Hello guys, thanks a lot for your eye-opening answers in my recent post.
My hamster is spinning trying to figure out what I did wrong in my LDR that led to me being disrespected and cheated on. If you can help me figure it out, I want to prevent further emasculation and being cucked.
I tried as much as possible not to mate-guard my ex-LDR. I didn't ask about her whereabouts. She told me she was going out with her girlfriends, I said OK, then she vanished for hours. I kept my cool and didn't act insecure, not calling her nor asking for proof or anything. On the other hand , i tried to comfort her , when going out i don't vanish , she may get anxious and double text , i respond to her , damn i was her little monkey.
The only boundary I communicated was not to drink when she went out with her girlfriends. But due to her lack of respect for me, she did it and hid it, and I found out.
In addition, I found out she cheated on me (who knows, maybe more than once). It damaged my ego, but at least I got a little revenge by ghosting her.
What stands out is that during sex (Applied the Sex God Method) she was very submissive. Blowjobs on command, calling me daddy, "I'm your little slut , i really love your D , sex is awesome all the validation you can get ." I think she's a nympho too, but damn AWALT , even with great sex she cheated on my ass .
Also, she get very fearful when I told her I was going to eat dinner outside. Damn, I think she saw me as beta husband material she needed to secure, even though I got sex from her whenever I wanted , or because she cheats whenever she goes out with her girlfriends.
I'm thinking my problem is that I was not masculine enough to command her and i'm passive even in my last relationships. I tell myself she's going to do what she wants, and if she slips, I'll bail on her ass (i'm not counting on marrying her anyways). But how can I verify without being needy or insecure?
Thanks again, guys. I'm processing the sadness of this breakup and trying to overcome this feeling of inadequacy to move on as fast as possible. I need your guidance to prevent further slips and enhance my frame in addition to sidebar .
Thank you a lot guys , you saved me .
[deleted]
brazilianxof 1w ago
I think you found the answer already.
Machiaspinner 1w ago
Can you explain please . Was it about being more masculine ? Thank you a lot .
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
1: you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. This chick was NEVER going to be LTR material. If she still wants regular girls night out at bars, it means she still wants the single lifestyle, even if she says she wants a BF. She wants Fried Ice. It’s not possible. Not with you, not with me, and not with the next guy.
2: No LDR. Why the fuck haven’t you considered that it’s just a bad deal for men? You lose your options, have to pass her comfort tests, and your time having sex is reduced/gone due to distance. You also lose any shot at enforcing any boundaries, and she has less to lose transgressing those boundaries because it’s harder to catch her.
3: I don’t know how “masculine” you are, whatever that means. You set yourself up for disaster. You LTRed a chick who was not properly vetted. You did it in an LDR. And per your previous posts and replies, you regularly catch easy oneitis. Because of this, you are accepting behavior that should be totally unacceptable. If a woman behaves badly, and you accept it, you are communicating that the behavior is not bad.
Given the pattern of behavior you’ve admitted to, you just should not be in a committed relationship of any kind. In fact, I’d consider quitting women for a while.
OP, what are you up to outside of women? And besides working/uni. Do you lift, do hobbies, have a side gig, or are you learning a new skill? Do you have a social network of MALE friends, preferably game aware? Do you have any actual social skills? What do you have going on in your life? My honest guess is that your life is mostly empty, considering how much you think about this hoe.
You are less likely to tolerate bad behavior if you have better ways to spend your time, rather than spending time with any particular woman. If your life is just work and woman, removing that woman is hard because you have nothing else in your life going on. But if she has to compete with your side gig, hobbies, gym routine, and social gatherings with your male friends, you won’t be as dependent on her.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
@Typo-MAGAshiv well said
Machiaspinner 1w ago
Thanks for your answer , appreciate it a lot. I LDR her because i lacked options in my area , in addition to her high interest , also she is 22 sex good , cooks and clean ( but she bite me in the ass) , i recently found out that she is a plate to a guy in her city . I obviously catch oneitis , for the first time i’ll say it to someone , because i’m a little bit insecure of a scar in the neck i’ve had from a surgery .
I’m still studying speciality in dentistry Rn (my last year) , i lift , i’m lean but not buff , 186 cm tall
I have friends but not game aware , also i do a lot of hobbies ( surf , tennis occasionaly)
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
Ok, sounds like you’re a young guy, and you are still in the process of building your life. Good that you are in training for an actual profession too.
