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I almost died at the comment: "dude, making her pay off her debts is treating her like a child".

You guys did catch that the reason for this LT debt is that this girl got an education?

Women with college degree: Divorce Rate- 20%.

Women without college degree: Divorce Rate over 60%.

All the dude needs to do is sit down with her and put together a repayment plan. If they are living apart they could move in together and save a bunch of money for the debt. If she is working and makes money similar to him their is no problem. After you have the plan and have a repayment schedule well under way set the wedding for 2 years from then. Then enjoy a long, sex filled engagement- while she pays off a chunk of her debt (do it quick before you get married and she cuts back the sex to once a month if you are lucky).

Yes because you "levels of intimacy, of trust, and of love" are only achieved if you keep your finances tied down. Even an actual non-radical femenist would agree that such things should not be a factor. If they do, they have an agenda or self-interests in mind.

That doesn't sound like a reason to pay her debts,

That sounds like a reason not to get married.

Who the fuck would go to ask betas?

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They are pretty much correct when they say that this kind of marriage will never achieve the levels of intimacy and trust they could potentially achieve. You don't trust someone who spends money, gets into credit card debt, all while going abroad ("it helps her grow as a person" - BULLSHIT) with ALL YOUR PROPERTY. No sane person would.

However, if he does want to achieve that level of trust and intimacy with someone like her - then godspeed and good luck to him. Trust isn't something that when magically bestowed upon other person, makes the other person magically good. Intimacy follows the same pattern. What trust does, is not make the one who is trusted "good" for the sake of one who trusts. It gives one who is trusted additional power over the one who trusts.

Holy shit, there's an actual AskBeta subreddit?

What the fuck? Who wants to acknowledge that they're beta?

FUUUUUUCK I hate reading statements like this:

That year abroad shouldn't really factor into things at all. Experiencing other cultures like that helps you to grow as a person, which makes it invaluable imo.

I know SO MANY people getting worthless degrees, and some of them take it a step further by getting a worthless degree abroad. I have a FB friend that lives five thousand miles from home and is getting an art degree.

It infuriates me, because these are the exact same people whining about their student loans, five years down the road, when they have a degree in basket weaving and $100,000 in debt because they wanted to spend a year on what amounts to an expensive vacation.

P.S. You know what makes you grow as a person?

WORK

I've traveled abroad, and I definitely enjoyed it, but let's not kid ourselves. It's a vacation. If you want to grow as a person, GET A CAREER GOING, meet some experts in your field, become their peers, learn from them, and excel at what you do. That's how you "grow as a person." If you want to go overseas and meet people all over the world, do it on your vacation time, like productive people do.

The solution is really easy. Simply don't marry her and keep her around as a plate. This way you get to keep fucking her without taking on her debt.

Plus, you're not tied to only one woman and can fuck as many other women as you want.

What's there to think about?

My ex-fiance had hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical debt, along with student loans (no degree). Every time she had extra money and I suggested paying her debt, she spent it frivolously (spending her last $1000 on a Macbook or some bullshit).

I have no debt.

One of several reasons we ended up being "engaged" for over three years before I finally ended things. Even when I was BP I wasn't that stupid.

They are completely right, worrying about keeping finances separate won't allow you to experience the deep emotional bond with that special person that you are going to stay with for the rest of your life...

Oh wait, that's right! Marriage is not for life anymore, so you do have to worry and never will achieve that bond anyway.

I gave my wife an ultimatum to pay off her CC debt or the wedding was off. She paid off the debt, with my help (maybe 1/4th) over a period of eight months or so.

She held it together for another year or so, until our daughter was born. She's held CC debt ever since.

She would fight me when I asked her to keep to a budget, so I went the other way: I cut her off and let her hit the CC limit. Now reality curbs her spending.

She has a teacher's pay, so she can't get new cards with a large limit, and turns her nose up at the 2k initial limit that most CC companies offer her. So I got that going for me.

Yes, I know that if/when we get divorced I'm going to take on a large portion of that debt, but in my mind, I'm trading potential debt for time with my children. I'm making the most of that time.

Edit: So my point: if she has a high load of CC debt-> dump her. She'll be "good" until you can't escape, and then go back to her spendthrift ways.

Consider the kind of advice this guy is getting. "Don't plan for the future." "Get lost." "Take a leap of faith." Its preposterous. What amuses me immensely is that this guy probably takes this excuse for rational advice seriously.

