Has anyone stayed in a relationship where the girl wasn’t your ideal in looks but was damn near perfect in every other way? 8 months in with a girl who’s not ugly but maybe a 6-7 on my scale. However, she’s in the gym, eats healthy, cooks, helps with my businesses, sex is great, she’s open to threesomes, we have a good time together, and she’s genuinely into me. The problem is I sometimes compare her to more attractive women from my past and wonder if I’m settling. I know the grass is greener where you water it, and what we have is solid. Has anyone been in this spot? Did you stay and stop caring about the looks gap, or did you leave to chase someone you were more physically attracted to and how did that work out?
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Hugo_The_Great 2d ago
I'll tell you a bit about my first LTR from 21-26. (She was 19) At the beginning she was probably as you say about 6.5/10
Treated me like a king. Like, my friends thought I was bullshitting them when I told them what she did for me and it made them question their own LTRs.
The problem is, she slowly started gaining weight. OTOH, I was working on myself, more confidence, better looking, more money etc. Attention I was getting from (more attractive) women was also increasing. In the end, I cheated and then promptly broke up with her (never told her about the cheating but I knew it wasn't gonna stop if I stayed with her). I wanted to see if I could get a LTR who was 8/10 look and gave me 9/10 treatment. As a challenge, really. Like yourself I had hooked up with better looking women previously, I just failed to really get them sufficiently invested for good treatment as I was not high enough SMV myself yet.
The real problem is, if you already feel you are out of her league, what do you think will happen in 5-10 years if you keep improving? If you walk into rooms where there are consistently women who are more attractive than her who you see giving yourself IOI's, you will 99% cheat at some point and create a clusterfuck. It will break her heart, your family will be disappointed & you will be disappointed in yourself also and lose some innocence which will be replaced with skepticism/bitterness.
This is why now at 30, I only think about LTRing women
Musicgoon78 3 1w ago
Look bro, this is not a hard problem to solve. Simply enjoy being with her. Don't knock her up and if things get even better cool. If you find a hot sidepiece, cool, have threesomes. If you find something later that you like more cool. Why do you need to: A. Cut off something good? B. Limit your options?
Fucking roll with it. You can always decide not to pursue it later.
Edit- Some super hot chicks are a pain in the ass BTW. Looks aren't the be all end all. Go with the total package of what you want. This might also change over time.
No-Stress-Cat 1w ago
I never date ugly chicks. Never did, never will.
You have to remember, if you ever settle down with her or get her knocked up, that's what your kids are going to look like.
Nich2022 1w ago
Yeah for sure. Wouldn’t say she’s ugly. Just a “mid” with potential. Bright green eyes are plus.
The treatment is amazing for sure. Going to see after these next 10 lbs drop off.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
Yes, and I wouldn't want to be in it for something serious
I have had previous FWB where I didn't want to commit in part because I knew I'd always have a positive reaction to women who were my type that weren't her
I personally don't find it to be fair to either party as far as genuine desire goes
So I don't promise them anything special. I also don't tell them that. I might say "you're not my exact type but I still find you attractive"
But yes I would not want to be with someone long term if my heart and desires aren't in it. Women do age you know, if you're not already super into her her looks will fade
Nich2022 1w ago
Appreciate the response.
Yeah man you’re right, I may have overshot and stayed to long with the hopes her weight loss would change it. Which is has a lot but she has about 10 more lbs to lose. But outside of the physical, I do really enjoy spending time with her and she clicks probably 8/10 boxes but only a 6.5/10 in looks to me. Seems super shallow and hope I’m not thinking about this from the wrong angle
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
Unless you're lying to her you're not doing anything wrong
People just have preferences.
Nich2022 1w ago
Not lying, I never would tell her she’s a 6.5 straight up. But I am treating her like a gf as I do fancy her time and willingness to do things for me and the sex.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
I mean obviously,
But do what you want
First-light 2 1w ago
Yes, I have done that. One of the biggest regrets of my life. She was perfect in every other way but I just didn't really fancy her. Just no chemistry. Stayed with her. Years of great food. Had children. Never asked me to do a thing around the house. I was unfaithful. More than once. Things got very complicated.
Not everyone is the same but really it was not the best thing for me to have done.
Nich2022 1w ago
Was the regret leaving her or was it being/staying with her in the first place? What shouldn’t you have done?
