Background: Mid 30's American guy meets 19 year old Ukrainian gal (8-9/10) on vaca a couple years ago. Hit it off, maintain communication for a year, communication eventually dries up, cease talking.
This past fall she messages out of the blue. We chat a bit, I convince her to go to Costa Rica with me over Christmas, pay for her flight because she's broke.
Trip is great. Amazing chemistry. Much sex. Many good conversations. Etc. I found out halfway through that she has a boyfriend which was interesting, though I wasn't terribly concerned about it. I was more just interested in having a good trip and hopefully maintaining some sort of connection for future trips.
Mistake number one: We started talking about her coming to where I live to visit / possibly stay permanently. I fell for this concept and invested in it in my head. I don't necessarily think it's a terrible idea to want to try to make something absurd like this a reality, but it's the extent to which I invested in it that was a bad idea. I also totally bought into her nonsense about really wanting to come and only feeling at home with me and all sorts of other stuff. (She's great at saying things that I want to hear. I should have been more aware of this.) Young females like to dream out loud. They mean what they're saying in the moment, but the next moment it could mean nothing at all. Be aware of this.
Mistake number 2: (The big one): She gets home after the trip. There's a fair bit of texting and calling until I guess boyfriend figures out what the vaca was all about and they do battle. Communication with me goes dead. I get confused and frustrated and send several texts and try to call a few times. (Loud "you fucked up" buzzer sounds here) She tells me what's going on, but something is clearly dead. I send her emo email. (buzzer #2) She calls me crying about how she broke up with boyfriend. I listen and even call her back later that day to make sure she's ok, b/c she's had mental health issues and I don't want her to do something dumb. (buzzer #3) Later that day she texts and says she loves me but needs to start from scratch and sort things out with boyfriend and blocks me on whatsapp. I guess boyfriend realized he couldn't do without the poon and reached out. This is obv a complicated social situation and the deck is stacked against me as an older dude on the other side of the planet, but I wasn't looking to control her. Just maintain a connection, which I fucked up.
Anyway, the lesson is thus: Don't assume just because things feel tight and you have top tier attraction and rapport with a girl, that you can break the rules. You can't. You never can. It seems so obvious to say, particularly in the context of this forum where shit like this is driven into you, but it's easy to forget when you're emotional and it's been awhile since you've been into the redpill scene. Even if it's been awhile since you've read redpill stuff, when you're into a gal and things are confusing or tough, come read this shit first to remind you of reality, rather than after as I tend to do.
Obv there are many other mistakes here. Even worrying about a gal on the other side of the planet is clearly questionable from a redpill point of view, but it seemed like something cool and different, so there you go.
ImOnThePoH 2y ago
at least you had fun with your Grushka
Hanscheezburger 2y ago
you got laid so you still got a W here. getting invested in a girl who cheated on her bf for you should have been mentioned as one of the mistakes. if she got that in her blood, you can't place in your trust in her. At least nothing too bad happened and you got out of it relatively unscathed. Move on and there are better things in life bro
Scorpion69_ 2y ago
Yup, ur worst mistake was to send her so many messsages and calls after she went silent.
Also, i agree that u cant really break the rules in any moment, good reminder
theworldiknow 2y ago
Aye, them's the breaks. Big takeaway for me is to come back to TRP when I'm in a "romantic" situation I wish to preserve before I fuck it up, as opposed to after.
Bulba 2y ago
You clearly have some bank. Is that the primary reason why this girl was with you? Make an honest assessment.
You need to have more things going on in your life other than being a rich guy. Try to upgrade your SMV in looks, status and game as well. Young girls get bored quickly.
theworldiknow 2y ago
I'm reasonably well off, a pilot and half decent looking / in good shape. In the context of this situation, SMV wasn't the issue. The issue was the texting and calling. Don't forget the rules.
Bulba 2y ago
Sorry, but SMV is always the issue. If your SMV had been high enough, she would never have blocked you.
And I’m not calling you beta or breaking any rules. I believe when you say you got a decent SMV. It’s just not on the level that is required for keeping around 19 year old girls with infinite options.
theworldiknow 2y ago
I'll compromise with you. I can see where you're coming from, and I definitely think that a higher SMV allows you to get away with more questionable shit. (Ie. Maybe if I'd rented a lambo and flown her around in my own private plane she would have tolerated the neediness post trip) That said, it's ultimately the neediness that pooched me, not the SMV.
Bulba 2y ago
In other words, lack of game pooched you. Game is also part of your SMV.
You’re right that being even richer would have done the trick, but that’s just one aspect of SMV. You could also get away with lack of game by being famous ( i.e. having more status ), or by improving your looks even more ( either getting or improving a V-taper and six pack abs ).
Pedal_Moonpower 2y ago
If.you're not brought up as RP at home it is not easy at all. There's plenty of.little.rules that when I read more.and more.RP books, I strat to think WTF, all this 100s of pages I have read and.there is more I.didnt know theory of.
And.then you need to know.them. remember them and apply them.
Thanks.to.your exp you'll be better tho.
RedPill115 2y ago
You did great, and I disagree with your analysis of the mistakes.
Pulling a very attractive girl despite her having a boyfriend is an accomplishment.
In the context that you're already sleeping with her, there's 3 reasons girls bring up that they have a boyfriend:
1. They want you to be their boyfriend instead. But girls never ask you out directly, they "test the waters" trying to get you to make the move on them.
You should never react "like your mom wants you to" with "omg I had no idea that's terrible"...if you want to go for it you need to do something that doesn't hurt her ego like "well that's no good, you should be going out with me".
2. They're trying to back out without hurting your ego. This is a super attractive girl half your age, sometimes she suddenly starts going back the other way with "I should have stayed with my boyfriend". If you want there to be a chance for her to come back later you gotta let her leave without hurting your ego or her ego.
3. There are a few crazy chics that will brag about it to you and expect you to emotionally confirm their decision to have a boyfriend then continue on with you anyways, but this isn't the norm.
It is often the norm for girls to be running around behind the scenes. It's not usually the norm for them to be openly bragging about it, crossing that line is an entirely different mentality.
I think she's trying emotionally push your buttons to make the move, make her your girlfriend, and have your move to where you are.
If you don't want that, then I understand why you feel you made a mistake in that you shouldn't have gone into this kind of stuff.