She doesn't sound keen for your level of investment. You can either slow play her or find someone who will match your level.

Is she trying to get me to be a provider?

Tbh - this is a stupid question. All women would like all men to be providers.

It's like a woman asking another woman 'I went out on a date with a guy, now he wants a second date - do you think he wants to fuck me?'

If she can, she will pivot you into an orbiter than pays for her and entertains her.

Women let guys fuck them when they believe that is the only way to get A&V from them (attention and validation). They 'pay' a high price (sex) for a guy that they perceived as high value, and they pay a very low price (no sex) for a guy that they think is low value.

Sadly, you have already hurt your chances very seriously by paying for drinks all night long with her. She has already categorised you as beta. Tbh - you did it to yourself.

What I would do now - is this - text her back and say 'You're not ready?? Let me know when you are ready..... you have my number"

And then just leave it at that. no further contact. if she comes back to you (she might), then you know its odds on. If she doesn't, then it wasn't going to happen.

Even if she was. Just say you two aren't compatible and wish her well.

This is such a waste of time. You didn't give her tingles drop her and move on.

"Hmm" and "exactly" are red flags in my opinion. They reek of superiority. They say that she is wondering whether to condescend to agreeing to be entertained by yet another so so quality thirsty male who is after her great hotness.

If she was polite or keen she would say "Oh where are you thinking of doing that?" If she then said "not ready yet", well, OK that's the deal with her, quit if you like but in this case she seems smug and superior and that suggests maybe she is to avoid.

Even if that is disregarded, there is still the fact that a woman who won't introduce you to her friends is not close to wanting you yet, (if there will be a yet).

Others have already pointed out the low ioi stuff, but I’ve got something else here.

One other thing I noticed from your post: both after your date and later for cooking, you suggested her place. I see 2 issues with this.

1: Logistics. Even if her friend staying with her was a lie, she might just have a messy place or isn’t ready to have you over for some other reason.

2: Asking to go to her place for a 2nd date after she said no to you coming over before. You actually might still have been in the game. But you were done for sure once you asked the 2nd time. It makes you look too eager to go to her place, not enough plausible deniability, trying too hard to get in her bed, whatever.

See if you can figure out your logistics. She might just not have been ready for you to come to her place.

Doesn't want you to come over? Red flag. The place is probably a dump, and she don't want you to see her 3 kids from her 3 baby daddys. That's why the friend is there: babysitting.

. Got drinks, paid for it

Don't buy drinks all night. First round sure, after that she can chip in. If not, she makes no investment. No investment = less attracted.

Girls don't want a second date if she feels she "won". She got everything, you got nothing, why would she want to change that or risk it?

You need girls investing time and some money.

Now a week later I suggest a second date. This time cooking food at her place with some wine. She shit tests saying “hmm cooking where exactly”. I tell her at her place as long as she keeps her hands to herself.

Good, but the problem is you've gone from leading with paying for drinks all night to "right, now you do stuff", and she'll hate that because she's gone from winning to paying.

She replies saying she doesn’t think we’re there yet. And it’s too early to invite me to her place.

See, when you start paying, it is extremely easy for her to do the "make him wait for sex" game. And why not, she can play that game with 10 guys, fuck three others, and perpetually profit.

Not sure if she’s interested in fucking but just takes a date or two more,

And that's the trap... "just one or two more dates".

or just uninterested and using me as a provider or for long term prospects.

Either way I’m planning to leave her on read or just a quick acknowledge message.

Look, you can do so much better for yourself here.

Don't try to go from beta provider (buying drinks all night) to "now you do stuff for me". You can't lead with, and sell yourself as a provider and then expect her to do a 180. You put yourself in the provider category, and then you are asking her to provide. It just doesn't work.

Forget gratitude, it doesn't exist with women or in sex.

Better plan:

Tell her "I'll get the first round, you get the next round" as you're getting the drinks. This sets up expectation without friction and leads her into getting the next one. Don't quibble every round or every penny, but she should be contributing financially.

Girls who want to fuck you do not expect you to pay. Girls milking you for every cent will pretend that paying is part of seduction, but it really truly isn't. If she won't buy a drink or two, she has no plans to fuck you.

In her head she may feel "it's a guy's job to pay", this is her brain in provider mode. If she's in hot alpha fun sex mode, then she will not expect your money, so don't put her in that mode.

If she won't pay at all...... it's simple....... fucking NEXT. It's not a shit test, it's a non-starter.

So... first date.... no meals, shared drinks.

Second date "cook for me", so if you're playing the alpha game and you're happy for her to say "no" and ditch her. If that's acceptable to you, then do that.

If you want to fuck her, best to have a middling second date with the option of sex - ie drinks with option of your place. The absolute best plan is to meet at a bar near your house, but "just drop by my house to drop off my coat/bag". Get her quickly in and out of your house so it's easy to go back there later.

In short: don't provide. She must invest. Ditch any that won't. Smoother transition to bed.