsibility is a misogynistic tool of the patriarchy, designed to oppress women.

  • We have decided that expecting a wife to have sex with her husband, is a form of rape.

  • We have decided that expecting a woman to share her earnings with her husband is a form of abuse.

  • We have decided that every other form of responsibility is oppressive to women.

However, we have still maintained that men must maintain their traditional responsibilities towards their wives and children.

Whether or not you agree with this, whether or not your marriage works this way, is irrelevant. What is relevant is that this is the culture in every western country. What's even more relevant is that the big boot of the law will force you to comply with these values, whether you like it or not.

To summarize - marriage is obsolete

Consent and responsibility don't go together. Marriage is a commitment of responsibility. Thus, marriage removes your power to consent. You are responsible for your part of the marriage equation, regardless of how you're feeling that day.

Of course, a person always has the ability to make choices. A man can choose to not protect and provide. A woman can choose to not have sex. However, these choices are contrary to the responsibility of marriage. Therefore, these choices will have destructive consequences on the marriage.

Today we have decided that responsibility for women is oppressive misogyny. We have decided that women must always maintain their power to consent, at all times, in every situation. Thus, we have decided that women are not committed to anything or responsible for anything. Thus, we have decided to make marriage obsolete.

You wanted the power of consent at all times - the power to engage when you're feeling it and not engage when you're not feeling it. You wanted to throw off the shackles of responsibility. You got your wish. You can be fully independent. You don't need no man and no man needs you either.

Enjoy your cats, vibrators and boxed wine.