This is stupid everyone has insecurities. If your girl isn’t by your side trying to help you out obviously she’s not even worth it.

I lost my last LTR for this exact same thing. I took things for granted and started telling her how bad I felt for some shit. It took her less than 1 month, 2 weeks of getting weird and 2 others withdrawing sex. And them she got away.

Before that I thought that redpill wasn't all that true as well.

Never. Show. Weakness.

It is hard, but remember that they live in the moment. You can be 100% amazing 99% of the time, but that one slim　showing of a softer side is game over.

She'll see you as a beta bitch boi from then on

wow, i went through the same exact thing one week ago...thought it was over. I reswallowed the red pill and now shes telling me i deserve it. She can't wait to spoil me. We are in a long distant relationship, and i see her every 3 weeks. Goes to show you this shit works.

Here's something to bake your noodle...

Demonstrate to her the reason for the insecurities has been corrected and that all is right in the world. You will look good in her eyes because you look good in YOUR eyes.

Simple piece of advice: Suffer in silence. Don't tell other people about your problems unless they can fix it for you in an instant.

Women are genetically instable and need someone with frame. The moment you lose it they jump ship.

i took two family deaths hard. i reached out to my wife at really low point on the phone as i had visited the second person for what knew to be the last time. i was really shocked at the lack of compassion that came back on the phone. cold. my child was old enough at that point to be curious about death and what had happened. My kid came to me after the funeral and said he wasnt supposed to talk to me about death. mommy said daddy cant handle it. somewhere around this time i later found out she started cheating. i did find the timing...curious.

bro i think she's actually helping you. look what she generated - your self-awareness to get out of the bitching phase. don't thank her, but that's what a woman is for: support her man. even shit tests IMO are good - they kill you if you're weak but in the long run they'll make you stronger ;)

she has shown you that you're getting out of grasp with your confidence. she'll fall even more when (IF) she'll see you'll come back to your original confidence, or even stronger.

in this case it seems like you are the problematic one, not your girl. everyone has had confidence issues and fucked up by being too exposed/vulnarable, but the fact that you avoid her after that situation makes you look even weaker and makes the whole situation worse than it was. seems like the relationship is already over in your head, but the reality is that this girl is just confused right now wondering "why the fuck is he such a bitch and can't man up even after being exposed"

"What makes you a winner is not how hard you can punch, but how hard you can get punched and still go on. " you took a punch by yourself when you exposed your vulnerability, now man up and leave this shit behind you.

You made the common mistake of confusing ‘being vulnerable’ with ‘being insecure’. Being insecure is unattractive to any gender.

Insecure is when you’re being indecisive, weak, self-pitying, reluctant to handle. “There was a conflict at work and John criticized me. I don’t know what to do now, maybe he hates me, I’ll just keep my eyes open the next few days”.

Being vulnerable is when you’re upset, emotional, angry maybe, and not scared to show it to others. I can not emphasize enough how this is good for relationships, especially long-term ones. “John criticized my work, I was taken aback. Maybe my work has been under par, but the way he told me makes me angry. I’m gonna talk with him and take responsibility for my mistakes, but also tell him I didn’t appreciate his tone.”

On this subreddit these are confused all the time and consequently, girls are blamed for being ambiguous. They’re not: the want vulnerability, not insecurity.

And if you’re ever wondering why LTRs never work for you, or why girls seem to lose interested when you start showing them ‘vulnerability’, 9/ 10 times this will be your problem.

Here's how to view a lot of this- Women are looking for a "safe castle" Within the walls of this safe castle, they can feel free, happy and let their full guard down and their sexual, sensual energy fully out. If you do ANYTHINgh to make them question that safety or the security of your 'walls', she's gonna back off if not back out. In fact, that's what 'shit tests' are- she's checking the strength of your walls. And, here's the key for you, if she finds a weak spot, she will instinctively keep picking at it until you can show her it's "fixed" THIS, ironically and unintentionally (if you understand this) is how a great woman can "make" a man GREAT. She will instinctively support you and reward you where you are strong and pick and pick at your 'weak spots' Make sense?

