Hello all,
Previously, I created a post here (link below) about some plate dynamics.
Since then, there has been some updates which I wanted to share with everyone.
Thanks to the advice from folks here, I stopped further contact with this plate. No word from her until today after a month. Received some text messages from her going like -
Her: Hello BFF Her: Your gift is still here (with an image)
That gift is something she bought for me sometime back before I went silent on her without getting it from her.
Left the messages on read and after 8 hours, she fired another message again
Her: Where is my only friend ?
Not sure if she’s hamstering after realizing now she has been used as a sex toy by the other guy with no real chance of him wanting a serious relationship.
It should be a no brainer that I ought to hard next her and let this plate break for good. Just wanted to find out if any of you guys would do something different to re-plate her again and what would be a good response to her messages above then?
Appreciate any advice. Thanks
https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/325703/plate_dynamics_got_me_questioning_my_own_behaviour
mattyanon Admin 4d ago
Read my previous comments around friendship vs fucking.
She's trying to hook you back in as "BFF" and "Only friend".
Not "I miss our hot sex". But as a FRIEND.
Read my previous comments again, then look again at what you're asking.
What do you actually want here?
YawninBread 4d ago
Thanks. It’s a good comment. Will look through your previous comments again for better insights. Appreciated.
To your point of what I actually want - I just don’t want to let her lead me on to become her orbiter or enter any sort of platonic relationship where she seeks emotional validation from me while she goes on being a free fuck toy to the other guy. I noticed the change in her messages lately - BFF, my only friend and something to that effect. That clearly meant something to take heed and walk away.
I had a good run with her for some time until now which I guess my turn is up. I must confess through I still feel quite sour about gaining the sexual satisfaction from her at some cost while the other guy got to sexualize her fully without any cost at all. Oh well that’s on me…
I’m just slightly annoyed with her messages coming in still with BFF this and that despite hard ignoring her. Did cross my mind to block her but at the same time I didn’t want her to think I’m butt hurt or anything of that sort.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
No, I would not do anything different with a chronic and habitual liar.
You already got away. Keep it that way. Just ignore her messages
YawninBread 1w ago
Thank you. Appreciate it
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
You're welcome
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
Hey OP, read your first post too. I feel ya.
It’s hard to take finding out that you were putting in a lot more work to get laid than the other guy, especially if it’s literally at the exact same time. Making later men put more work in is the real reason women hide their past.
I’d add this for thought: did you do the “boyfriend things” you did because you wanted to give, or because you wanted to get laid? One is a genuine generosity and closeness, and the other is a covert contract.
That being said, it’s weird how she’s calling you her “only friend”. It’s way easier for girls to make female friends than for men to make male friends. Not sure what’s going on in her life outside you and other guy. But a woman with no social circle of her own is dangerous to you, because you can become her everything very easily. Having other girlfriends is a way she can get a lot of her emotional and social needs met, so you can do less of that and focus more on fucking.
Edit: having other orbiter men is another way she can get that social/emotional stuff taken care of. A girl I’m seeing right now does this (and doesn’t even realize it!).
YawninBread 1w ago
Thanks for writing this. Appreciate the perspectives.
“did you do the “boyfriend things” you did because you wanted to give, or because you wanted to get laid? One is a genuine generosity and closeness, and the other is a covert contract.”
To your point above in quotes, I must admit it’s a combination of both with a genuine sense of feeling bad for using her as a sex toy throughout the time so that led to the so called ‘boyfriend giving” of getting her gifts and what not. It wasn’t a lot but there was that element of giving which the other guy never did, not even a dinner.
Yet, she would hand him a free sexual pass from the many nude photos and clips to blowing him in his car at various locations during random days where both would sneak out from their own workplaces to have their little fun. Oddly, the guy never really once took her out or even to a a proper hotel/apartment for sex. Just plenty of blowjobs and getting naked photos and videos of her. The biggest rub for me probably is knowing that she even gave him a spare access card to use some club facilities of hers. I never got any of that. The guy is probably married since he stayed silent each time she asked. Haha
I know she doesn’t many female friends. In fact, she doesn’t have a go-to buddy at all. She is however very much committed to settling down with someone for a serious relationship leading to marriage eventually but it never came and probably will never come judging from how things are. That guy is definitely having the best time of his life of getting maximum sexual satisfaction without a single cost. He’s the true alpha. This I must concede defeat.