Work on some of those things listed that aren’t well-developed: gym, (straight) male friends, social skills, side gig. Personally, I’d start with gym if I were you. It’s the easiest time-wise and doesn’t require any other people. Besides making you buff, it will make you more confident.
I wouldn’t worry too much within reason about the scar. Women love scars (as long as it doesn’t 100% disfigure you). Plus it’s a potential opener with new girls.
And enough about her. No more rent-free mental real estate.
Machiaspinner 1w ago
Thank you a lot . I'm getting my ass in the gym regularly right now , even if i force myself to eat , sleep better than in the past . I'll try some new hobbies as you mentioned to fill my time and meet new people , and why not start a new gig . And enough about her. No more rent-free mental real estate - I'm evicting my head from her to keep moving on . Thank you again.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
You are really overthinking this one
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
In the future you need to actually know what your girl is doing. It is not stoic or alpha to be completely oblivious about your woman.
I personally want to know what a relationship's plans are. Where are you going, who are you going with. Secondly I will probably never get into a relationship with a woman who likes to go to night venues ever again. You can vet for that up front and reduce most of the headache at that alone
Machiaspinner 1w ago
I’ll do that for sure next time . Thank you a lot.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
No problem
Now that you broke up with her (you need to stay broken up with her) I will give you advice on your full post like I said I would
Give me a few hours and I'll read this and the last one
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
Clarity:
You don't vet for that by asking her as if she's being honest. You vet for it by watching her behavior.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
I didn't make any distinction, but if she goes to night venues she goes to night venues
Some women actually don't like those environments. It is possible to find them (albeit much harder than your typical empowered hoe)
Machiaspinner 1w ago
Thank you a lot
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
It's hard to tell what your story was because you say 7 month LDR and then have a random post about a plate and FWB 3 months ago. It's unclear why you have a timeline discrepancy so I can't even tell if you had any kind of abundance or not in the last year
Anyway. Let's break down the psychology of went went wrong.
1 ) you did an LDR. You only do LDRs if you've been together with a chick for a while and the reason it is long distance is for example training or a critical work assignment or something and waiting a few months is preferable to starting over. Not for some random pussy you can't let go of. Were you two ever even together long in person?
Women can't go that long while missing cock. They just can't. Men can go without sex for some time and be fine with it. Women cannot. Their entire lives revolve around being filled up. Don't do LDRs, they get very needy and upset they're not getting dick
2 )
If you tolerate this at all they will just keep doing it. If it's mild you warn them. If it isn't you dump them. There is no in between. There is no trying to instill morality and virtue into a woman who has very little of it as is. Women are already less virtuous and of lower integrity than men anyway, they are not going to magically improve if they are already unscrupulous hoes.
If you allow this, they will just trample over you
3 ) whore friends.
A woman is absolutely the average of her friends. If her friends on average are selfish degenerate whores she will be the average of them. Especially when alcohol is involved and late nights are involved.
Pick girlfriends who like outdoor peace and reading clubs, etc. not night walker whores in mini skirts who need late night drunk validation around cock
4 ) not knowing what your girlfriend is doing
Look I don't care who you are or how much frame or status you have, if you signal to a woman that you do not care at all what she does and decide to be ignorant about her location, her plans, and who she is with, she will just run with it.
Women hate accountability but they will at least try to be accountable if you are aware of what is going on in their lives. Sure they could just lie, but at least if you have the details of what they are doing you can at least more easily smell when something is wrong.
You basically telegraphed to her: "do whatever, I do not care to find out what you are doing because muh alpha or something"
This serves absolutely zero benefit to you. It is not frame to be ignorant, it is foolish. You guys need to stop worrying so damn much about getting alpha points and actually start giving a shit about your investments. Would you leave your house door unlocked at all times or would you actually watch your investment more carefully than that?
Stop trying to framemaxx and start using common sense. This goes for half the guys posting in AskTRP trying to be alpha for absolutely no reason other than they think they read what they should do somewhere
5 ) no abundance
You basically told this woman: I am getting zero of my part of the bargain as a man (no sex bc distance) while she got 100% of her end (validation, pen pal, commitment). No man with self respect stays in an LDR. I've made that mistake before and I should have just cut it off immediately.
