Been seeing a girl for over a week now. We've been frequently meeting, staying over at both my place and hers. Things have mostly been very good between us - great sex, great chemistry, great intimacy and affection, great conversation etc.
I spent all day with her yesterday (mistake) for the first time, and things were smooth sailing as usual, but then in the evening she started to become very playful and manic almost. I don't mind the playfulness, as I can be playful back, but she was becoming a bit too much in other ways, for example:
She kept calling me gay this, gay that. I was just ignoring it mostly, or teased her back. I'm no stranger to shit tests or joking around at someone's expense, but she kept doing it and doing it to the point it was getting seriously tedious.
Another thing was that she then started implying I was some sort of a bitch saying, "she fucks me" (she doesn't) because I like it when she gets on top and rides now and again, and then the final straw was her getting out a vibrator and trying to rub it against my nipple not realising that at that point I was already checked out mentally. I put up with this for over an hour, and then decided I had enough of this attempted emasculation bullshit and left.
Before I did, I told her straight up that she was being a bit too hyper and annoying and that I was leaving. She said, "well this is part of who I am, if you don't like it then go". So I did.
This girl is 1000% into me, and I do like her too for the most part - everything else was cool, but it was almost as though she was a completely different person last night. She went from being this sweet, affectionate and compliant girl I'd been experiencing all week, to some bipolar/hyper aggressive girl all of a sudden. It was strange, it felt like she was actively trying to push me away.
For context: I'm 37 male, she's 28 female. She has been consistently obsessed and devoted to me the entire time we've been seeing eachother. I'm not saying she lost any interest last night, but her weird fucking behaviour put me right off, and me leaving has made her defensive and stubborn. I doubt I'll hear from her, and she won't be hearing from me.
I'm just wondering if anyone could tell me wtf this sudden behaviour is lmao. I haven't messaged her since. I didn't get angry or defensive, I just simply said "You're being a bit too much, and I'm going", she seemed defensive and tried to act indifferent, and that's the last time we spoke.
adam-l Moderator 1d ago
What you saw is her "real" self. Being around you non stop for a whole day exhausted her capacity to keep up her usual mask, so she defaulted to her normal, this time not when she went back home alone, but while you were there.
On top of it, she understands that if this is going LTR, she can't keep up the mask 24/7, and this was a good chance to test the waters.
Take this at face value.
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
Yeah, well her "waters testing" was fucking annoying lol. She was still being playful and affectionate, but the gears shifted on the negging from her end. It was too much, too soon.
She was like that to a degree anyway, as we had a good banter and playfulness the entire time. But as I said, she shifted the gears up too much suddenly. Yeah, I don't know. Onto the next one I guess.
Musicgoon78 3 1d ago
You like that she likes you. It sounds like you don't like her personality. She isn't going to change this type of bullshit. And you tolerating it for over an hour was simply a sign to her that you're emotionally weak.
My suggestion is you find a few other women. There will be others that like you that aren't annoying.
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
Well, I do like her personality. We vibe together well, but this extra shit was a bit off putting. If it was a momentary thing, fine whatever, but if it's an insight into what she's gonna be like down the line then I'm not into it.
I'm aware there are other girls that won't be annoying. My options are still open, just a bit disappointed, and jarred that she ended up being annoying because overall the package was nice. And if she thinks I'm emotionally weak, then she's wrong lmao. Tolerating it for over an hour was strength enough and me demonstrating mercy and the benefit of the doubt haha, walking away was the final blow.
She did also say while I was packing my shit to leave, "This is just an excuse for you to leave", so she's a bit retarded not realising that she was being annoying, but was also looking for me to comfort and validate her insecurity, which I didn't. I just straight up left.
wswZtyqNGQ 1d ago
I suspect that you really don't understand anything about the concept of respect, let alone women's behaviour.
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
And why would you say that?
The reason I gave her the benefit of the doubt initially was because I thought she was just playing around, trying to bond in her own weird way, and I thought she'd settle down. She didn't, so I walked.
wswZtyqNGQ 1d ago
The disrespect was a game where she was testing you to see how long you would put up with it. Most guys with self-respect don't tolerate any amount of disrespect at all, so you were failing her test the entire time.
It's basically an age-regression game where she wanted to turn you both into kindergartners so she could feel superior to you. And you played along with her, thus disrespecting yourself.
