Used to be on the main subreddit years ago. Was successful with women and dated around a lot. Rotated different girls, had a few fuckups but generally knew what I was doing. Had a plate who was excellent. Beautiful, submissive, did anything in bed. Was my main girl I spent a lot of time with. Kept spinning other girls and always honest with her we weren’t fully together. Moved in together during COVID and sex was always great, she cooked, she cleaned, she was always pleasant and kind. I got hooked by her trap and we became official just out of comfort.
Always lifted but Covid kind of killed it. Got skinnyfat and depressed. Gamed a lot. Social circle died with covid. Didn’t speak to any other women except my gf. Developed body dysmorphia. Became a bit cringe. Not one to let myself rot. Did a beginners cycle of TRT. Felt great, lifting again, going out again, chatting to girls again. Really horny, really confident and good game. Drinking, coke, partying. Girlfriend hated hit because she knew how I was, coming home late at night stressed her out. Hooked up with a few women, drink and drugs made me sloppy. Girlfriend got access to my phone and saw that I cheated. Big arguments, a lot of her crying, seemed like such a big deal to her when for me I was just gaming women for self esteem and steroid horny and no intention of leaving her. She accepted this explanation, forgave and we “moved on”.
But wasn’t the same after. Sex wasn’t as frequent and she was less open to old things we did. Bickering happened more often. Slight disrespect that wasn’t present before.
I finished my cycle and did PCT, but fell into a depressed gamer slump again, lost gains, bad posture, skinny and ugly. She respected me even less, I became more of a pathetic coward.
Accidentally knocked her up. Married her because of it. Was larping as some kind of moral conservative at the time and didn’t want my child to be born a bastard, thought it was cringe to have a child and not be married. We’re locked together now because of the child anyway. And she was still a good woman, the kind that wears baggy clothes at the gym and doesn’t speak or get involved when the men are all talking. Wasn’t perfect but better than the current crop of high maintenance girlbosses that were on offer.
Had the baby, naturally, no vaccinations, healthy child. Se immediately switched after the child. Bossy, rude, disrespectful, angry, snarky, hitting and just all around unpleasant. Bedroom completely died. I didn’t want her working while she had the child, because I was larping as a traditionalist and felt it was my duty to provide for them both. So she spent all day at home, watching reality TV and stupid crap and the therapy-talk and “me me me” attitude and nastiness seeped into our interactions.
I let it go for the first few months because I thought it was postpartum or some shit, and didn’t want to stress her out more with the baby. So I took it all and let her be a mean and angry bitch and washed the dishes when he demanded it. Yes honey. I had degenerated into a buck broken cuck and ugly and unattractive and she had no respect for me.
By the time I realised what I’d become I wasn’t able to put my foot down and restore the previous dynamic. She just didn’t like me anymore, and the sweet submissive girlfriend had become the neurotic naggy wife. Lots of arguing, lots of passive aggression, very toxic household.
I eventually said fuck it and left on a “business trip” for 2 months. I went to an island in the sun and lifted and relaxed on the beach and partied with girls. Away from her I felt my health immediately improve, I stood straighter and I spoke more confidently and I returned to some of my old self. Years of pent up game was released on these “travelling” women who were so easy and I hooked up with a lot of girls.
When I got back I was recovered and changed and she could sense and feel it and our relationship was better again. I was happier and healthier, I enforced boundaries and she submitted again. Sex was fun and we got along, and when she started hinting at being disrespectful again would just tickle her or fuck her and diffuse her that way.
But of course the stupid bitch couldn’t keep her nose out and snooped through my shit again. I thought I had been smart about wiping my phone and covering my tracks but she’d found some way into my laptop instead and recovered my deleted accounts and chat backups I didn’t know existed. So everything blew up again when she saw all the different women I cheated with and we got back to stupid loud arguments in front of the kis, threats of divorce, the whole works.