Good post. I feel for you and can relate to a certain extent. I've been with my so for over 4 years and it began in similar fashion as to what you explained. From my experience, the biggest difference maker is assuring that BOTH people have self-awareness or at least try and practice it as much as possible. If she relies on the presence of your self confidence and masculinity to feel secure, she has her own personal improvements to make and is essentially holding back progression in the relationship by clinging to this attachment.

Now I'm not advocating to just be vulnerable and open up to all women whenever you have these feelings, but after being with her or any woman you may love for over a year and sharing this shows how you value your partner's point of view. I believe vulnerability is a stepping stone in a relationship that represents trust among many other things that leads to a stronger bond in the long run.

Balance is important as you don't want to be wearing your emotions and feelings on your sleeve at all times but the red pill is about truth... Fronting with confidence and being in alpha mode 24/7 is a lie! Seems to me that you are becoming more self aware and expressing your observations of "I" which your partner misinterpreted as a threat to her false idea of reality (blue pill).

Awareness, awareness, awareness...

Was on the same situation as you. Madly in love with my little snowflake, as were she, who respected and even worshipped me. As time went by, I kept showing weaknesses and insecurities, and I get to see from the front role how you change drastically in the eyes of your girl just by doing this. Seems kinda fucked up, not being able to be close, honest of your insecurities and open with your partner, but thats the harsh truth.

The minute you start showing your insecurities, she loses all respect and attraction for you, with no coming back.

So what are you worried about here? That she will walk out on you? So that you can be free again to find better women at your convenience?

If you don't stop caring now, she will sense your worrying about what you've made this post about and it will make her want to dump you anyways.

You need to realize that the anxiety you have that she will leave you is not worth it so that you can once again be more aloof around her and cause her to rebound back due to your carelessness.

Or you can simply move on and go about finding other women which in all serious might cause her to bounce back anyways. Chicks have a hard time letting go of their "first".

People here are too harsh on themselves imo and see a single mistake a dealbreaker. About your insecurities, well... this shit happens to all of us and you shoudn't be ashamed of a bad period. If 1 month of mental troubles will cause your LTR fail it wasn't that stable in the first place.

TRP is pure gold but in general it is too hard and doesn't allow mistakes. This feels like a 2nd job and a unbearable burden. I know that once you've internalize all the shit everything become natural, but let's be fair guys, we will make mistakes in the long run. If you think that way we are all doomed and this is more depressing than swallow the pill

perhaps not hiding but not being insecure is the option/solution.

Obviously showing too much weakness is not helpful but I'm getting the impression you are overstating the damage that has been done, you seem to base your entirely lost hope on that one statement that girl made. If you are otherwise on point as it is indicated by your girls pervious behaviour, I think you can save the situation by just quitting showing your vulnerable side. It's not all totally over just because you gave an impression of weakness ONCE

Yep. It's a tough, cruel, cold world. Women need a man who's strong enough to protect her, stoic enough to keep cool in the midst of chaos and detached enough to kill the puppy if that's what needs to be done.

Never let her see you sweat or show any weakness.

Just want to mention this since you took her virginity and was her "first", that your relationstip was going to/will end sooner or later anyway. Bitch is gonna want to try other dicks and she will. AWALT

If you wanna cry, find a closet, enter and lock it then just cry. Never allow women to see through your weakness.

What has your relationship been like after that conversation? Has she seemed cold to you? Less willing to spend time with you?

If not, and you're just distancing yourself from her because you think you lost respect in her eyes, I'm sorry to say but that's really stupid. You should talk to her about it if you think something is wrong. Otherwise, it sounds like you're going to let your insecurity about how much this girl likes you sink your whole relationship for no reason, and that sucks for everyone.

Confidence is your super power; weakness is your kryptonite.

May you always be fearless and may all your mastery be amused.

If you can't be vulnerable around your partner then she's not the one. Keep searching. I highly recommend reading Models by Mark Manson.

Vulnerability is not the same as neediness. It all depends how you frame your words/actions.

It’s the same problem people have when they conflate being kind with being nice. The former does not equate to having people walk all over you; the latter does.

