I’ve joined a bunch of social clubs, been lifting, etc. my SMV isn’t as bad but it’s still low.

Ok, great work on trying.

Why is your SMV low and what are you doing about it?

So I thought doing stuff I haven’t before would give me a sense of identity but no matter what I try I still think of myself first and foremost as a virgin.

Which is kinda dumb.....defining yourself as something you don't want to be and thus holding yourself back by definition.

This isn’t intentional, but it’s still kinda killing me inside despite me trying to either stop thinking about it or change what I’m thinking about. I thought being consistent with working out would cure it, or at least reduce it, but it hasn’t. This bleeds into my confidence and drive. What really gets me is that there's a lot of things that I can fix about myself, but virginity is only something I can fix if I have someone else.

Well.. err.... sure....

but you don't need to "have" someone else, you just need to have sex.

Which honestly isn't that big of a deal.

Sex is nice, it's worth having, but it's not a big deal. So long as you're happy. Which you're not.

I’ve noticed my confidence in general is very unstable, as in fluctuates day to day, in line with my depression, as some days I struggle to get out of bed and have a reason to live/ keep going. I want to change how I view myself, but I haven’t reached a point where I enjoy anything. I don’t have anything I want to work towards besides getting laid,

ok..... honestly..... a drive to get laid is not a bad thing. Lot to be said for it.

and I feel like this is very counter productive as I’ll never have sex when I identify as a virgin and am not interested in anything beyond sex.

Right

I hate myself less now that I’m trying to take care of myself, but I feel like I went from 100% bad to 70% bad. How do I develop self confidence if I still hate what I am, while no idea what I want to be? Feels like a catch 22.

Tricky if you can't see past this. Try imagining you're not a virgin, you've had sex..... then what?

Self Answer: While it hasn’t helped so far, I think I need to keep trying hobbies, and continue lifting. It could just be taking a long time since I spent so long in a state of self hate. If I try a variety of things, maybe I’ll find something that I enjoy and can turn into a passion/ long term hobby.

Look.... one day you're going to lose it.... and then you'll feel exactly the same but won't be able to use this as an excuse.

Anyway.

Look.... you want sex, that's good.

• What is your bodyfat percentage?
• How muscular?
• How tall are you?
• How old are you?
• Can you hold a normal conversation with an attractive woman?

You're right. You won't get laid if your goal is to get jacked so that you can get laid. The goal isn't to get laid, but to improve yourself, your finances, and your life. Once you get that sorted, you won't have to go searching for pussy. It will fall out of the sky and land on your dick naturally.

Lifting, reading books, hobbies,playing guitar,owning a nice bike friends, studying, a career. Those things are very constructive and will make you a better person.

None of those things will get you laid. Not directly.

For getting laid: Approach, talk, game. HUNT the pussycat. Enjoy the hunt, it will help your mindset as well.

But this dude, complaining and micromanaging stuff to make yourself feel better won't help until you take the right steps. You cant quantify your SMV, work with what you have right now, and improve on the way.

I'm going to be harsh here because I feel like this is the same generic story for you and thousands of other guys. You aren't some special snowflake that deserves pity from the guys or the world.

It's unimaginative, entitled, lazy and repugnant to see a guy make excuses for his apathy. You're only a virgin until you aren't.

Guess what princess? Making mistakes is part of the process. Even the biggest don Juan fucks up often. I get ghosted, I fumble, I make mistakes and piss women off. I still consider myself successful. If a guy approaches 200 women and only gets laid once on the very last approach, he's a success. He didn't give up until he succeeded.

It's important to lift. For your physical and mental health. Will it get you laid, no. It's important to work on your mission. This is good advice that isn't going to help your specific issue of not having women and being lonely.

You're going to have to make a huge sacrifice that most of the guys that talk the same way as you do aren't willing to do.

You're going to to have to give up your victim mentality and the entitlement to feel sorry for yourself. I'm sorry to say, but you have a woe-is-me script playing. All of your excuses are complete and utter bullshit. Your story is garbage about yourself. You can either get rid of it or go cry to some faggy blue pill forum.

My overweight, divorced, lonely homeless ass got laid like a warlord after a bad divorce. You haven't seen adversity like years of abuse and divorce.

I'm tired of guys like you coming on here and using this forum as an emotional outhouse. You come in here, leave your shit and expect us to clean up your mess.

So show us that your serious about success instead of holding on to your victimhood. Brag a bit. Tell us something that you do well or something about yourself that your proud of.

Then tell us about something you enjoy that puts a smile on your face.

The guys that are successful have dealt with the good and the bad and learned an appreciation for life. It's time for you to do the same. You're a man, you have the capacity to make changes. Will you sacrifice your victimhood for success?

Yes it is a catch 22. You lack happiness success and confidence because you are a virgin, you are a virgin because you lack happiness, success and the confidence they bring.

Occasionally a man will get a stroke of luck that will lift him out of it -a big unexpected win that changes his whole world view or a girl coming onto him unexpectedly but for most its a case of gradually draining the swamp of your weakness. It feels like every day you are digging in the mud but eventually you have drained it all and you can build a life on dry ground.

I am sure you have heard the saying that women are like buses. You wait forever for one and then 3 come along all at once. There is also the joke that a girl should look for a man who is happy with life and put an end to that nonsense. Both these humorous sayings are founded on a truth -you have to cross a threshold of happiness and success and suddenly you are no longer invisible to women. You may well find yourself spoilt for choice.

Look at it from a female point of view -why choose a miserable, unhappy unsuccessful one whose misery will bring you down when you could have one who will left you up. You need to become a source of strength. So yes, hobbies, work, exercise, social circle are the things to work on. I feel the dogma of lifting is a little over done. Lifting suits certain body and mind types. What really matters is exercise and self improvement. Strength training is important in all sports but having a sport you love is more important than the strength training for that sport.

I have been a virgin into my late 20's. You feel like there is a neon sign on your head that says "Loser virgin". It is true that some women do seem able to spot that you are a virgin a mile off but they really don't care. They are not interested in you -you already put them off with your gaucheness- and you don't really want these more experienced women anyway. The only person who really cares you are a virgin is you. Just ignore it and build yourself. Draining the swamp of weakness feels as thankless as ditch digging sometimes but you will succeed.

First thing you need to do is read all of the books listed in this forum's sidebar. Especially "The Rational Male," "No More Mr. Nice Guy," and "The Sex God Method."

Im telling you...reading those books will set you on the correct path, and put you ahead of most other guys.