TL;DR
Discussion of values and priorities of a divorced dad (shared custody) between 35-40 yo. Or, bragging in disguise, if you will. I'm surprised how my frame changed during RP implementation post divorce.
Body
My kids are back to school.
Few days ago I made some plans with a girlfriend for next weekend, but as it came out there's PTA meeting next Tuesday and this changes my custody plans and in turn if I want one day more with kids, I won't be able to leave with girl until late evening. As she also needs to perform some arrangements on her side, I text her not to push too hard for those arrangements and "whatever will be, will be" and that I don't actually like planning so much forward (bullshit, I do, only I don't see her as too important) and that spontaneous actions are the best and if our weekend is going to work out, it will work out.
I'm honest with her. As in Mark Manson's "Models" honest.
In my heart, I realize she is my last priority. She's pretty but I haven't even fucked her, I have some doubts about if she finds me attractive or just looks for a beta.
And, I thought, even if she finds me attractive... what does it change, really?
She is still my fucking last priority, because if she does find me attractive, it means she can wait and she will wait.
Didn't you read all those stories about girls banging their exes after year or two? Didn't you read BlackDragon's blog? He has a name for girls leaving him to get "temporary exclusivity" from a beta... then getting back to him to fuck him after months or even years.
I remember contacting an ex-gf after 4 or 5 years (it was long time ago) and still fucking her without any problems. Shit, I contacted ex-plate this year, 7 months, she was DTF. Please note those 2 cases I describe here involved pretty compatible sexual chemistry from both sides, but still.
Suddenly I realize, that I can go with my life and my plans with ease. If she is not interested, if she does not invest in relationship with me, no amounts of actions on my part will make her interested and invested. If she finds me attractive, that's even better. She can wait and she gladly will. She may fuck someone in the meantime, why not. But, do I care, if she wants to meet every single time I contact her?
When I plan for the next week, I realize that my current priorities, as divorced dad are:
1) physical health - lifting
2) work - money
3) taking care of my shit (diet, clean flat)
4) quality time with my kids
5) everything else.
I'm surprised I have my shit together this way. I thought this is going to be worse. After this summer, financially, I'm better than ever, even if I pay pretty big alimony, I am inside my tight budget, I am reaching my financial goals. Even if I am a contractor and I went for a holiday for 2 weeks.
And, for you poor, victimized divorced schmucks w/kids out there, posting victim pukes over here or AskTRP, I'm between 35-40 yr old and girls noted in this post are 26 and 29 year old. And they can fucking wait. And, for "in case of emergency break glass" sex, I have another 29 yo and (surprise surprise) 50 yo on side. Yes, 50 yo and I actually find her being much better quality woman than younger girls. As for her looks - RedPillWomen reading this, if you exercise and abstain from smoking and shitty diet, you can suddenly find yourself in a situation, where your fuckmate is ripped and has a sixpack, and your 24-yo daughter's boyfriend does NOT. By the way, cold approach, today's girls are grateful for that. Cold approach and day game, this is no match for this artificial smartphone shit and mind that I've used internet chats and dating years before you.
And, if I finally meet any of those girls, I fuck them like an animal. Why shouldn't I, if I know I am handling my shit, that I have it together, that I have everything set up in order, that I secured my finances, that I spent quality time with my children, that I am the best version of myself I can be?
Summary
She is not my priority, she can wait.
I lose nothing by that.
I can't even think of skipping gym or kids time for some 'ho. No matter, how pretty or how low her notch count could be or how good LTR or FWB material she is. They can wait.
DoubleTappp 10y ago
I have 1 question....
When the fuck are people going to figure out the difference between "lose" and "loose".
I mean holy fuck.
ex_addict_bro 10y ago
Thanks man. I still think my English is way better than your [nodox] ;)
vagbutters 10y ago
The biggest, hardest part of delayed gratification is having the patience and fortitude to say "no" when sticking to your priorities. Women can come at any time, especially if you're working on your body and game. Career and the ability to be high SMV are more transient and therefore higher on the to-do list. The beta male will give it all up for female attention, junk food, video games, etc.