Society, neither men nor women, have any tolerance for men showing a shred of weakness. This is why it’s always important to keep repeating to yourself that working on improving yourself is far more important than trying to impress a girl.

Woman and children are emotionally similar. When a child, did you ever see your dad cry. No. It’s a really important point to understand when dealing with woman as we are brain washed into thinking men and woman equals and the same but we are obviously not.

another lesson you can learn form this is: very young girls are flaky as fuck.

I'm currently trying to put as much distance between us as possible, but I have no idea whether this actually helps or not.

I don't know why people think distance helps anything, unless its fear-based (e.g. amping up the fear in the other person of losing you). Distance can be seen as running away from the realities of the relationship. It only 'creates attraction' in women who are willing to project positive qualities onto someone who abandons them.

I think distance will increase the awkwardness, the sense of brokenness, the sense of their being a 'split', which clearly already haunts the relationship. Think of it in simple terms... your feelings for each other start entering uncomfortable territory - and you suddenly disappear? How is that going to make things better?

You didn't do anything wrong. Vulnerability is good, but being at vulnerability's mercy isn't.

That's why you also need to show how you will get out of your insecurity.

We as men aren't perfect, we are still heavily flawed humans. That's why we need to figure out our flaws and overcome them. This increases attraction to you a lot and shows her that you can deal with difficulties and not let them bring you down, instead only making you stronger. This is what a woman is looking for in a man.

So IMO it’s a fault of hers that she’s not able to provide comfort or empathy when you decided to show a vulnerability. Some girls are great at this. Some girls even get turned on by it.

I personally shared one of my big insecurities with a long term partner and it actually brought us closer and actually drastically improved the relationship.

However, there is a caveat. You cannot let the insecurity persist. If you do, she starts to get annoyed because the insecurity starts to become a sort of “permanent feature” of her image of you. Women generally don’t have a lot of patience. It’s okay to share. But you need to keep your game tight and overcome those insecurities post haste.

Don’t depend on a girl you’re sleeping with for emotional support. Depend on family (if you have a good one), and if you need it, talk to a therapist (IMO people generally have too high of a threshold for this and more people should have one on speed dial). I don’t depend on friends either, even close ones but I think it depends on your friendship and how comfortable you are.

So much for the bullshit about her being your best friend and all, right? That you two can tell each other anything? Ha!

Sure you can be best friends, and you can tell her anything, but she won't want to fuck you anymore. Or when she is, she'll be thinking about Chad doing her.

Sorry, but at least you weren't married with kids, you know? Not that it's any consolation right now, but at least now you know the truth.

It was a hard lesson in life for me to learn that any woman aside from perhaps your own mother will not give a fuck about you if you are ever vulnerable with them - especially someone you are in a relationship with. Chris Rock said it well in his latest comedy special - as a man you are not loved unconditionally. The minute they can’t take from you what you are providing, then it is over for you. There are reasons men commit suicide at a rate 78% compare to women, because we have no one but ourselves at the end of the day, we can’t rely on others in times of struggle, it’s entirely up to us to pull ourselves out of any mess. It’s a shitty situation but recognizing it will go a long ways to allow you to take the actual proper steps to get through (which is to say, you and only yourself will need to make it happen)

Wtf are you talking about? Is she being less caring? Is she distancing herself? Fucking others? Why would you be surprised that she is surprised by something you actively hid from her for over a year? I mean.. to me THIS is the time to man up and own it. Everyone is insecure about stuff. Not being scared of talking about it and working on it is what makes you a man. It's not like you gotta talk about it all the time and cry on her shoulder about what a pussy you feel you are.

Why the fuck would you ruin your relationship over that little sentence?

Your insecurity rocks (negatively) her world. She gets to play around like a child all day knowing that her rock of Gibraltar is steady as she goes. The moment you show cracks it is very upsetting to a woman.

To the casual reader...if there is one, ONE (1), 1 SOLITARY, >ONE< thing to pull out of Red Pill it is the following:

A L L W O M E N A R E L I K E T H A T ! !