Next time that anyone tries to pull that off refuse to cooperate. Just tell her "stop acting like a child or I'll start disciplining you like one".
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
Fair point. I agree with this, and in hindsight wish I was aware of this and had done this. I wasn't aware this is what was happening, I just felt it was off and disrespectful and it hit a breaking point.
Do I at least get points for eventually telling her to fuck off and leaving? Lol
wswZtyqNGQ 22h ago
Education is expensive but a worthy investment. You know better now.
Yes, that was you finding your balls. But also the time it took you to get to that should be a warning about how much you can and will disrespect yourself if given the chance. No one can can disrespect you without you first disrespecting yourself. Don't let that happen again.
MidgetSpinner 22h ago
To be fair, it wasn't an hour non-stop of this. She was doing housewife chores in-between. So this behaviour was intermittent, and ramped up during the last 10 minutes of the hour. But, point taken.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Girl is a cluster B. Probably a clinical narcissist
This wasn't a shit test dude these people are sick and they love pushing boundaries on purpose
Cluster B, need I repeat myself
Take the W for fucking her but the L for her being a cluster B dude
She doesn't genuinely like you this is the love bomb phase
Get out
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
I'm not gonna lie, the thought of her being some sort of personality disorder princess crossed my mind a few times. I speculated on the sheer amount of attachment and clinginess she's shown me as well - did seem love bomby. Add to that; she's said a few times after I fucked her into paralysis that she was getting feelings for me, "feels like I've known you forever" etc, which I kind of brushed off and tried not to feed into.
You might be right though, dude. A couple of extra little red flags I ignored here and there too. One big one being: We were in bed a few nights ago, we were joking around about something, and she turned around and said "I'll fuck you up", I said what physically? She replied with a serious tone, "Nah mentally", and then turned away. I said okay then, and went cold on her for 10 minutes, she then asked what was up and I explained to her calmly how what she just said was a bit weird. She didn't seem like she was joking lol. She then left the room once I told her how that was weird, and I went in later on to find she had been crying. She did apologise though, and said she didn't realise how it came across. Again, I was not mad with her.
If she really doesn't like me though, then she's been doing a poor job of expressing that haha. If this is genuine love bombing, then that's crazy.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Love bombing isn't always this in your face trope
She may be overt or covert.
Either way dude if a girl says she'll fuck you up believe her
You already seem to have gotten away Scott free and you two haven't spoken
I am urging you to just keep the fort up and don't let her come back
This is the cleanest break you will ever get from this woman. I cannot understate how fucked these women are and it sounds like you finally got out of your funk
This woman will return you to a far greater funk than you were ever in before
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
No disrespect intended, I am heeding your warning and I've dealt with some crazy bitches in the past too but how qualified are you to make this diagnosis?
How do we know she isn't just immature, or really into me? Haha. I promise I'm not trying to be wilfully ignorant, I'm just trying to keep an open mind and not jump to conclusions. It's only been a little over a week. I might just be that good bro hahaha. Nah, I'm all ears if you're willing to go into some detail.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Masters psych education Have dated enough cluster B's to see this
Look dude ignoring the warning at your own risk
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
I'm not ignoring any warnings, man. But you are speaking in absolutes, so I'm just trying to understand why.
adam-l Moderator 1d ago
She does seem like a textbook case...
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Because EVERY girl who has done this kind of shit like this to me has been fucked
Every last one of them. Why would I not speak in absolutes about a 100% occurrence
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
I'm not saying you're wrong at all, but at the end of the day this is still anecdotal evidence. So I'm taking it with a pinch of salt.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Look dude
This is my "anecdotal evidence" combined with a lot of graduate psych training, fuck loads of research into these people and a bunch of other dudes "anecdotal evidence" (A LOT OF THEM)
all I'm going to say is enjoy the shit show
I'll see you on the other side
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
You're doing what I did after a dry spell.
Had a crazy BPD whore end my 7 year dry spell and she was evil
I tolerated it all. Normal women don't "shit test" like this
Get ready to be red pilled suppository style without lube
You can't fix her
@MidgetSpinner
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
Well, I haven't even said I'd take her back yet lol. I accept that what she's done is a massive red flag, I'm just saying I don't know if I'd go so far as to diagnose her as anything in particular.