Now we’re back to square one, she’s naggy and angry and disrespectful, it’s a chore and negotiation to get her to have sex with me, we argue all the time. Dread game doesn’t work because coming back an hour too late just blows things up for the whole week. She hides AirTags in my car. We did “couples counselling” because that’s was YouTube suggested to her but which was just lame and she didn’t like it either. We’re in a fragile state. And she’s pregnant again.
Won’t divorce because a) the child, still a traditional conservativecuck and don’t want my children to grow up in a single mother family. b) probably won’t find another woman who’s antivaxx and conservative like her and my SMV is much lower than before and c) divorce proceedings will probably reveal my extensive tax avoidance and I wouldn’t put it past her to turn me into authorities out of spite because that’s just what women do.
What’s the angle now? How can I break her in again because right now she sees me as filthy degenerate loser who won’t stop drinking and cheating and I can’t leave my fucking house anymore without her freaking.
Yes I know getting married was a stupid thing to do. I don’t think it’s irreparable though and I’m back to being jacked, but I can’t undo the “cheating” and she doesn’t have the love heart eyes for me anymore and is sticking around for the financial support. Purely transactional relationship now.
IllBrain2040 2d ago Stickied
I think it’s easy to say “just leave and learn from your mistakes and try again” when you’re an outsider looking in but it’s not so easy for myself to accept because I love my daughter and don’t want to fuck up her life so early and divorce is a stupid thing to do to kids and now my life is forfeit to hers and decisions should be made by what’s best for her and not what’s best for me.
And any kind of split will end up fucking her up and the unborn child too. It’s easier to just bring the wife into line.
But not sure how. Dread game doesn’t work, I’m more attractive than I ever was and she doesn’t care. Playing nice and happy just turns her off, and she plays along for a week and then the disrespect and passive aggression creeps back in. Putting my foot down and going all alpha chad doesn’t work, she just feels unsafe and angry and doesn’t back down and escalates.
Must be another angle I’m missing
pofkaf 1 2d ago
You'd be better off posting this in the MarriedRP sub reddit and participating in their weekly "own your shit" threads. Not too many married/divorced guys on this site.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
@IllBrain2040
There are a lot of married or formerly married men who will probably respond to this post here but yeah r/marriedredpill is going to yield you more replies and they are more focused on that there
cundardunfinished 2d ago
Aren't you a filthy degenerate loser though? I mean that to say you have no purpose but your own immediate gratification. You cheat on her before then after you had a child you abandoned your family to fuck around for 2 months. Your management of the house finances has apparently left you exposed to tax fraud charges. Sounds like you have a drug problem as well.
It's always been a transactional relationship for you and that seems to be all you want, it's difficult to give advice in this context because what advice is there to give someone who simply wants to do what they want in the moment? Go ahead and do it.
Lots of lying to yourself in this post though; you're still a traditional conservative? You want what's best for your children? No man, you aren't and you don't. If you want to maintain a high SMV in a marriage you have to actually carry real value as a man and that doesn't happen if you are leaving them for months at a time and generally lead a trainwreck of a life. In TRP terms why should she work for your commitment when your commitment has no value.
oowiw 2d ago
Yeah I don't see how he's gonna trick her at this point. He says "the stupid bitch" but any stupidity she had for him is gone, hence her figuring it out each time he cheats.
IMO he didn't fuck up by getting married, but by claiming they were exclusive and then revealing, twice, that his claims had no meaning.
Once someone knows your word doesn't mean anything, it's very hard to get their respect. I think he has a long road ahead of him, the direction of focus needs to be on rebuilding the value of his word, and he'll never get the respect she had for him before but he can still increase it above where it's at now.
If he tries to outwit her somehow it's not going to work, he's 0/2 on that already, and each try makes the difficulty of the next try an order of magnitude less likely to succeed.
