She's 24, I'm 26, we've been together for 8 months now. When I don't feel like she's doing what I want I become sad/ disappointed. It' totally not outcome independence. Maybe my question is what do I do to make her wet with desire for me? Retrospectively I shouldn't have entered into this relationship until it's the baseline. But I'm in it. I feel like it could work. She wants to move in with me, I'm thinking moving her in in September. I know this goes against red pill advice, but she really wants it and she seems to love me. Only thing is the sex is not great. I mean she doesn't want to please me, not really. Jesus, as I write it, I realize it is the most cliche post ever. That one can't build a relationship where great sex lacks. This is my first relationship. I don't want to break up with her. She's painting the room in my flat on wednesday where we plan she'll live. I view her moving in as a trial period. I'm constantly trying to apply red pill, I've read NMMNG, I listened to a lot of Rian Stone. I improved a lot. I went from showering her with gifts to not giving gifts really to now giving when I feel like she's been good. I don't know what to do. It feels off. But I won't break up with her, I think everyone will suggest to break up with her. If she paints the room and I say she can't move in, that's just shitty, I don't want to do that. She already bought the paint. I'm going to give it a chance, move her in in September and apply red pill, married red pill. Read the side bar, workout, etc. Write field reports. Also explicitely we discussed that we're in an open relationship. But I didn't sleep with anyone else during our relationship and she says she didn't either, and doesn't plan to. If she does I know red pill says it's over. Having her made me unmotivated to game others, but I think that would be really important, especiall since we explicitaly talked about that she's ok with it.
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Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 3d ago
You're wasting your time.
I saw your blog post. Excerpts:
She doesn't desire you. She's using you for something else. This will never be a good relationship for you.
Also from your blog post:
These would be intolerable dealbreakers even without that first excerpt.
You need to end this for your own good. Back to this post:
So what?
You know what's even more shitty? Continuing this farce.
Have you read the sidebar? Specifically, HumanSockPuppet’s Guide to Managing Your Bitches? Relevant portion:
If you've actually read any MRP or actually listened to Rian Stone, you'd know that in the decade+ of MRP's existence, HSP's words have been proven true over and over again.
You are making the relationship your goal, and it's to your detriment.
amanef 3d ago
thank you!
GeorgeIII 1 3d ago
OP, all of your issues stem from this. Trying to make the relationship with this girl happen no matter what.
It’s like you are playing poker and keep getting shitty hands. And your solution is to just always raise, never fold.
It’s literally against your interest to raise like that in poker, and it’s against your interest to raise your commitment level in a relationship like yours. In either scenario, you’ll only get taken advantage of.
GeorgeIII 1 3d ago
This post makes me… sad.
OP, you wrote all this detail in this post, and the blog that @Typo-MAGAshiv found. And you still say you want to move her in with you.
I get that you’ve read Rian Stone, MRP, and the sidebar. What on earth are you doing? It reads like you have only a shallow, academic understanding of those things. So many key lessons and tropes in your text, besides Bitch Management by HumanSockPuppet.
What keeps her in line in the relationship is dread (Rian Stone). Dread is when she fears losing you. The way you are running things, she can do anything she wants and will not lose you (bad or lack of sex, use your money, fuck other guys). Therefore, no/shitty physical intimacy.
NEVER move a girl in to your house (unless marriage is imminent and on YOUR terms). You will only reduce the amount of sex you get, while being unable to kick her out if she causes bullshit. You are promoting her into your exclusive sex dealer, and she isn’t even a good dealer, according to you yourself.
You are trying to raise your commitment level when things are not going well (she isn’t attracted to you, doesn’t have good sex with you). Think about it like this: if you had a job where the worse you performed, the more you got paid, how would you behave at work?
You’re trying to move a girl in after 8 months. Generally 6 months is the bare minimum for a committed relationship to begin, so get out of here.
If you’re still trying to figure out how to make her wet with desire after 3 dates, you should be pulling the plug. You are at 8 months somehow. At this point it should be clear, nothing you do will make this happen. She doesn’t like you. And don’t “talk to her” about this, just watch her actions in the bedroom.
Committing too early as a man limits your options. You really would be better off on the hunt, looking for almost ANY other girl to fuck. At least then you would actually be fucking. And outside a relationship, you have more time to go to the gym, make money, reach your goals, etc.
You are clearly being played as a beta bucks. No/bad sex, refusing to kiss, no BJs, but she is moving in with you. You didn’t write it here explicitly, but take a look at your current situation: would you be paying for more than half the rent, or all the groceries?
2-sided open relationships are always an advantage for the girl. It’s way easier for her to get sex than it is for you. With this arrangement, she can safely get dicked down by alpha fucks while you comfort her and pay for her shit. You won’t get any side action, and even if you did, she would get mad and stop you from pursuing side puss. The point of a 2-way open relationship is only for the woman to get both alpha fucks and beta bucks.