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tekn0_ 10y ago
Hey Bro.. Have you been listening to Dante Nero?
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RedPillWintergreen 10y ago
"A deal will always wait and a fool will always rush in".
dr_warlock Senior Endorsed 10y ago
Bingo. You can take out everything else and just leave this.
[deleted] 10y ago
Good on you, man. I don't have kids, but I respect the hell out of anyone who fucking takes care of their kids. I don't give a rat's ass about plumbing.
Nurture your kids into the real word and you are the 1%....well, 10%
Good luck, man.
[deleted] 10y ago
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ex_addict_bro 10y ago
I were in total control before but I tried to make her happy.
getwoke 10y ago
Great mindset post. Same boat age/divorce/kid wise (although I reside across the pond) as well as target demographic. New(ish) to red pill and game theory. Wanted to acknowledge the value of your post and give a virtual fist pound. Cheers.
Wel108 10y ago
I'm not surprised, I've experienced the same changes in my life. Good on you man.
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[deleted] 10y ago
I am her priority, if she want to be happy then she needs to make me happy. Simple as that.
BobbyPeru 10y ago
You sure are making a point about how much you don't care
ex_addict_bro 10y ago
:) you got me. nobody's perfect.
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logicalthinker1 10y ago
One of the most important things to remember is that attraction is non-negotiable. It's either there or it isn't. If it's there, then you don't need to worry about trying to obtain it. If it's not there, then there's nothing you can do to obtain it, so don't bother.
whatsazipper 10y ago
The sale is still negotiable once you've established that attraction is present.
[deleted] 10y ago
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Wumpus1 10y ago
Day game has really become my favorite way to meet people in general. Not to mention the extra satisfaction of success from day game. You really come to truly enjoy it after a while. becomes second nature and a great way to relax and laugh a bit!
Mckallidon 10y ago
Day game is easier IMO bc you fly under the radar. Women at a bar on a Friday night are used to being approached and it's like applying for one position with hundreds of applicants in that environment. Day game works so well because it's a different context with no pretenses.
[deleted] 10y ago
i love the job application analogy, spot on. same with online dating, chicks can sit back even more while picking and choosing
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swolingstoned 10y ago
This somehow turned into a shitpost
ex_addict_bro 10y ago
Yes. The truth is I wanted to brag for an ego fix.
[deleted] 10y ago
Yeah, but you've never been laid, bro. Shit, wait...you have kids.
[deleted] 10y ago
That's twice this week I go back to the first post of someone, and todays post, and find the difference amazing.
You and litz man, owning shit like a motherfuck, enjoy them hoes, spoils of war
BigVideoGamer69 10y ago
Your kids are only your fourth priority? Pretty fucked up.
ex_addict_bro 10y ago
Would be fucked up if they were my first.
You can't feed children with love.
You can't feed children when you're don't have anything to eat.
You can't feed children when you're bed-ridden at a hospital.
You can't teach your grandsons how it was back then when you're got your both legs cut off because of atherosclerosis because you just couldn't stop smoking.
Welcome to the red pill, where it is not as much about pussy as about opening your mind.
You don't need to thank me.
And yes, I told my kids about that. No job for me means no money. No money means poor housing, no toys, no trips, no fun. And yes, I told them they are way more important to me than girls, especially when their mother introduced her boyfriend to them in 3 weeks after I moved out. Quoting you, "pretty fucked up".
You want me to teach them they're the most important thing in my life, because of what reason? Because other people are more important than me? That's fucking codependency.
EDIT: and your question and your comment gets an up vote, because it is a good question.
BigVideoGamer69 10y ago
You literally put "lifting" as a higher priority than your kids. That's pretty warped. I'm speaking from the perspective of someone your age, btw.
jigglydee 10y ago
Why wouldn't it be? You reckon you can give kids quality time with poor health?
My workouts come before everything. Everything.