Rofl. If she can't be financially responsible before marriage, she isn't going to magically be self sufficient once the ring is on her finger and the ink is dry.

Never marry someone that has a ton of debts racked up as a result their own decisions.

That's like going to a casino, betting all your life savings, and also telling the dealer that you'll cover the losses of the person next to you too.

A fool and their money are soon to part.

I have a huge headache from reading some of those comments.

She's got her eyes on the prize: http://imgur.com/pAoK3Tq

He's being smart with his method, but isn't confident enough in himself to not turn to fucking reddit where armchair warriors will tell him that he should pay. I wish this man good luck.

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This guy just sounds practical. Anyone who would marry someone with heavy debt is downright fool.

I expected at least some men there stating that it would be stupid to be her ATM.

Instead posts upon posts and upvotes galore telling him that he is her way to pay off debts and he should just deal with it. Her second marriage will be about love.

Top comment:

Long-term debt, like student loans? Asking a little much there.

Short-term debt, like credit cards? Totally reasonable.

Last I checked, long-term debt is usually bigger than short-term debt - by orders of magnitude. Bigger debt usually means bigger problems.

"$2k in credit card loans? You'd better have that paid off before we get married, or I'm calling it off!"

"$200k in student loans? No problem babe, let's get married so it can become my problem too! Why let a little long-term debt ruin our happiness together?"

Marriage is so much more than living together level 2. Marriage is a commitment that no matter what happens, you are there for that person. That you dedicate the rest of your life to helping the other be the best person they can be, and they do the same. That even when your partner has a bad day, or a bad month, or a bad year, you will still stick beside them, fighting the problem together.

Which is why women initiate 70%+ of divorces, right? Guess he meant that unwavering loyalty was something only men have to do.

Marriage is already a suckers game, but it's a hundred times more stupid to go into it with so many potential dealbreakers.

that's why they call it an STD, sexually transmitted debt. Whats funny about this whole situation is that there are a bunch of laws to keep the debt from transmitting to the woman from the man, but not the other way around.

Nothing makes you feel intimate or trusting than going through a divorce where she takes half of all your shit and manages to dump her student loan debts onto you.

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No pussy is worth 6 digits.

It's really quite simple - if you take on enough debt in college such that you cannot pay it off my 25-26, you're hamstering hard. I have no problem with someone who takes out loans to attend a great school, works hard in a good major, and then graduates to a good salary. That shows foresight, planning, and if you worked during college to keep the loan amounts down, I'd say that shows some responsibility.

But these idiots who take out loans just to be in the lush environment of a fancy school, and then study a bunch of easy bullshit that allows for ample carousel time... Please do not support them. They will never grow into real responsible people if captain save a hos take them under their payroll.

There is absolutely no reason to take on a girl with college debt. Taking out a loan to get your MBA or MD from a top school... That probably is worth it, assuming you have the brains to follow through, network well, and so on. The problem is, even these super motivated wannabe doctor chicks get straight robbed of ambition as soon as they meet a male student who's about to finish their residency and make the real $.

In the economy, there is no justification for that. Since these women sure as hell aren't going to be putting in their maximum effort into raising kids and optimizing your home life like it's their job... They ought to be a cash-positive, appreciating asset. The girl who never went to college, worked in some low pay shop, and worked her way to manage a boutique or something by 26, that is an infinitely better prospect for marriage than some chick who's 26, deep in debt and just finishing her graduate school in some bullshit, and 200k in debt from her bachelors that she's barely been making a dent in. The first girl is smart, less hamstery, more responsible, and will have far less if a chip on her shoulder.

It is quite disgusting to see people think nothing of taking on someone's debt.

I only let my wife access to bank account because she is hating that I am paying for everything right now since she is in school. She wants to contribute and like I would say, "its fine I can pay rent, you can pay for it some other time. Save your money. " She only gets small living expense checks from her loans right now. She would put money into my bank account to pay like 30% of the rent and make it so she can always give me that amount every month.

I love her a lot and she actually likes me more since I have been more confident and more buff. I only became that way because of this subreddit.

In the case of the guy on askmen, my wife was more in the males position here. I have above 100k in debt and she has like 40k. She wants to pay off her own loans and doesn't want too much help but I have a feeling we will just merge our accounts even more and combine our income due to our debt. But I have a lot more trust in my wife then a lot of other people in relationships, so still be careful.

Sugarcoated words. Take away the sugarcoat and what've you got? Steaming pile of bullshit.