Been in an exclusive relationship for 2 months now, kind of took it serious by my side from a month now, dropped the plates, can’t do cheating is simply how function not here to discuss this.
She worships the ground I walk on. Cooks, cleans, pays all of which unprompted. Showers me with compliments and affection. And I’m pretty sure I can ask her to make me a sandwich at 3AM and she will more than happily oblige.
But
During the last 2 weeks my GF had the tendency of alluding or straight up making sexual innuendos during the day thru text or in person and not following thru when the times come to… well have sex. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have sex, just not everyday, and something doesn’t sit right with me, especially after effectively making me horny. On average the last two weeks we had sex 3-4 times a week.
Usually this is how it unfolds: We make sexual jokes and innuendos during the day and when we see each other (late at night because I’m grinding 16 hours a day on my own business) she tells me she’s tired and apologizes.
This is a new trend and honestly I was caught off guard. Obviously when it happens I simply take away attention and affection, becoming aloof and unfazed. I even leave if I feel like it. She noticed, tried to confront me and I of course denied everything maintaining my cool. She offered to give me a bj, after 10 minutes told her to stop as I don’t cum from them.
During the last 5 days we had sex 3 times and yesterday after it happened once again I decided to intervene as soon as possible even if this is a thing of just two weeks, sat her down and told her that I can’t be in a committed relationship where I don’t have sex nearly everyday, especially after being led on for a full day, told her that if this is the “new normal” I will simply leave and go back to spinning plates.
She apologized once again and reassured me that this is a stressful period, she’s over worked (true) and that she’s had a financial emergency that simply made her temporarily broke and that’s stressing her out (also true, seen it unfold in front of my very eyes). Told me that she’s very attracted to me, doesn’t want to lose me and that I am the best thing that happened to her and that we will be back to fucking more as soon as this period ends.
Told her that I hope to be there to see it.
Booked a trip on the spot to visit my family and left the very next day for a full week of vacation (was planning to take her, decided not to lol)
Now the question is: How did I handle it? Am I blowing things out of proportion? We still fuck 3-4 times a week on average. Was it a good idea to communicate the boundary?
My idea: No more seeing each other every day, I’ll start to feel too tired for hanging out with her. Keep a close eye on her actions during the next month, if things don’t improve, leave.
Dxmx99 8h ago
Once a woman is in girlfriend mode, she knows denying aex has almost no consequence. Your frame has cracked somewhere at one point related to sex, reinforcing the issue.
Girlfriends are just plates with food on it. You don't spin it, you savor it. But if you weren't or aren't assertive enough with the waitress, they could make your food wrong.
Quit the sexting all together. When she sends dirty talk, do not engage. Don't tell her not to send you sex stuff, just don't respond.
So the next day this happens, you need to ignore her and then go home and make a move on her.
Her sexting you is just the money tied to a string, dragging along as you follow it. Maybe its intentional, maybe its not, but thats how it now works and you can't and shouldn't put up with it.
pofkaf 1 1d ago
Based on your post, I think you handled it well enough.
But you have to accept that if you're in an LTR, this is how it goes sometimes. Both of your libido will fluctuate.
If you don't like that or cannot accept it, your best bet is to break up and keep spinning plates so you can smash whenever you want to.
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 1d ago
It's normal for sex frequency to taper off a bit after an initial honeymoon period settles into a steady LTR. Don't break off an otherwise good Big Picture, by hyper focusing on sex frequency in isolation, if you consider stable LTR an important goal. Adjust your time horizon, so instead of hyper focusing on the latest demurring or clear rejection of one specific advance you made at a particular moment and catastrophizing it as the obvious end of her attraction; average it over a running month, say. It's one of those things in life, that even a perfectly attracted and committed woman, won't feel sexy and DTF at a particular moment, often tied to her cycle and other things in life, but totally NOT a sign of losing attraction to you. Your own security and sense of self worth, factors in to how you feel about, and respond to, such occasions. Take it from guys who have churned through many women: ones that make a good LTR fit for you personally, make up the rare exception to the general rule. Consider an alternative case: trying to hold together a LTR with a high sex drive woman who is always DTF when you initiate, but is a pain in the ass or worse during the 98% of life when you're not in the sack banging.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Can you guys actually make your post title an actual question related to the post, as our rules dictate?
This is basic adulting. You guys thinking this is a holy grail of green flags is how you end up in half these situations
The fact most women can barely keep their place clean and eat anything other McDonald's and chips is I guess why cooking and cleaning is a "green flag" buts not
Why do you guys insist on adding that to every AskTRP post as a Paragon of virtue. It's basic adulting to cook and clean
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 20h ago
I suspect a lot of it is noobs not wanting to openly admit even to themselves that they overinvested in a barely sapient life support system for a vagina. Easier/more comfortable to attempt to justify further investment to fix what more experienced men know is unfixable, instead of just nutting up, accepting it's a loss, and getting a better replacement.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 19h ago
Yes that too but where did the cook and clean become the gold standard?
I see it in half of AskTRPs
How did that become such a standalone criteria for so many men?
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 3h ago
Well, what I was alluding to is that their calibration is fucked. Because otherwise they'd be more pissed off and thus motivated to actually do something.
But they clearly have spent their entire lives around women who are, to put it politely, not really fully functional adults. So even super basic shit like cooking and cleaning at all seems like a huge thing to bring up as a positive.
"Like, z0mg guise, she turns the stove on instead of just ordering h00rdash for every meal!!!!1111. She must be a keeper if I can fix pussy, halp, plz tell me how fix pussy?"