I’m a 25M, and I’d been talking to this 18-year-old girl for about three weeks, though we hadn’t gone on a date yet. A few days ago, she asked to hang out. She lives about an hour away, which is one of the reasons I hadn’t met her earlier because I was busy going on other dates and didn’t really have the time until now.
On the way there, I called her, and she said her house was busy, so we’d need to hang out elsewhere until her roommates’ friends left in a few hours which I know was true as she mentioned her friends having people over before. I agreed, picked her up, and then we went to her friend’s place to pick her up too.
She suggested we get ramen and all go back and eat it and drink, so we stopped at a nearby convenience store. Her and her friends grabbed a bunch of drinks, while I just got a small one. They were teasing me the whole time, saying things like, “Don’t get too much, you’re going to have to pay for all of this.” I joked back that they’d owe me $100 for giving them rides to the convenience store.
At checkout, they looked at me to pay. I told one of her friends to cover the three drinks, and I’d pay for the rest. She acted shocked, saying, “Are you serious?” Then they all started playfully implying I was broke. I recognized it as a shaming tactic and didn’t fold. I just agreed and amplified. and I repeated that she could cover the drinks while I’d get mine.
The cashier mentioned the smaller drinks didn’t qualify for the deal, and that it would actually be cheaper to swap for the larger ones. I told them to go switch them out, but they pushed back, saying, “You go do it,” and “Stop being cheap, it’s just $5.” I found it ironic that they expected me to pay and were still trying to pressure me into spending even more. I held my ground and they went and exchanged the drinks.
Eventually, to avoid making a bigger scene, I just paid for everything. It wasn’t much money, but for me, it was about the principle. I didn’t want to play the role of a beta provider. After paying, they all went outside and left me to carry the bags. When I got to my car, I teased them a little by not unlocking the doors right away and pretending to drive off. When they got in, the ride back was quiet, except for them saying I embarrassed them at the cashier for being “cheap.” The tension was becoming more serious and I was becoming increasingly annoyed at the situation.
I know they’re just broke freshman college students, but I found it ironic that they were trying to tell me how to spend my money. When we got back to their friend’s house, they got out, and I asked where I should park. They told me they didn’t think their friend wanted me coming in and that I should leave, apparently they’d texted her about what happened.
So I asked them to give me back everything I paid for. They first tried handing me just my drink, but I told them I wanted it all since I covered the whole order. They gave it back, and I drove off and blocked her number.
Throughout this whole "date" I was being shit tested by the girl the most and sometimes by her friends.
I don't think this was a plan by them to get me to buy everything and ditch me because the girl had been inviting me over to her room afterwards too.
Did I overreact in this situation in how I handled it or was I valid for not wanting to buy her and her friends groceries and seem like a beta?
Mountainman 2d ago
I’ve closed on the first date and this dude is talking to an 18 year for 3 weeks and not seeing her…how hasn’t she gotten bored of you yet? I compare these type of posts to videos I’ve watched on business owners doing over a $1,000,000 in revenue and have almost no profit. I’m strangely impressed
cundardunfinished 4d ago
this girl had no interest in you. Never accept a third person on a first date. Everything that happened after that was a clown show
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 3d ago
I'm going to reiterate that, and louder for those in the back:
Never accept a third person on a first date!
If you've been seeing a woman for a while and she wants you to meet one of her friends, that's fine.
But a first date should only be the two of you, or maybe a double-date with another couple who is friendly to both of you.
OP @universitythrowaway, this looks to me like she and her friend wanted to a) freeload off of some dude, and b) see how far they could push it.
Good.
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 4d ago
Surprised you didn't walk out of the convenience store and drive home then.
18yos are still kids mentally.
throwaway415 3d ago
tbf all women are still kids mentally. their brain pretty much stops at 18. I just cant believe he actually did this. I really hope hes just trolling us
Musicgoon78 3 4d ago
This is just bored women being fucking assholes. I've developed a thin tolerance for this type of shit.
