Are you sitting there right now, with your phone in your hand, your palms sweating, heart pumping, mind racing, about to make a post on AskTRP asking what you should text/say to a girl over social media or how to respond to something she sent you or said to you?
If you are ever having to ask yourself, or needing to ask others, "What the hell should I text this girl/respond with", or "How long should I wait to respond to this text" or anything that requires any thinking and planning in regards to texting her, chances are, you're not her top option.
When you are her top option, you'll know. There will be no doubt or guessing. The level of investment and attention she will be giving you will be off the charts to the point where its almost creepy or clingy. She will respond immediately to your texts, initiate conversation all the time, and always be available. You won't worry if she will respond or not. Escalation attempts/logistic arrangements are cooperative and accepted. Since you are at the top of her mind, its almost impossible to lose. You are all she is thinking about. When her phone vibrates or makes noise, she picks it up hoping its you.
You don't have time to sit there and wonder what to text her, what to say, how long to respond, how to escalate, or any of that shit. Because either she will do all the work for you and take all the guesswork out of it, or she will positively respond to pretty much anything you send her way within reason. It's almost impossible to do wrong in her eyes. It's like some kind of super cheat code has been activated.
When you aren't her top option, you'll know. You will feel like you are doing all the legwork. She will seem cold, standoffish or rationing her attention. She will take forever to respond to texts, if she responds at all. Her texts will be brief and to the point. You'll get wishy washy communication and answers. You send texts and such worrying she won't respond. Getting her to communicate with you will feel like you are trying to give her root canal. She won't respond to escalation attempts/logistics and ghost you or give you vague wishy washy answers, or worse, try to change the subject and act like she didn't even see it. It's because you aren't at the top of her mind, and therefore, not a priority for her. When her phone vibrates or makes a noise, she picks it up hoping its her top option, and its not, instead, its you, and she is disappointed. This leads to negative reinforcement in her mind(since she was disappointed it was you), and actually depreciates you in her eyes and makes it difficult for you to climb up the ladder and become her top option.
It's a night and day difference when you are and aren't a girl's top option.
You are sitting there thinking what to say, how to respond, how long to wait, and all of that because the frame is already set. You're not her top option. You're trying to figure out how to be her top option, failing to realize you are only digging your hole deeper the harder you try. It's not something you can negotiate, its not something you can do simply by texting her more and more.
When you aren't her top option, the best thing you can do is withdraw. I know it sucks, and it might feel like you are ending any momentum you may have had, but trust me. The more you communicate with her when you aren't her top option, the more pissed off she will get at you in her subconcious. She has a man in mind, and you aren't him.
When you are her top option, its blatantly obvious, you won't have to ask. It's easy mode of easy mode. There are really only 3 things you can do to hurt yourself when you are her top option:
Self depreciation. I.E. typical beta behavior.
Going full, 100% player. It's fine to go 90% player with her. But too much and she will not trust you.
- Loss of Frame.
Every single one of those 3 would be self inflicted if you are her top option. Beta behavior? Self inflicted. Going too much player? Self inflicted. Loss of frame? Since you're her top option, things are in your frame, so any loss of frame would be self inflicted.
That's it. You can do no wrong in her eyes otherwise, so it doesn't really fucking matter what you say, when you reach out, how long you wait between texts, what you do. Chances are she will do the initiating and the talking and the communicating and even the logistics arranging so all you have to do is not be a beta autist try hard and its you're golden ticket. Don't fuck it up. Easy easy easy mode when you are her top option is to say nothing at all and let your actions do the talking. You literally can't screw up at that point.
BUT MALLARDCOVE! I'm not her top option right now, how do I become her top option!!!????
Like I said earlier. WITHDRAW. I repeat - when her phone vibrates, when it makes a ringtone, she picks it up, gets excited and gets a dopamine rush, hoping its her top option. Then she sees that its you(not her top option) and disappointment washes over her brain. She then begins to associate you with disappointment each time this happens(negative reinforcement), killing your value in her eyes.
Withdraw, and game other women, try to find one who will actually appreciate you because you're her top option. Trust me. When you are her top option there is no stress or worry, its easy and care free. That sounds much more pleasant than stressing over some bitch who doesn't give a fuck about you.
BUT MALLARDCOVE, I don't want to withdraw. I want her.
Drop the scarcity mentality, kill your oneitis. find options, learn abundance. But I know most of you fucks won't listen to me, so I'll say this. Withdraw for 10-20 days, forget about her but keep her on the backburner, game other women, and try to send out ONE feeler text to see how she reacts. Chances are she's not into you, and you still aren't her top option, so you'll either get no response or a wishy washy one. If you do, put her back on the backburner, wait 10-20 days, forget about her, game other women, and do it again, but keep in mind there is no point in continuing this cycle. Because if you all of a sudden do become her top option, she will reach out to you. You won't have to go find her.
The only reason I put this here is because I have had limited success(keyword: limited) with the backburner approach before, but that's because I literally forget about these women, don't care, and game other women. So when I reach out to the backburner women, I give no fucks either way and eventually give up and 100% forget about her after 1 or 2 attempts. The backburner method doesn't have a high success rate, but the success rate isn't 0, which can add up to several extra dates/lays over the long run. The problem is that you fucks have scarcity mentality/oneitis, so you will not understand the core principles behind the backburner method and how to actually do it the right way, and you're destined to fuck it up. The backburner method doesn't fucking work if she's your only option and the only girl you are pursuing. Because if you are a chef only preparing one dish, putting that dish on the backburner is fucking stupid and makes no sense.
BUT MALLARDCOVE, just because I am not her top option, doesn't mean she isn't into me, right?
When you aren't her top option, she absolutely isn't into you. Women get oneitis just like men. Yes, they have men on the backburner themselves and backups, but they are not into those guys until they are needed(invisible).
The thing is, women are programmed to focus on one guy, because that's how women evolved. That's why oneitis in men is inherently a beta/feminine behavior, because men evolved to spread their seed across several females.
Women don't give a fuck about you when you aren't her top option, and it will be perfectly clear. Even if she tries to string you along and make you an orbiter/LJBF/friendzone, she doesn't give a fuck about you outside of what's in it for her and what she can extract out of you. She might be attracted to you, but she isn't INTO you unless you are her top option.
BUT MALLARDCOVE! I just got her number, you see. You don't expect me to be her top option right away, right?
Obviously it may be a bit of a stretch to be a girl's top option right off the bat(if a girl is anywhere remotely attractive, she'll have at least a dozen of viable male options in her stable at any given moment). But there is only one way to find out. Hit her up. See how she responds. Like I said, you'll know. I've had girls be into me and be their top option right off the bat. It does happen. You might need to build a tad of rapport over 3-5 message exchanges, but it can happen if you are attractive enough with a strong enough frame. If she's not into you, everything I have written applies. Withdraw, game other women, put her on the backburner, and if you become a top option for her, she'll reach out.