It may be your girl friend, your mom, your sister, your aunt, or even your fucking grandmother. You may think you’ve met the unicorn that is the exception to the Rule of AWALT but you haven’t. It just has reared it’s ugly head. I will usually show itself before the wedding ring but guaranteed when the ring goes on the anti-AWALT filter vaporizes. AWALT

When women smell weakness it's a signal for them to switch branches. It's not "immoral" as much as fucking young girls is "immoral" for us.

I'm currently using the "showing vulnerability" technique to try to put some distance on a overly attached LTR that I want to get rid of. Doesn't work very well at the moment.

Only show weakness to blood related women, your bros, and women you aren't afraid to lose/not fuck.

Even among the women I don't care to have relations with, I basically realize "I am not a man in her eyes but more of a child or sibling", which is fine as I don't expect anything much from her other than a few words every now and then as it's a casual friendship that I didn't ever intend to turn sexual.

Men pay a price in order to have the privilege of showing weakness in front of a woman, and most women will not entertain it for long as they want potential suitors, not man-children.

But there are some women that like to council and nurture, but if they do that, the sexual aspect or any possibility of sexuality of your interaction with them needs to perish, which I am going to guess most men do not want.

*your self-confidence get influenced by something like that

Hey man, if this is what she said; you should be good. Her sentence seems to say that you've impressed her with your confidence but at the same time you did something recently where you went totally beta and she doesnt understand why because that's not you. I'll point out the bad things you got working against you and the good things working for you. Bad thing #1, you seem worried. Id relax and think that you giving her some space is actually a good thing. Pro: Women overthink EVERYTHING, so you can bet that during this time she is also now having insecurities about herself. Con: you havent said what you've done to change your sudden lack of confidence. You gotta do something, take up a new craft or do something (without her) that you never thought you would see yourself do before. Success or not, you made yourself do something you didnt think you could. PRO: You took her virginity, women seem to always remember who was their first. If she hasnt been with anybody else, then typically, she wouldnt want to share her body any time soon. You're almost living out that The Notebook fantasy that they all love. You have distanced yourself (in the movie, the guy builds a house, what are you building?). Pro and Con: y'alls ages? If she is in her early to mid 20's..you're still good. Women still have that delusional fantasy that plays out in their heads that everything can end up with a fairy-tale ending. If she is in her late 20's to mid 30's... well then, this works against you. Her body is going to start telling her she needs a healthy, strong dude to have kids with and unless you get your shit together; that aint you. I too once showed weakness in front of a woman. Never again. Your feelings are your own. Do your suffering with your best friend (guy) and make sure he aint a gossip; some dudes will be metabeta and fuckin tell shit to your gf thinking that they are some righteous friend. A little about me, dated 2 chicks, both long term. My first relationship was almost exactly like yours. (ended up being psycho), I purchased a home with her at 24 and it ended up foreclosing....2nd one had kids I was like 25/6 and she was 39 ( had lazy ass teenagers/young adults), but I tried to rescue her, proposed to her but never married her. Was having doubts about marrying her and as I got close to doing so; I found TRP. I let things play out and didnt set a date for the wedding... ended up leaving. Fast forward a few years later (I recovered from my foreclosure penalty) and got me another house 2 years ago in a really nice neighborhood, sports car, financial adviser etc etc. As Jordan Peterson says "straighten up" you'll be good man but find something that you almost equally love/enjoy as her and she'll be right back where she was

Okay, "Long Period of time"

that means you never really tired to fix these things that you've conceptualized here.

Why didn't you fix these things or make them more feasible to you and try to improve? I'm not trying to attack you here but everyone has these things. We're all living through life man not everyone is on their Kanye shit when it comes to insecurities. I aheva friend who does the same with his LTR and he complains about the same thing over and over. She will take me to the side sometimes and talk to me about them and I would even talk to him about them. Still there isn't awareness when it comes to his insecurities.

Insecure your girl is going out? Why? Are you not focusing on yourself AS WELL? Letting your physical appearance go to waste?

Think about these things that you are troubled about.

Some things can really be changed just by the way you look at them.

as much distance between us as possible, but I have no idea whether this actually helps or not.

well it should, it's what is called dread around here

Is she still treating you right like she was before, or has that changed ?