A 7 year dry spell is brutal though, dude. I agree with the implication that I am probably slacking in a lot of areas after 3 years. It's true that I haven't experienced a girl behave like that before either. I've had crazy in other ways, but not like this. It wasn't scary though, it was just weird and annoying.
I still haven't messaged her, and I don't intend to. She hasn't messaged me since either, so in all likelihood she feels she's justified and did nothing wrong. So it works out either way. She either apologises and makes amends, or she never sees me again.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Look man
There is red pill advice and then there is better safe than sorry advice for the worst kinds of women
That's all I have to say
Kloi 1d ago
First off all women are immature but more so. A woman that is infatuated with you isn't going to tell you, I'm going to destroy you mentally. Submissive? Let me guess she's a bit of a freak too? She doesn't have many girl friends? Maybe even thinks she's one of the guys?
She's ran this game on men before. She is literally foreshadowing what she intends to do to you.
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
Well, there's a bit more context to her leading up to saying that. It may have just come off wrong, and I misunderstood it.
Everyone here is speaking in absolutes. I'm open to the possibility of being wrong though.
Kloi 1d ago
I notice you didn't answer any of my questions about her...sigh.
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
My bad. She doesn't have many friends at all to be honest lol. Just her large family that she keeps close.
She is a little bit of a freak, but not majorly. She likes being choked and shit. Standard stuff. I don't think she thinks she's one of the guys though, she likes to lean into her feminine side particularly around me, which is why that interaction was so jarring.
Kloi 16h ago
There is nothing you shared about this woman that would make me think she is feminine in nature. Quit the opposite.
Feminite women don't call you gay, don't say they'll fuck you nor do they say they'll destroy you. That's all shit I'd expect my boys to say to me when we're shit talking or competing against each other.
Nor has my experiences been choking, belts, slapping are standard experience. Actually it's been the opposite. I've had to work a lot of women up to a little painful play, unless they'd been previously exposed, been sexual traumatized or were a skank.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Oh gee I wonder why
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
Because you're all damaged?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Alright dude, go ahead and fall off your high horse
Go ahead and man shame us for meeting one on these girls before and trying to warn you
Why even ask your question on here?
Let me guess you want knowledge without experience
You want guys to just say "alright bro, just have frame bro, bro,"
What a disrespectful shit comment
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
No shame in being damaged. It's just the truth.
Redpillpusher 1d ago
So they're all damaged merely because they dealt with borderline personality women? You're showing a lot of feminine tendencies in one thread, including passive aggression in your last post, the need to always be right (online out of all places) etc. If you want to act like a ho I strongly suggest you go ahead and do that in real life, instead of picking arguments with men honestly trying to help you
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
My bad, man, but it's the truth. Everyone here is damaged, including myself. There are a lot of extreme opinions on here because of this, and I understand it. I don't have a need to be right though, I'm just questioning the validity of his diagnosis.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Are being serious right now?
If 10 guys get their dick chopped off in a woodchipper and say "hey dude that's not a good idea"
And you say "who hurt you" "you damaged bro?"
Dude you are in denial and indignant in how you think. I can completely see why you were struggling for so long
You are actually dismissing quality advice because reasons and then hamstering it like some intellectual
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 21h ago
I really expected to see a "yikes, sweaty"
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
Bro, calm down lol.
There aren't 10 guys here saying the same, it's you and a brown noser. Two people I don't know whether are qualified or not to diagnose something like this.
Sleeping with a few crazy bitches does not make you an expert on crazy bitches. It's the equivalent of a girl going on tiktok and diagnosing all of her exes as a narcissist.
Yes, her behaviour was odd and off-putting. I accept that, and I am not defending her or even suggesting I would go back to her, but I've spent more time with her than any of you - which has been exactly zero time spent, and so far these are the only red flags I've come across as minor as they are. Could it indicate larger problems down the line? Absolutely yes, I'm not blind, but I'm not quick to label every girl Cluster B either.
If you're right, you're right. We may never know. As you said, I got a clean and easy out. My push back about being damaged is that a lot of the guys here hold extreme opinions towards women, and everything is cut and dry when in reality life isn't like that and people generally are complicated, especially women.
And to wrap up, I do appreciate the comments and advice I get here, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with everyone here. You can see on my comments there are some I do agree with, and I will take their advice onboard. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, and I'll find out the hard way.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
"a few"
I guess a masters clinical psy education doesn't make me qualified either
You're on your own man
You know if you had 10 other bitches you wouldn't put up with this
By the way I am pretty sure you called a senior EC a brown noser.
