Ok, here's my take on this (good question by the way).

I've got two main takeaways on this:

• Fundamentally it is ok to be a bit sexually needy. But you must have zero emotional neediness.

• The difference between good escalation and desperation is how much you care if things don't go exactly according to plan.

So in an ideal world:

• You escalate sexually, you are a man after all
• You laugh everything off emotionally and/or don't care at all
• You are immune to shit tests because you have zero emotional needs from the situation
• If/when things go wrong you don't care because you have zero emotional needs from the situation

Why is this good for passing shit tests? Because shit tests are designed by women to test that you are not emotionally needy.

I figure nothing to lose so I texted 4 girls that ghosted me in past few months and asked for feedback..

This is a great thing to do, but I'd question how honest the answers are

the exact answer was a variation of “I didn’t think you were interested in me”

Interesting, but might not be true.

Keep in mind I pay for the dates, let them stay over, etc

If you pay for dates there is no investment from her which makes it easier for her to walk away.

How can I even overcome this? How do you seem non chalant/not needy while also displaying interest?

Well, your numbers are fine..... 50% of dates end after first date, 50% of the others end in sex.

I had a girl end it today because she felt more “like friends”.

What they say and the truth are rarely the same thing.

I picture a fat ugly dude when I hear that - I don’t try to sleep with these women or do anything physical until like date 3/4 and only if it feels right.

Um.

This sounds like absence of physical escalation.

Women will forgive escalating too fast. They will not forgive escalating too slow.

That is my natural default. Im not touchy feely or give compliments, which is great for potraying mysteriousness but seems to bite me more often than not.

Um.

Ok.

Compliments are dumb, they just put a person on a pedestal and don't help progress things forward.

Are you physically escalating? Touching, hugging, sexually touching / squeezing, in a sexual manner? I've got more to add, but a lot depends on the answer to this question.

If you really are interested in them, you should drop off-handed compliments like, "That's a quality I like to see in a wife." While it doesn't directly hint at a wanting a relationship, it does get their hamster spinning to make them think they have qualities that are considered to be wifely, and coming from you in particular, it must mean that you think they are wife material and that some day you'll marry them. I know it sounds like a bit of an exaggeration from nothing, but women have a tendency to blow up a situation to epic proportions.

Maybe the girls you are with are looking for quick hookups. I've played it like you have, nonchalant, don't press for sex until date 3/4 (even when I can tell they want it but I don't care because I'm having sex elsewhere), and it has worked fantastic for me. But it's also been with women a bit older than you're likely encountering and who want to come across as respectable. The best suggestion I have, and it's tricky, is to really try to read the situation. If the girl seems slutty and down for it, move forward on the first date. If not, use the strategy you've been using. A lot of this is learning by trial and error.

Todd Valentine has an amazing video on "premise versus intent"

It has served me unbelievably well

I can't answer or find it now until maybe tomorrow but it makes a world of difference for game

The gist of premise is that you allude to wanting/liking/or desiring to be with them or already having some sort of connection with directly showing any of your cards

Can't give examples right now but it is definitely a game changer (literally)

Rapport also goes a long way. There is a minimum level of rapport that will make a girl see you more than once or twice. You can fuck a girl's brains out for two hours and still blow it from insufficient rapport

Don't be afraid to show rapport.

Proper rapport is fundamentally different from being needy (the standard association of being "beta")