Because yes it's good to apply a little dread all the time randomly, but serious dread should only be used as punishment, as far as my understanding of it goes

Don't beat yourself up too much if it's just this single observation she made, toughen up so she can see that you're back to your rock-self, and if she's still giving you all you want, why would you focus on this little incident ? Just know that you went too far and try to not do it again.

Always be her rock. Her granite foundation. Unbreakable.

You can discuss personal things with your closest male friends. But NEVER with a female. Any female.

Think about this: Women can, and will, use things against you if she gets mad.

Bro your trying to hard and over thinking shit.

You're even trying to hard to make it look like you're not sweating it, but you are.

Part what's happening with a LTR is the honeymoon phase will end and reality hits: her with you and you with her. About the true self, like how deep a certain personality traits you carry.

Like always taught here, never stop improving your self. If this is the moment you guys spend time away, use that extra time constructionly. Gym, read, hobbies and yes, other girls.

You’re worrying about this too much. If you continue to focus on this it will become THE focus. Steer clear of it and don’t undermine your ltr by creating distance if you care about being together.

jesus u kids are so emotional

if she accuses you of being insecure, agree & amplify with some bullshit like: "yea i love it, makes me seem human... more attainable" then pretend to glitch out or something, like a humanoid robot would. make robotic noises. point is to troll around and stop taking shit so serious. then proceed to take your granite-hard dick and rape her pussy with it until she's limping on her way to the kitchen to make you a bomb plate of food.

Sorry bro. But at least now you can learn from this experience. Good luck with this, hopefully your detachment makes her come back but if not, well now you’re single and ready to fuck some other girls.

You’re doing your girlfriend a disservice by being “vulnerable”. She wants you to be that ideal, stoic, rational, emotionally detached alpha male. Why ruin that image of you in her mind by “opening up” about your insecurities? If you’re stressing about something, talk it over with your boys, the close friends that you know will always have your back.

This applies not only to relationships but to game in general. I made a mistake where I texted this girl I had a thing with but she didn’t reply. I saw her later that night and asked her “why didn’t you text me back?” (I was drunk. I am now much more careful with how I consume alcohol.) Later that evening she told me “I don’t know if we should see each other because I have a thing with another person”. Due to my intoxication I acted kinda sad. When she said bye to me that evening I basically ignored her. The next morning I was greeted by a wall of text from her about how she can’t date me because she’s with another guy.

What should I have done instead? First, not drink so much (no way I’d be that beta if I was sober). But on a deeper level, just act indifferent. Don’t mention her not responding to my text. If she brought up the thing with another guy, act like I don’t care, say something like “I’m seeing other girls too, let’s just keep it casual” or just generally make it seem like it doesn’t bother me. Oh well, next. And now I know how to handle that situation in the future.

Another BP dogma "communication solves everything" shatters when confronted with real life situations.

tl;dr I never believed TRP works and saw you guys as a bunch of losers but IT WORKS and I'm with you now and I don't see you as losers

you know what? fuck you. you had what you deserved,

First of all you mention she's a virgin, and that you LIKE her dependency on you (hint: you shouldn't. Jesus. Who wants a girl suckling at their teat 24/7?)

From that, I'll say that you're somewhere between 14-21. A young'in.

Since you're in college or younger, meh. Don't read too much into shit, you're learning.

Also what "serious insecurities" did you unload on her? If your mom or dog died, it's okay to be sad. Who gives a shit about some bimbo and if her pussy dried up because your dog died. I wouldn't "unload" that on a new girl, but who cares. Getting new pussy is easy.

I'm guessing in actuality, these "serious insecurities" were something that she might have good right to be weirded out by. Like you were seriously bullied in high school, that you hate your parents for making you a nerd, that life is a meaningless nihilistic slog and her so-called "God" is dead. Ya know, stuff that may be valid in your head, but you should shut your yap about, lest you want to seem on the spectrum.

