Yesterday my LTR declined sex for the first time. We were at her place, she cooked dinner for me, was submissive and otherwise behaving well. We moved into the bedroom, started doing foreplay, but after I got her bra off she said she didn’t want to do it tonight. She said that her head and body ached, that she hadn’t showered and that she had to get up early. I didn’t react emotionally but got up and left. At the door she asked me if I was mad, but I told her no, kissed her good night, and told her to go to sleep and to get her chores done tomorrow morning because I’ll check.
Her period was coming up and she has some exams which she’s worried about, and just seems on edge lately. In fact, I did see her taking Advil due to premenstrual cramps in the days leading up to this. She’s been combative with her roommates, and she appears to be trying to hold it together for my sake when I’m around. She tests me sometimes but I shut that shit down and she goes back to behaving.
I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I also don’t want this to become a trend. I’ve read through other posts regarding this issue and users warn about “valid” denials of sex (due to period, etc) being a slippery slope leading to invalid denials and using sex for manipulation.
She’s out of her prime (26) and she knows that I have other options on standby. I believe my SMV is 1 or 2 points higher than hers, and the margin is increasing as time goes by.
She sent me a good morning text today, reiterating the period as the issue. I believe I should respond warmly (so avoid no contact), as she already has insecurity issues, but maybe give it a week before I see her again.
What would you suggest?
Edit: I have access to her phone and geolocation.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 22h ago
Why are you this paranoid about a singular decline in sex?
It's not like you have repeatedly been denied. Women are not going to have a 1000/1000 sex streak with you
Furthermore, change her mood not her mind. Did you break frame and negotiate or did you try to change her mood instead?
brownpride1488 21h ago
Didn’t negotiate or try to change mood, just left because I also had to get up early and the sex in that moment wasn’t a priority for me. Of course, I hope this doesn’t lead to problems in the future.
But I don’t try to make further attempts in general, if the first one is declined. This is something that I myself genuinely don’t feel like doing and was also reinforced by reading Dan Rose’s sex god method where he mentions that you should never force sex to happen.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 21h ago
I would assume if you had stayed longer she probably would have if you changed her mood
I wouldn't be too much in your head about this. Women pick things in their life to be stressed out about that their grandmas didn't
Their grandma wasn't going to school and throwing all that shit on their plates on purpose. Women are going into school and stressful jobs and wrecking their own sex drive instead of aiming to be stay at home moms
It's not always you as a man
pofkaf 1 21h ago
The last half of your post is a major problem. You're too obsessed with specific details..."her prime," "SMV," and "access to her geolocation."
Life isn't a video game. Stop treating every single interaction like it's a binary option.
With that said...
If you have other options, then go bang one of them. A true alpha male wouldnt even care that one chick rejects him, because he would have more chicks kneeling down in front of him.
As for the "slippery slope" of rejection. It is accurate to assume that the rejections will become more frequent. There is ALWAYS an excuse for why a woman could reject a man - but she can choose to use an excuse or not whenever she wants. Your job as a man is to be so attractive, and keep her in her feelz enough, so that she chooses NOT to use an excuse more often than she does.
brownpride1488 21h ago
I would if she were a plate, but I strongly disapprove of cheating in an exclusive relationship, which this is
First-light 2 21h ago
Didn't feel like it enough is almost always the reason. Because this or because that but the end result is just wasn't feeling like it enough.
One incident is not an issue a regular pattern would be.
Women agree to sex when they feel relaxed, stress and pain levels are low and they feel connected. There just wasn't enough of that for her to feel like it. You could try working on making her feel more of those things. But don't worry too much about this unless it is the start of a pattern.
No-Stress-Cat 13h ago
Whenever my ex would have bad cramps, I'd give her Midol and chocolate. She'd be feeling high as a kite. I'd throw a towel under her ass, and go at it. No problem!
Musicgoon78 3 8h ago
Calm down brother. This happened once. If it becomes a pattern, something is wrong.
Hopefully you're not spinning yourself out and tracking her phone all the time.
Cheating is odd. The more you focus on yourself and have fun, makes her less likey to leave.
The more you act like you don't trust her will make you look insecure. By focusing on her and her actions she will be more likely to leave you.
In short, don't give a fuck about her stepping out and she likey won't step out or leave you.
mattyanon Admin 5h ago
This is dumb because she could choose to shower.
Yep. Your concerns are valid, this very regularly happens. Almost always in fact. Starts about 1-2 years in.... by three years it's happening fairly regularly.
good
Fair.
REGARDLESS of the course, it's important that she feels worse denying sex rather than better.
Many men double down on their commitment when sex is removed, and this of course benefits her.
Many others react emotionally, and women like this.
Removing your presence and your commitment... in a low key way.... as you're doing, is the right way to react.
If it keeps happening, she needs to be aware that you have other options and she needs to be actually threatened by them.
If it's a one off, then fine.
The only true solution is to always have other options so you don't actually care, but that doesn't fit within most people's model of exclusivity.