Hello, i just turned thirty this month, but i feel like i missed the train regarding women, i never had beautiful women interested in me, i'm 6"3 with fit body i have a good career i've been hitting the gym 3 times a week for the past 4 years, i dress average to above average, but when i'm in the streets or some social event i feel like i'm invisible to women, or they avoid eye contact with me, i tried to understand but i didn't get the answer to my problem, can anyone help me please to find out what's the problem ?
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No-Stress-Cat 2 1d ago
Sounds like you got the foundations right. Have you actually tried talking to women? Do you give off a "scary" vibe? Are you one of those dudes who's so big that people think you might eat them if they get too close? Perhaps a little more context of what happens on the social scene might give us a better idea of what we're working with here.
redgee77 1d ago
yes, i apporoached mant women in different contexts (streets, malls, metro, school, events, plane,.....) but i don't get signals of interest and i feel like i creep them
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
1) I'll second what @No-Stress-Cat said. More info needed.
2) what's your body language like? Is it open and inviting? Or do you look closed off and hostile?
3) HAVE YOU READ THE SIDEBAR?
redgee77 1d ago
i answered the first question, and to answer the second one, honestly i can't define it and i can't see the difference between both, if you can help me understand or show me some ressources i'll be thankful
polishknight 22h ago
There's lots of good stuff in the sidebar he needs to read.
My theory is that it's possible that a lot of the girls are shy if they perceive he's hot. That's how it was in my generation. It was confusing but as we know how women's minds work now, it makes sense. I know I left a LOT of hot and otherwise good woman on the table, so to speak, because I didn't read the signs that their "avoidance tendencies" were their brains frying out of lust.
Us men experience it too. A hot girl says hello to you in class and you freeze up and run away. "he must not like me!" she thinks.
I'd suggest @redgee77 get a woman friend-of-a-friend to give him honest feedback. Is his body language off? Is he dressing bad or has a mullet or something like that going on? Essentially if you're in good shape and tall in this modern dating market, you're going to need to look like 2-face from Batman to drive away women.
mattyanon Admin 9m ago
Only caveat here is how much women lie and run self-interested PR...... they almost always don't give useful info because everything is behind a cloud of "Me first, women second, honesty last".
The fundamental issue is that if he's perceived as scary then she will try to protect women from him, and thus will not give useful advice.
redgee77 22h ago
do you think that asking a feedback from women that i went with for few date and then refused to continue will help me or you think it's a bad idea?
mattyanon Admin 5m ago
copying what I said above:
You can ask. Be super respectful..... something like.... "Thanks, I totally understand and respect your decision not to pursue this any further. All good. I don't suppose you'd be open to giving me a tiny bit of feedback on what I could do better in future?"
Try it. You might find a snippet of useful information.
But you do need to know that you are not being given truth. You are being given PR from a woman who will try to make herself look good and feel good. She may try and protect other women if you triggered her irrational fear response. She may run "be a good provider" game on you.
But maybe..... just maybe.... you'll find a useful snippet in there..... "Yeah... honestly..... those shoes". If one says this: ignore it. If they all say this: fix it.
They will never, ever say "lose weight" or "be more muscular".
So yeah. Ask. But do understand what the response means and doesn't mean.
polishknight 21h ago
Good question. In general women live in a teenage mental delusional state and in particular are unable to accept responsibility for the reasons they sleep (or don't sleep) with a particular man. So I'd suggest not.
You'd get a more honest opinion from a woman-friend-of-a-friend and ask solely for what they find unattractive about you. Women are generally dishonest about attractiveness in men in that they idealize it to suit them such as "a nice guy who pays and leads me!" when they really mean "A physically visibly HOT guy that pays and leads me!"
Generally, they can give honest feedback about general things to clean yourself up including but not limited to: Trimming your fingernails, a nice belt and shoes (yes, they give a LOT of shit about that!), your nose hair, and so on. They can advise somewhat on fashion particularly if they're friends but NOT girlfriends (my wife's fashion choices for me are questionable but not entirely valueless.)