IllBrain2040 2d ago
Well I think all relationships should be transactional. A woman should be able to offer you something more than her looks, which will fade. Being a good mother is major factor for me. The fact she didn’t blow up and divorce me twice is a major point in her favour, even though I wronged her in the worst way, she’s still staying for the stability of her kids lives. She comes from a divorced family and seen countless time women blow up their own and their kids lives in knee jerk decisions over problems that could have been fixed had the couple just been strong enough to stick around and address them together and forget about it.
Being a traditional conservative is not a purity test. You dont have to be perfect at it to still have achieved valuable. Even the most pious Christian’s admit to themselves they do unchristian things all the time. It’s true that I’m not respectful of the vows of my my marriage and I treat my wife with contempt, but I still provide for her and she has never worked for 4 years now and can just bake cakes and see her friends all day. And I treat my child well and spend time with her and give her opportunities and have not poisoned her.
But you’re right that I’m not a 20 year old partying frat boy anymore and I need to be ready to drop all the sex and partying now that my life has changed. It’s difficult to not want women though, especially someone as high test and sex motivated as me. I buckle as soon as I see some thot at the gym. I am weak.
MrSupreme 2d ago
Cheating is what tore my marriage apart, you can hide it very well but sometimes it isn't enough and they will play detective girl and find out. Cheating on a serious relationship sucks, having an open relationship is not for everyone, letting women know it is not an exclusive relationship the best deal i think.
Cheating on a marriage really fucks them up (finding out actually, cheat if you wanna). The few months after she found out I cheated we had the best sex we ever had since meeting, then for some other stuff it died off.
What I have been thinking,and what could be your case, is that it is a cyclical thing.All relationships are, that's kind of what the menstruation/ovulation thing is about,when the toxic betrayal emotions were inserted in the cycle then it became chaotic.I think it could work in your favor to just own your mistakes, be on top of your game,let her see you like that, take a break from her like you did the first time and then come back to take control
When you took that break she needed it too, she probably loves being a mom and a family more than the idea of jumping on a cock carrousel to get over the heartbreak.
Don't lose your head, this is about being in control and timing,because there's a second kid on the way.And for the love of pussy,stop the partying and get a hooker, no evidence and you can still have fun.
Just my 2 cents.
IllBrain2040 2d ago
Thanks. Actually hookers were the first thing I resorted to when the bedroom died, but I didn’t like them. First it was expensive, second the power dynamic wasn’t good for sex, the hooker was always in charge because I was paying her, the sex was cold and meaningless, I couldn’t let go, and finally, none of the hookers we’re ever as hot as real girls I knew I could get. The chase as the seduction was far more thrilling than the actual act of sex. I needed it for validations and I needed genuine Ws, not ones I could buy. So after the hookers was when I realised I need to game and seduce real women.
But what the other people have said is true, the drinking and partying and degeneracy is a real problem and I’ll be a dad of two kids now, it needs to stop and I need to move onto the next life phase where these things don’t matter anymore.
bjorn 2d ago
You betrayed her after she gave life to your child, I'd never respect you again either. You seem like a person that tries to run away from the problems they cause.
IllBrain2040 2d ago
Yes it was terrible for me to do. But I’m not running away, I had the chance when I was gone for two months to just never go back to her again. But I chose to stay, firstly for the child, secondly for her.
Durek_The_Bald 2d ago
Covid didn't do any of that. Outsourcing responsibility to some arbitrary external factor - even now as you're looking back on it - is the hallmark of an unassertive person.
Homework: "When I Say No I Feel Guilty".
Bla bla, more "something/someone did something to me".
Again, it's not "body dysmorphia" if you were in fact skinny-fat. It's an accurate self-assessment then. Just because something doesn't feel good (i.e. looking in the mirror) doesn't mean you get to avoid accountability by pointing to some convenient mental illness.
Your OPSEC was laughably bad. For the second time, mind you. Didn't learn dick after getting caught with your pants down before. If you're going to do something (i.e. cheat), then do so competently.
If walking away is out of the question, then you don't really have any leverage. It's all going to be fake alpha game if you don't know in your heart you're willing to go nuclear if necessary. You can either be a 0% dad 100% of the time, or a 100% dad 50% of the time.