Here's the deal: if you're feeling left out or just dealing with an endless barrage of shit tests, just end the encounter.
First-light 2 4d ago
Sorry to hear that you wasted your time there.
I think its likely that the date was genuine but you were the victim of approval (or disapproval) by the hive and that particular hive were also very immature. The hive might even do it as a thing -check a new guy out before he spends time alone with a girl. They will think its a sort of girl power thing, screening for creeps and "douchebags" (whatever they are).
You pissed the hive off and they started buzzing. Even if the girl herself was not actually against you, she had no option but to comply with the general hive mind.
The reality of women is that they instinctively like to be given something in courtship. You ended up having to court the whole hive to get the approval of the one member. At first they thought your predicament was funny (and they may have succeeded in getting other guys to pay before) but then when you were pissed off they just thought you were a stingy jerk and egged each other on in confirming it. You can imagine the little phones buzzing in your car as they reported that you had locked them out of the car and they would all have decided that you were not right for their friend to be alone with and that the girl power solution was to ditch you.
They put you in an impossible position -simp or lose and kept escalating it until at least one side would lose face. It was immature because although they had the power to say "simp or thirst" but it actually did not help their friend know if you were a good guy, unless the only criterion for being a good guy is being a simp.
At least you got out of it then and there. Other guys might have simped and fed them all out and still found there was no chemistry with the girl he had driven an hour for.
The whole situation is as retarded as a girl saying she will cook for a guy for the first time and then him bringing all his pals round and saying she must feed them all
mattyanon Admin 4d ago
You just lost the powerplay.
Here's what happened:
They arranged it all to get a ride and drinks out of you.
This was predetermined.
Good
Right. They were trying to play you. This shit testing is to set you up as a beta and then make you into a beta.
hmmmmmm I think it probably was.
You made a mistake at the store by negotiating and partially agreeing.
You made a mistake agreeing to any of this.... you turn up, provide transport for students, and then when they ask you to pay you agree to some of it WHILE THEY DISRESPECT YOU THROUGHOUT.
Well done on sticking up for yourself eventually, but you gotta do it sooner.
"Take us to get drinks" => "No".
"Pay for our stuff" => "No"
general shit testing => say nothing, turn around and drop them off where they started, telling them they are not allowed to disrespect you.
And yeah, as mentioned elsewhere.... don't meet her friends or put up with or do any of this shit....... ESPECIALLY if they are disrespecting you.
You misunderstand the dynamic here.
They are trying to get you to tacitly agree to pay.
This isn't joking around or shit testing, this is a beta compliance test. At this point you've already 99% lost and they know it (ie you are invested, they are not), so the problems started before this.
But in future, don't joke around with groups like this because the group isn't "shit testing" you, they are manipulating you with an outcome in mind. Simply say "no" in a calm voice and ignore anything they say next.
You were set up from the start, this isn't a date gone wrong, this is a setup.
Lostandhound 4d ago
that is a nice angle, in depth comment
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 3d ago
I said similar in a reply before I saw yours.
OP @universitythrowaway - read this. He's right.
throwaway415 3d ago
what the fuck bro. this is a bruh supernova.
mistake 1. should not have waited 3 weeks. any attraction she might have can easily fizzle out during this time
why the fuck would you do this? are you dating her friends too? mistake 2
so you drove an hour to give her and her friends a ride to a store and buy them shit? what the fuck dude? mistake 3
predictable, chick's friends are always trying to cockblock. could have easily avoided this by not taking them along. Also why did they need to text her if she was there?
you handled this terribly. in fact this story is so awful part of me hopes you are just trolling and didnt actually do this. you said you didnt want to seem like a beta and pay but you did anyway. so you completely lost frame, and your entire date was just a marathon of consecutive mistakes.
I know youre young and probably new to the game but Jesus tap dancing christ bro. go listen to some old school Mac dre and too short. and read the sidebar
"pussy ain't shit, make the hoe pay something" --Andre Hicks