You want a 3rd party with zero skin in the game but yet is motivated to put an effort in.
Ideally, a hot woman platonic friend is best because hot women will have a different mind than normal women. Hot women generally are not as insecure as normal women.
mattyanon Admin 2m ago
I've found this varies between women, not particularly with your relationship to them.
My mother: continual fashion crime
Girlfriends: one was absolutely superb. Most are fairly useless.
How a man dresses affects how he's perceived. But that perception is not something they see as changeable. Kinda how they never say "lose fat, gain muscle". They change their own clothes to manage that perception for themselves, but are often fucking useless at making him more attractive.
Partly they don't really understand male fashion/clothes. They see it. They feel it. But they don't understand it well enough to offer suggestions.
But.... still..... some are great at it. Worth a shot.
redgee77 21h ago
the problem now is that i have no female friends
mattyanon Admin 1m ago
Do you have any male friends? Because if not, you need to fix that.
Do any of them look like they get laid? If so, talk to them.
But if they are just average guys - not worth discussing.
Musicgoon78 3 1d ago
I can tell you first and foremost, that's your main problem is expecting women to approach you. They don't do that.
I will definitely ask if you read the sidebar as @typo-MAGAshiv asked? You're going to also be suffering from confirmation bias. This is where you look for whatever evidence that will support a super negative worldview and a defeatist mindset. Seen this hundreds of times and guys on this forum. They will fight tooth and nail to keep their victim mentality but won't put themselves out there to talk to women. Give us more information on what your typical interaction with women looks like and where do you go to talk to them?
redgee77 1d ago
i didn't mean that women need to approach me, what i wanted to say is that i don't see that i attract women, or catch their eye, when i walk with some friends outside i see that women are checking them and holding eye contact with them, it's something i never experienced
mattyanon Admin a few seconds ago
You see women checking them because they aren't looking.
The holding eye contact .... are you sure that's actually happening?
Ok. One solid thing: get your friends to tell you if a girl is checking out. And read my initial post again about this stuff.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Your social skills or outward demeanor hand down
There is a slight chance you come across as too intimidating and low rapport but I highly doubt it
Make friends and learn social skills
redgee77 1d ago
sorry i'm not a native english speaker, but what do you mean by outward demeanor hand down? and what are the social skills you think i lack?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 21h ago
Hands down means that is the reason
Outward social demeanor is the way you come across to others: body language or other ways you come across to people
And dude you are 6' 3" and I presume in good physical shape. If you are not doing well with women it is because of your social skills
Unless your face looks like a troll's butthole you should be doing well with women so it's your social skills
Make friends and learn how to talk to people
redgee77 20h ago
i just remembered that you commented something on my previous post 2 years ago, you saw what i looked like in other posts here: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/s/lqdpXK8qf7
Vermillion-Rx Admin 20h ago
I honestly forgot what you look like though I remember this post
My advice is unchanged
You need social skills
redgee77 20h ago
you said something about looking depressed, i already got this feedback from a friend and a female coworker that told me that i look tired, tips to fix this ? any ressources regarding the social skills and inner game you recommend?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 20h ago
Get to bed on time. Wake up at similar times every day. Eat enough meat and healthy fats. No big meals or blue screens before bed. No alcohol before bed. Slightly cool down your room before bed
Cut out the cheap dopamine sources in your life like excessive gaming, drugs, pr0n etc
Eliminate stressors and get some outdoor sunlight for a bit. You won't look so sad and tired
First-light 2 1d ago
Don't worry, 30 is just coming into your prime.
Beautiful women are a bit different from ordinary women in that they know every man out there would bang them. They have total choice, so they wait to see who is interested. Most of their interactions with men they have just met are saying "no" one way or another. They really don't need any more of these in a day. So they are unlikely to actually initiate anything.
It is true that women invite courtship and that courtship very rarely succeeds if it is uninvited (this is where almost all the problems men have come from -failure to spot genuine female interest) but first they have to notice you and decide "I want some of his attention" You may have to go over and start a friendly conversation and see if she is interested.