First-light 2 1w ago
My regret was beginning something with her. She was a good woman, who knew she had done well to have me. However I was just not that into her physically.
Nich2022 1w ago
Oh I see. Yeah good point. I always thought her personality could outweigh the looks eventually but I’ll probably give it a month or two as she has been in the gym lots and we have good 3sums.
First-light 2 6d ago
I think short term you can't really have any problems but I didn't do well to take her on long term. One wants to make someone happy and fulfilled long term and failure to do so is a considerable sadness.
I think this has something to do with SMV. If the man comes out on top in SMV, then the woman (if she is fair and well intention) works harder and that has a lot of benefits for the guy. (Works the other way too where a hot woman gets a doting lower SMV guy who will let her do anything and will do anything for her). Personally I liked life with her very much but I just wanted sex with someone hot too and it meant things got complicated. In my case I am not unfaithful if the sex is satisfying. Its nice to have more than one woman but for me (as a man of limited means who likes domestic harmony) its not worth the hassles overall. So either I lived openly with two women and she didn't really like it but tolerated it grudgingly or I didn't tell her and she didn't like it when she suspected. Either way it didn't work happily as a LTR.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
No one can really answer this for you, even though all of us have been there.
For my part, most women are not going to treat you that well. Hotter frequently isn't better. Hell, 2 of the best lays I ever had were 5s, and one of the worst was a 9. And of those three, one of the 5s treated me great, but geography got in the way (and some other incompatibilities), whereas both the other 5 and the 9 were spoiled little bitches.
On the other hand, if you're just not that into her, then it's best for both of you to let her go sooner rather than later.
The big question here is:
what do YOU want?
Nich2022 1w ago
Is it generally possible to have the 9 with the treatment of that one 5 you did like?
I’m into her for things mainly outside her looks per se. she’s not ugly but she has the mold-ability I like and is willing to take my guidance. It’s just certain things about her looks I don’t like.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
that particular 9 I was talking about? lol no. She was a spoiled brat who didn't know how to treat a man.
I did end up marrying 9 who treated me as good as the good 5 did, and who was the best lay I ever had by miles. We've been together 21 years, married 20. But heed these caveats:
1) she was more than 10 years older than me and divorced. I was naive.
2) she has since hit the Wall. The Wall always wins, even against women with great genes and a healthy lifestyle. A woman can delay the impact and even lessen it a bit (mine did), but the impact is inevitable.
3) her great treatment of me kind of died down around year 8 or 9. She still adds value to my life, but I occasionally seriously ponder divorcing her though it would mean losing much of what I've worked for and built.
If I were in your shoes, based only on what I've read from you in this post and your replies, I would keep her around and add other women to the roster. I just wouldn't get married or move in together.
Kloi 1w ago
There's always going to be hotter and in a long enough relationship, younger woman that are going to catch your eye. If you're talking LTR, looks eventually begin to fade.
You obviously find her attractive enough otherwise you wouldn't be entertaining her for 8 months. Unless you don't have another option/can't get hotter women currently.
If you're not interested in happily ever after, I'd say go get your self a more attractive girl. If you are interested in settling down. That might be a different story.
Is she finally going to be hot enough if she drops another 10lbs?
In my experience it is always easier to get more attractive women, than it is to get/train up a quality girl beyond their pussy.
Nich2022 1w ago
Yeah you’re right. Clearly it’s something about her I like if I’m still around - unless I’m a retard.
Regarding the 10lbs question, hopefully. I am interested in settling down and this girl is very mold-able. I stayed mainly for potential.
I can definitely get hotter girls and have had them, but this one seems like my life would be less miserable cause she’s more chill and knows I’m a notch above her.
adam-l Moderator 1w ago
It's your chance to consider pulling a whisper, and add instead of replace.
If you want kids, though, it's another story.
Nich2022 1w ago
Add what? Like a harem or polygyny?
adam-l Moderator 1w ago
If you can pull it off, why not? If kids are not in the picture...
Nich2022 1w ago
Will be harder to do. She’s cool with 3sums and me getting some side pussy occasionally, but full blown polygyny, not sure.
adam-l Moderator 1w ago
First thing to know, this will probably change if/when you have kids with her.
Second, it's not a bad deal what you have. Both the steadiness of owning a woman, and the excitement of the side chick.