For the past 6 months, I've been working security at a nightclub in a small city near me. It's a slow work day and a few hours before my club shift, so I thought I'd share some observations/tips with y'all from my time there.

  1. No Girl is that good looking: At this club, all the servers/bartenders are women. When my buddy introduced me around before my first shift, I was a little taken aback by the fact that of the four girls he introduced, the least attractive one was a solid 8. Fast forward 4-6 weeks after several late night after parties/ staff get togethers and without makeup and various devices to lift/hold/tighten, those three 9s and an 8 are an 8 and three 7s. Lesson: Assume every woman is 1-2 points less attractive than you first see, because in all likelihood, they are.

  2. Women are abundant: Something happens when you spend your weekend night's surrounded by and interacting with women who have made themselves as attractive as possible, you get bored with hot. Or rather, your appreciation of 'hot' is refined to a level of 'Yes, and?' When you have a girl offer to blow you to avoid the $10 cover, your frame of reference on women and sex calibrate pretty damn fast.

  3. Status>Looks: I can tell as they walk in which guys blow their load tonight v. which guys will blow their paycheck. It isn't their 'look' that makes or breaks them (though it helps) it's status and attitude. The key is being easily identifiable as; A) fun and/or B) important. Exhibit A is a goofy looking pale chubby dude who shaves his chest and looks like a discount Jersey Shore extra. He always leaves with a decent girl because he goes out on the dance floor and dances like a jackass and enjoys himself. Exhibit B is a bouncer we had a while back, pudgy and with a face that looks like he took a hit from a frying pan, the kid spent his first night moping because his 'cheating whore wife' was 'leaving him'. Despite all this, he ended the night with 3 numbers from solid 7s, could've closed that night if he were at all on his game. Status beats Looks nearly every time.

  4. DON'T Bang the bartender: This goes for shot girls/dancers/bar-backs/etc. Don't do it. They're a bundle of red flags and issues contained in a bottle that gets hit on 100s of times a night. DON'T do it.

  5. (aka 4-a)...but let everyone think you are: Of the girls that work/worked at this club, I've 'allegedly' banged at least 40% of them. The reality is off by 40%, but the pre-selection of the most popular girls in the club is useful. Even if you're a regular and can regularly approach the bartender and exchange friendly pleasantries while holding her attention for 30 seconds, others will notice.

  6. (aka 4-b):Given that you aren't going to listen because no guy half drunk at 2AM with a hot chick half naked in front of him is thinking about the sage wisdom of Uncle Gaius, just remember to wrap it, and try to pay enough attention to spot the HUGE red flags.

In closing, I'd definitely recommend all guys try nightlife work at some point in there lives. It's an easy way to make money rather than spend it on weekends and it only serves to reinforce some key principles. I'd especially recommend it to guys with approach anxiety or oneitis.