Its hard to see with limited info. If we could watch you in action at a social event, we would probably know what it was that was stopping them wanting to draw you in. Some guys just don't see themselves as attractive and don't spot small signals. Others stare too much or fail to look with warmth and creep women out. You do need to be completely at home in your setting, acting with all the social norms but also have something about you that that separates you from most other guys. Beautiful women have a lot of interest form attractive men, you need to demonstrate more than good looks and thirst, some genuine connection, some je ne sais quoi.
redgee77 1d ago
i mean i'm not just talking about beautiful women even normal women i feel like i can't get them
polishknight 22h ago
Back 40 years ago, I used to crush on mid but cute girls. Slightly chubby brunettes with pretty faces were my thing but these women were largely insufferable (for the era, I hate to think what they're like now!). They had lots of attention from beta males and they were insecure because they thought they could do better if they were more pretty. They weren't under delusions back then they were ALL hot.
I can't say what it's like today, fortunate for me, but back then the pretty women generally were better to get along with. They knew they were hot and at my age, the ones who wanted a relationship were more pro-active about it. She wasn't out to get a hot guy to impress other women because she already knew they were jealous of her. Heck, these women were sort of like tomboys in that they distrusted women more than we did. I even had a few of them flirt with me. I eventually married the one that showed me the most interest to close the deal.
mattyanon Admin 15h ago
Ok, I'll try.
Fit body you probably have a slim attractive face. You're very tall which is 3 plus points. Gym: well fucking done. I assume "fit body" means "low bodyfat with muscles". If it means "20% bodyfat with muscles" then we need to talk, but for the rest of this I'll assume slim with muscles.
Dressing average: well, no reason not to bang that up a bit. It's worth 5 to 10% of female interest, but it's the easiest 5 to 10% and it helps at the start. Go up a bit, and be riskier. Risky means: at least 25% of women will hate it.
Female eye contact works like this:
So you need to be looking the other way when she first sees you, so she can safely check you out without getting caught. Ideally you're in a fun conversation elsewhere at the time.
Also - women have lost what little tiny bit of game they had here. They do not know to look and catch your eye anymore. Apps and TikTok and covid have killed that, sadly.
Women and men are different. Women do check out men, and would probably check you out if you did this right.
Actually, I don't think there is any problem, at least not where you think it is.
Women are shy and passive and reserved by nature, especially at first, and dealing with that and escalating while keeping her both comfortable and excited while you maintain control and don't get sucked into being her dancing monkey is 99% of game.
So, issues and fixes:
Here's a rough gameplan:
Lone_Ranger 3 6h ago
Welcome to being a man.
If you are 6"3, lean and defined, and not mishappen in the face, you are in the top 5% of men.
Here's where I think you are going wrong - you say that when you are in social situations or events - you don't get any 'interest' from women. Women almost never give interest. If prime brad pit walking into a party, he would get zero 'interest'. Women just aren't like that - they expect you to do all the heavy lifting - all the time.
without knowing you, it's hard to say what the issue is - i would guess its confidence and presence.
the top tip I could give you is forget about clothes and forget about gay shit like 'looks maxing'.
the missing ingredient is most likely confidence and indifference. Indifference is far more important than most men realise. the thing that really makes a woman think 'i'm going to go home with this guy and give up the goodies' is when they beleive that you really do not care. indifference is the panty dampener par excellence.
if a woman belives that you could have any woman in the room, she wants you. right now, before some other woman gets you. it creates a sense of urgency. Women are very different to men - it's almost like they do not have an opinion of their own, that they are incapable of deciding whether they are interested in a man or not....they can only use group think - the hive mind is the common name.
the best tip i can give you is to simply work on your social network. build you network of friends and contacts IRL (not online, that is important).
Also - try public speaking. Whatever it is that you do career wise, just start doing public lectures at events. become an expert at something. doesn't matter what.
live your life for you, have fun, be social, don't be shy. women are everwhere.
WOMEN ARE A CONSEQUNCE OF A LIFE WELL LIVED. LIVE YOUR LIFE WELL, AND THERE WILL ALWAYS BE WOMEN.