1: My reaction to the problems was to check out and shut down and go along with everything. From my perspective it was just a matter of hoping things would somehow get better. But I think her change lit a spark in me to make a change happen too.

In retrospect, I agree with her view of the problems. At the time I thought I was the problem because she was telling me I was the problem.

It's symbiotic a little bit. We changed each other. As she changed, I would change, causing her to change more.

2: It's pretty dangerous to try to make her change by telling her she's controlling or bossy. My wife is good at helping women get a clear view of how they're participating in their marriage struggles. Try giving her a book. The Surrendered Wife is an inflammatory title that would probably get shoved back up your ass if you suggested it to your wife, but Laura's new book, First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors has a less inflammatory title and can really help open your wife's eyes and help things start to change for the better.

3: I think marriage is still worth it. There is a natural dance between men and women and with a man's side it's more being solid and taking the hits and not being emotional about it, but accepting that's how women and men are different. I need someone to impress and someone to please and the mirroring of how good I am. I have someone to work for. Men have always tried to impress women. That's how we progressed.

That's great! Many times as men we're people-pleasing our wives and we go overboard and that doesn't help either of you. Thank you for relating your experience and I'm glad things are going good for you now.

By "your" I assume you mean "our." And by "our" I don't mean you and me.

It's really good. Thanks for asking.

Sex is an important thing in marriage. Vital.

This is John, but I'm guessing you're pretty wiped out from getting ready to file for divorce, so I won't hold it against you. Laura threatened me with divorce once, so I get it.

My advice is that there IS something to save. If you're on your way to file for divorce, stop off at Arby's and have a shake instead.

You can make a difference. I hear you saying you don't want a divorce.

Laura's only ever written one blog for men and it's about how to get your wife to stop nagging you. If you go to her website and search for "How to Get Your Wife" it pops up. It may give you some insight about what to do. She mostly writes for the wife, but this could help you.

Once she stops nagging you'll do better.

I'm 59, Laura is 48. It will be 26 years married next month.

Something like that.

Thanks, had no idea who he was and a bing search led me to some musician lol

I think a lot of women are afraid they're going to have to give up something that's protecting them by being vulnerable. It's always scary to change and the reactions to having to change can be visceral. And some women just look at the title and don't go any further into what the book is about. A lot of women philosophically disagree with the book. We call these women "single." LOL.

Can you elaborate on that last sentence?

I don't recall that happening because when she surrendered, things like that weren't such a big deal, like red-letter arguments anymore.

I notice when I'm driving by myself, I seem to have no problem just getting to where I'm going. But when we were in the car together I felt like much of my attention had to go towards her and that I wasn't really paying attention because we were usually talking or arguing, which usually resulted in me not concentrating on my driving as much.

Her not talking about missing an exit meant I realized it myself, and then I just turned around and we got to our destination anyway. But I don't remember crossing state lines. We live in California so that would not be easy to do. States are smaller back east.

I think it's a great place for honesty. There seem to be a lot of hurt souls here, and a lot of wisdom too. Generally I feel like it's a good group of men who have gone through a lot of the relationship situations that I have. We're kindred spirits.

I'm grateful to be here doing this AMA. Thank you.

I think being a guy, it's a matter of hunting. I'd be in hunter mode. And I'd have to accept that there'd be some rejection and some disappointment. The key to success in dating or anything is to not take things personally. So I would just get out there and look for the right person that made me feel good about myself.

I don't read relationship books. Sorry.

I had the feeling she was just blowing a lot of hot air and maybe testing me. We had only been married a few years at that time. I felt that she knew what a big step divorce would have been at the time because her parents had been divorced and she could see the pain it causes. I wasn't totally believing she wanted to split up. It felt more annoying than anything else because I knew I wasn't much different than any other guy around.

Now that she's changed it's more like we're both participating in this relationship and not just looking for the exit or something better. We're not rolling dice in our heads. It stable and grounded and fun. We can have fun within the relationship without being scared all the time. It feels permanent. No worrying that a strong wind would blow everything away.

I see nothing wrong with self-protection, but you can't be a hermit. I prefer more of a healthy skepticism. You have to take some chances. There's a celtic saying, "To the brave belong all things." You might be scared but don't be too afraid to fail.

In terms of the modern age I don't think women have changed substantially inside.

Ha ha ha! Mostly I was hiding in the garage.

It's hard to say when I noticed the change exactly because it was pretty gradual.

I first noticed the change when I was going to do something for the family and she would say "I trust you to do a good job" on something that she wouldn't have trusted me on before. I was a little scared because I wasn't sure I trusted myself at first because I was taking over for the first time. In the beginning I just noticed over time. Eventually I could see there was a big difference between the person she was before and the person she was becoming and I felt happier and our marriage was improving.

At first I didn't know there was a thing called surrendering. Then I started to notice that things that we used to fight about no longer came up as a conflict. Sometimes I'd be expecting a fight over something like when I was going to clean the garage and then she would just say, "whatever you think" about things that were just in my domain. It was small changes at first, then basically the jig was up when I found out she was writing a book.

Yep, it's me! John Doyle. Husband of Laura Doyle, Surrendered Wife author.

It would be nice if other people had happy marriages, so yeah. I wrote a few blogs for Laura's website. I try not to get into any trouble that would end up on TMZ.

Although I have my own video company that does work for the legal profession, I support her efforts by making videos for her to get her message out.

I really couldn't tell you. I'm just another guy like you. You can ask Laura questions on her blog or on FB or Twitter. I'm sure she'd tell you what she's learned about this over the last 17 years.

One thought I have about it is that women are trying to be like men and deep down they're not men and they're afraid because they don't know how to be men. And they don't have to be men, but they're told they should be.

The answer is: If you want children.

1. If you want to have children, it is economically beneficial for you to be married. It gives you a variety of tax-based incentives and it can be good for your career. Why do you think presidents always want their wives showing up to support them at debates, speeches, etc.?

2. Children tend to do better under two parent households. This has been shown many times. I suppose your girlfriend could watch the kids, but being married makes life a lot easier on you and your children.

Does this outweigh the risk of divorce and settlements? Up to you.

Wow! Thanks very much for that. I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. I hope everything goes well for you.

Before Simon & Schuster printed The Surrendered Wife, we self-published 2,000 copies hoping that it would help married people stay married. We didn't know it would strike such a big nerve across the country and the world. I hope somehow it helped to validate your experience. At least you got that you aren't crazy, I hope.

Not a lot because we were really hitting it off. We were having a full on relationship after a couple of weeks of dating. We were engaged for less than a year.

I blame hormones.

We struggled financially in the beginning of our marriage and I think that might have exacerbated her bad mood. She had a few rage episodes, which, when we were dating seemed kind of amusing. But after we were married, not so much.

As far as what a woman should look for, let's not set the bar too high here. If he's not a drug addict, problem gambler or alcoholic, physical abuser or serial cheater than he's good relationship material.

My favorite quality in my wife is receptivity. She accepts my help and my compliments and me. My gifts to her. That's what I mean by receptivity. I like women in general because they're cute.

As far as secrets to making a successful marriage: Make 'em laugh.