As a woman, I can say the following: If your girlfriend sees that you're struggeling with your self-confidence doesn't mean that you've messed up your relationship. To me, it seems more like you're afraid that she's going to perceive you as weak and lose sexual interest in her. It's not the ultimate defeat to you as a man if she's not believing that you're "Super-Confident Superman" 24/7. If you seem really confident, she might be surprised. Have you talked to her about it, how she's feeling about this? That you fear that she's going to see you as "weak" or "unmanly" because of it. If you haven't, please do.

As males, we are expected to handle things differently when it comes to emotions. Be her rock and all that. Loosing your parents be damned.

When they see their rock soften (YOU), it raises questions about her environment and security. Which converts to anger and resentment towards you. You've gone Purple.

You can turn this around, bounce back and pretend it never happened, find a fuck buddy to dump this on instead, and dump that shit after a great fuck, she may not care that much, but it will be off your chest. If you loose the fuck buddy, oh well, if she gets it, she becomes a spinning plate.

I never believed in it and thought that I couldn't fuck it up, but due to being too comfortable, I managed to make her question my self-confidence (and probably the relationship as a whole).

You felt comfortable, you opened up, she sees that as weak, she can't justify being with a weak, effeminate man-child. Your relationship will last until some new dude makes a move on her and she's "suddenly confused" / "needs a break" / <insert lots of emotional hamstering> / ends your sex life with her.

You have one path forward. Double down on yourself, lift, and don't look back.

It's not "if" but "when" she leaves. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. She's not your mom, there's no reason for her to be with you. You're a provider, beta.

Suck it up butter cup. Get your shit together.

So if you scroll down a page or two I have a (longer winded) post almost identical to this.

About a month of feeling her uncertainty and lack of feels. Self inflicted for sure, but either way here's what I did:

I calmly spoke to her about it, not in some desperate need to salvage but in an effort to be certain my instincts were correct. She opened up eventually that she does feel different and isn't sure why (we all know why). I spoke to her about what we can do about it, she hesitated, gave an impression that she wasn't sure what else she could do.

So I told her to grab all her stuff on her way out.

It took a little over 12 hours for her to text me that she's been crying all day and night. It'll take me 12 hours or more to respond.

All it takes is remembering your value for a moment. I have moments of insecurity and slipping up, but when a woman begins to question your value because of those slip ups, rather than seeing your value despite them - walk.

Don't ever forget: A woman's power is her pussy, your power is the ability to walk away

You're lucky. She told you to "Just Get It", if a woman is in love with a man enough, she may OVERTLY say to his man to "GET IT", she helped you on this.

Your job is to get it now. You got a second chance, so don't be a insecure bitch.

Wish you best, man.

One mistake isn't the end of anything. Your girlfriend is almost completely dependent on you.

But, Eventually you have tone down the facade, because it's impossible to keep up in an LTR.

Your actual mistake was just letting down at once. It's like if your girlfriend all of a sudden stopped liking you and giving you on demand blowjobs from her perspective.

To her you're a different person now...

Rule #1: Never let them see you pee sitting down.

So if you already showed vulnerabilities about self, what would you guys think we should do?

I Think the best course of action is to continue as usual. People and especially girls have pretty short attention spans in that only the most recent stuff matters. You could be amazing to her and do one thing wrong and she will only see that one thing, unless theres any new stimulus from you that thing will be on the top If her head. You should not try to spend as little time, just dont bring up your insecurities again. No one likes people who wallow in sorrow.

Then tell her that times of prosperity are great teachers but times of adversity are even better. Show strength in the face of your own weakness. Laugh when it all comes crashing down. Then rebuild yourself from the ground up. She will respect you being unwavering in the face of your own demons.

Edit: you're not showing your vulnerable side. You're letting your fears guide your thoughts and actions. She is a good girlfriend cause she put her finger exactly on the sore spot. It also takes openness from her side to confront you like that and she is 100% right. Why did you lose your self confidence? Why can't you just face the problems and grow. Because you're scared? Good partner. She's honest. And there at the spot where it hurts the most is where true growth as an individual takes place.

When a woman tells you being vulnerable isn't bad, break her nose and tell her it's okay to be vulnerable and physically inferior. Then give her a hug after.

Works every time.