Women instinctively know when you do not prioritize your worth for them. And they resent you for it.
6 ) I take you already knew she was a hoe?
I doubt you found out yesterday that she likes to club or drink. You deliberately chose to commit to a woman who was probably likely or has previously been a hoe. As someone else already pointed out, that is foolish.
7 ) taking her back.
She cheated on you and lied and broke your boundaries AND she lives far away AND you still took her back. How on earth is she supposed to respect you after that? Who would respect anyone who is that easy to manipulate and that desperate?
8 ) ego
You cared way too much about how this made you feel and cared way too much about trying to salvage a turd. You don't try to salvage relationshits. It's shit because it's shit.
You tried to prove something to yourself that was impossible to prove and pointless to prove even if you had succeeded (which you can't). The second you realize you settled for a bad woman there is no heroism or theatrics to be had proving to the world that you can waste more time on it
Shitty women do not value your efforts (in fact most women don't). Shitty women do not change and any changes you can get them to make involve massive growing pains. Shallow, vapid women will hate you for all the self reflection you made them do.
There is no ego worth spending trying to make a garbage woman appreciate you or love you. They don't care about anything more than knee deep yet you dove in full depth to prove something that should have been you dropping her
Value your peace dude, do you want to be at their level? Why? They will beat you with experience.
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 6d ago
@Machiaspinner
On top of this, it's not your goddamn responsibility to train a grown-ass woman on how to act right in a relationship. That's the responsibility of her parents. If they failed at that, then she's not your problem anymore.
Your job is to do what is best for you, and to be effective in the execution of such.
Which generally means not spending time, effort, or any form of mental fixation on someone that isn't doing what is necessary to deserve such. Find literally anything else to spend those on. An unsuitable woman will destroy your life even faster than a drug addiction if you let them!
Vermillion-Rx Admin 6d ago
Yes ^
Additionally, any morality and values you end up successfully instilling into a woman who lacks them always comes with the pesky effect of her realizing you made her realize how degenerate she was to begin with
They will blame you for making them feel like a degen who had to fix her morals
@Machiaspinner
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
Savage, but true. They only value final outcomes. Only men respect the grind.
Related, @Vermillion-Rx, I’ll be dropping in to the AMA the next Sunday partially on this topic, in the area of social dance. See you then
Vermillion-Rx Admin 6d ago
Sounds great!
Oddly enough I find that social dance is basically the only thing women will appreciate and have loyalty to you over (not sexual loyalty but something emotional in their mind)
Maybe it's different for your kind and maybe because mine involves a lot of stunts, lifts, and aerials but I find that women I have taught have an almost child-like adoration for it. Even women I used to bang and lost frame with.
They get extremely excited to see me and seem to have a base admiration for me being the one who taught them everything they know. I don't understand it but that seems to be the one exception I've come across for irrational appreciation for your efforts as a man
There hasn't really been any other thing I've seen in my life that consistently churns out high permanently positive marks from women, even ones I taught like 5 years ago and who I blew my frame out with
It really needs to be scientifically studied
GeorgeIII 1 6d ago
Key caveats here. I’m am just starting in country dance (2 step and swing).
As I’m just starting, I haven’t yet reached the level where I teach them everything I know, mostly.
But I can kind of see the dynamic of them appreciating me teaching them what they know, thus far. I’ve got 2 potential plates, and they are even less experienced than I am. I definitely see this boosting their attraction and IOI levels for me.
Girls who are/think they are better at dancing than me are a different story though. It’s a lot like the daddy-daughter dynamic that works with relationships where the man is older. But instead of age, it’s hours of experience on the floor.
Machiaspinner 1w ago
Thank you so much for all the time you dedicated to the psychological analysis of my case.
When I wrote about my FWB four months ago, she is this one I had vetted for this LDR , and I ended things with the other woman I was seeing at the time.
I take full responsibility for committing to this woman in an LDR. The saying "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife" is absolutely true. She has no morals, I've never met a girl with such low values. I’d even say she’s evil (she has a snake in her bio and wears a snake necklace and thinks she is a great manipulative hoe , in addition i even think she is psycho , she mocks homeless people when we were together , never said thank you to the waiter and the list continues), and you can feel that energy. Her friends are the same, clubbing, drinking, riding the cock carousel. I chose to commit after she pushed for it multiple times during sex. I wasn't blind to the red flags, but I admit my scarcity mindset played a big role.
