Just moved into a new shared house. Me (25M), 3 girls, and 1 other guy. Dynamic was chill from day 1. From the first day I started light flirting with one of the girls (let’s call her Girl 1). A few days in everyone kinda knew we liked each other. I asked her straight up and she said she thinks I’m cute too, but we both suggested we should wait until we’re not roommates anymore (2 months left) before even thinking about dating so it doesn’t get messy. I overheard the girls talking about this first initially so I thought it would be good if I brought it up first instead of her establishing the strictly roommates rule.
After that convo (like day 6) she got noticeably more distant with me. The other two girls (both in relationships) also pulled back a bit. Now one of the taken girls (Girl 2) is going full “mother hen” mode. Yesterday I brought a TV from my place for everyone to use and wiped it down with 2 wet wipes from the bathroom. She hits me with “those wipes aren’t cheap, next time use a paper towel, just be mindful” in that passive-aggressive “setting boundaries” tone. 2 wipes and I brought the whole TV lol.
She also loves playing devil’s advocate with me for no reason. I don’t want to fall into her frame. Today the other taken roommate (Girl 3) comes at me half-joking “there’s a bone to pick with you” because I put the non-stick pan in the dishwasher to test if it was working (it was broken before). Turns out it’s Mother Hen’s pan, so now Girl 3 is relaying the scolding like I’m in trouble. Last night I brought a girl over and we were watching a movie on the new TV in the living room. Girl 1 walked by and saw us, so at least some preselection/dread is in play now.
Looking for any tips on living with female roommates and setting yourself as the alpha/king in this dynamic instead of falling under dumb rules set by a mother hen.
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago Stickied
The title gives you away 'how to come out ON TOP'
Not everything is a apha male wank battle. You could, you know, just live there? Get on with your life? You don't need to piss on every lamp post to somehow 'assert dominance'...
Next up you'll be telling us about your work place, and looking for advice on how to 'mog' all the other men. Jesus. The times we live in.
universitythrowaway 1mo ago
That’s what I was doing until she started saying petty shit. The dynamic was fine. I just need to know how to not let them get away with more and more
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago
you're still doing it man. 'Get away with more and more'.........
this person is not your responsibility, is not under 'your control'.
honestly, you are so far away from 'getting it' that I (and others) simply don't know where to start with you.
cundardunfinished 1mo ago
You kind of glaze over what happened in the 'we should wait' convo, even though the timing of that is the most important thing.
You didn't blurt that out at the same time. And you didn't say it first, because why would you. So she said it first, as a soft rejection, and you went along to save face.
She's more distant because she doesn't want her interactions with you, a man she has rejected, to be misconstrued as flirting.
Stop trying to come out on top with people who have rejected you, it only makes you weaker because you are investing energy in people who have explicitly said they do not want their relationship with you to escalate any further. Be friendly, be a good roommate. If you find that difficult or stressful, move.
Put another way, this is by definition a situation you cannot come out on top in. Because you want something from them that they are content not to give you. That makes you in a state of wanting, and them ambivalent to you. This is the definition of 'taking an L,' and it happens to everyone.
mattyanon Admin 1mo ago
don't have female roommates.
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 1mo ago
Chinese pictograph word for trouble: 2 women under 1 roof.
First-light 2 1mo ago
Girls flirting with new men in their territory is normal. They want to secure you as being more on their side. It is very unlikely that this will come to anything. Women control who gets to fuck. If she wanted to, she would have. Girls won't pass up on a guy they want to secure. If she was talking like this behind your back, you already have her answer.
Its very hard to come out on top in this situation. So don't play. You have entered a hive. Hives have pecking orders, just like hens. Really its not unlike a hen house, constant competition over who gets to eat a juicy bug, who can perch and dust bath in the best spot, who needs a pecking just to assert dominance. You don't need all that.
Accept they will bitch and complain. They are women. Remember they are weak, hormonal and petty, so try to make allowances and act with care. Beyond that live your life and just don't let the pen pecking get to you. Do not play, its a came you are to as good at playing as they are and its a game that will give you no joy.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
Shitting where you [live] challenge: impossible
Lone_Ranger 3 1mo ago
Disagree - I vote he fucks her. The other girls will want some. Hive mind, FOMO.
They love drama, give em some drama.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1mo ago
You moved into someone else's home. You don't try to be king, you live there in peace and use your room as intended, as a roommate
Find somewhere else to live and not with women
GeorgeIII 1 1mo ago
Dude, honestly, your entire post sounds mentally regarded.
You are playing the drama game and getting further sucked in.
You don’t talk explicitly about stuff like “we will date in the future” or “we are roommates only, for now.” Explicitly talking like that is for men.
And really, you shouldn’t care. Match their energy appropriately. If they are all distant, then don’t try to get closer. Don’t get baited into the hot cold game they are playing.
Theolympicnomad 1mo ago
She suggested you guys wait to FUCK (2 months) and you agreed like a bitch.
Now you’re surprised she’s distant????????????
I can’t man you guys are COOKED in 2026