So, the only move left is really to disappear from her life because her behaviour of calling me ‘bff’ and ‘her only friend’ is probably a coping mechanism for her emotional and social needs to be met by way of me being an orbiter to her eventually.
In fact, I only decided to hard next her a month ago after she turned down coming over to my place for the usual action we always had. Instead, she said we can still have dinner. That was it. I left her on read since then. Man, I kinda miss those days of her being super horny to the point of doing almost anything to satisfy me including the logistics. Good times :)
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
It was still a good run. You did get to smash plenty, and you didn’t get tied down in some codependent mess of a relationship or worse, marriage. On the path you were on, you were likely going to end up sexless and beta, as her only sorta platonic friend.
As for how you had to work more than the other guy: part of it is that you just felt bad. I feel you, I’m the same. I’m not cold enough to be like the other guy, at least not yet.
The other side of this “more work” for you is that it’s possible you wouldn’t have gotten as far as you did if hadn’t done some of that stuff. Girls will be more willing to be used purely as a sex doll if you are extremely attractive. Whereas if you are just regular above average attractive they will have a little more power to demand these things from you. And if you are not at all attractive, good luck…
YawninBread 1w ago
So true. This comment of yours nailed it esp the part about how girls could hand a free sexual pass to extremely attractive guys without anything in return.
The other guy probably has some X factor but definitely not Tom cruise level. And I would also add that he could have gave the vibe of hard to get which probably got her to submit sexually by a lot. Literally nude photos and clips plus sexual conversations on a daily basis etc.
Well, she might eventually hit a jackpot with him if all her holes are being used ravenously by him to the point of forcing out a relationship commitment or marriage even. I don’t know but at the rate it’s going, she is just going to remain as a fuck toy to him only for her to realize later she won’t gain anything and yet she has lost more of her limited time to snag a partner.
It did cross my mind to promote her to a gf at one point early on before this guy but thank goodness I didn’t as my gut told me she has a slut DNA. She will learn it soon enough what she’s getting from this guy.
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
Another reason why you shouldn’t be the one to push for exclusivity.
If the girl wants it, she will need to drop her rotation first. And as a man, if you push for exclusivity, you send the signal that (A) you don’t have or can’t get other options and (B) you care more about her than she does you.
Gotta let her figure out the hard way that she isn’t getting a relationship with other guy.
YawninBread 5d ago
Totally and guess what she just dropped another text again.
Her: BFF I am having cramps and headaches from my period…
I’m seriously thinking of blocking her already. The spamming of BFF is getting annoying.
GeorgeIII 1 3d ago
This kind of thing makes me wonder how it’s possible that women have such bad game. I’d like to think that past the age of 22, most men realize that a woman calling them best friend is a sign of disinterest, and that women would hopefully figure out not to say that soon after. But alas.
Anyway, OP, have you actually officially broken it up with her, beyond just not replying. Even a quick text like “hey, I don’t think this is gonna work, you’re wonderful but I think we are just not a good fit” would do.
Being fair here, she might read your non-replying as a sign that you have another woman or are busy, not a sign you don’t want to see her anymore.
YawninBread 3d ago
Good point. I just stopped responding to her messages simply because she has switched her mode of engagement through 2 ways
She has been addressing me as bff and her only friend in all of her messages recently since a month back.
Her frequent nude snaps and videos to me have also stopped. Probably is now going to the other guy.
Just to be clear I only see her back then for sex and also toss in some good-feel gifts or dinner out of a soft heart.
Now that there is no more sex or even other sexual returns so I cannot see a reason to text her back. My thinking is I do not wish to be pulled into a platonic relationship.
GeorgeIII 1 3d ago
And you haven’t replied to any of it for the past month? Brutal. She is only devaluing herself in your eyes.
Either she is so retarded she doesn’t realize this is terribly unattractive, or she sees you as such a beta that she thinks you will put up with this and still write back. Maybe both. It’s understandable you don’t want to write back to this bullshit. Hold strong and don’t fold.
YawninBread 2d ago
Thanks. This may come across defeating but I would think her retarded actions are highly likely due to seeing me as a beta still. Too bad she miscalculated. In the rear view mirror for good