If anything you probably use your kids an excuse to procrastinate. Hey that's ok though bud, I do that when it comes to starting my own business.
ex_addict_bro 10y ago
Yes, my personal health is one of my most important assets and no, I'm not going to donate my kidney or any of my organs to anyone in my family. It's MINE.
[deleted] 10y ago
You take care of yourself first and your kids benefit.
Then again... I'm a 21 year old college kid.
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darksoldierk 10y ago
Isn't that misrepresentation or something? A lawyer should know.
BigVideoGamer69 10y ago
You're a 21 year old college kid. Enough said.
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monobrauw 10y ago
I was going to ask if the priority–list is ordered or not. There's this "dogma" so–to–speak that kids come before anything else, but /u/SmoothestLawyer's perspective is also true imho (even if he's a 21 yo college kid).
ex_addict_bro 10y ago
Not in my life. Not on the airplane. "Dogma", you say. /u/NeoreactionSafe would tell that this is globalist tyranny - blue pill programming. Helicopter parenting, codependency, all those fucking DISEASES.
We just found a notch in your thoughts and this is good. You're more on our side than not starting today. Thank you.
I don't want my children to contract a thought disease. Not from me.
NeoreactionSafe 10y ago
It's all a "Mind War".
There was a book written on that I think.
These guys:
http://www.gnosticmedia.com
...have developed a software based system they call "The Brain" and in it they document the hundreds of people and their thousands of interconnections within the "hidden hand" who actually have brought on the "cultural debasement".
What is great about this massive database is that you see how the Globalist Tyranny (of which the elite mind war experts are a small part) are connected in this personal way.
The Globalist Tyranny is more mafia than anything... all personal connections.
[deleted] 10y ago
Fuck that. Remember when 'food on the table' was the highest thing a man would do for his kids?
Put on your own mask before you put it on the kids. Even airplanes understand this
ex_addict_bro 10y ago
Give him an up vote, this thread is interesting as it shows another bluepill conditioning and if he gets more down votes he will pull this whole thread down, hiding it.
We're in the zoo today btw.
[deleted] 10y ago
It's sematics really. I have kids, dominant custody. They are my main priority, but if I am not functioning well, then they cannot function well. Putting things together on a priority list will attract people saying "kids come first". Of course they do, you made it clear in your post they are more important than bitches so therefore any other pursuits which are to do with bitches come second. Most good parents love their kids beyond all else, it goes without saying. My dumb fucking ex put her time with her new boyfriend ahead of her kids wellbeing. Sounds like we have a bit in common.
ex_addict_bro 10y ago
If you need a partner for validation and ego protection, it is your first priority. Not the kids or anything else. Ego protection is the most important then.
Also, codependent people will need to control someone and to feel better than such person or they feel miserable.
I saw new partner of her, exchanged a few words with him, thanked him for being kind to my sons and teaching them stuff from time to time. I offered my help and services in case he or his sons need something (I'm pretty valuable around here).
I asked him, what is his plan if my 1,5 yr old son starts to call him "dad". He reassured me that he has his own children and will not try to replace me as a father to my kids but he scratched his neck while saying so. Perhaps there are more things in his life than he is aware of.
After the talk, next day, I realized that I am trying to be controlling and that I really have no power in this situation. So basically ex and her bf are pretty much irrelevant to me at this point.
Then kids got back to school and me and ex we are arranging stuff like crazy. PTAs, arrangements, school stuff, everything top kek. She is a good partner when it comes to raising kids separately.
And, I'd rather see her handling her shit while in a possibly codependent relationship with new guy than freaking out while trying to manage herself without one. At least this is what she knows and feels comfortable with. Because, this way, her relationship doesnt really have any influence on my life, only I have less drama. How much drama the new guy has - and if his strategy of trying to create a relationship with single mom of 3 ex wife of an alcoholic with possibly bpd traits - this is thankfully none of my fucking business now.
[deleted] 10y ago
Shit man you can't be faulted for trying to control your ex-wife's new beau. Don't fucking worry about that for a single goddamn second. As long as someone else is spending time responsible for your kids, it is your goddamn business and.....be cool, but.....It. Is. Your. Business.