Women fit their opinions after the guy they're into. And your SMV can be increased. These are just excuses because you want the comfort, like the above.
You learn to be assertive, and to think like an assertive person. You pull your attention and your affection, knowing in your heart you're willing to dump her if she doesn't come around. You STFU, don't say unattractive shit, and you do the things you still would have to do if she wasn't in the picture.
preach 1d ago
Was married for 14 years, got divorced a while back because I was the one who wanted. Yeah I realize most women initiate it but I was the one who did in mine. I had been seeing other women for a little over a year before my marriage finally ended. I realized what I was doing was wrong at the time but continued anyway. Well after things ended it took me a while to understand why I did what I did. And I did those things largely because the amount of stress I was simply taking on at home had become the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, and that's how stress affected me. It was also the first time in my life I had cheated on someone. The ex-wife essentially wouldn't let me have regular activities to do on my own to deal with the stress at the time, she would always guilt trip me over that stuff. Mind you this was well before I started cheating.
Anyway having been there, done that, what I can say is that even for people who claim they are the ones looking forward to divorce, or getting back to their single life, or claiming they'll be so much happier once the marriage has ended, I can assure you that even for those people, divorce is a very terrible thing to go through. It will hurt and that pain will stay with you the rest of your life. It wont be as bad given enough time, but it's gonna be a major scar that you can't overlook. Divorce is a very painful process to undergo and my children had a tough time for a while too, which is understandable since any child would in those circumstances. It took a lot of hard effort and work to make sure that their lives were as stable as I could make them afterward.
I posted that to give you a perspective of what I went through and what awaits you if you were to decide to go that route. What you need to realize is that based on your post, your life before this one woman was nothing but partying. It may seem fun for a lot of people but there's no real structure in it. This is one area where red pill theory can excel in helping men who are socially awkward adapt to those environments however it doesn't really help much when you are married and have young children in the household. You got into a marriage with this woman without having any sort of vision of what you wanted for yourself. And you need a vision looking forward, long-term, for yourself first before you can extend that to include another woman and bringing children into this world.
Your own words "filthy degenerate loser who won’t stop drinking and cheating" are accurate because that's what you are. YOU have allowed yourself to become this because you have failed to set goals and vision for yourself as a man for the future. Partying and fucking different women on the regular don't make for a constructive, long-term plan. Fucking different women is to help you, as a man, blow of steam while building toward YOUR OWN GOALS. Women are never the ultimate goal in life. Pull your head out of your ass now, get sober, stop seeing other women and make a real effort to figuring out right now what you want in life going forward and then figure out a way to execute that plan.
ObliviousDuck 1d ago
I was about to post an insightful post about what you could do to try to fix things but the stupid website wiped it out like it usually does. It was for the best because I then realised, you already know all that. You are just a lazy degenerate.
I won't go and judge you on your cheating, that's for you alone to do, however, the way you acted and let your life completely crumble when you got caught is fucking pathetic.
You do stupid shit and act surprised when shit hits the fan. Worst, you don't take accountability for the bullshit it brings to your life and don't do the work to prevent said bullshit from completely destroying you and the people around you.
Twice you got caught, and twice you became a fat slob instead of acting like a centered man. Boohoo my wife hates me and won't fuck me, time to watch porn and play video games I guess.
What's left for you is try to be the best father you can be for your kids. Treat your wife courteously and don't engage in any emotional bullshit with her. Get in shape and read the married red pill sidebar.
The hardest part - accepting that you might lose your wife and nuclear family - you seem to have already figured as you just abandonned them for 2 months to go fuck some girls on an island.
Godspeed.
First-light 1d ago
Its hard to talk yourself out of something you behaved yourself into, twice.
The safest way to do it, is to earn it by doing what you say you will do. It may take some time but its the best bet.
But do check your relationship isn't just ruined anyway. Sometimes women just can't forget and its better to move on even though it costs a fortune and some pride.