Now i know that sounds beta asf. I know that your meant to be confident enough in yourself and secure enough that you dont need her validation. But come on, of course i want her to validate me, compilment me etc. Especially after sex . Any normal person would want that. Its part of the human desire for connection and intimacy.
The thing is, it seems like these girls are too stubborn to do so and dont want to “boost your ego”.
Obviously being needy about this is the wrong way to go. Dont try force her to validate you by asking or saying something stupid.
However i do want her to validate me. I guess i want confirmation that she is attracted and has some kind of feelings for me
MidgetSpinner 5d ago
It's simple for me. Women that want you will validate you naturally. At least in my experience, that's how it's been. If a woman is not validating you at all, then move on to the next. Most women I've been with have naturally validated me, and I haven't had to ask and nor would I. It should just come naturally as a result of who you are and what you do. Trust me, if a girl is not validating you or stroking your ego, especially after laying her, she's most likely not that into you - so no further action required. Chasing validation is anti-game and anti-frame.
If whoever this girl is that you're craving validation from isn't naturally doing that, you probably need to next her. Believe me, they NATURALLY validate you as a result of wanting you. You shouldn't have to question this.
Musicgoon78 3 5d ago
This is a great question actually and, no I don't think it's beta or retarded. It's human. Brother of course you want validation. You're girl should be cheering you on and talking you up!
Now I take this personally because I just broke up with my last girlfriend of several years for this very same issue. If she can't meet you in in enthusiasm and build you up, unfortunately that's a mismatch my brother.
Now I'm going to deliver the brutal truth: As far as "getting" her to validate you, it's not happening. If she doesn't have that desire then the relationship isn't functioning.
Now please take this with a grain of salt. Before you make this about her, take a look at your actions, are you putting fourth the effort to have fun with her? Is your life stable?
There's usually two sides to a story. This sounds like an impasse, but it's worth reflecting on. You deserve more than someone that doesn't fulfill that need.
Stay strong!
SwarmShawarma 5d ago
I need to chime in.
I don't have large data set but. My current validates me also with words, sure its cool but I always was trying to disattach from words. And I dont know what was first: egg or chicken.
My exLLTR was not spilling many validation words and then loads time apart (hopefuly I remember that well) yet she on her own volition did things.
Dont look only for words, IMO: leaning into you, enthusiastic sex, taking opinion on things you might find offensive, a and many more superior markers. If you read about pickup IOI, well that is validation, if she doesn't do that for anyone else.
At the seme time it keeps her in a game. She wouldn't fuck you sober without some interest, she will branch\cuck if she doesn't SHOW validation.
Lone_Ranger 3 6d ago
I don't think I have ever seen a more retarded question.
You have just admitted to us, and more importantly, yourself, that you are ascribing your self worth from pussy.
Saltycroc 6d ago
I mean, is that not normal? If someone who gets no bitches, works on themselves and starts getting bitches, his self worth would go up because hes started to attract what he wanted. Thus he got his self worth from pussy.
If you didnt want the validation of attracting women, then why be on this forum? Why spend time learning game?
Lone_Ranger 3 1d ago
His self worth would go up because he got 'bitches'?
This forum is not about 'learning game'.
There are plenty other sites where PUA's take money from ultra lame betas so that they can learn 'game'. This is not one of them.
Musicgoon78 3 5d ago
It's normal out in the real world bro. You're getting posturing over here. I'll say it even if I get down voted.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 6d ago
So that you're not in a desert and don't have to be?
That's not what TRP is about. Preventing yourself from being in a desert is only the entry level into TRP. TRP has so much more teachings on frame and mental point of origin and male identity beyond game
SwarmShawarma 4d ago
I come from a village. I could not comprehend how someone could not understand that milk doesn't come from supermarket but from a cow.
These people dep0ending how much dis attached they are from real world, they need to see a cow, cow being milked, drink it right away, maybe even pasteurise it in front of them as fresh milk has more distinct smell and taste, and then they would still have to come back on their own to see they were not Truman Showed..
I guess some dudes might not believe certain aspects of pick up, game, life. They have never seen it.
Reading about the milk from a cow just doesn't sound true.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 6d ago
https://www.forums.red/p/theredpill/4482/your_devotion_is_worthless
Kloi 6d ago
Then fuck her well? I don't need my girlfriend to tell me the sex was good, I know when it's great,.I know when it's acceptable and I know when I basically just used her to get a nut before she reacts to the sex.
Guess I'm not normal. While I agree it's nice to hear good job once in awhile, I don't need it or desire it. Again, I know when I'm performing well and when I am not. I don't need outside confirmation to tell me I'm acting right.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 6d ago
First-light 2 6d ago
I think it is one of the good things about this place, that we can be honest about our desires. I agree with you that some validation would be great. When one considers how much of our energy goes into validating our women, just a little coming back would be great. I would love to hear "You are a good man" "I am grateful for you" or "You make me happy" come out unprompted.
Its a very very rare thing. Women are fundamentally selfish and society raises them with that expectation. For most women most of the time, the fact that she deigns to eat your food, live in your house, ride in your car, wear clothes you buy and take your dick from time to time when she likes the idea is validation enough and you should be grateful.
Anything beyond that will only be in the early stages of a relationship where she feels there is a big SMV differential in your favour. Even if you start off that way after a year or two, certainly 5 or 7, she will know inside herself that what is yours is hers and you have raised her to your level, the only way beyond would be a monkey branch to a taller tree and you should be grateful she is not making it.
Maybe you will be lucky and get a positive result telling her that you feel like you would like to hear she is grateful for you and all you do for her once in a while. But if you are you will be one of the lucky ones.
Still its a bit sad that some are here to beta shame you for having feelings of needing validation. You have not wanted anything unmanly. We all do. We have just learned that its not happening.
GeorgeIII 1 6d ago
I agree. I think every human wants at least some validation, and that’s in our genes. It’s the opposite of getting exiled by your clan or village in the old days.
OP, you’ve already gotten shit on in the replies, but I respect that you are honest with yourself and us about what you want, even if not all agree with you.
That being said, I think it is better to not want validation, or at least not want it as much. Validation is something that we depend on others for, that is, we cannot technically get it ourselves.
It’s a tricky thing. You can’t just “ask” for it from your girl, as you wrote above. If she did so after you asked, you would always doubt it is genuine.
It’s like men getting duty sex in a marriage after finding out about their wife’s slutty past can’t trust the wife really wants to fuck. See from today: https://www.forums.red/p/whereareallthegoodmen/325228/cc_rider_wife_won_t_give_hubby_the_same_treatment_as_college
If verbal validation is important to you, you may need to just find a new girl. Whether it’s her personality not to validate you, or she’s really taken that much better dick, you might just not be able to get it from her. The relationship might not be a good one for you.
Another option includes accepting other forms of validation: she initiates sex MUCH more than you, she does a bunch of good stuff for you without asking, or she shows you off to her friends. These would all demonstrate that she does feel like you are a catch, and are more concrete proof she is attracted to you than words.
There’s also the option of soft-flirting with other women and getting positive responses. Dread will make her more scared to lose you, so she will then take more initiative to keep you (verbally, sexually, in the kitchen, etc). But if you choose this route, don’t overdo it or she will know you are doing it on purpose, or even really think you are cheating.
No-Stress-Cat 1 6d ago
If she's not validating you during sex, you're either doing something wrong, or her hamster is malfunctioning.
If you think it's not because you're doing something wrong, then it must be her.
If she's not appreciating the sex you're giving her, then stop giving it to her.
You do have options, right?