Look at her actions, not words. No crazy sex? Is she actually doing other non-sex stuff for you that a girlfriend would? That’s how she really feels about you.
———
Man, almost nothing we read in your post was “red pill” at all. Honestly, this reads more like a blue pill betabux guy just spitting out red pill keywords. Reconsider this entire thing, please, for the love of god. You are rewarding shitty behavior if you do anything else.
amanef 3d ago
About my previous blog "All the times she made me feel not enough": many things changed. I tried applying red pill, and got results. I get sex when I want from her. She makes me food, etc. She behaves different (respectful, etc.) in public as well. Not everything is perfect but the picture seems to be entirely different now.
I told her today that I want to live alone now, I don't want her to move in. She got mad at me. In my heart I felt regret after, but I thought this was the right move. In my head: no move in with a girl until great sex life together, and otherwise a great relationship overall.
GeorgeIII 1 3d ago
Dude, the point of “applying red pill” is not to force it to work with one (apparently mediocre) chick. Whatever “applying red pill” even means here.
These excerpts are from your own writing above. My dude, you know you are cooked being serious and committed with her. So much so you came here for advice, and you even knew what the advice is.
———
The thing that is really cooking you…
Look, I feel you. Admittedly, I’ve never been in a serious relationship either. The problem you and I both share is that we don’t have a good frame of reference for when a girl is treating us well, and when she is actually good to be in a relationship with. But your case is so bad even I can smell it a mile away.
OP, watch the following video, the guy is not associated with “red pill” or whatever. It’s addressed to guys like us, specifically. (I’m a 30M)
TLDR: it’s the first time you’ve gotten any substantive positive attention from a woman who isn’t related from you. But you are so caught up in it that you overvalue her, and don’t see you are there to be used for security, not because she really wants to be in a relationship with you. Your inexperience and unattractiveness makes you easier to exploit than a handsome man with options. She can do less to keep you than if she were to go for a Chad type of guy. That’s why you have a relationship but she does not care about sex with you. She knows you will stay no matter what, unlike a Chad. That’s why RP says to plate women and learn about how they work, and eventually how it really feels to be treated well by a woman.
To be clear OP, everything I wrote in the paragraph above applies to me as well, and several other of the younger guys on this forum. This can be applied to any guy roughly 35 and under who hasn’t been married yet.
And the day I am writing a similar post here as the OP, I need you guys here to knock the living shit out of me.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 2d ago
Dr. Taraban gives some good info, but it drives me nuts that he has lifted a lot of stuff from Rollo Tomassi (and others, but mainly him) and doesn't give any credit.
amanef 3d ago
I watched the video, thanks, what it describes is eerily similar to my situation. I guess I have a long way to go yet. I'm glad though I didn't break up with her yet. Many times I considered it, but I learned a great deal from this relationship. It consumed a lot of my energy and focus, which I started to take back. I'm glad though I told her today that she can't move in.
GeorgeIII 1 3d ago
Hey bro, just looking out for the other guys like me out there. When these hoes come out and say they want to “build something together”, we gotta remember, they only show up when it’s already built. Never when it’s still a construction site. Don’t get played out there, she wasn’t with you when you were loneliest, poorest, and most ignorant.
Good luck out there man. I still think your relationship is cooked, but you get to make your own mistakes.
First-light 2 3d ago
When you say "that's just shitty" remember that this is only going to be shitty when it ends. It will end, unless you are cursed to never enjoy good hot sex with a willing woman.
You have to do something shitty or experience something shitty being done to you to be free to find that there is a whole different world out there. Once you have known that world, you will never ever tolerate a situation like this again. You will know she is not right for you because she doesn't desire you. She just sees you at best as a relationship, at worst as a provider. She does not want you.
It reads like maybe she is moving into a room in your apartment, not even your own room??
I married my first lover. She was cold. I felt something was off but I really didn't know. Her coldness was just hell. It went far beyond just sex -where her favourite phrase was "hurry up". Eventually I realised I just had to initiate break up with her and face the divorce rape, no matter how much it hurt. After that I went with some whores, probably partly to cope with frustration but mostly I think to prepare me to not be afraid to have sex with another woman. That sex was all uninspiring. Then about 9 months after my break up I got with a hot girl friend who liked sex and my entire world view of what was possible in terms of sexual satisfaction just exploded into something better (and terrible oneitis that could only end badly). I recount this to say that I really do understand the fear of losing a first relationship but that also I can promise you there is so much better out there.
You will do what you will do. I have not yet heard of a guy who succeeded in making a lukewarm woman hot for him. Some woman are not very sexual, its just a fact. They won't really heat up for any man. There are whole family trees of women who have not orgasmed. Lack of pleasure can be to some extent a hereditary trait. If its only that then you are lucky. She might genuinely love and respect you.