At first, I didn’t care too much because we were just FWB, even though I invested time in texting and logistics, and she frequently visited me in my city. Looking back, I think I was just one of her plates.
My oneitis cucked me. I took her back, and you're absolutely right, how could she ever respect me after that? At least you guys opened my eyes, and I made the right decision, even if some time had passed (one more week after fucking her twice).
In future relationships, I’ll work on commanding respect and setting clear boundaries to protect my peace and avoid wasted investment.
"Value your peace, dude. Do you want to be at their level? Why? They will beat you with experience." That quote is perfect. I will never be at their level. She has nothing going on in her life and she is the most morally degenerate girl I’ve ever met. Maybe she played me, or maybe I played myself by being blind by my scarcity mentality . Either way, it's time to move on.
Thank you again for your very wise words and your help.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 6d ago
You're welcome!
Without knowing anything more about her I can't really speculate if she was a cluster B but maybe look into narcissistic personality disorder tells (I don't want to come across like I over diagnose women with this but if you've ever been narcissistically abused you usually won't know it)
https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/323085/are_there_any_foolproof_signs_a_woman_is_a_covert_narcissist
Read this and the attached links and tell me if any of that is objectively spot on
As for the rest, she definitely played you so far as knowing how to wrap men around her finger, but I would say the biggest thing mentally and emotionally fucking you right now is knowing you played yourself
It hurts knowing you picked a trashy degenerate hoe as a relationship commitment
Honestly man be glad she lost respect and attraction for you because it is way easier to get rid of evil women who no longer want you than it is to cut off an evil witch who still very much wants you. It's actually very long term beneficial to run anti-game on a evil hoe than to be on the receiving end her wrath by dumping her while she depends on you and badly wants you still
Machiaspinner 6d ago
Thank you again. I’m overcoming this idea that i played myself , the ho was evil , better get rid of her now than later.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 6d ago
No problem
Musicgoon78 3 1w ago
Here's a simple answer for you:
Long distance relationships don't work and aren't relationships. Do not get into one.
First-light 2 1w ago
Whenever a guy says "Sex was great, woman was submissive during sex, why did she then do X or Y?" I want to say "Dear boy, understand this; all you have done in sex is make her do what she wanted to do anyway. What made you think that would make her do something she did not want to do or refrain from an thing she did want to do?"
Sex is a guided trip to the sweet shop for women. Sure they are not always in the mood for it, sure they complain if its not good enough but otherwise its a fun trip, where you do most of the work and set it up with lots of courting and care. Women like sex. They like the guided trip, they like the role play aspect of playing up to what you want in return for getting what they want in and out of bed.
Remember giving someone what they want doesn't mean they will be indebted to you or loyal to you. They would need to make an inner decision to do that, they would need to be strong willed and have a strong sense of morality. Does this sound like most women?
Never big yourself up for more than a day or two on pleasing a woman in bed. It has about a 36 hour effect on her and then it passes. Women's feelings change. Women who like sex, probably are used to getting it from men, have probably had it with others and liked it more (that's just the odds when she has been with a few others). Some of them like getting their bread buttered on both sides. I mean who doesn't like more of a good thing? "Girl can't help it if she likes men and men like her" ...right?
Threatening to bail on them looks weaker every time you do it. "If he wanted to he would have" ....right?
Finally when you have criticised yourself for the vanity of thinking sex might make flighty women faithful, cut yourself some slack. This might not be about you not being manly enough to hold her. It just might be about her being no good.
Even if it was because she wanted more of a man, it wasn't you. You weren't the right type for her. You can't act a role for long. Be the best version of yourself you can gold day in day out. That's basically yourself trying pretty hard. You won't manage any more than that over time. Don't try. Work on self improvement of course but women need to be right for you in the here and now. You may never become all you would wish to be but you have to be good enough for them and they need to be good enough for you. If they are not, they are not good enough.
Machiaspinner 6d ago
It totally makes sense now , and that’s totally right for the sex , probably she got passed around and for that she likes it a lot . I can see that she wasn’t good for me , i’m moving on and freeing my mind from her quite good right now. Thank you a lot .