EDITED:

So, I’ve been seeing this 20-year-old regularly for close to eight months now. She’s very supportive, feminine, girly, has a great personality, and although she’s not the best-looking girl I’ve been with, she’s still very cute and really loves me—girlfriend material.

The one issue I had with her was related to sex. She’s a virgin and Muslim (I’m Muslim too), and although we avoid PIV, she still takes care of me in other ways on occasion. That said, this was a major issue early on, but because I wanted to keep her supportive energy in my life, but also not force anything on her, we made an arrangement.

Since my last breakup almost two years ago, I vowed to no longer offer exclusivity, and that’s worked great for me. I’m very honest about that fact early on with women, and unsurprisingly, it does turn a few off—but many more respect my honesty. So that’s that.

I told my girl early on that sex is non-negotiable for me and that exclusivity isn’t something I do, and she accepted.

Concurrently, I’ve been seeing another girl regularly (for about five months now). She’s 19, very bright, soft-spoken, has a relaxing presence, and is head over heels for me. She’s down for anything and everything—heck, I sometimes have to tone things down.

This little situation has been going smoothly for a few months now, with a lot of enjoyment and genuine fulfillment (love feels good). Practically zero conflict or toxicity.

However, the 19-year-old is about to leave the country permanently, and the 20-year-old has been hinting at marriage.

At first, it was jokingly—probing, obviously—joking about carrying my children, then asking about my intentions, then steering conversations toward the topic, playing relevant songs, etc.

Tonight, we went for a short night drive, and she came forward much more assertively than usual, saying, "My friends told me that you should marry me," and asking about my stance on marriage.

I told her what I usually say: "I’m not ready for that—it doesn’t even enter my mind." Which is true; I’m neither financially nor mentally ready. It’s a serious matter.

To which she responded, "When you think you’ll be ready, are you thinking of marrying me?"

Now, that’s the question I dreaded. I really like her—she’s a great girlfriend—but honestly, no, I don’t want to marry her. I still long for a girl similar to (but superior to) my previous ex. But I can’t tell her that, so I just said, "I don’t know."

She didn’t get mad or anything, and that’s what makes it hard for me. She’s really supportive and plays the girlfriend role very well. It’d be easier if there were conflict—I could rationalize ending the relationship. But that’s not the case, and I appreciate her for that.

Now, since the one-year mark is approaching, I’d already been thinking of gradually distancing myself from her—gently, slowly. I don’t want to build a life with her, marry her, or have her carry my children. I also don’t want to give her false hope, drag this out, or fool her in any way. But at the same time, I don’t want to hurt her, and I have to accept that I will disappoint her. I know what I want and what I don’t want.

Anyway, this is just a melancholic rant.

What would be a tactful approach to this situation?

I suppose I already know the answer, and it’s true—I do. I’m planning to let it burn out slowly. She’s smart and a woman—she knows what she wants, and she’s probably already put two and two together by now and I sincerely wish her the best, because she deserves it.

Time to take out my fishing rod.

ADDITIONAL CONTEXT: In Morocco, the average girl is hunting for a wedding. Typically, it is the more westernized ones that delay the marriage thing, but most women are itching to get cuffed as soon as possible. And I don't blame them for that. That being said, marriage laws here are becoming more westernized (i.e. lopsided in favor of women) and it is creating massive rifts in society whereby men are getting turned off in larger and larger numbers. Divorce rates have been climbing too. That being said, the girls are more realistic in terms what they can get (and keep), and you can count on them to tend to the house, cook and clean and look after the children. Most are educated and are working. As far as skanks are concerned, They are very different from western girls. That warrants a whole other post.