However if you just don't get her wet but other guys could, then you need to run. Likely as not other guys will be getting her wet sooner or later and even if not, she will never respect or look up to you. To her, you are a loser who it is situationally beneficial to be with and even if she were to decide that the situation was the rest of her life, well situations can change and woman's minds can change in an instant. If you are a loser that is is situationally worth being with, you can bet she actually feels like she is lowering herself every time she gives herself to you. She probably wants to shower your sub standard loser semen out of her afterwards.
The only other possibility and it is a very small one, is that she has a mental block over sex because of upbringing, some neurodivergence that makes it hard linking up with others and sharing your boundaries or negative past experience. Naturally you will hope it is this. Trying to relax her thoroughly and making sex light hearted, fun, natural, gentle and loving is most likely to win through to unlocking such a girl but the possibilities are very very small that it is such a case. In most cases nature is very strong and allows women to push away all their mental problems when they want a man's seed. In fact many of us have observed that for a white hot fling, where the sex is mind destroyingly good, it tends to require a slightly mental woman who has just decided that you are the key that fits her lock.
Do what you will do but do not fear to enthusiastically embrace something shitty when it comes along. Your escape from cold cunt prison lies through the sewers.
amanef 3d ago
There was a misunderstanding, my post was not clear. She enjoys sex a lot (with me as well most of the times), she gets orgasm, etc. She's wet sometimes before we have sex, sometimes only gets wet after penetration. I think however so far she never fully submitted herself to me. There wasn't one time I felt I could do anything as long as I want during sex and she's happy to give me pleasure. She complies during sex, but she's reluctant to do certain things, that she enjoyed with others before me (she does bj when I ask, but don't initiate and not passionate). So I can get her wet, she's not always wet though, when I'd like her to be. But she hasn't once fully submitted to me sexually (like I can do anything and she's happy, enjoying it) and I feel like this is really bad for the future of our relationship.
First-light 2 2d ago
OK but the things you wrote in your blog were very negative. the one that absolutely screams at me is "She didn't once hug me". I know it may not be fashionable round here but I can actually forgive women for not being submissive sluts doing things they did in the past and learned they don't actually like. What I cannot forgive is a woman who shows no affection. She shows it because she feels that way.
I think we do need to be a bit understanding about the doing less kinky shit. When I was a younger man I did a lot more simping than I do now. Now I have lines I will not cross. Women as they age will do the same thing. This is not necessarily because you are too beta, it may be because they just don't want to do things they don't actually like just to please someone else and in an adult relationship it really is good to not ask someone to do a lot of stuff they do not like for you that is not essentoal. The aim is to reciprocally add to each other's joy, not to be having constant trade offs of I gave you a blow job, so you wash my car"
Female desire and pleasure is complicated by the fact that being desired is very important to them. They want to please and knowing they blew your mind gives them great pleasure. Younger woman experimenting with their sexuality, will go further than they really like. Porn movies also encourage men to expect this. As the women age they find out what they actually like and don't like and start to work with this. Some women like some really fucked up shit. If you want to do kinky shit there will always be some woman who likes it but honestly its deviant. A woman who desires a good fuck from a quality guy she is fond of is well wired up but a woman who desires to be treated in strange ways and to be fucked in holes that are not designed as fuck holes is a bit odd really.
I get that you want to have tried everything and not to have been denied anything but it really is best to stick to doing things you mutually enjoy nearly all the time. Make sex a mutual pleasure. If you want to try the kinky stuff, get another woman, pay for it or find a side chick who is into it. Really how much would you respect a woman who likes it up her arse while you strangle her? Would you like you daughter to be that woman?
Provided she has desire and is affectionate to you (and I do fear she may not be) it is only a mix of curiosity and insecurity that is driving your concerns. We all have personal taste's. Being submissive needs to be a success strategy for women or why would they do it? Successful submission is not about doing things you hate to make someone else feel secure. If you ask her to do these things, she will actually look down on you as a small man once she works it out. Submission in women is mostly a fantasy -they submit to a strong man and that makes him take care of them and love and cherish them, giving them stuff they want. Its letting go of all your worries and responsibilities and being taken care of. Its a strange mix of the adult woman and the little girl. That is their fantasy. It is not you make them sore in strange ways to make yourself feel less small. That is the total opposite.
No-Stress-Cat 2 3d ago
You've got to be kidding me. Bro, if she moves in, EU law says that she is entitled to everything you own as if she were your wife. There is no trial period. It's permanent, and you're on the hook for everything, even if you break up. She could get the house, the car, and even alimony. You are too young to be throwing everything you worked for out the window for a woman who can't even satisfy your sexual needs.
That's all I have to say on this. You have been warned. If you fuck it up, don't come back here crying.
adam-l Moderator 2d ago
Good to read you held on to your balls and didn't let het move in.
It seems you are learning, so your next relationship will be much better.