You are definitely not getting my help in the future
This was an agree to disagree you are just going to have to learn from the hard way
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
I'm not putting up with it regardless. She's not getting a single message out of me.
I appreciate your responses dude, sorry for the dig at y'all, but I admit I am damaged too which is why I'm trying to look at this "intellectually" or with an open mind rather than with a pitchfork in my hand.
[deleted]
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
I apologise.
And if it's any consolation, I did laugh at this response haha.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Yeah and looking at this "intellectually" is spergy
There is a reason several users are being so hard on your ass
This is fucked female behavior
You are NOT being shit tested
She is FUCKED
I'm done with this thread. You are hamstering and belittling people who have seen the devil
This isn't game. You're getting played by a cluster B
mattyanon Admin 1d ago
You are showing a lot of commitment, this can trigger beta shit tests in some women.
Right.
At this point you say "Don't do that".
She does it again.
"You've got 10 seconds to stop doing that"
"1....2..."
you're gay
"3....4....5...."
you're so fucking gay!
"6....7.... 8..... 9....10.... have you stopped?"
"Yes I've stopped, but you've not stopped ....... BEING GAY".
At this point you calmly, politely say nothing and you just leave and ignore her for 48 hours. You don't negotiate, you don't listen, you don't answer the phone, you don't accept any apologies, you do not negotiate. You leave while showing ZERO emotion.
After 48 hours you carry on like nothing happened.
If she likes you she'll understand after that.
If she's an annoying cow then you ditch her.
Sadly this girl need to be controlled with firmness, and this is how you do it. Emotionless disconnect is terrifying to women. Learn to use it.
This will flare up with her periodically, because this is her nature.
MidgetSpinner 1d ago
Well, she's already getting emotionless disconnect. I did say to her I don't like what she's doing and that I'm leaving, and her exact response was to say, "You're just using that as an excuse to leave" (so she assumed I didn't wanna be there, or she's insecure) followed by "This is part of who I am, if you don't like it then go", and generally she seemed defensive when she said it, and seemed to try and act indifferent. I did just leave her ass cold in the dead of night. I haven't messaged her since.
Although it didn't go exactly as you've laid out here, the general vibe is there. I told her I didn't like what she was doing and I was going to leave, she didn't take accountability, so I left and haven't responded to her since. As simple as that.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 23h ago
Does not compute.
Women shit test when they're attracted, but subconsciously doubt that attraction.
They do not do it to a) guys they aren't attracted to at all, or b) guys for whom they are so attracted that they have no subconscious doubts.
You know what? Do whatever you want. Go ahead and marry her and tattoo her name on your forehead.
Just don't say no one warned you.
MidgetSpinner 23h ago
Maybe I did something to undermine my attractiveness to her, I don't know, I'm not constantly monitoring my own behaviour. But I doubt it.
Maybe shit test is the wrong term - she was being teasing and playful, but it was leaning into the extreme. She was licking my face, constantly jumping on me trying to tickle me, and mixed with the other shit mentioned above. But as I said, the playfulness I don't mind, it was just the emasculation shit I couldn't tolerate any longer. Maybe it was her way of having fun with me, and wasn't malicious at all. This is why I'm speculating. It doesn't change the fact that it annoyed me.
I never once said I'm going back to that either, I only wondered why this occurred at all.
lonewolf1 22h ago
I've had a very similar situation recently with a much younger, submissive girl than me, barely legal. She started teasing, slight cheeky remarks before I was wrapping up the night over. She didn't want to leave and wanted more brutal sex, but I had to leave.
What I did was whip out my belt, you can imagine the rest. She was sobbing in the corner, all marked up. Then I went to take a shower.
I came back and she had the happiest face you can imagine. "Thank you Daddy".
She tested your frame and boundaries, wanted to see what you are made of. You failed. Learn from it.
MidgetSpinner 22h ago
Lol, she got punished often but I wasn't in the mood that night for this bullshit. You think walking away from her is a failure? I set a boundary and I walked. Not every punishment has to be a BDSM scenario.
No-Stress-Cat 9h ago
#Don'tStickYourDickInCrazy
Bitches will fuck you up serious.